A silent solitude

Strangely, I find quiet moments calming. Moments when the world slows down and the hush of stillness wraps around me. Amidst those moments, I often find myself wondering about who I am. Standing on the edge of two worlds, with only the feeling of a piece of a puzzle that got split in half. I can't help but ask myself—why am I born this way? A part of me feeling so human and the other part something else?My human side is like a familiar story—warm and filled with everyday moments. The laughter, the comforting touch of sunlight, and the simple joy of shared experiences. But then, there's this other side, like a silent question mark. It's a bit shadowy, a bit mysterious, and it adds a different flavor to the mix.I wonder on where this split comes from?Where was the line draw? Was it just luck of the draw?And where do I belong? Light? Or shadow? In those moments, I feel this strange sense of being incomplete. It's not a physical thing, more like a feeling deep inside that I can't quite put into words. I find myself caught between these two worlds, searching for answers.But as I stand here, in this still moments—a space between, there's a certain kind of beauty in being a bit broken. It's like catching glimpses of sunlight through the cracks, creating a picture that's uniquely mine. There's strength in accepting the parts of me that don't quite fit the usual mould.So, in those moments of questioning, I choose to embrace the fact that I'm not a complete puzzle piece. I'm a bit of this and a bit of that, and maybe that's okay.
The morning sun gently kissed the land as I knelt in quiet meditation within the head shrine of Mizumori village. The air carried the rich scent of ancient wood, and leaves rustled softly in the background. The shrine, a witness to the passage of time, stood weathered and worn, lacking the vitality it once held.Closing my eyes, I traced delicate patterns in the air with my fingers. I wore the traditional miko attire—a white kimono adorned with crimson accents—a contrast to my ebony hair flowing down my shoulders. The room was filled with the heady fragrance of incense, mingling with the soft whispers of wind chimes hanging from wooden beams.The usual morning bird chorus was conspicuously absent, creating an eerie stillness. My breaths, steady and measured, resonated in the hollow space. Despite the gentle embrace of daylight, doubts lingered in the corners of my consciousness."I am of this world, a daughter of humanity," I whispered to myself. My words blended with the soft hum of the wind chimes. Morning light filtered through the gaps in the wooden walls, casting patterns on the tatami mat floor. Yet, shadows danced within my thoughts.My gaze shifted to the ancient katana displayed in front of the shrine—a family heirloom passed down through generations. Its blade whispered tales of battles long past. My hand hovered above it, tracing delicate engravings. The weight of the weapon felt heavier than usual, probably weighing on the burdened I carried.The wooden floor creaked beneath me, protesting the silence that enveloped the shrine. It lacked the usual symphony of nature, a departure from the harmonious melodies accompanying my meditations. The absence of birdsong left a void, echoing the uncertainty tugging at my heart.——In the midst of contemplation, a signal disrupted the tranquillity. A faint tremor ran through the shrine, setting the wind chimes into a delicate dance. My eyes snapped open, a surge of alertness coursing through my veins. The serenity shattered as an ominous feeling settled over the sacred space."Hahh... It seems times not on our side". Without hesitation, I rose, my movements fluid yet tinged with urgency. The air crackled with an otherworldly energy as a dark presence announced its arrival. A malevolent spirit had breached the sanctity of the shrine. Facing the impending threat, my hand instinctively reached for the ancestral katana. Gripping the hilt, I braced myself for the confrontation that awaited, the once-silent voices of the wind chimes now drowned out by the impending clash of the wind.I slipped through the fusuma, moving with a quiet grace into the engawa. Soft shoji screens let in the morning light, creating a serene atmosphere on the tatami mat floor. There, my twin sister lay in miko attire, peacefully resting after a busy night.——The bells rang, announcing the ominous presence of an evil spirit. Glancing at my sister's serene face, I whispered, "Big sis, I'll be back." The shrine quivered as the spirit set foot on sacred ground.Approaching the front of the shrine, I noticed the spirit near the torii gate. Initially resembling a tsukumogami, an animated object, it felt different, with a crate nearby. Was it brought here or did it arrive on its own? Before I could ponder further, a sharp glint cut through the air.Reacting swiftly, the glint barely grazed my cheek, crashing into the dilapidated shrine with a loud impact. As I observed the long, moulded flesh destroying a portion of the shrine, I realized the danger. Disturbed, I shouted, "Can't you stop using ranged attacks? Big sis is sleeping; I don't want to disturb her."Unperturbed, the creature retracted its fleshy hand. Ignoring my pleas, it prepared for another attack. With a wild stare, I shouted again, "I know you're listening. Big sis is asleep!" Undeterred, the creature rose slightly.Feeling its fiery aura, I leaped into action. My blade struck the spirit's statue body, resulting in a crashing sound, but it felt like hitting solid stone. Frustration overcame me as I whispered, "Damn it."Before I could react, another flesh hand emerged, delivering a low blow to my lower abdomen. The blow cracked my ribs, and blood spewed forth as I was thrown against a nearby tree. Struggling to recover, I realized the peril I faced.The spirit's statue mouth opened, speaking with a voice more pleading than threatening."Child of the spirit, why do you resist? Aren't you an ally, meant to embrace the supernatural essence?"Laughing off despair, blood dripping onto my forehead, I replied, "Ally or not, I chose to walk among humans. I wanted to feel their laughter, their joys, and the warmth of the sunlight. It's a different world, and I wanted to be a part of it.""But you possess powers beyond their understanding. Why deny your true nature and keep living in this world despite having the power to restore it?"Retorting, "Powers or not, I don't care about the world as long as my big sis and I get our wish. All I want is for us to live in peace."The Spirit, using its hand to grab my neck, questioned, "Such fickle and fragile beings, selfish in nature. Why choose such vulnerability?"Responding with determination, "Vulnerability brings growth. Through their struggles, we learn empathy, compassion, and the strength found in adversity. It's not about weakness; it's about understanding and evolving alongside them."Struggling for breath, I continued, "I don't care if this world would come to an end."The Spirit, tightening its grip, warned, "If this is the destiny you have chosen, then there would be no option but to finish you both to restore this world."—In those moments of stillness, I close my eyes, shutting out the world's noise. Everything turns quiet, and I ponder the spirit's words. We've chosen a path where if one of us dies, so be it. Life has lost its meaning—no family, no one caring, and, most painfully, no one loving us.If this is the destiny you've chosen, there's no option but to finish you both to restore this world. It's a harsh reality, one we've embraced willingly. Our decision hangs heavy in the silence, an unspoken understanding that our fate is tied to fixing a world that turned its back on us.As I think about the choices leading us here, being born half-human, and half-spirit feels like a journey filled with challenges and loneliness. We're seen as different, and in response, we've chosen a path that defies expectations.Contemplating the sacrifices ahead, I find an odd peace in accepting our chosen destiny. The idea of family, once cherished, is now an elusive dream. No warm embraces or comforting words await us. We're alone, and in that solitude, facing an uncertain end oddly feels liberating.Without the weight of familial ties, I embrace the silence-a desolate calm that envelops me. The world might crumble outside, but within that silence, an unexpected comfort. —sakura! Yet, in that silence, a voice breaks through. My sister stands before me, urgently calling my name. Opening my eyes, the world rushes back with noise and color. Her eyes reflect worry, a stark contrast to the acceptance I found in solitude. "—big sis."