Split thoughts

Outside it is snowing.I am looking through the window.What am I thinking about?My family and you.

I don't know why I think about you,idiot.I can see you walking away while I try to reach you.I take a wong step and fall into the water.I am drowing but I manage to survive.

I finally reach the surface.Deep down inside I think of you.I wish these...my thoughts could reach you.Let me see all your sides of you.

Yes and those you want to hide.I am still moving on.I want to save you from the abyss.While continue moving on,I feel something stabbing my back and fall to the ground.

Can I ever reach you?Or should I give up on you?Or is he the one I am looking for?My logic says I should stop but my heart says to continue.It's my heart who gives me this will.Either I am just too stubborn or blind.I don't know.

My last thoughts are my family who are far away.My last thought is you who is far away.You are finally smiling and I am with you.I smile and I am diying while I loosing  blood in this field of red spider lillies.