42. The lilacs were in bloom

“You know, I hated you from the first moment I saw you. I have no idea why I didn't like you, but every time I looked at you, I wanted so badly to hurt you, to kill you, to shame you, to make you suffer... to make you cry and beg for mercy,” Grant's soft, barely audible voice reached my ears, but I could hardly make out the meaning.

My head was in excruciating pain, as if it had been torn to pieces and then pieced back together with old threads. I couldn't open my eyes and it was hard to move, but my stomach was going crazy with hunger and I was so thirsty. Someone's warm hand squeezed my palm, numbing my fingers.

“But then, every time you laughed and teased me so sincerely, instead of being angry, I wanted to smile back at you. To catch every look, to touch your hair without you noticing. Every moment with you was unbearable, but with time I realised that if you were gone, I wouldn't be able to live like before...”

I held my breath, trying to work out if I was still asleep or if I was actually experiencing this delusion.

Butterflies fluttered unpleasantly in my stomach, travelled to my solar plexus and stuck in my chest, leaving an uncomfortable residue. Astonished, I couldn't even move to show that I'd heard it all for a long time; shock and bewilderment sat beside me, open-mouthed, listening to every word of Circul.

“When I wake up, the first thing I want to do is see you. You talk so funny in your sleep, especially when you're not kicking and fighting nightmares,” he said, a warm smile creeping into his voice that made me feel even worse.

No, Grant, please stop, don't pour your sensual speech into my long-suffering ears. I can't bear to hear another word. I've wanted to kill your father lately, don't add fuel to the fire, don't make me want him dead even more. I don't want you to feel sorry for me, you must hate me, despise me, be cold and dry, not appreciate me or give me anything because I'm not worth it.

Because I will be your father's murderer, because you won't be able to love me after the worst thing in my life, because I will never be able to smile at you sincerely and look into your black, enchanting eyes with warmth and tenderness, because you are the son of my enemy, a terrible man, because you and I are also blood enemies, with only a few losses and reasons to grieve in common. And there are so many more ‘reasons’...

I could make a list of a hundred reasons why we'll never be together.

“If someone asked me why I like you, I wouldn't be able to answer. I don't understand this strange feeling, this emotion that comes out of nowhere, even though my magic is the very control of my mind and heart. Why do people love? Where does this knowledge come from? Why can't we control our feelings?” Circul grinned, full of frustration at the unjust order of the universe. “I'm surprised to be saying this to myself, but I would sacrifice my life for you without hesitation. I'll die if you hurt yourself again, so please, Siri, wake up, cause...”

With great effort I stretched out on the bed, threw my leg out from under the covers and kicked my foot into Grant.

“It was wet! Goal!” I murmured with a smile, pretending to be still asleep.

“Siri...” It came from down below. I opened my eyes; the guy's head was at the level of the hospital bed. He stood up slowly, his hands on his stomach.

“Grant? Why were you on the floor?” I asked, wiping my eyes in genuine surprise.

“You...” he looked at me angrily, but didn't scold me any further. “How are you?”

“Like a chewed-up vegetable,” I grumbled, trying to pull myself up on my elbows and rest my back on the pillow. “Where are we?”

“In the hospital. You don't remember anything?” Grant's black eyes looked at me questioningly.

“Should I?” I asked defiantly, reaching for the glass of water on the bedside table.

“You went into anaphylactic shock from an allergic reaction to the flowers.”

“Flowers?” I almost choked while drinking.

“Wormwood and dahlias. If they were separate, the symptoms wouldn't be so bad, but there was a cross-reaction, so you even fainted. That's what the doctors said.”

I'd never had any allergies before... I bit my lip, trying to process the news. So you go your whole life without knowing you're allergic to wormwood. It was a plant that was often part of brides' bouquets. I imagined a girl in a beautiful wedding dress walking down the aisle and dropping dead after inhaling the pollen from her own bouquet.

I couldn't help laughing. Isn't this incredible?

“You're laughing?” Grant asked offended, trying to reason with me. Yeah, there was no room for laughter in this situation. “You scared me.”

“But for the first time in my life I fainted. At least it was something new,” I said, unable to suppress a smile.

I laughed, trying to come to terms with the events of the past day. Along with the laughter and the rest of my strength, the bad feelings caused by the unpleasant impressions of the evening, the news of the engagement and the allergies left me.

The president's son patiently tolerated my hilarious tantrum, not even trying to magically influence me. For once, he understood that I needed to blow off steam and make fun of the pain. I was grateful for that.

“Forgive me,” he said as the room fell into an unfamiliar silence.

“Never mind. It's not your fault. Who knew I was allergic?”

“I'm sorry anyway,” Grant bowed his head penitently. “I shouldn't have asked them to make the bouquet for you.”

Did he apologise twice? He really seemed to be brought back to reality when I got into trouble. He sat there so dazed that I actually felt sorry for him. He had black circles under his eyes that matched the colour of his pupils, and his skin was paler than usual.

“Okay,” I decided to take the opportunity. “I'll forgive you if you buy me something.”

“What?” the guy looked up at me, eyeing me suspiciously from under his long lashes.

“Those bright green trainers. Remember them?”

“No, Siri, anything but that…” the young man immediately raised his hands with a shriek and moved a metre away from me.

I smiled at his reaction. One day I'd make him buy me those eye-poison-coloured trainers anyway.

“Get some sleep. You look worse than me,” I decided to show concern too.

“No, I'll stay with you. I'll keep an eye on you. What if you get ‘suddenly sick’ again, and there is a terrorist attack on the street, and many victims are brought to the hospital, all the doctors will be busy, and I will be the only one who can help you...”

“Do you know how to heal?” I grinned.

“I know a plantain from a burdock,” Grant smiled awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head.

I laughed and threw a pillow at him. “Go to sleep, or you'll soon be lying next to me with an IV too.”

The guy looked at me unhappily, but obeyed. He moved the bed next to mine, made himself comfortable, put his hand under his head and stared at me without blinking.

“If you don't close your eyes right now, I'm going to poke them out,” I muttered threateningly.

“All right, all right!”

The boy closed his eyelids, framed by thick eyelashes, smiled innocently and childishly, and really fell asleep.

I reached up, barely touched his face, ran my fingertips through his soft hair, ruffled it a little. My heart ached with pity for him, and for a moment I gave in to the urge; for a few breaths I really felt sorry for Grant, the son of my sworn enemy.

He was not guilty of his father's sins, nor was it his fault that he was born into his family. It was just fate. We were destined to meet, to face each other in a war between the upper and the lower classes, between the rulers and the subordinates, between those who had all the advantages and those who were denied even the right to a decent life.

I sighed and removed my hand from his head. I turned away so as not to see the image of the young man sleeping peacefully. My gaze fell on the phone on the side table.

It had been so long since I'd been online that I opened the search page with some trepidation and awe.

The biggest news in Unica was my engagement to Grant. The civil war had faded into the background, it was barely reported and any posts or videos on the web were immediately deleted.

The government has always been quick to divert people's attention from important issues. People were so divided that any upheaval was immediately forgotten unless it was vigorously debated in virtual space.

It was easy to rule over a man who was afraid to even go to the shop, to avoid speaking to anyone in person or greeting his neighbours. Without live communication, especially between the people and the authorities, any nation dies, as history has shown many times.

I looked at my country and was frightened, but at the same time I hoped that it would soon disappear. In order to create a new society with more or less correct principles and rules, it was necessary to get rid of the old one.

Although the civil war had little or no impact on the people of the capital, it had already broken out. I believed that this tiny spark would be the beginning of a great conflagration that would lead to a catharsis.

And I also trusted in my destiny, which was to take revenge on my life's enemy. A life with just under two months to go.

♪ The lilacs were in bloom. The apple trees foamed with lace.

I looked at her and realised the meaning of the universe.

I looked at her and realised why I was born.

The lilacs were in bloom. The apple trees were covered in snow,

And I looked at her silhouette and realised I loved her. ♪