I was scared pt2

“What? You made a bomb out of my tooth?!”

I didn't even want to be surprised anymore. Everything inside me burned with worrying and resenting.

“Actually, the bomb isn't really your tooth, it's a magical filling. Again, I'm sorry, Siri, for what you've been through... and what you're about to go through. You've only got ten seconds to pull the tooth out and get rid of it before it explodes.”

I longed to hit Dav, to break his nose. I wanted him to feel my pain, my anger rising again, a fiery flame in my heart. I had long since given up my worthless life, long since sought death, but that didn't mean that fate could mock me so cruelly.

Dav Asanor, I understood your motives, your desire for revenge, but I could never forgive you. You may have ruined more than one life with your whims. I glanced at the pale young man sleeping peacefully on the sofa. Grant may have had a bad temper at times, but he did not deserve to die like this.

But still... I understood his pain. I couldn't help but sympathise. After my mother's death, I also wanted to destroy everyone who had treated her badly in life, who had brought her to a sad end by their actions or words.

My rage was a dark, murky wave in my already turbulent sea, rising, crashing over the rocks, drowning the last islands of calm and judgement. I remembered my mother's tears, my mangled childhood, my hopeless life, the world that had been taken from me, Krile and Di, my old dream. The ashes of burnt out emotions flickered again.

“I have to go.” Dav left the chair and was halfway across the room before I snapped out of my quiet rage.

I stood up as well. Turning to face him, I spoke with hatred for all those responsible for shutting down Virtul: “I would have killed them all. I would have gone further and destroyed their souls.”

Them – who wished Abina dead. Grant told me why she killed herself. High society, the children of politicians and the powerful themselves despised the girl, simply because she didn't have enough magic to match the aristocrats in status.

I heard that Rizor, as head of the family, did not approve of Dav and Abina's marriage. Many people supported his decision. And I pity people who forget one simple truth: our burial suits will have no pockets. They can't carry wealth, magic or power. All we may be able to take with us into the next life are the sincere feelings that we have had for our loved ones.

“You don't know what you're talking about,” he said condescendingly. The sad, lifeless look in Dav's eyes made me want to cry.

“Giving up so easily?” My indignation was unparalleled. “I'll help you get your revenge.”

“And how?” There was no scepticism in his voice, but he didn't sound hopeful either.

“Wait and see.”

I mentally grinned. ‘I will kill the president. I will avenge not only myself and my broken life, but also your pain. I promise, Dav...’

Asanor's eyes twitched with silver magic.

“You have a tough future ahead of you, Siri,” he muttered back.

“Can you see the future?” I always wondered what gift the heavens had given him.

“Yes, everything except what concerns me personally. That's why I couldn't prevent Abi's death.”

“It's a terrible punishment.”

The young man sneered, “I suppose I've earned it. I've made some mistakes in my previous lives.”

“Don't say that. It wasn't you anyway.”

“I'd like to believe that. But it's not our thoughts that define us, it's our actions. The latter have led me to what I have become – almost a murderer.”

I smiled at him. “But you didn't become one.”

“Maybe things will change in the future.”

“I hope not.”

“Thank you, Siri,” he gave me a sincere, tender look. Asanor was already pushing the door handle to leave.

“Dav, would you allow me to ask you a delicate question?” I blurted out on impulse.

“Ask,” the guy turned around, deciding to share a few more seconds of his time with me. He even had a slight smile of interest on his lips. It was obvious that our conversation had brought him the relief he'd been looking for.

“Why do you always have such a strong smell of pepper?”

This time a smile actually lit up his face. “I like your tactlessness, Siri. I hope being curious about the world around you will make your life less dreary.”

Dav left without answering, leaving the living room lit by the golden glow in silence. The rain drummed on the windows, the drops slipping with the fleetingness of thought into the abyss at the bottom of which the city lights flickered. Circul opened his mouth in sleep, dark strands falling on his long lashes.

I slid my finger discreetly across his forehead, brushing away his fringe. A tear rolled down my cheek and disappeared in his black hair. I froze, hoping my actions hadn't disturbed his sleep.

I let out a breath as the young man simply turned his face back to the back of the sofa. Adjusted the blanket to keep my eternal companion warmer.

I sat down again on the carpet by the window and turned out the house lights. The hoop of the pseudo-bomb pressed against my neck, my shoulders ached – I was used to the pain, the collar prevented me from even bowing my head in sadness.

The wind outside longed for the cold of the northern mountains, and it echoed in my blood with a mournful song. Magic always failed me in rainy weather, dissolving in helplessness in my veins. Night was closing in on Lous, shrouding the silhouettes of the skyscrapers in a haze, confusing the direction of distant travellers and hiding the land from the stars.

I started to cry. It was the first time I had ever been so scared. I wasn't afraid of the bomb, or death, or defeat. I was very, very scared of the future. The emptiness of tomorrow was terrifying, and the knowledge that it would be inexorably filled by events to come only made me more desperate.

And so I cried, head held high and back straight, looking up to the heavens with hatred and hope, until my tired mind wandered into the labyrinthine realm of dreams.