41. And once again I...

“What was that?” My voice broke the silence in the living room.

Neither of us had turned on a light, so everything in the cool room was in the dark.

I shuddered at my own tone, but repeated the question anyway: “What. Was. That?”

“You saw it all yourself. The engagement,” Circul Junior said smoothly.

He knelt in front of the hearth, took logs from the stand, examined them and stacked them in the fireplace with a satisfied look. Sparks flew from his fingers and fell onto the rough bark, and after a few heartbeats the fire crackled cosily.

I stepped closer and wrapped the hated chain around my wrist.

“This is for you,” he turned and, without a smile, handed me the bouquet of purple dahlias that had been on the mantelpiece.

And when had he had time to prepare them?

As if in reply, he explained, “I didn't want to, but Dav insisted on giving you a gift on this special day for all of us,” Grant grimaced at the last word.

I grinned coldly as I picked up this beautiful broom of dying plants, inhaled the scent, but the flowers smelled nothing, only the silver-blue twigs of some green field grass smelled bitter.

There were a few notes hidden between the buds. I opened one, ‘Congratulations, Siri. I hope you'll be happy.’ The letters ran ornately down the length of the tiny scroll, the kind of stretched handwriting that only one person I knew had – Taehea.

Out of curiosity, I read the following wish: ‘I am very happy to call you my cousin-in-law. I hope the wedding will be soon. Don't be too slow. Kai.’

I crumpled up the paper and tossed it back into the bouquet. The very thought of marrying the president's heir made me sick. I didn't hate the son of my enemy as much as I detested him; the thought of having to smile like I did today in the wedding photos, standing next to Rizor Circul, was repulsive.

The blood drained from my face as my heart pounded in panic – I couldn't let this nightmare come true. I'd rather be blown up by a bomb than ever marry Grant Circul!

“Why didn't I know?” I asked quietly.

“To divert attention from the civil war, my father decided to create a hoax in the media, so we announced this fake engagement.”

Tears welled up in my eyes, but I held them back, not letting them trickle down my cheeks. I'd never felt so bad about myself before, anger tugging at every cell in my body, squeezing my heart into a stone vise, my throat tight with emotion that made it painful to even speak.

“Is that why your father sent me to Oblivion alone today? He wanted to discuss the engagement?”

“Yes.”

“But why didn't you tell me before?” I looked at him bitterly and reproachfully.

“I have forgotten to tell you.”

I grinned, hiding the pain. I'd grown attached to Circul over the past few weeks, assuming he no longer thought of me as nothing. I'd grown so attached to him, despite my dislike of his father. We even laughed together, felt the same emotions and often understood each other without words. Had he simply forgotten?

I looked up at Grant. He stared at me without taking his eyes off me, nothing in his gaze that spoke of remorse or sympathy. So handsome and cold, he saw my feelings, knew them, but chose to stand across from me and smile wryly. The flames of the fireplace played shadow and light across his face, stars glittering in his black pupils.

“I could have been hysterical, I could have made a scene at the party tonight. I had every right to do that and nobody would have stopped me. Why did your father only talk to you about this engagement? And what about you? Didn't you fight it? Do you want this wedding?”

“My father studied you well, he knew you wouldn't play in public,” the guy was calm, weighing every word, while I was melting with rage. “And as for the engagement, that's just a fiction, a pretext. I'm the son of the president of this country, it was my duty to do it.”

“But looking at you now, people will always remember that...” I muttered, giving up.

My eyelashes were wet with tears again. I felt sorry for myself. It was as if someone had taken away the last thing I had – choice and the ability to control my own life.

Everything was so good, we lived quietly, we didn't bother anyone. I almost enjoyed it, used to Grant's nagging in my ear, to our evenings in this very living room, to the euphoria of the spells we cast while training in Oblivion, to the carefree days and long nights I spent reading books.

I hardly thought about the future, the longing for Virtul ate less, sometimes I even forgot that I was going to kill.

Why did the president have to bring me back to cruel reality, to show me once again how horrible and disgusting my life was? Was he trying to make me hate him even more?

The very idea of this union with his son sounded like a mockery of my feelings, I was not asked, I was put before the fact, and I did not want that, I did not want people to think of the head of our country when they saw me. I didn't want anything to do with him except death.

I was shaking, my strength was gone, blood was barely flowing through my veins, every breath was heavy, fatigue was pressing on my shoulders and back, my head was dizzy from the carousel of emotions I had experienced.

“Siri, are you okay? Your lips are blue...” Grant held out his palm to me, trying to steady me.

“Don't even come near me,” I whispered, but I put so much anger into the words that Grant froze in place, afraid to move.

My hand trembled, I turned and angrily threw the flowers into the flames, which consumed the gift with a crackle, leaving only embers and the smell of bitterness.

I sobbed, wanting to cry out or scream in frustration, but my throat, already under pressure from the collar, tightened.

I staggered, caught the edge of the mantelpiece, but eventually I couldn't hold on and fell at Circul's feet.

The bitter scent wafted through the room, mingling with the shadows and the brief silence.

“Siri!” The last thing I remembered was Grant leaning over me, his coolness shattered.

‘Heaven, please speed up the passage of time. I'm tired... let me kill Rizor Circul sooner and then leave this world. I'll accept hell and eternal oblivion just so I don't have to feel this pain eating away at my skin, my bones and my very being. I dream of only one thing: the happiness of being lifeless and knowing nothing...’

The haze hid even the glow of the fire. Tears froze on my lashes, but I couldn't feel their coldness.

♪ When I close my eyes

Your face comes back to me.

My heart still aches,

I wish I could forget.

If this is only a dream

Let me wake up

Please.

Answer me, are you really my destiny?

And once again I fall in love with you

And once again I... ♪