The Proclamation

“…”

“…”

I dried up the washed glass and placed it in the glass holder as I kept my sidelines locked onto the couple that were sitting face-to-face with one another.

“Fuko…” The man makes his move, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to continue this,” He says as he motions his hands towards himself and then towards her.

“…Yeah,” She replied as she played with the straw of her drink, “I don’t think I have it in me to—”

“I know,” He cuts her off while clasping his hands, “And I’m not going to apologize for it…”

“Kazu…”

“You deserve better… And I can’t be that for you…” He unclasps his hands, his gaze locked onto the table.

“You also deserve better Kazu,” She sniffs her nose and scratches her eyes, “We just have opposing dreams…”

“…Yeah,” He gulps his saliva, “Even though I love you so much…”

The man lifted his face, his eyes meeting the gaze of the person standing before him.

“Me too…” She replied with tears on her face, alongside a smile as a streak of tears ran down her cheeks.

They both hugged each other, looking as if they were trying their best to hold onto each other as much as possible to cherish this moment.

“…”

A breakup that is handled with maturity…

Now that’s something I rarely see.

In a way, their feelings for each other are almost the same as my current one; except what I feel is a lot uglier compared to what they’re going through.

Those two people were able to acknowledge how they feel for one another, whilst accepting the reality that by being together, their relationship might sour in the long run. Hence why both of them agreed to this conclusion.

Both of them were able to find a middle ground within themselves.

“…”

But what about me?

Their contradiction lies in their circumstance and the emotional weight of the situation, whilst mine only lies in the latter point. What makes it worse is that my feelings are two feelings that can’t mold with one another.

There is no middle ground to be found on what I think.

---

Listlessly, I go through my day-to-day life without any changes.

I wake up, go to my class, smile in front of other people in hopes that they’ll accept it at face value, go to work, and go back home.

If someone were to ask me whether my life is fulfilling or not, I’d probably be unsure of how to answer it. If there was a question that would be appropriate for me, it would be,

Am I okay with living like this?

Is it a good idea to live in a contradiction of wanting to connect, whilst also rejecting connection?

‘Then go beyond your best to connect.’

“…”

“Table six is ready, Nakami!” The co-worker next to me shouts out.

“R-Right! I took the oval tray and headed towards the table number.

At that table, two girls who seem like in their early twenties are sitting across from each other. The one on the sofa dons a vibrant red, fluffy sweater, her long black hair stretching nearly to the cushion. In contrast, the girl opposite her wears a stylish gray overcoat, with her short hair hanging up to her shoulders.

“Here you go,” I said as I placed their orders on the table.

“Thank you.” The short hair girl replied with a warm smile.

I smiled at her and went back to my brewing station, when—

“Takina, have you decided on what you want to do?” The short hair girl asks her friend, her tone is stern with a sense of irritation behind it.

“…”

Instinctively, I looked back toward that table when the girl with the fuzzy sweater brought out her laptop.

“…No matter how many times you ask that question, my answer will stay the same, Izumi,” She replied with her gaze stuck on her.

“And how are you going to do that?” The short hair girl leans forward, “You were complaining how hard working as a software engineer was, and now you want to be a digital artist alongside it?”

“…” The girl with a fuzzy sweater nods while keeping her eyes locked, unwilling to break out of it.

“Look, I understand that you’re able to make some money from online commissions, and I’m sure you also know that being a digital artist isn’t a sustainable career. If it was, I doubt you would choose both at once.” Izumi leans forward.

“…”

“But look at you right now,” She spreads her hands towards her, “When was the last time you had a proper meal?”

“…I ate some sushi last night,” Takina mutters.

“Did you eat anything for lunch?” Izumi shoots back at her.

“…”

“Haah…” Izumi sighs while rubbing her temples.

Now that she mentioned it, Takina—the girl in the fuzzy sweater—does appear noticeably thinner when you observe the contours of her face. The collar of her neck, slender in itself, accentuates the prominence of her bones.

While she doesn’t look malnourished, it’s apparent that her eating schedule is completely messed up.

“Hrngh…”

Nonono…

I’m not trying to be weird about it! I just want to confirm the things that her friend is saying are true!

“What I’m trying to say is that you’ll wear yourself thin if you keep up this life cycle. No… you already are,” Izumi leans back on her chair while crossing her arms, “Takina, you have to choose one career path. You can’t have both at once…”

“And why is that?” Takina pouts looking as if she can’t buy two toys at once from her parents.

“…Were you paying attention to what I was saying?” Izumi asked in an astonished tone.

“I was,” Takina tilts her head as if what her friend was talking about sounded absurd, “It’s not like anyone would be troubled if I work twice as much, so why can’t I have both?”

“…”

I’m not sure whether I should be impressed or if I should pity her for not being able to catch onto her friend’s concern.

As if replying to her friend’s silent treatment, Takina continues,

“To me, both paths have their goods and bads— if I work as a software engineer, I can get a good amount to live by, but I’ll end up hating the process. If I work as a digital artist, I can continue doing the things I want, but it’ll be a struggle to stay afloat. Even I know that much…” Takina replied with her sitting posture straight, looking into Izumi’s gaze.

Suddenly, Takina brought both her hands up towards Izumi and brought up both her index fingers.

“If both paths have their upsides and downsides, I’ll just combine them to eliminate those downsides,” She brought her two hands together, and then closed her left index finger, forming a V sign on her right hand, “It makes sense, doesn’t it?” Takina tilts her head towards Izumi.

“…Even if you could do that, do you think you have it in you to sacrifice your personal life?” Izumi crosses her arms.

“…”

What Izumi asked makes sense.

In the first place, digital art and software engineering are two paths that are completely different from one another.

The former is about creating an artistic work with your own hands, while the latter is about using codes to create a functioning program. Even if she wants to merge these two things, I doubt there’s even a way to do so—

“I do.”