My bond with him

I am not like those who can find easy someone.I am a thing called demisexual.

It means I experience attraction and feelings for someone after developing a bond with that person.It isn't based on physical characterists or first impresions.

So I am not the type of one night stand.At past I gave my body to someone who didn't appreciate it.I was his tool.

He was cheating on me.I was stupid that I thought I can't live without him.And here I am.Still standing.Even if I struggle,I survived.

I don't care if he developed feelings for me later.I used to hate him.I don't hate him anymore.But I am not obligated to forgive him.

I even thought about forgiving him.People I know told me it's ok and he doesn't deserve.They say I shouldn't be mad to myself.

I still I am.When he unconsiously appears in my dreams after waking up I feel disgusted and scratch my skin.Then I sleep again and change the dream.

I just stab him,not killing him.He is not worthy.But I learned that I should always be cautious before trusting someone.

Everybody is thinking about touching the flesh and sex.Back then I thought sex and making love are the same.But they aren't.

Until I met him,my beloved.I don't want him just to touch my body.I want him to touch my heart,my feelings,my soul and last my body.

I want him to touch my emotions and then physically.Making love for me means it is an other way to show affection.

Both of you want.You aren't craving the flesh or pleasure.You crave to be in each others arm,you crave to be connected.Not just crave it.You desire it.

And sometimes you may look into each others eyes and see the reflection of yourself in his or her eyes.

And your other half has that look...that soft look.When your other half stops to see if you are ok or if you enoying it.Because your other half is satisfied when you are satisfied.

For me it is a mysterious ritual that two souls connet to each other.That moment you don't think.You just feel the moment.

And the best moment...sleeping in each others arms.I am proud of being demisexual.

And I offer my heart and body only to HIM.The one I love.