Chapter Two: Reincarnated A Sleep Paralysis Demon But I Am Socially Inept So Everything Is Awkward

“Well, that explains the mess.” The Waitress said, as they took a canal path to a bus stop. It was bright day, which made the grass and trees look greener under the afternoon sun.

“I’m just glad no-one was hurt.” The Mage said, with a shrug.

 The woman felt a need to stretch.

“Ahhhh, I am so glad to be out of that Diner.”

“I keep forgetting to ask. Why don’t you work in the family store?”

“None of the customers are real." The Waitress said. "They’re not buying clothes, they’re buying a status symbol to lord over others. I have nothing against the rich, but all they talk about is lineage, hierarchy and whose garden party was inferior.” She took a seat at the bus stop. “Ehhhhh, talking to them drains my spirit.”

“I have a potion for that.”

“Nah I am happy at the Diner. I’ve got good friends. we have a laugh.”

“So do you and I.”

“That’s iwhy it’s time to call it a day.”

The Wastel glanced at his watch. “It’s only two in the afternoon.”

“I meant this and this.” The Waitress said, gesturing back and forth. “It’s not going to work out.

“So why did you buy me this outfit?” The Wastrel said, tugging at his new tunic.

“Call it a parting gift, something to remember me by.”

 “I’m sorry, I really tried. I thought it would be easier.”

“Trust me, the hole inside your heart, never leaves. I can see it in your eyes, you’re forcing yourself to replace someone you lost, but can’t let go. I’m not mad, because – to be honest –  I’m guilty of the same thing.”

“Really?

The waitress nodded. “Seven years ago, my one true love was sent to war. Never came back. Something like that you don’t move on from.”

“Why didn’t you say?” The Wastrel said, spreading his hands out. Bright swirls of blue and yellow sparkled all around. “I can bend time, realities and dimensions. I can take you back seven years…”

“…And do what? Convince him to stay? Let’s say I’m successful. Every day will be spent living in fear of being caught. Soon his mind breaks, and now I’m stuck with a madman on the run for desertion. Not the future I had in mind/”

“Fine, let’s bring him here to the future.”

“And he’ll sign right back up for more wars. Or worse, they’ll execute him for desertion, because good luck explaining away all those lost years. Not to mention the younger version of myself will be forever searching and then go quietly mad. Again, not great.”

“You’ve thought a lot about this.”

“Seven long years,” The Waitress said, staring out toward the glassy river. ”I have explored every scenario and they always end up in disaster.”

The Wastrel found a seat at the other end of the bus stop.

“I know something about that.”

“Your one true love? Is she still out there?”

“I hope so, or she’d be one unfortunate Elf.”

The Waitress coughed out a laugh.

“An Elf? How exotic.”

“Her name is Star-Anis. She was perfect, but in a casual way. She didn’t look down on people. If anything she was more of a joker than me. After all those Millennia, she was still going through a rebellious phase.”

“Living through a few ice ages will definitely put you in the awkward stage, no doubt.” The Waitress said and then frowned. “She ain’t like a kid in Elf years, is she?”

The Wastrel looked horrified.

“What do you take me for?” He said. “No, in Elf years she is the equivalent of twenty five.”

“Don’t get out your pram, just wondering how it works.”

“Yeah, I can see how easy it is to…” The Wastrel stopped mid-sentence, his mind clouded with old thoughts, previously sealed away.

All was quiet.

“Hey. Why don’t you go back in time?” The Waitress said. “Undo whatever you did to annoy the Goddess.”

“The Goddess lives outside of time, so it wouldn’t make a difference. Anything to do with her and her kin is irreversible. No sport.”

The Woman got to her feet and stretched again.

“Well, do it anyway.” She said, slapping the Mage’s thigh. “True love always prevails. Go get her, Champ.”

“When did you become my cool Aunt?”

“Just saying, if she’s out there, there ain’t nothing keeping you two kids from being together.”

“Alright, Auntie.” The Wastrel said, “Go easy on the box wine.” He watched the woman leave with a casual wave.

Guess I’d better start packing.

                                                                                   ***

No-one really knows how the Lighthouse got in the middle of the forest, all they knew was how it was something of an eye-sore and could topple over at any moment.

The ruined stonework was mostly plants and seemed to tilt the building to one side. In a better light, it could have passed for an ancient tower. Then again, in a better light it would have been a pile of rubble.

With his infinite suitcase case open, The Wastrel dropped a library’s worth of books inside the swirling abyss.

“Stupid Goddess follows me everywhere.” He muttered bitterly. “I really thought I had a chance this time, but noooo….!”

He looked down at a bottle of purple glitter labelled: ‘The Stuff of Nightmares.’

Ah yes. He thought. I remember being reincarnated as a Sleep Paralysis Demon, to fill in for a friend. I wasn’t sure what say, so I made a sandwich.

Half an hour later, he was using rope to lower a bed, when came a knock upon the door.

A chubby man in a brown suit and comb-over, presented himself with a hooded assistant on either side, dressed in long purple robes.

“Excuse me?” The man said. “May I come in?”

The Wastrel shot him a puzzle look/ “You may, but watch your step, moving day and all.”

The man patted his forehead with a handkerchief and navigated around the forest of stacked chairs. His aides remained in the doorway, impassive and inert.

“Um, Mr Mage?” The man said. “I have come to ask…no, plead  for help.”

Still unsure, the Wastrel pointed.

“Do you run a railway?”

“Not that I know of, no.”

“You’ve got that look about you. Maybe you should think about it.”

“Pretty sure it’s someone else’s job. No I am here on behalf…”

The Mage waved his hands. “If it’s about the Jail, that was Dragon’s fault not mine.”

“I don’t know about any Jail, sir. I have arrived from a city on the other side of the lake/”

“Out-of-towners?”

“Indeed.”

The Wastrel was intrigued and suspended the bed in mid-air with a thought. Once downstairs, he scooped up a nearby bottle of Rum, pulled the cork with his teeth, spat it out and sat down.

“Alriight, now I’m comfortable. What you got?”

“It’s a Demon Lord. We believe he has awoken. Even now, he gathers in strength, with no way to stop the ritual.”

“Huh.” The Wastrel said, wiping his mouth. “Demon…Lord?”

“Yes,”

“Definitely a Lord?”

“Yes, from what we can ascertain. How many other kinds are there?”

The Mage held up his hands and counted with fingers. “Demon Dentist, Demon Lord, Demon Prince, Demon Devil, Demon King, Demon Emperor, Demon God.”

“Did you say Demon Dentist?”

“Not really a threat, but as healthcare practitioners, they are second to none.”

The man looked weary; this was going to be a long night.

“We can pay you.” He said, producing a bag of gold. “Anything you want.”

The Wastrel already knew. “I want free boating and use of the public pool for a year.”

“That’s it?”

“I could ask for longer, but I don’t want to make enemies in the community. Being seen as a freeloader kills the vibe.”

“The vibe, right.” The man said, somewhat taken aback.

The Wastrel clapped his hands. “Maintenant!”

Getting up, he rubbed his leg and sat back down.

“When can you get leave?” The man asked.

“Leave? It’s already done.”

“But you sat back down.”

“I would  have done it sitting down, but I had a cramp, hence the standing part”. The Wastrel waved his hand. “Go check for a column of light in the direction of the lake.”

The three strangers quickly rushed outside to see a bright pink line cut down from the clouds in the distance.

One of the assistants produced a blue orb, waved a hand and then dispersed it.

“Gone? The Man asked. The assistant nodded. “I don’t believe it. You destroyed a Demon King in two breaths.”

“Now if you don’t mind, I have packing to do. Gentlemen.”

The Wastrel closed the door behind, leaving the others to stand in awe. Moments later, he ran back out carrying a toaster, with the look of pale anxiety on his face.

“Wait, you said Demon KING.” He said.

“Yes?”

“You specifically told me it was a Demon LORD.”

“King, Lord, what difference does it make? It’s still a threat to humanity.”

The Wastrel ran a hand through his straggly hair. “I get that, but words are important. I explained the distinction, did I not?”

“I must have got it wrong, I’m sorry.”

The Mage was filled with clashing emotions, all bubbling, boiling and writhing inside. He wanted to scream, turn back time and start again, but he knew neither would make a difference. The penalty for sharing a moment with your future self, would skewer the fragile membrane of reality. And since it never happened, meant he had already made up his mind.

Accepting his fate, The Wastrel calmly tidied his coat and pat the man on both shoulders.

“It’s fine, you weren’t to know.”

“Know what?”

The Mage chuckled lightly. There was nothing he could do now.

“It never ends, does it? Back to square one.”

The man looked around, nervously. “I don’t understand, what is the problem?”

“It’s fine" The Wastrel said.  "Just a bad contract with an even worse Goddess who hates my guts.” Pulling out a box of Pocky sticks, the Mage sat down against the wall. “Five hundred years ago, I was an adventurer tasked with killing a Demon King. Of course, me being me, I solo’d the thing from the pub and went home. Turns out, the aforementioned Demon King happened to be the secret lovechild of said Goddess, who did not take kindly to me erasing her boy from existence. Consequently, as a form of retribution, she cursed me with a caveat.”

“Caveat?”

“A doomed contract.” The Wastrel said, as a golden glow lit his body from within. “If I did something heroic, a bad thing would happen to me in return, with no way to reverse it. In this case, if I killed any Demon King in any part of the universe, it would result in me being forcibly teleported to another world. All the friends I made, all the relationships and pets, would never be seen again. No counter spells, no way to dodge it. ”

“Have you thought about not killing Demons?”

“Unlikely. Between dooming the planet and saving it, I always choose the good option.” He looked up at the starry sky. “Fate, man. It’s all a joke. One big laughter in outer space.”

The golden light grew stronger and disappeared in an instant, taking the Wastrel with it.