Chapter Twenty Five

Chapter Twenty Five

The darkness had claimed Justin.

He hovered in a void of nothingness. The silence echoed in his ears more deafeningly than any sound he had ever heard. Neither hot nor cold, wet nor dry, soft nor hard, the darkness simply was…or rather, it wasn't.

I must be dead.

Oddly, that didn't bother him. He knew it should have bothered him, but the place in his heart where he normally would have felt that emotion was as empty as the void in which he now floated. He could remember everything that had happened to him before he'd died. Going with Santa on his trip around the world. The straggele horde. Lucas being injured. His fight against Krampus, where he had been wounded badly enough that he'd ended up here.

Wherever here was.

But he felt a sort of detachment to those memories. He could remember the emotions he had felt during them, but they were like the emotions a character displayed in a movie. He understood those feelings, perhaps even sympathized with them…but they weren't his feelings.

If I'm dead, he thought, then this must be the afterlife.

How boring. Wasn't he supposed to get, like, his own cloud to sit on? A harp to play? What was he expected to do here? Float in this endless nothing for all eternity?

Actually, he found himself thinking, that might not be so bad.

He wasn't comfortable, but at least he wasn't uncomfortable. Somehow, he could tell he would never need to eat, sleep, or do anything else here in the void. He didn't even need to think. If he wanted, he could just let himself float here, drifting through the darkness, letting the nonexistent seconds turn into nonexistent years into nonexistent centuries.

It wouldn't be a happy existence, but neither would it be an unhappy one. Perhaps that was all he really needed.

Although, he thought suddenly, I do wish I could find out what happened to my friends.

In the distance, so faint that he didn’t even notice it, a speck of…something…appeared.

Did Santa manage to save Lucas? he wondered. I wish I could at least know if I got myself killed for a good reason.

The something grew a little brighter, a little stronger.

And poor Lena just lost her second reindeer! Will she at least have Lucas and Willow there to comfort her?

Willow…

Maybe Krampus was right about one thing. I know we only met a few days ago, but I wish I had told Willow how I felt about her. Yeah, it was just a stupid crush, but maybe if she'd known, that crush could have eventually become something more?

Of course, I would have had to NOT DIE for that to happen, but still…

The something grew even stronger, and suddenly Justin found himself blinded by a bright light—or, at least what he thought was a blinding light at first. When he lowered his hand to look more closely at it, he realized it was actually a very dim light. It only looked blinding because the shadows around it were so dark.

Curious—and suddenly capable of being curious—Justin drifted toward it to investigate. The light was a beautiful shade of blue, but barely the size of a golf ball. Even so, Justin couldn't tear his eyes away from it. What was something like that doing in a place like this? Tentatively, he raised his hands toward it, and…

“Justin! Justin, please, open your eyes!”

The voice was faint, distant, but Justin still recognized it in an instant.

“Lena?” he called out. He looked around, but couldn't see her anywhere.

“Don't do this to me! Don't leave me again!”

Her voice seemed to be coming from the light, he realized. Leaning in close, Justin peered into the dully shining orb.

Inside it, he saw Lena.

“Justin, no!” she was crying, with tears spilling down her cheeks. “No, no, no, nooooo!”

He couldn't just see Lena, he realized. Behind her, he could see the city street where he had…where he and Krampus had fought. In fact, if he wasn't mistaken, looking into the light was like looking through his own eyes into the real world.

“Lena, the sun is coming up!” said another familiar voice. “We have to…Santa has to go!”

“Willow?” Justin asked.

“I'm not going to leave him here!” Lena yelled.

“I didn't say to leave him, but we can't stay,” Willow consoled her. “Help me pick him up.”

The view in the light began to shift, as if his body was being moved, and then suddenly he was looking down at the town from high above. He couldn't see her anymore, but he could still hear Lena wailing.

Justin had to look away, turning around until he was facing the inky black depths of the void again. Had he done the right thing, going to fight Krampus like he had? He had felt so sure of himself before. He had done it to save Lucas! Even Santa himself had seemed to think he was making the right choice. But now, being forced to listen to his friends mourn him, he found himself doubting his actions.

They'll get over it, he told himself, the emotions he'd regained seeping away again. It hurts now, but sooner or later it will fade. Then they'll forget about me, find new friends, keep helping Santa deliver presents every Christmas Eve…

Justin grunted, doubling over in pain. Christmas Eve. Those words were like driving an icicle through his heart. He remembered flying through the night sky, delivering gifts, and the joy that had made blossom in his heart. The sense of purpose.

Now he would never feel that again.

Unable to resist, he turned back toward the light again. Strangely, it seemed to have drifted away from him. Or maybe he had drifted away from it. Either way, he propelled himself toward it again, looking deep into its shimmering luminescence.

“There has to be something you can do!” Lena was yelling.

Justin blinked in surprise. Only a few seconds had passed for him, but the view inside the light was now completely different. He recognized Laetitia's infirmary. The way people were gathered around, towering over him, he guessed his body must have been lying in one of the beds.

I swear, I spend more time there than I do in my own dorm, he thought, unable to keep from smirking. The half-smile fell away. Or…at least I did.

“Don't just stand there and shake your head at me, you miserable quack!” By now, Lena was shaking the doctor by his shirt collar. “Use your magic and bring him back before I—”

“Lena, stop!” Willow yelled, pulling the elf away from the silver-haired doctor. “You need to calm down! Lashing out like this isn't going to help anyone!”

“I wish I could help you,” said the doctor. “But he's gone. I'm sorry.”

“No I'm not!” Justin yelled into the light. “I'm right here! Lena! Willow! I'm right here!”

Nobody heard him, though, and Lena collapsed on the floor, sobbing.

Making a very un-deerlike noise in his throat, Justin lunged for the light, wrapping his hands around it—or he tried to, at least. Like a pair of opposed magnets, as soon as Justin tried to touch the light, it pushed back against him. He strained for a few seconds, sweat running down his brow…and then his hands were pushed away so forcefully that his entire body was flung backwards. He was sent somersaulting through the darkness until he was able to slow himself to a halt.

The light! Where had it gone? With no ground, no sky, no anything that he could see, it was nearly impossible to figure out what direction he had come from. But as he frantically spun and flipped, he caught a brief glimpse of a distant speck of light—much farther away than it should have been.

“No!” he yelled, giving chase.

As he flew through the nothingness, though, he began to wonder why he was bothering. Every second he stayed outside of the light's dull—and growing duller by the moment—shine, his emotions leaked away from him. His desperation to see his friends again, the grief over the pain he was causing them, even the fear of what would happen if those feelings disappeared entirely, they were all fading just as quickly as the light itself.

Just as he was about to give up, he reached the light again. By now it had dwindled to nearly nothing, barely the size of a speck of dust in the uncaring, unending darkness that surrounded it. Justin stared at it with as much focus as he could muster. For a brief instant, he got the faintest impression of Lena and Willow sitting on either side of his bed, each holding one of his hands. But then it was gone, the speck of light almost too small, too dim, for him to see.

“No, please!” he begged it as it burned away its final moments. “Let me see them again!”

Though he was almost positive it was just the dark playing tricks on him, Justin almost thought the light hesitated.”

“I don't want to go out!” he pleaded. I don't want to fade away into nothing!”

The light flickered just the tiniest amount, as if to say, Well, what do you want?

“I…I want to go back,” he said. “I want to be with my friends again!”

Flicker, flicker. You can't go back.

“Why not? I can see them! That must mean I'm still there, even if it's just a little bit! Let me go back!”

Flicker. You were hurt badly.

“I don't care! Nothing hurts worse than seeing my friends like this!”

Flicker. This would. It would hurt very, very much.

“It's worth it. They are worth it!”

Flicker flicker…then it went even dimmer. You'll have to hurry. You don't have much time left.

“Time for what? What do I have to do?”

No answer.

Justin grabbed for the light again. Just like last time, it pushed him back. He didn't give up, though. It pushed on him, and he pushed against it even harder. It was hard, like squeezing a stone and hoping it would crumple like a sponge. But he kept fighting, resisting the overpowering force that tried to keep him from touching the pale, dwindling blue light.

“Please!” he said again. “Don't take me away from them! I want to hear Lucas’ jokes again! I want Lena to ride on my back! I want Willow…I want her to…”

The light, now little more than a microscopic dot—the last fading ember of a once proud blaze—slipped between his fingers and drifted off toward the all-consuming darkness.

“No!” Justin yelled again, lunging forward. He swung his arms out like he wanted to hug the light, clasping his hands together and bringing them back towards himself.

The light went into his chest.

Justin gasped as feelings coursed through his entire body. Heat, cold, happiness, despair…

And above all else, pain.

Stunned, Justin went limp. Almost immediately, the light flew out of his chest again, drifting back into the void. It was, he thought, just the tiniest bit brighter than it had been before, but it was quickly growing dim again.

Suddenly, Justin understood what he had to do. But did he have the strength to do it? All the injuries Krampus had inflicted on him were still there, in the real world, waiting to torture his senses all over again. It would be so much easier to just stay here and let the light fade, and to fade away with it. Empty. Unhappy, unfeeling, but also uncaring.

And alone.

With a desperate cry, Justin swept the light inside him once again. Immediately, pain—blazing agony—shot through every fiber of his existence. He cried out again, but this time his voice rang in his ears twice. Once as the suffering cry of someone who was willingly inflicting terrible pain on himself, and once as a weak, feeble moan from a throat that had convinced itself it would never again draw breath.

The light surged with new strength inside him.

Justin screamed until his throat was raw, but that was nothing compared to the anguish the light was stoking inside him. As his worldly form was reawakened, so too were his injuries. From the scrapes and bruises, to the cracked bones and deep claw marks, Justin was welcomed back to the real world with burning, grinding, tearing, sanity-devouring pain. The urge to let go of the light, and let his agony fade away with it, was almost overwhelming.

Still, Justin held on. Closing his eyes, he fought back the pain by picturing the faces of his friends. Lena, so stern on the outside, but sweet and protective on the inside. Willow, whose passion for flying rivaled his own. And Lucas…

I can't let go until I know what happened to Lucas!

The light burned even brighter inside his chest, and a fresh wave of pain washed over him. Justin gasped, his eyes snapping open, and he found that the dark void had vanished. He lay in the infirmary's bed, Lena and Willow's faces inches from his own, their mouths hanging open in shock.

Justin let out another groan of pain, but the faces of his friends were comforting…until they melted away to blackness, the bright warmth of the hospital going with them, leaving Justin in the void yet again.

“No!” he screamed. The light glowed like the sun within his chest, but even now it was trying to slip away. He clutched it even tighter, ignoring the pain it brought, refusing to let it go.

Slowly, the world took shape around him again. There were Willow, and there was Lena, frantically yelling at him. At first their voices were just a dull, distant buzz in his ears, but soon he could make out what they were saying.

“Justin? Justin!”

They didn't know it, but they were calling him back. Their voices were like beacons to his soul as it burrowed its way through the shadowy walls of the afterlife, back into the world of the living. It forced his heart to beat again, his lungs to breathe, his eyes to see, and his ears to hear, until finally…

Something seemed to click into place, and Justin collapsed gasping on the bed. The world around him didn't slip away again. He had done it.

He was home.

And by Santa's beard was he in pain!

“Ow,” he moaned in a hoarse voice.

“Justin…” Lena whispered, her hands over her mouth and tears streaming down her face. “Ohhhh, Ghosts of Christmas, Justin! You…You're alive!”

“Me? Die on Christmas?” Justin asked with a weak smile. “Never!”

“But how?” Willow demanded, looking no less stunned. “You were…Justin, you were dead!”

Justin chuckled, even though it hurt his chest. “What was it Lucas said? They don't bring dead bodies to the hospital.”

Another weak laugh echoed his own, and a voice that sounded like gravel being rubbed together said, “Well, I'm glad I managed to teach you something.”

Justin's ears perked up—ow—and he turned his head—ow!—to see another buck in the next bed over. He gasped—OW!—and quickly sat up—OW OW OW!—to run to him.

He would have fallen flat on his face if Willow hadn’t caught him.

“Ohhhhh,” he moaned as the doe frantically helped him back into bed with Lena’s help. “I changed my mind. Someone kill me again, quick!”

When he was laying as close to comfortably as he could in bed, Lena grabbed him by his hand.

“Tell us what happened!” she yelled at him, eyes wide and urgent.

“Not so hard,” he muttered as his hand flared with pain. “Literally every part of my body hurts right now.”

“You're lucky that's all I'm doing, you suicidal idiot! Now answer me!”

Still, she did loosen her grip.

“I…don't know how to explain it,” he admitted. “I was…somewhere…then I saw all of you, and how heartbroken you were that I was gone. Then I…I don't know. I came back!”

“But Justin,” Willow said again, no less stunned than before, “you were dead!”

Justin hesitated, then nodded. “Yeah. I was.”

“And you expect us to believe,” Lucas said in his half-mute voice, “that you came back from the dead because of how sad we were that you were gone?”

He nodded again. The others fell silent, sensing that they weren't going to be able to get anything else out of him about it.

“So,” Justin finally said, “what happened after I…went away?”

“Krampus slunk away,” Lena spat in disgust. “The rest of his straggele went with him.”

“You hurt him worse than anyone has managed to in centuries,” Willow added. “He's still out there, stuck beneath the South Pole again, but he's not happy about it.”

“I hope he feels like he dunked his head in lava!” Lena snarled, her eyes alight with fury. “And that it never goes away! I hope he wakes up every morning, and it still hurts just as bad as it did when it first happened!”

“Now that’s what I call peace on earth, goodwill to all!” Lucas said with a chuckle.

Lena eyed him. “Don't think I won't whack you just because you're in the hospital!”

“What happened next?” Justin interrupted.

“We brought your…” Willow paused. “We brought you back to the sleigh. By that time, Santa had already healed Lucas, and—”

“I deserved what I got,” Lucas interrupted her. He looked away, his ears drooping. “Letting that lousy straggele sneak up on me like that…”

Lena whacked him over the head with her staff.

“OW!” he half-yelled, glaring at her. “What was that for?”

“The only person who got what he deserved last night,” the elf snapped, “had his face melted off! So quit feeling sorry for yourself and just tell Justin what happened!”

Lucas rubbed his head, still giving the elf girl the stink eye. “Well…by the time I woke up, you were already fighting Krampus.” He curled his lip, muttering, “Lucky son of a…”

Lena raised her staff.

“Don't!” he turned back to Justin. “I was still too weak to do anything. Still am, hence…” He gestured toward the bed he was lying in. “Santa healed me enough that I wouldn't die, but he couldn't spare more power than that. Especially since he had to heal Vixen too.”

“Is she okay?” Justin suddenly asked.

The other three shared a look, and Justin's heart sank into his stomach.

“You mean she's…”

“She's alive,” Willow said slowly. “But she's old, Justin.”

“That blast took a lot out of her,” Lena added. “She'll live, but…”

“The council says she'll probably never fly again,” Willow finished.

Justin's ears drooped, and he looked down. “It's all my fault. If I hadn't distracted her—”

A sudden poke to his forehead from Lena's staff sent a quick jolt of pain through his skull.

“Hey!” Lucas complained. “Why does he get a love tap, while I get decked like a—don't, don't, don't, please don't!”

“And Tornado?” Justin asked, though he was already sure he knew the answer.

“He's gone,” Willow said softly.

Justin closed his eyes and clenched his fist, ignoring the pain it brought. “He saved my life.”

“We know,” Lucas said, unusually somber. “Santa brought him back with us. He declared Tornado a hero to everyone in Laetitia.”

Justin nodded sadly, silently. As happy and joyous as things were in Val Luminara, it was easy to forget that Santa was actively at war. It had been foolish of Justin to ever think that people he knew, even people he loved, wouldn't be hurt in it. He had lost Tornado, and nearly lost Lucas.

Lena, Lucas, and Willow had lost him.

“So,” he said after a few minutes, “what happens now?”

“Now you rest,” Lena said without hesitation.

“Rest?” Justin asked in surprise. “But it's Christmas day!”

“Yes, it's Christmas day, and you just died, you half-baked gingerbrain! Even with the doctor's magic working on you, it's still going to be days, maybe weeks, before you're back on your hooves!”

Justin shook his head. “But—”

“What do you still think there is to do?” Lucas asked with a laugh. “All the toys are made, all the gifts are delivered, we've kicked Krampus’ butt back underground…”

“Justin kicked his butt back underground,” Lena corrected him sharply.

“...this is when most of the elves and reindeer sleep for about a month, and then start getting ready next year!” Lucas laid back down. “Trust me, you're not missing anything.”

Justin let himself sink down into the bed again. “Well, I guess that doesn't sound too—”

“Oh!” Lucas exclaimed. “Except for the presents down under the great tree, of course.”

“Wait,” Justin said in surprise. “Here? For us?”

“What? Did you think that just because we deliver the gifts that we don't get any ourselves? They're piled up down beneath the tree in Aurora Square right now…” Lucas paused, then sighed. “And we're stuck up here, like a couple of invalids.”

“We could bring his presents up here,” Willow suggested.

Lucas shot back upright again. “And mine too, right?”

Lena rolled her eyes. “Yes, fine, we'll bring everyone's presents to the infirmary, and we can all open them together.” She pointed angrily at Justin. “But then you're going straight to sleep, you hear me?”

She paused, then turned her finger to Lucas.

“And you too! With or without Santa's magic, your throat isn't going to heal properly if you keep running your mouth nonstop!”

Lucas smirked. “Aww, you do care!”

“Only because Justin went through so much for you!” Lena snapped as she made for the door, her face red. “I’m just making sure he gets his money’s worth, so to speak!”

Willow followed Lena toward the door. As she walked past his bed, though, Justin reached out and took her hand.

“Hold on a second,” he said, his heart beginning to beat faster—and more painfully—in his chest. “Willow…”

Willow stopped, her eyes widening a little. “Y- Yes?”

Justin looked into her eyes. She really was pretty, as weird as it still was to think that about something that was so obviously…not human. She was his friend, just like Lucas and Lena were, and yet he couldn’t deny that there was something different about her. Part of him wanted to say it was just because she was the first female reindeer who hadn’t treated him like a criminal. As lonely and desperate for acceptance as Justin had been, who would have blamed him for developing feelings for the first member of the opposite sex (and the same species) to actually give it to him?

What do you really know about her? the sensible voice in his head asked.

I know she’s nice to me, Justin answered mentally. A loyal friend.

And what else?

She’s…a really good flier. And I like looking at her.

And that was it, he realized. For as good a friend as she had proven to be, they had only met a few days ago. There really was so much he didn’t know about her.

Telling her you have feelings now would be immature and stupid, common sense whispered to him. You need to wait, get to know her better, and then decide if you want to…do whatever it is that reindeer do when they like each other.

But I promised myself I would tell her how I feel, Justin argued with himself.

You still can. Just not now. Besides…do you really think this is the best place to do it?

Justin looked around, and realized that Lena and Lucas were staring at him and Willow. Willow was still standing by his bedside, her hand in his, eyes wide and expectant.

“What is it, Justin?” she asked. Was that nervousness he detected in her voice? Eagerness?

No. This wasn’t the time. This wasn’t the place.

“M- Merry Christmas, Willow,” he said, smiling weakly at her.

Lucas laid back down with a groan.

“Oh…” Willow said. Was that disappointment on her face? No, she was probably just relieved that he hadn’t put her in such an awkward situation in front of their friends. “Merry Christmas to you too, Justin.”

Justin watched the girls leave, sighing to himself.

“Swing and a miss, my friend,” Lucas said, his eyes closed. “Swing and a miss.”

Justin didn’t respond. This wasn’t the end. He would tell her how he felt. Someday.

Eventually.

The two of them lay in silence for a few minutes, waiting for the women to return. Justin passed the time by looking out the window. Elves and reindeer would dash past every few seconds, carrying boxes wrapped in brightly colored paper, or just as often whatever had been inside those brightly wrapped boxes.

“You know,” Lucas spoke up eventually, “I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything, but you didn’t have to do that last night.”

Justin’s ears perked up. “Do what?”

“Rush me to Santa like you did.” Lucas glanced at him, then looked away. “It’s not like Santa just leaves people behind, you know?”

“Your throat had been ripped open!” Justin reminded him.

“There are reindeer who know healing magic,” Lucas insisted. “Like the council. After the battle was over, they would have found me and patched me up.”

“You wouldn’t have lasted until the end of the battle. I barely got you to Santa in time as it was!”

“I would have been—”

“Do you want me to tell Lena what you’ve been saying when she gets back? Have her add a few more bumps to your skull?”

Lucas’ voice trailed off, and he bowed his head, looking strangely remorseful.

“Lucas,” Justin said slowly, “what’s really wrong?”

Lucas didn’t reply.

“Answer me!”

Without looking up, Lucas clenched his fist and whispered, “Santa is at his weakest on Christmas Eve. He puts so much of his power into the gifts, and each one leaves him a little less…a little less than before.”

“I know,” Justin said, nodding. “You told me that last night. So what?”

Lucas didn’t answer right away. Just when Justin thought he was going to have to threaten to tattle on him to Lena again, though, he said, “There were twenty two Lightcasters protecting Santa last night, not including the Council of Eight. Krampus took out fourteen of them.”

Justin’s mouth fell open. That many? He’d known the fight was going poorly, but…more than half of those deer were dead?

“They didn’t all die,” Lucas said quickly, recognizing the look on Justin’s face. “Santa and the council managed to save eleven of them. But…”

“But what?” Justin asked.

“If it hadn’t been for me,” Lucas whispered, closing his eyes, “they could have saved twelve.”

Justin’s eyes widened as he realized exactly what was bothering his friend.

“That’s not how Santa would want you to look at it,” he said without hesitation. “He would never value one reindeer’s life over another!”

“Why shouldn’t he?” Lucas demanded. “The fate of the whole freaking world is at stake! He needs deer who know how to fight!”

“You do know how to fight.”

“Not like them! Not like…” Lucas ground his teeth. “Not like you. One reindeer who can channel their light is worth twenty deer who only know how to punch things.”

“Well, last night I watched one throw a straggele half a mile away. I thought that was pretty impressive.”

Lucas snorted in derision. “Yeah, and then he got blindsided by the most obvious trap in the world and would have died if Santa hadn’t wasted precious magic on him.”

“Lucas…”

The other reindeer shook his head. “Sounds like a pretty lame reindeer to me. A reindeer everyone thinks is annoying because he never knows when to shut up. A reindeer who had to make friends with the lightless one because nobody else could stand to be around him. A reindeer…”

He punched his mattress.

“A reindeer Santa would be better off without!”

“That’s not true and you know it!”

There were tears running down Lucas’ face now. “No I don’t! What right do I have to live when people who could do so much more good than me are dying? I’m nothing special, Justin! What do I have that a thousand other deer don’t?”

“You helped Santa deliver presents!”

“Everyone helps Santa deliver presents! Those Lightcasters helped deliver presents, and then they protected Santa from Krampus too! Now they’ll never do either of those things ever again—and it’s because of me!”

“You’re my best friend, Lucas! What was I supposed to do? Leave you there to die?”

“YES!”

In frustration, Lucas grabbed his pillow and hurled it away. It flew across the room, striking the opposite wall and falling to the floor. Making a strange noise in his freshly-healed throat, he rolled out of bed and stood up, his legs wobbling uneasily beneath him. Justin got the feeling that if he hadn’t been covered in dark fur, he would have been deathly pale.

“Don’t you get it, Justin?” he demanded, starting to pace the room. “I’m just one deer in countless thousands! So what if I can fly? Everyone can fly! So what if I delivered presents? Everyone delivers presents! Compared to those Lightcasters, I’m nothing! Worthless! If I died, nothing would change. Nobody would miss me.”

“I would miss you,” Justin butted in. “So would Lena and Willow, and you know it!”

Lucas paused, giving Justin a guilty look. “You don’t—”

“What?” Justin demanded, his face turning hot under his fur. “I don’t count? I don’t matter? Is that what you were going to say?”

Lucas turned away from him.

“Or were you trying to say I don’t really mean that?”

Lucas was shaking now.

“Well, I do mean it! You’re my friend, Lucas! My best friend! Do you know how badly I would have missed you if you hadn’t made it? So bad that I fought the freaking Krampus by myself to keep that from happening!”

Lucas made the noise in his throat again, and Justin realized that it was him trying to keep from sobbing. The dark-furred reindeer’s legs finally gave out, and he put his back against the wall, sliding down it until he was sitting on the floor. There he hugged his knees to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut, twin rivers of tears flowing freely out of them.

“You matter to me, and to Lena, and to Willow, and you know that’s true!” Justin kept going. “Stop comparing yourself to—”

“What’s going on in here?”

Justin’s head snapped around—ow—to see that Lena and Willow had finally returned, their arms loaded with gifts. As soon as they saw Lucas, out of bed and curled up against the wall, they dropped them all and ran over to him.

“Lucas, are you all right?” Lena asked frantically, kneeling in front of him. “What happened?”

“Do you need me to call the doctor?” asked Willow.

Lucas didn’t answer.

“Lucas!” Lena snapped. She looked at Justin. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Three of them…” Lucas whispered.

Willow’s ears perked up in understanding. “Oh…Oh no…”

“Three of them are dead. Dead, Justin! Gone! Never coming back! That’s three families, and who knows how many friends, waiting for them here in Val Luminara. Can you imagine how they must have felt when Santa got back, only to find out that they were never going to see them again?”

“Don’t do this to yourself, Lucas,” Lena said, raising a hand to wipe his tears away. “Santa wouldn’t want—”

“It should have been me!” he interrupted her. “Don't deny it! Three of them are dead! If I hadn’t been saved, it would have only been two! One less family ripped apart. One more deer who can actually make a difference in the—”

Justin’s head cracked against the floor, and Lucas froze in horror.

Pain erupted in Justin’s body all over again. One of his legs was still up on top of the bed, the thin cotton sheet wrapped around his ankle. He knew he probably—no, definitely—would have fallen over even if it hadn’t tripped him, but this was definitely the most painful way it could have happened.

“Justin, what in the world do you think you’re doing?” Lena demanded, abandoning Lucas to rush over to him. “You’re going to kill yourself! AGAIN!”

But she wasn’t the first one to get to him.

“You idiot!” Lucas said, trying to get his hands under him. He wobbled, nearly collapsing again as well, but with Lena and Willow's help he managed to hoist Justin up off the floor. “What are you trying to—”

Justin lunged forward, wrapping his friend in a hug.

“You said one Lightcaster is worth twenty regular deer,” he said, squeezing his friend painfully tight. “But to me, one friend is worth a million Lightcasters!”

“I'm not—”

“Yes, you are!” Justin cut him off. “If you weren't here, who would keep us all laughing at his bad jokes?”

“You…don't laugh at bad jokes.”

Justin felt another pair of arms wrap around them both.

“Who would have saved Justin when he first fell through the portal?” Willow asked.

Lucas looked at her, wide eyed and more vulnerable than Justin had ever seen him before.

“I'm sure somebody would ha—”

“And who would have been his friend when everybody else thought he was lightless?” Lena added. She knelt down next to them, hesitated for a second, and then joined the hug.

Justin said, “You might not have laser snot…”

Lucas snorted a little with laughter.

“...but that doesn't mean you don't matter!”

“You matter to us,” Lena agreed.

“Val Luminara just wouldn't be the same without you,” said Willow with a gentle nod.

“It'd be a lot quieter,” Lucas said softly.

“Good point.” Lena rocked her head back and forth for a few seconds, like she was thinking about it. “Mmm…nah. Tempting, but still not worth losing you for.”

Justin, Lena, and Willow all laughed at that—and to Justin's immense relief, Lucas laughed with them. He still had tears running down his face, but at least he was smiling.

“You people,” he whispered, hugging all three of them so tightly that Justin thought he might break in half, “have terrible taste in friends!”

“Maybe so,” Justin agreed, “but it's like you said last time we were here.”

Lucas raised an eyebrow.

“I'm stuck with you for life, remember? Seeing how I wasn't considerate enough to stay dead, that means you've got no choice but to stick around too!”

They laughed again, and Justin almost thought he could feel a suffocating weight rising from his friend's shoulders. He doubted it would stay gone forever. Just looking at his friend, it was clear that last night had left scars on Lucas that he could only guess at. Then again, he doubted any of them had escaped without one wound or another, whether physical or mental.

But that's why we have our friends, he told himself. So we can help each other through dark times like these. And if the dark times don't beat us…

They'll leave us even stronger than before.

Eventually the group hug ended, but they all remained sitting on the floor together. Lucas sniffled and wiped his eyes, but was obviously trying to put his nonchalant jokester face back on. Justin looked at the pile of discarded presents that had been left on the floor.

“You know,” he said, “I don't think I need those.”

“Hmm?” Willow asked, looking at him curiously.

“All this time, this,” he gestured at all of them, “is what I wanted more than anything. Just being here with you guys, and you guys being here with me, is the best Christmas present I could ever ask for.”

Lena sniffed too, but she quickly turned away when everyone looked at her. “What? It's allergy season! Leave me alone!”

Justin felt a soft hand touch his own, and he turned to see Willow looking at him with an expression in her eyes that he couldn't quite read.

“And having you back,” she whispered, “is the best present we could ever get, too.”

They smiled at each other, and Justin's heart began to race again.

I'll tell her someday, he thought. I promise!

“Merry Christmas, Justin,” she said.

“Merry Christmas, Willow.”

Lena took his other hand. “Merry Christmas, Justin.”

Justin could feel tears stinging his eyes. “Merry Christmas, Lena.”

“Merry Christmas,” said Lucas, “you bunch of sappy Hallmark movie rejects.”

Justin's smile grew even wider. He hadn't been lying. This was all he wanted. This, plus the chance to keep spreading joy around the world with Santa. And it looked like he was going to have a very, very long time to do that.

“So,” said Lucas, “just to be sure…you three said you don't want those presents over there, right?”

WHACK!

“Owwww!”

MERRY CHRISTMAS