Into The Arms Of Sorrow

I have a couple of days left before Takahiro meets with Shinichi.

Guess I better stop putting this off.

I leave the gravesite and start to skip my way heading toward Shinichi’s apartment while munching on the croissant.

Ooops!

Hold on, didn’t I just warn Hiroko not to go running around with objects.

Uhg, I’ll head back and finish this up.

I head back to the entrance and slowly finish up.

I don’t know when or if I’ll get another chance like this so I’m savoring every bite.

As soon as I finish the tasty offering the wrapper falls through my hand and falls to the ground.

Hmm, again with the falling on the ground.

I stoop down to pick up the wrapper and then drop it in the trash can at the entrance.

I don’t see anything in the trash that seems interesting so I guess it’s just something that happens.

Well, time to go.

Yeah, no more stalling.

I just hate seeing him like this but. He’s not gonna get better is I don’t help him.

Right? Right.

And I’m not walking there.

I need to do this sooner rather than later.

‘K let’s do this.

I close my eyes and think of his apartment.

Well, here I am.

Apparently, he’s not though.

I’ll wait for him.

I’m not backing down.

What do I do in the meantime though?

My eyes glance over to the bookshelf.

Right, I’ll just read the whole “Witches Academy” series again from the beginning.

It’ll be a great way to relive the early stories and then I can go right to the two books I never read.

I nod at my great idea then head over to grab the 1st book.

The door to the apartment opens and I lose focus on the book.

It drops to the flood with a thud!

“Is someone here?” I hear him call.

He rounds the corner slowly with an umbrella in his hand.

“Meh, it’s just a book that fell. Was it an earthquake? I didn’t feel one.”

Whew, that was a close one.

He picks up the book, pauses, puts the book to his forehead for a couple of seconds and then returns it to the shelf with the others.

I see why they were here instead of my parents’ house.

He must feel that since I loved these books the most it was something that would always make him feel like I’m still here.

Even though I totally am and he doesn’t know it.

He heads back to the entrance and puts the umbrella away and grabs his bag of convenience store food.

Really? He’s eating that stuff?

He was always a good cook.

Much better than me.

It was kinda embarrassing as a woman.

I really just didn’t let it bother me too much since there are such great chefs that are guys, but him making simple dishes taste better than mine stung a bit.

Sheesh, all this talk of food lately.

Am I hungry?

I don’t think I can get hungry.

How would that even be possible?

Well, I did just eat that croissant but, I wasn’t hungry really.

I just ate it which is just odd but I’m thankful nonetheless.

Shinichi walks over and turns on his computer then sits down and begins eating.

I’ll just hang out and watch him play.

It looked kinda interesting when I saw it last time.

He’s logged in to a room that is sparsely decorated with odds and ends.

It’s probably a personal room since it has a bed but also has lots of decorations from a bunch of holidays.

Once his character is loaded, he’s greeted by a message by someone named “Yamashi.”

--- Game message graphic---

“Hey friend, I sent the items for a new great sword. When you get time can you make that new one that’s for Dark Paladin?”

--- Game message graphic---

He lets out, “Eh? Already? I swore I just made him a new one. It’s no big deal but, he’s getting strong fast.”

He gathers the items and begins crafting the sword.

“OH! High quality! He’s lucky!”

He opens up a new message and attaches the sword to it.

--- Game message graphic---

“Yo! Here’s that sword you wanted. You got lucky and it ended up being HQ. I don’t think you’ll need a new one for a bit because of that.”

--- Game message graphic---

After he finishes his message, he sets out into the world to fight monsters.

I continue to watch him, sometimes fighting solo, other times fighting in a group.

He plays for quite a while late into the night.

Around 2am he finally starts nodding off and then turns his PC off and heads to bed.

Ah, here’s my chance finally.

Kneeling, I lay my head on his chest and focus on controlling his dreams.

I close my eyes and think of a situation.

* * *

The two of us are sitting in a restaurant.

It is the restaurant in the Space Needle.

We watch the city sky pass by as the entire restaurant rotates at a slow pace.

“We finally made it here, Shinichi!”

“Yeah, it’s so much better than the pictures made it out to be.”

I reach out and hold his hand.

“I’m so glad we could enjoy our time together after finishing our college degrees.”

“Yeah, we did it. We got our dream jobs and we will do our best to make sure we make an impact on this world.”

“Yes! We will never regret our choices, ever!”

We hold our glasses up and clank them.

Together we let out, “kanpai!”

As we finish our cheer, Shinichi starts to take a sip of wine, stops and his face gets a bit stony.

“I wish we had done this before you died. That’s right you left me. Left me here all alone!”

He becomes somewhat hostile.

“That’s not true! It was an accident!” I shout back.

“Then why did he have to live and you die?!”

“It’s just how it worked out. I would rather have not died either.”

“But you did and now I’m here all by myself!”

Everything goes black now.

* * *

I open my eyes and he’s again sitting up in his bed and holding his head in his hands.

Oh boy, this is gonna take a little more delicacy.

I look at the clock and it’s 7:23am.

He gets out of bed and goes to the bathroom like last time.

Of course, he’s still holding a grudge but this is a bit much.

How am I going to do this?

I hate seeing him like this.

God told me he was in a bad place and from the outside yeah, it seems like it but this…sorrow and hatred are a bit much.

I’ve never really seen him get mad.

Annoyed yeah, but mad.

Well, his patience was always more than mine it made me wonder if he was a person or Buddha himself.

So, this anger is something new to me.

Wait, there was that one time.

Hmmm.

I don’t really know how to deal with this.

Uhg, I only have a couple of more days left before Takahiro comes to visit him.

I gotta think of something.

I’m not a day drinker but I could totally go for a glass of something right now to calm myself down but, I’m gonna stay right here.

I have a mission to do and I have to do it no matter how much it hurts me.

Maybe my answer can be found in a book.

I found many answers in books in the past, why would now be any different.

It’s best to wait for him to leave first.

I nod my head in agreeance to my conclusion.

With that I hear the water for the shower stop.

A few minutes later he comes out in his underwear and towel around his neck.

It never gets old looking at him like this.

I want him to hold me against his body right now.

Gah, stop daydreaming.

He puts on his clothes and heads out the door.

He didn’t grab any food on the way out, which means he’s probably going to grab some junk food from fast food or convenience store.

Not very healthy in my opinion and is probably why he’s put on some weight.

Well now that he’s left, I will wait for him to come back instead of “sleeping” I head over and grab the first book of the “Witch’s Academy” series.

I begin immersing myself in the book reliving the time before my family moved here when I discovered this series while keeping an eye on the clock so I don’t have an incident like yesterday.

Just as I am about two-thirds the way done with the book when I notice he should be back very soon.

I slide the book back on the shelf and wait for him to arrive.

After about 10 minutes I hear the front door open.

I hear bags rustle as he takes his shoes off and he makes his way to the living area.

He turns on his PC, sits down and starts to eat his convenience store bento.

After his character has loaded in, he has a message from someone called Zoragon.

--- Game message graphic---

“Hiya! I was wondering if you can help our group out with this dragon hunt. If you are free, can you bring your healer the canyon area. I’ll invite you when you get there. GOGOGO!”

--- Game message graphic---

“I guess I can go for a while.”

He presses some buttons and the outfit on his character changes from an apron with an anvil on it to a bunch of robes.

He exits his character’s house and starts casting a spell and disappears.

His character appears in a rocky and hilly area with very little vegetation.

He pushes a few buttons and sends what appears to be a direct message.

--- Game direct message graphic---

“Yo, I just arrived in the area. Throw me an invite.”

--- Game direct message graphic---

He gets a response, I assume from Zoragon.

--- Game direct message graphic---

“Great! I got Yamashi and Hrist here too.”

--- Game direct message graphic---

I continue to watch him play.

His group waits around and eventually the dragon appears.

That thing is HUGE.

The huge red dragon begins attacking his group.

A name above it says “Takysis.”

Shinichi’s group spends the better part of an hour fighting this dragon and end up winning.

“YES! We got the drop!”

I don’t know what he means but it seems they got some treasure of some sort.

Well, that’s good, I guess.

The group hangs around and talks to each other by in game messages.

He leaves the group and heads out fighting monsters on his own until he starts to nod off like last night.

He turns his PC off and heads off to bed.

I again, like last night, lay my head on his chest and think of a different scenario than before.

* * *

We are in our old school, uniforms and all.

“Hey Shin, let’s go to that book store after class today.”

“Eh? Again? We were just there on Sunday.”

“I’ll buy you the yucky coffee you like.”

“Oh, yucky coffee how can I refuse.” He says sarcastically. “Why do you want to go there so soon anyways? Can’t it wait until this weekend?”

“It could but…I just really want to go, ok.”

“Oh, I see so it’s just you being whimsical then.”

“OK, fine. There is a book signing for the Magic Kingdom series’ author so I wanted to get his autograph.”

“Ah, there it is, your ulterior motive.”

“Oh, come on, let’s just go.” I grab on to his arm and bring it to my chest.

“Well, you make a rather convincing proposal. Okay let’s go then.”

“Alright! I can’t wait!”

I get on my toes and give him a peck on his lips.

“I suppose I can grab the latest volume of Shotgun Cats while we’re there.”

Just after he finishes what he was saying to me, a classmate that we had a falling out with comes by.

“Keisuke. Every time I see him, it’s always too soon.”

“Oh, still won’t let him off the hook.”

“Never! He tried to break us up!”

“I know and I still hate him for it as well but, you knew him for a long time before we met.”

“And that’s what hurt the most. Him trying to stand in the way of our future together.”

“Always focused on me and our future. That’s why I love you so much.”

“He can apologize to me all he wants but since you’re dead, he can never apologize to you and that will forever make him an enemy.”

Uh, oh I can feel it coming now.

“You’re dead… That’s right.”

And…everything is black now.

* * *

Sigh, I was so close too.

I hear him mutter, “fuck that guy, he’ll never be able to redeem himself, ever. He had his chance to apologize but now that she’s dead, he can fuck off forever.”

Whoa I pissed him off.

I mean yeah, I was trying to get a rise out of him but not to that extent.

Great, I got one more chance before Takahiro visits.

The dream future approach was no good and altered past approach failed as well.

Where do I go from here?

Maybe a present time scenario?

He gets up and starts the morning routine I’ve seen the last two days.

I guess one consolation is I get to see lots of eye candy every morning after experiencing such strong emotions all night long.

He leaves and I go back over to the shelf and continue reading while trying to think of what to do tonight.

When I get half way through book two, I get ready for him to come home.

I think I have an idea on what to do so I wander around preparing for Takahiro to visit tomorrow.

I need to figure out what to do with that baseball I picked up in Seattle.

OK, I think I got an idea now.

Just as I finish my thought, the door opens and I hear the rustling of a plastic bag.

He once again heads for his PC, starts it up and logs into the game.

“All right. Let’s do this. Time to make lots of money tonight.”

He’s making money?

I thought he was playing the game.

I don’t understand.

His character loads up in his house and then gets a direct message from Zoragon.

--- Game direct message graphic---

I sent you an invite. Are you ready for Altyrnis?

--- Game direct message graphic---

Oh, Altyrnis, I guess it’s some event or something.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Yeah, I’m grabbing my Dark Mage gear and I’ll BRT.

--- Game direct message graphic---

His character changes in a flash, outfitted in dark robes equipped with a staff that has a brightly multicolored orb on one end.

After that he heads out and teleports to an area that is filled with high walls that look to be like that of a castle.

This looks amazing.

Just the ideal place I would expect in a fantasy setting.

There are some elves!

Whoa and some cat people too.

I just remember him spending most of his time fighting monsters in outside areas so this is the first time I saw a city.

He enters an archway and meets up with the others in his group.

Once his character is there, the screen flickers and the music changes to something ominous.

The group is in the same place but the ambiance is very dark and foreboding.

Someone in a green outfit with the name Aleena above them runs away and shoots at something with their bow.

Oh, an archer of some sort I see.

I love the outfit; I always did love green.

They run back to the group and following them is large group of enemies.

Everyone starts fighting.

It looks like something out a fantasy war movie.

Shinichi is casting spells at different enemies helping the groups out in defeating the monsters.

Yamashi sends him a message.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Hey friend, think I can buy your share off you?

--- Game direct message graphic---

Wow negotiating while fighting.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Sure, I’ll even give you a discount. I wanna see you with that relic sword.

--- Game direct message graphic---

I guess he’s collecting items here to sell for in game money.

His remark about making money makes sense now.

Yamashi responds back.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Much appreciated.

--- Game direct message graphic---

As the conversation concludes the group repeats the same chain of events and keeps fighting for long into the night.

I assume this is why he has Saturdays off since he’d be pretty tired after doing this all night.

As the group finishes what seems to be the last of the monsters, Aleena makes a very cute motion and then heads back out from the rest of the group.

Aleena comes back and following her is this huge orc!

It must be the boss.

The group start attacking all at once.

This is taking quite some time not as long as that dragon fight the other day but, still especially with this many players it is going to be defeated quickly.

Once the orc is defeated the group lets out a cheer.

They all are sent back to the normal city they came from.

Shinichi gets a message from Yamashi.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Hey friend can you send me your share? I’ll send you the money when I log in tomorrow. I’m pretty beat so I’m just going to hit the hay.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Shinichi replies.

--- Game direct message graphic---

No worries. I’m pretty beat myself and I trust you.

--- Game direct message graphic---

I wonder why he trusts him so much.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Much appreciated. Good night.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Shinichi replies.

--- Game direct message graphic---

Good night.

--- Game direct message graphic---

After his message, he heads back to his house, logs off and turns his PC off.

He goes off to bed and this is my last chance to try to make him ready for Takahiro’s arrival.

Once he falls asleep, I decide to climb on top of him and then put my hands on both sides of his head, close my eyes and focus on what I came up with earlier.

* * *

We are standing in a heavily wooded area.

I’m wearing that cute green outfit that the archer was wearing.

I look really cute in it if I do say myself.

I draw my bow and let loose an arrow.

It flies and then lands into this odd-looking plant creature called a bulbion.

“I did it Shinichi!”

“You did. Now take out your knives and get ready for him to attack you.”

Shinichi is wearing his healers outfit.

It’s white robes with a hammer hanging from his waist and a shield on his left arm.

The bulbion runs toward me and I put my bow away and pull out my knives.

My first swing of my knives hits the target.

The bulbion attacks back and I take damage.

I swing my knives again and it takes more damage.

It strikes back and I take a big hit.

Just after that hit I have a sparkly light envelope me and my injuries are gone.

It was Shinichi healing me.

I continue attacking until I finally defeat the bulbion.

Once it’s defeated, I see a message appear saying “Level Up!”

“Hurray! I leveled up!”

“Congratulations!”

“This is so fun I can see why you play so often.”

“Yeah, it helps me take my mind off of everything in the real world.”

“I can see that. It’s a pretty lively place.”

“Yeah, I wish we could have done this sooner.”

Uh, Oh. I’m gonna lose him again.

Not if I can help it though.

I can’t lose again…I WON’T lose again!

I grab him around his waist and hold him tight.

“But, I’m here now even if I’m only in your dreams.”

“Yeah, this feels pretty real.”

YES! I got him to stay with me!

I can’t mess this up.

I may not have much time either before he wakes up either.

“I will be happy to visit you from time to time and we can continue to have adventures together.”

“I…don’t know if I can do this.”

No, I have to try harder I can’t let him go.

I need to have him hear me.

“It’s ok, I understand. I am dead after all. I know you miss me and I miss you as well.”

“Yes, I miss you so much. This game lets me bury the pain.”

“That’s fine but, there are something in the real world I need you to confront.”

“I don’t know if I have the strength anymore.”

I reach up with my hands and put them on each side of his face.

“You were always strong enough for the both of us. You can do this.”

“I will try. I can’t promise anything though.”

“If you try that is enough for me, for now.”

The picture starts to fade.

Oh crap, I gotta hurry.

“Please Shinichi, listen to what Takahiro has to say.”

Everything goes black once again.

* * *

I open my eyes and I’m on his bed face down.

Shinichi is sitting up again with his hands on his face.

I hope I got that last message off before it was over.

“What was that dream all about?” I hear him say in his head.

I guess I’ll find out soon enough.