Cry of Desperation

Midnight. Perhaps it is the only time when no one is seen walking around the campus unless they're coming home late from a party or something similar. I wonder why Taiyori chose such a late time to meet up. Doesn't she have classes in the morning?

This pond is a beautiful nature reserve located in the heart of the campus. Normally, students aren't allowed to walk in here after nightfall. Good thing I'm not necessarily a 'real' student.

No matter where I turned, I only saw trees, water, and the night sky, and resting in the very center—a pond so clear that it reflected the surrounding flora.

Several bridges connected the masses between the pond, and standing upon one of them was Taiyori Ayaka. She was in a white jacket and tight leggings. Every breath released a vapor cloud due to the cold air. Just like always, she looks so beautiful.

After collecting myself, I walked up to her. She turned her head when she noticed me approaching, her hair swaying along with the wind.

"You're here," she smiled gently.

"Did you think that I wouldn't come?" I scoffed.

"A part of me did."

I don't blame her. Earlier, I sat down for hours, debating whether or not I should've come. Something tells me that this is going to suck... a lot.

"So, what's the reason for calling me out here?" I asked.

"Ah... Um... W-well..." she stuttered.

It's that look again. When she gets all flustered like that, it makes me fall for her even more. She's cute... but I can't have those thoughts anymore.

"It's fine if you can't get those words out right now," I sighed as I began walking away. "Call me again when you're ready."

"Eh? W-wait! Tsuki!"

Suddenly, Taiyori's arms reached out from behind and held onto my stomach as she pushed her head into my back.

"T-Taiyori?!" I exclaimed.

"D-don't go... not again... P-please..." she muttered, her voice subtly breaking.

Upon the stage of the garden beneath the moon, the conductor lowered his baton. Just like that, the orchestra of the night faded. The crickets muffled their chirping, the rustling of the tree leaves came to a halt, and the chilling winds that nearly swept us off our feet ceased altogether.

We froze at that moment in time, so still and calm that even my heartbeat was gone. As an assassin, my ears have never deceived me. Listening to the slightest bit of noise is one of our strengths, and yet... Although it wasn't the case, I thought my ears had deceived me for the first time in my life.

Without turning around or moving a muscle, I began to speak in broken words.

"Taiyori... W-what are you...?"

"Tsuki... Listen," she mumbled. "I... I'm going to talk now. Whatever you have to say... Whatever is on your mind... Save it until after I'm done. And... don't leave... Okay...?"

What is this? After everything that was said and done, why is she still trying so hard? Even though she was the one who wanted to move on, she's now making it extremely difficult for me to do the same.

Finally, I gave my answer. "...Alright."

After a deep breath, she began to speak.

"I know what you're thinking, Tsuki. I know I look so freaking crazy right now, but I don't care. I... I wanted to see you. I don't know why, but you keep popping up in my head like a parasite. Even after everything I said—and trust me... I meant every word—why can't I forget about you?"

My mind went blank. What... is this?

Another deep breath, and Taiyori continued. "For a while, that question stayed in my head. No matter how long I stopped to think about it, I never found the answer. With each failed attempt... my mind kept crumbling, reducing me to this pitiful state of trying to explain myself to you. It was miserable..."

I slowly twisted back when her tone shifted, but she immediately shouted.

"Don't turn around!" and that was all it took for me to stiffen my entire body. "I'm... not done yet."

Again, she attempted to steady her breaths, but I could literally hear the tears forming in her eyes. I opened my mouth to say something, yet nothing came out.

"I'm sorry, Tsuki. I know what I said to you, and I know how it made you feel, but I still wanted to see you... more than anything else. Tell me... Am I selfish for wanting to see you, fully knowing that you would get hurt upon seeing me? No, wait... Don't answer that. I know I'm selfish. That's why I tried calling you. That's why I tried texting. For the past couple of days, I visited your dorm room, hoping that you would be there... but you weren't. Each night, I would come back, clinging onto that hope, full of desperation... without even a thought about how it would make you feel. I really am such a selfish bitch, aren't I?"

Her arms tightened around my chest.

"When I found out... When you told me... I kept trying to rationalize it..." she muttered. "I felt lied to and betrayed, but I know... I know that you were only trying to protect me. You saved me, but I wanted so badly to get away from you. My head hurt so much just thinking about you, and almost every single night, I drenched my bedsheets in tears... but did it hurt that much to the point where I'd risk never seeing you again? That's just it. I don't know."

She then let out a frustrated laugh.

"Haha... What did you do to me, Tsuki...? Why am I saying all of this to you? Why am I admitting to my insecurities in front of you? Even though you lied to me... and even though you hurt me so badly... Why do I keep thinking about you?"

She reached down to grab onto my hand.

"After a while, I figured it out: the answer to the question of 'why.' Why do I keep thinking about you? Why did I try so hard just to see you? I'll tell you, Tsuki. It's because... You were important to me, enough for me to completely trust you. My mind kept avoiding that simple fact. I was selfish and blind to the point where I couldn't distinguish my feelings anymore. I started to miss you. I started to miss the way you spoke to me and the way you looked at me. Just this past week... I panicked. I thought you had disappeared forever, and It devastated me to think that the last thing I said to you was that you made me feel the worst... when in reality... you were the one who made me feel special... cared for... and loved."

Her fingers gently cradled mine.

"Tsuki... You're still listening, right...?"

I took a deep breath to steady myself, but I could only manage a breathy response.

"...Yeah."

"Good... Because this is the most important part. I'm... I'm not gonna lock you out. I'm not gonna keep pushing you away. You said that you don't deserve to keep me in your life, but... don't I get a say in that? Yeah... I think I do."

Finally, her voice broke, and the tears began to fall.

"I missed you so much, Tsuki. And I want... to keep seeing you, so for once... I'll drop my pride and say it first. I'm sorry... I'm so... so sorry. So, p-please... Stay with me..."

Her constrained cries echoed around us for a full minute. All the while, her arms tightened around me, preventing me from moving.

To hear all of this from her made me want to cry too. It's like the world just can't miss the opportunity to throw a curveball into my life. No... Like those whom I've killed, I am an unforgivable sinner. I don't deserve a moment of peace, so why... Why is it that the world saw fit to show me this shining ray of light known as Taiyori Ayaka?

"Okay..." she said. "I'm... I'm done. You can talk now."

"Taiyori," I said. "Can I look at you?"

Reluctantly, her arms lowered, and I finally turned around to meet those delicate eyes as they struggled to stay on me. I rested my hand on her cheeks to which she took it and held it gently.

To be honest, I would've never guessed that this was what she wanted to say. I thought I would go home feeling worse than ever before. Clearly, that wasn't the case, so I'm glad... I'm glad that I decided to come.

"Tsuki..." she mumbled. "I can't help but be selfish. It's just who I am, so despite that... despite everything... I have to ask. Can I... Can I keep seeing you? Can you keep holding me... just like this?"

Taiyori truly is... the most beautiful person I've ever seen, both inside and out. Is it bad that even after what I did to her, I'm still eager and desiring the unthinkable?

"Well... I'm not sure," I said. "How about we make a deal?"

"A deal?" she repeated unsurely. "What deal?"

"If I say yes, then... Can I kiss you?"

"Eh...? Eh?! Uh... U-um, I... S-sure..."

Taiyori closed her eyes and lifted her chin. I suppose she's expecting a kiss on the lips, but I can't do that. Only the bare minimum should suffice for now.

I lowered my head and gently planted a small peck on her cheek. At that moment, she opened her eyes, forming several rapid blinks.

"That... That's it...?" she muttered with a pout.

"Hah. Were you expecting more?" I chuckled. "Sorry, but that's all I dare to do right now."

"Tch... For an assassin... Y-you're such a coward."

"Only when it comes to you. And... I'm sorry too. Really."

Taiyori turned to look at the pond with a smile on her face, so I did the same. However, she then latched onto my arm, which almost made me trip and fall into the water.

"Hey! Careful!" I exclaimed.

"Hehe, sorry," she giggled. "I'm just... so happy right now."

Just like that, I folded. I thought I had so much more to say about what just happened, but it was instantly wiped from my head. How funny it is that a girl like her can make me lose my mind when not even life-threatening missions can do that to me.

"Tsuki..." Taiyori whispered. "I'm gonna call you tomorrow. Will you... pick up?"

"...Sure," I said after a short pause.

"What about my messages?"

"I'll reply to them."

"Promise?"

"Hah. Yeah. I promise."

For a while, we stood there without saying a single word, admiring the pond and simply content with each others' company.