Defeated

I hadn't spoken to anyone since the night of the festival. The moment I had gotten back home that night, I had barricaded myself in my room and had barely left since. Even Hikari could sense that something bad had happened, and she had been giving me some space. It was a small gesture, but one I was grateful for. I didn't want to talk to anyone right now. It would only lead to them asking about the one thing that I was trying to avoid.

Iwasaki had rejected me.

The image of Iwasaki from that night was still etched deep into my mind. Every time I pictured that look of shame on her face, I felt the pit of my stomach drop. I wish I hadn't said anything to her. It had been a huge mistake, and there was no way that I could take back what had happened. I was stupid to believe that Iwasaki could feel the same way about me as I did about her.

Nakamura had tried calling me a few times over the last couple of days, though she had eventually given up once she had realised that I wasn't going to answer. Nakamura… Why did I have to drag her into all this too? The way she had held me close and comforted me after Iwasaki had ran away…

I quickly sat up and slapped my cheeks, trying to shake the thoughts out of my head. I couldn't stay holed up in my room like this forever. I knew that. Sooner or later, I would have to face everyone again, but I wasn't yet ready for that. I was seriously dreading it. Unfortunately, time wasn't on my side, and the new semester was fast approaching. I considered skipping, but that would only lead to even further problems down the line. Whether I liked it or not, I'd have to drag myself out of the house.

I grumbled as I hoisted myself out of bed and threw on my school uniform. I paused when I reached the front door. I took a long, deep breath before I was ready to take my first step outside. The coolness of the fresh air instantly hit my face. It felt good, refreshing. I started walking, trudging along the same old path down towards Yumeji High. It helped, having something else to focus on. What I needed most right now, was to take my mind off of…

“Urk.”

I froze on the spot. Up ahead, walking along by herself, was Iwasaki. She was constantly glancing around, as if she was on the lookout for someone. Once her eyes landed on me, she tensed up, and suddenly quickened her pace. I gritted my teeth, but my body refused to move. I wanted to chase after her, but what was the point? She wouldn't talk to me even if I did catch up with her.

I tried to push away the depressing thoughts as I continued on towards the school gates. When I reached the classroom and sat down at my desk, Shinohara leaned over as usual.

“Mornin’ Ren.”

I responded with only a grunt, and turned my head downwards towards my desk. I wondered how much Shinohara had been told of what had happened. He didn't seem to be acting any different, though maybe he was trying to avoid bringing it up. Nakamura noticed our little interaction and turned around in her seat. She didn't say anything, and quickly turned back to face the front once the bell rang.

By the time lunch came around, I was letting out a sigh of relief, grateful to get a chance to get away for a while. I dipped out of the classroom, intending to take a leaf out of Shinohara’s book and head for the roof. Unfortunately, Nakamura had anticipated that I might, and grabbed a hold of me before I could vanish.

“I get it,” she said, “you'd rather be on your own right now.”

Was it just my imagination, or was she acting differently too, like she was trying to avoid directly looking at me?

“But you can't just hide away forever. You can't give up on Chizuru yet. Not when you've come this far.”

My body drooped and I gave her a small nod. I still wasn't sure about this, but I hesitantly agreed. I trusted Nakamura, after all.

“Come along with me to lunch, we're going to meet up with the other club members like we always do.”

When we arrived at the canteen, we spotted the usual group at one of the tables by the wall. Iwasaki and Inaba were in the middle of an enthusiastic conversation. Seeing Iwasaki made my heart drop, but I continued to follow Nakamura as she took a seat at the table. I followed suit and sat down next to her. The moment she spotted us, Iwasaki cut the chatter short. She glanced at me for a moment, before quickly turning back to her food. An uncomfortable silence fell over us. I knew coming here was a mistake. Iwasaki didn't want to see me, and my presence here was only making things more awkward. Even the other club members could feel how tense the atmosphere had become. Shinohara was trying to shake it off with a nervous laugh, but Inaba just looked uncomfortable.

“Sorry, I've gotta go.”

I hastily got out of my chair, and made for the exit. As I was leaving, I heard someone else get up from the table in a hurry.

“Tachibana-kun, wait!”

I turned to see that Nakamura was pacing behind me. I pretended not to see her and kept walking. We were out by the gym storage shed by the time she tried calling out to me again, grabbing me by the wrist.

“I said wait!” She begged.

“Will you just stop it!” I shouted out, tearing my arm away from her grip.

“...”

I immediately regretted yelling at her the moment I saw the hurt look that had spread across her face.

“Look,” I said in a much gentler tone, “there's just no point any more. She doesn't feel anything for me. I'm giving up.”

For some reason, this only seemed to make Nakamura more angry.

“She does like you, you idiot. It was…because of me.”

She was staring at the ground, but her shoulders were trembling. I didn't fully understand what she meant, but the guilt in her voice was clear as day. Before I had a chance to ask further, she had bolted off back the way we had come. I was too stunned to react, so I just stood there, watching her leave.

“Argh,” I suddenly yelled out, hitting the wall with my fist.

How could this situation still continue to grow worse by the day? I'd even gone and snapped at Nakamura. She hadn't said anything, but I could tell that I had hurt her. I just didn't understand any of it. What the hell was going on? Nakamura had said it was her fault, but what exactly had she done?