49. Love in those eyes

A week had passed since the memorable conversation with Dav. Until the president recovered, Grant and I stayed with Gisborne in the penthouse of the tallest building in the capital. And I spent every spare minute practising my magic.

Circul Junior was surprised at my eagerness, but let me enjoy ‘doing nothing’ in the roof garden. He thought I was fooling around and meditating, perfecting my concentration with my face exposed to the fresh summer breeze while he read on the soft sofa.

I was actually learning how to hide my emotions from Grant. The heart could be controlled and all it took was practice.

Once I let go of my fear and thoughts of failure, I could breathe more freely. And the air magic was much easier to do with a calm soul and peace inside.

I concentrated on my goal, to maximise my ability to create arrows from the wind. No one felt it, not even Circul Junior, who no longer looked around; he couldn't hear the whistling of magic anymore, it was too fast for the human ear.

“Siri, can we please call it a day?” Grant pulled the plaid over my shoulders.

“No,” I got up to stretch my stiff muscles. Lanterns were already lit on the balustrade and a plane was flying in the dark sky. Was it that late?

I breathed in the night air, which was even more malleable at this time of day, and it was a pleasure to alter it with magic. I conjured a pair of arrows, invisible to the eyes of others, and watched them sink into the clouds.

“You should get some rest,” he took my hand carefully and led me towards the glass door to the living room.

“I need to practise!” I released my palm and tried to take a few steps back, but my vision was distorted and I felt dizzy.

He stopped me from falling, reached behind me and sat me down on the nearest wicker stool.

“You see? You can't stand on your feet anymore,” Circul grumbled, wrapping me in the blanket to keep me warm. “We'll eat now and go to bed. Tomorrow we'll go to my father.”

I exhaled unhappily, pretending to stare at the red-leaved flowers. Rizor wanted Grant and me to move into the presidential quarters. Pity, I liked living with Gisborne. He didn't bother us too much with his attentions.

The guy led me to the house, his half hug was comforting and although he didn't know what was going on inside me, his confidence gave me the strength to hold on and keep going.

I looked at our hands with our bracelets, the chain dangling from them, dragging behind us. I wanted freedom for both of us, not just for myself. Circul had also suffered in recent weeks. Though he was still the son of my enemy, my hatred for him no longer burned like a blue flame, but simmered beneath a pile of confusing and incomprehensible feelings and emotions.

“Grant,” I turned to meet his gaze. Stars burned in his black eyes, reflected by the lights in the living room. “Shall we go to the sea? I remember that was your dream.”

I smiled, the guy, surprised by the offer, ruffled his hair with his free hand, looked at me and nodded, returning my smile with his own.

To my great joy and amazement, Rizor let us go with a light heart, hoping that this week would only strengthen our relationship. And Circul Junior cherished his hopes too. I was alone, lost in my own confusion, in my own cage of conflicting emotions.

Strangely, the president seemed to enjoy leaving me and Grant alone. Did he really want to keep the news of the fake engagement in the headlines for as long as possible?

His son didn't mind pretending to be in a real relationship. But I tried to avoid the subject of the recent kiss at all costs, even if it made me look ridiculous or funny in the eyes of others. And I tried not to think about the sincere speech of my companion in misfortune when I had allergies, because lately the butterflies under my heart had come to life and were keeping me awake at night and thinking clearly.

But Grant's natural magnetism was even harder to resist than my emotions, even though he'd recently stopped controlling me. He said he wanted to play by fair rules.

Every time the guy's actions or words made my heart beat faster, I would lock myself in the bathroom, cover myself with a blanket or close my eyes and swear to myself that I would never, under any circumstances, betray myself, that Krile would remain my first and only love until the day I died.

But the more I tried to avoid him, the more the image of Circul came into my mind. All I could do was howl in frustration and despair as even my emotions gave up on me drop by drop.

While I was thinking about my unfortunate fate, I missed all the preparations for the trip. Lately I'd suddenly realised that I didn't need a big suitcase for life, just a change of clothes and a small amount of money. How many places had we moved to already and I still didn't have a huge piece of luggage, and I wasn't the least bit upset about it. I had a small rucksack next to me with a spare dress, underwear and a few bits and pieces.

It turned out that for someone who had already chosen death, outward comforts, the opinions of others and favourite knick-knacks no longer meant anything. I smiled at my own discovery. It was much easier to live my last days with nothing.

But I shook my head in disbelief as I looked at Circul’s belongings. It didn't seem like much, but the pile still made me feel uneasy when I realised that Grant wasn't just being careful, he was hoarding like a starving mouse. From first aid kits to portable solar chargers, from twenty pairs of socks to two boxes of biscuits with flavours for every occasion.

“You can't really tell if they're salty or sweet anyway,” I threw the packet of crackers a few times and listened to them break.

“It's not for me,” the guy frowned and took the poor biscuits from me.

“And for whom?”

“I'm trying for you,” he said grumpily. “You always take my food when you're not full.”

I snorted, but it wasn't like that. It was just a couple of times I'd been so hungry that I'd eaten portions of Circul while he was distracted. In this world of consumerism, if you don't consume fast, you're out of business.

“Okay, let's go,” the guy picked up his bags and walked out of the house.

Lias, the head of the bodyguards, took the rest and carried it into the boot; he'd volunteered to guard us on the journey. I quickened my pace as Grant got into the car, the chain tightening.

June was in full swing, bringing scents, sunshine and clear skies to the earth. We opened all the windows as soon as we got on the motorway, the wind playing with our hair, caressing our faces.

I watched the sun dogs sparkle in the rear-view mirrors, squinting at the glare, but the smile stayed on my lips – I hadn't felt that wonderful feeling of the road in so long. I held out my hand, my palm cool, my fingertips tickling from the air currents.

Grant put on his headphones, kicked off his trainers and laid his head on my lap. For the first few seconds I couldn't say a word out of shock.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“Are you dissatisfied?” The guy raised an eyebrow and looked at me challengingly.

My heart skipped a few beats before I changed the course of my thoughts.

“No,” I smiled in anticipation, placing my hand on the top of the young man's head and stroking his hair.

He closed his eyes, allowing me to do what I was doing, and I enjoyed running my fingers through the black strands, playing with them as much as the wind was. Circul almost purred with pleasure, the corners of his mouth quivering with a smile. I bit my lip, admiring the happiness on his face.

“Do you want one?” Grant opened his eyelashes, pulled out his earpiece and handed it to me.

I nodded and bent down to have a miniature white object placed on my ear.

The world was filled with music. The composition had just begun, a few notes starting the main melody, joined by stringed instruments in the background.

Keyboard shimmers unsettled the listeners with their uneven overdubbing. But the main violin soothed and gave a tiny glimmer of hope. It was as if a ray of light pierced the stormy sky created by the black and white keys.

The sea of notes all around stirred, on the verge of dissonance, but the subtle voice of the lead instrument calmed the anxiety. The chords again caressed the ear with their harmony, and the storm was replaced by silence, and then again the quiet smoothness was replaced by tense but appealing musical passages.

This short piece was on repeat, I looked at the thin strip of horizon stretching over the hills, stroked Grant's hair and listened, listened, lost in the elegiac sound.

My fingers moved of their own accord from his hair down to his forehead, over the tip of his nose. I came to my senses, felt the warmth of soft lips. The young man suddenly opened his eyes and my heart leapt with fear.

I jerked my hand away and tried to wipe the embarrassment from my face, but it didn't work.

“It's my turn,” I forced the guy up.

We swapped places, Circul sitting in my seat, and I sighed blissfully as I lay in the back of the SUV, using the other guy's legs as a pillow.

Grant was looking down at me now, his dark gaze shining with mockery. I tried to relax, squirming, trying to find a comfortable position for my back. Yes, that was a much better ride.

The cabin of the car seemed to be a world of its own, with only the barely audible roar of the engine and the shadowy silhouettes of trees flying by at high speed as reminders of movement.

The president's son reached for the water bottle and I watched in fascination as he opened the cap and took a few sips.

A clear drop dripped from his lips to the tip of his chin, ran down his neck, slowed and then accelerated along his pale skin. It left a wet trail and disappeared behind the collar of his shirt. Blood rushed to my face, my heart pounding somewhere near my throat, deafening. And I realised that if I didn't do something to distract myself, I was going to go mad!

I got up, threw off the earpiece, snatched the bottle from Grant, and drank the rest of the water in one gulp. But quenching my thirst didn't clear my mind, and then, without explanation, I simply climbed into the passenger seat, closer to Lias and away from Circul, who was nullifying all my emotional attitudes.

I fastened my seatbelt and leaned out of the window, answering no questions; the cold air cooled my cheeks, washed away the colour of embarrassment, but it couldn't extinguish the fire within. The flames crackled with the dry branches of the barriers I had so long erected in my soul, the heavens trembled, the solid itself rattled with the mixed storm of emotions, thoughts and images from my imagination, and butterflies fluttered above the blue and scarlet flames.

I clenched my teeth, wrapped my arms around myself and stared at the serpentine road, almost out of breath, trying to clear my head.

We reached the coast and stopped at the top of a hill to watch the sunset. The waves were crashing below, and the wide strip of beach stretched into the dark forest.

A few hundred paces away, the roof of the hut peeked out from behind the trees, the walls almost non-existent, replaced by huge floor-to-ceiling windows. It was a tiny refuge from the cares of the world, almost exactly as I had imagined it, just as Grant had described it.

The first stars had already appeared in the sky, accompanying the scarlet sun over the horizon, and in the distance the light of the lighthouse flashed on the rocks. I breathed in the sea air with rapture, the magic awakening and coursing through my blood, it was even more glad of the coastal breeze than I was.

“I'll be here in exactly one week,” Lias closed the boot, all our luggage lying on the grass. The bodyguard nodded goodbye and started the engine.

“And he just leaves? Without even checking the house?” I turned to Cirkul, who had been staring at the sea.

“It's a closed land, no one has access to it. Even Lias can't get in. We're the only ones with permission.”

“Oblivion magic?” I asked understandingly.

Grant nodded. We watched the taillights fade into the distance. Only the sound of the surf and the chirping of grasshoppers in the thicket separated us from the silence. It was getting dark.

My companion released a flaming firefly from his palm, picked up some of the bags and stepped onto the barely visible path.

I stared at the guy's back with a little apprehension. The idea of going to the sea didn't seem so reasonable anymore. No one here would stop me from carrying out my plan to get rid of the bomb. In a way, that was good.

And on the other hand... for many metres there was no one else around but Circul and me. If, for example, the president's son were to kill me, he could easily hide my cold corpse, just bury it in a sand dune.

“Are you going?” came from the darkness.

I shuddered and pushed the delirious thoughts away. The chain tightened so I hurried to grab my bags and catch up with Grant. As much as I feared my feelings for him, I felt safer with him.

And I would have given anything to have felt the peace in my heart when I was with Circul, when I looked at him and caught the deep, penetrating gaze of his black eyes in return. Only a fool wouldn't read love in those eyes.