105 – Doubts, and Potentially Regrets

‹Ginji›

August 10.

Honestly, I'm not really looking forward to this day.

Yeah, I guess I've had more than enough of a rest after graduating from high school, so of course I will come to reach the inevitable.

Today is my first day as a college student.

Crazy it is, now that I'm reflecting. I guess I really don't have any unique memories on this kind of things—perhaps only bad ones mostly.

Just two years ago, I was so furious and thought that people are only ones that like to judge anyone on a basis of an unfavorable background without hesitation. Now I only remember those things when my mind decides to. I may be an immature wrecker in the end.

But even if I only have those bad experiences with me, once a boring life will always be a boring life. Whilst I bear the most of Gin's memories and can at least feel them, it is just not the same as feeling it entirely by myself. Disregarding the fact that I got in an accident in a mall and was discriminated in school, I am living just ordinarily. Although… I really don't wish my life to stray away from the normal.

As much as there are many unique people in this world, I don't really think I will encounter anyone with that kind of characteristic, in its superlative at that. Might I say that Blue Ink is rather special in good and sad ways. But in the end, that speciality was the very reason why that school is like right now.

But I guess… I still feel sad that I won't be in the Art Club anymore.

In my greatest opinion, I don't think college can be as fun as when I was in the club.

▪ ▪ ▪

One thing has become convenient, however.

Just last month, the train station located in front of the mall two sectors away from home has been finished and is now operating well since then. If it wasn't for that, I would be brooding over traffic even in the early mornings.

You see, Cotona State University, or Ryhan in general is about 20 kilometers away from Sector 527. If I was to travel normally everyday, I would be dead inside by the time I get to the campus. Thus, the trains really are a savior to my sanity but not to my pocket. But since it gives detriment to my pocket then it might as well be in my sanity by a little, so it's not really a win-win.

Thankfully for the student and long-distance discounts, my money was spared a bit by paying 50 Laxes in one trip, which is dead cheap, if only that didn't mean that it would be 100 Laxes in total per day.

I may have said at some point that I don't really have money. Well, that was a lie. In the two years of working for commissions in TAC, and then working part-time in Stylo Studios, I managed to save up 30,000 Laxes and got myself a new laptop with decent specs. Honestly, I really don't buy too much things for myself. But because of that, I was able to upgrade from my garbage unit and got a work device.

And while I now have so little in my pocket… Continuing commissions on TAC, banzai.

Well, enough of that. Yui is probably waiting for me already.

"Hey. Did you wait long?"

She shook her head, "Nah. I bought meatballs, here."

"Thanks. Just what I needed for an early start. Hahh… I can't oversleep anymore."

"Ah, let's go. The trains will be here in a few."

Explanation. So a while ago, Yui's parents asked me to accompany her on the trip to CSU as much as I can. They didn't really say if it's only in the morning, but I also plan to go home with her regularly. We may have different departments but we will share many lectures so we should be dismissed almost at the same time.

As to how that happened, I guess I'm slowly getting on better terms with her parents especially with her father who uses me as his power tools every now and then. I may have at this point opted not to really ascertain Yui's feelings with me and if she is moving on from Gin, but I think it's almost assured that we are on the same status as Jean and Ai-san. And yes, they aren't officially dating yet.

Okay, my vocabulary suddenly dropped to that of an elementary kid and my mind is now processing too much on things that should be in the scope of a person's common sense but I suddenly got a pea brain. Help me, Kuro?

Can you not, man? I just woke up.

Ah, sorry.

One more thing to point out, it's nice that the station's turnstiles support a proprietary smart card that we can load with fare. There is also mobile payment but I live in this day and age where my phone does not have NFC built in. So the card was a very small investment for convenience, and I can use it whenever and anywhere in the country.

But what do you know, this is actually my very first time riding a train. Of course, I wasn't there in the school trip so I wasn't able to experience the bullet train. Either way, I wouldn't be able to do any comparison between a standard and a speedy one if my first footing inside one is only a tad lame.

So I commence on asking.

"How does this compare to a bullet train, Yui?"

"I'm kinda surprised. Even though we were traveling probably five or ten times faster, the bullet train was very stable unlike this."

"Well, it was state of the art tech."

The cart was not very crowded, although I see many students that are most likely going to step out on the same station as we do. It was the same scene when I was in the bus with Iura and Nico back in our exams.

I then tapped Yui's shoulder and stepped away from the door of the train, which left her confused as expected. I gestured her to sit in which she did, while I opted to stand in front of her and grasped on a handle.

If her slightly frowning eyebrows have a mouth, it would have asked what's on her mind.

"It's not so crowded today, but I'm just trying to avoid a cliche. Don't mind it, really."

I may be getting Yui to watch anime bit by bit, but she's not yet on a degree where she would get the reference without even thinking about it. Also, I'm afraid that it might actually happen so it's better to be cautious.

Zero traffic later, we now stand in front of CSU's entrance.

"I guess this is it," I then let out a sigh.

"I was assuming that we would be on our separate ways once we enter through the gate, but that's not the case isn't it?"

"Hahahahaha. I'll accompany you for a bit then."

I actually didn't choose my first choice which is Fine Arts and opted for Multimedia. I don't really know much but it looks very much like FA has a more cultural approach while Multimedia offers diverse media hence the name.

On Yui's end, she decided to stick to Advertising Arts instead of CA because her reasoning is that she has a friend studying in CCI so she's good enough to just get tips.

Ah, well, I have a mind of a sous chef but not with a body of one so I think it's just as great, miss.

"You can't help but wonder how Ringo's doing, huh," I asked her.

"She's been two months in her freshman year already and we're just starting. I'm curious how it compares to here, though."

※ Chiba Yoya continues to bug Rin to this day.

But because of the courses we took, Yui's "that's not the case" earlier makes so much of a point. Literally, we are going to be in the same building but different courses. I guess that's what we get for both being in College of Arts. And just like that time in February, it felt fun to go through a hidden passageway while the constructions are still ongoing at this point.

Perhaps a hundred less steps before the other end of the campus, we have finally reached the building. Seriously, this campus will make you walk a whole lot.

"Are we on the same floor, though?" asked Yui.

"You're on second, I'm on third. But we'd most likely meet on the same lecture room when we have general lectures with other courses."

"I guess."

"Well, I'm going up then. See you at lunch later."

"Mhm."

…

What do I even expect, of course there's no one I know in here. But at least there is a familiar face. It's so meta that I can still recall how the guy on the seat beside me in our exams looks like. Nah, scratch that. He was wearing Saitama's jacket so I will definitely remember. I guess I know who my first target is then. And also, please disregard the first sentence of the last paragraph. I didn't even know that Dom from VA actually took an exam here.

~ ~ ~

The whole morning was basically orientation. Dom split up with us and so I found myself slurping noodles again but with Yui. Later on, I got a message from Nico and met up with him.

He has lost but gained his original chin once again after a bit of weight loss. And the very first thing he asked me was…

"Did you get a girlfriend, Ginji?! Yo, Shuri's going to destroy your shoulder if she finds this out."

"I don't, man. She's a friend from high school. Want to meet her?"

"If it's okay to take her from you."

"Then I'm going to strangle you."

"Oi, I know that's a joke but you made it sound scary just now."

"I'm courting her so hands off."

"Ohhhh."

…

I may just be out of the loop but I seriously didn't know that there will be an open campus for the afternoon. Surprisingly, upper grades on their organizations went ahead to do things that ought to impress us freshmen, which I wasn't at any of them.

Call me someone that is tied to the past, but I don't think there is something that can replace my time in Art Club. I could confidently say that it didn't feel just fun, as I also learned so many things that some are even beyond my imagination.

"I guess things are going to get lukewarm fast…"

▪ ▪ ▪

"Hello son? Ah, you finally answered. Were you in the middle of classes?"

"Classes just got cancelled here for today, Dad. It's been raining heavily for two hours, are you okay there?"

"Yeah. Flood's starting to get on our yard but we got the floodgates in advance. We still have power here."

"Agh, darn it… Trains aren't running so I can't go home…"

"I'd suggest you stay on Nico's place for today. You know how flood works here in Ginga even without rain. I doubt you can really go home at this point."

"But… I'm really concerned, you know that."

"Of course I know. But leave things to your father for the time being."

"…

Alright."

*beep*

Of course I can never forget. The spring, summer, fall, and winter do not change the fact that this country has changed and yet not. It is mid-September and it's just like any other year where most of Orio gets inundated while storms come and go the island.

Today is not any different. But whenever this happens, I can be always there to help out immediately, but now I can't for the moment.

I can't help but feel like a thorn has grown in my throat.

…

Thankfully, Nico moved in to a place a tad near the college a few months ago, and he was more than welcome to have me. As for Yui, she is going to stay at a friend's family until she gets picked up by his father once the weather calms down.

I could have just made some space for myself and also ask for the lift, but I am not so reckless to take a risk and get bathed by contaminated water unless it is an extremely urgent circumstance. I could travel in a way higher than normal speed, but I am not a featherweight to do something like that without any risks.

As much as I hate to say, the only thing I can do is stay put.

"I guess that explains why you've lost weight. So you're living alone now."

"Yeah."

"The least I can do is make food for us. What's the condition of your fridge? Are you currently on a diet?"

"Not really. I just started to exercise regularly and I don't plan to any time soon. Thanks, though.

Wait, I'll lend you a change of clothes."

"Really… Your clothes will definitely fit me," in sarcasm.

"Umm, wait a second. Did I really hear you say you're going to make food?"

"Oi, I know that you're far better than me when we're still in Mykes. But besides, you've never tasted my food right? Let me do all the cooking and decide if you're going to throw up or scream in awe."

"I'm kinda worried…"

"This is one of the only things in the world that I have confidence with, so sit back."

He screamed in awe.

▪ ▪ ▪

The next day.

I took the earliest train in the morning as I left a note on Nico's place that I'll be off whilst he was still asleep. It is a Friday but classes are still suspended, so at least I have a long weekend.

All the same, the roads are still quite wet in Ginga just like in Ryhan. The sun slightly took a peek on the planet from the clouds but abruptly hid and never came back. Hours after I returned home, the sky started to cry.

Well, yes. I still have a long weekend even if there are two inches of water inside my room. At these kinds of times, you really can't do anything or any work unless one's work is suitable for stay-at-home, just like how I may still do designs for a task. And yes, that is how some of the things are classified now after the outbreak.

While I don't use my desk when water is slowly rising inside our house, I basically turn into a slob as my workspace is my bed for the rest of the day. Less ergonomic for working, but more comfortable for slacking. This is how it is every time—we really don't do much in the house and we take a rest, apart from still doing housework. Unsanitary as it may sound, we don't really mop our floor in its cleanest because it's meaningless against back-to-back flooding.

Would you really risk getting your feet wet? I strongly don't recommend if it's not important. Perhaps unwritten systems have been encoded in our heads for more than ten years of endurance. My own rubber boots is basically tucked under my desk, and I'll just put a stool where I can place them on so I can go to potty.

That's the problem, though. Let's just say this explicitly—don't try to poop on a toilet to which water is rising.

▪ ▪ ▪

"Ah, yeah. Thanks for lending me your ear, Dom."

"No prob."

"Ah, Yui? Were you waiting?"

"A little bit. Let's have lunch?"

"Yep."

I actually don't go to the cafeteria very often so that I can cut on my daily expenses, but every Tuesday is an exception as the ziti in the cafeteria is phenomenal.

"What were you talking with Dom earlier?"

"Nothing much?"

She outright gave me a suspicious look, "Really? You sounded really concerned earlier when I saw you leave your room."

"Did I really…? I was probably just tired from the practical and I was feeling hungry anyway."

"…" her frown still hasn't disappeared.

I feel like Yui is acting a little weird in this past few days. I'm happy and all as it seems like she is worrying about me, but I think that she's just worried for nothing. Lately, she has been asking me a few things in a perturbed tone. If I were really bothered by something, I might get unconsciously irritated if she insists, but that is not happening at all. Really, there is nothing for her to worry about.

…

‹Yui›

Ginji has definitely been acting weird even before I noticed it. Maybe… it maybe began when it was a downpour and Ginga is getting inundated again. But I definitely think that he talked about something with Dominic just earlier, and it probably is something important.

Woman's intuition? How could that be if he himself is letting out a crestfallen expression even if by a little? Of course I would be worried. It has been almost a year since he began wooing me, and I have grown to like him.

It's just very unusual to see him being blue all of a sudden, when I am very used and content with seeing him with a calm behavior whatever the situation is. It really might not be a stretch to say that something really has happened to him.

…

I felt that I can't waste any time.

While the professor for a combined lecture in the afternoon hasn't yet come to the room, I secretly pinged Dominic and asked to talk in quite a ways from the building.

"Is something the matter, Yui?"

"Something really is bothering Ginji, is that right?"

"…What could you be talking about?"

"You know something, don't you, Dominic? Please, tell me."

"…"

«Unable to make another defense as Dominic sees the seriousness in the girl's expression, he internally apologized to Ginji and let out a long sigh. Thus, he spoke.»

"He has been thinking a whole lot these days, Yui. But… I just don't think it is right if it came from my mouth.

One thing that I know—he's been thinking about things a lot, and it includes you too.

In hindsight, I think that it's just fair for you to know what it is, since he is seeing you."

"I see… Then thank-"

"Please don't ask him right away. Give him a bit more time before you ask, and tell him that I'm sorry for not being able to keep this a secret."

"…

Alright…"

"I think it's probably better if you go back first, Yui."

"Mhm. Thanks for telling me, Dominic."

"You're welcome. Though, I really didn't do much."

▪ ▪ ▪

‹Ginji›

I guess the past months have been very exhausting even if it doesn't seem like it. Before I knew it, the leaves have fallen, it has gotten colder, and it was already the start of October.

Knowing this month, I think that I'll be just as busy while at the same time I will have quite a long rest. There is Cotona Week, where the days from the 14th to 16th are days off, and I will seriously have nothing to do in the five days of the break apart from visiting Blue Ink's Open Event.

But even before that, CSU has already been doing their own way of an open campus for many years already, so I guess a long break is just fair after hectic days with full of activities. Of course, the C in CSU stands for Cotona so it is a given.

Then again, I still don't know how much stressful it will be. I feel like the first weekend of this month is like calm before the storm… so I don't really feel like doing anything.

Uhh, sike.

My phone suddenly rang with Yui's name in an unprecedented timing. It's been so due, but I finally got to watching K-*N! Some might already get the reference so I'll leave it at that.

Anyways, it is actually rare for her to call in a weekend, and I honestly wasn't able to contain my excitement.

"Hello, Yui-chan…"

"Uhh… What's gotten on you?"

"Ah, sorry. Airheads are scary, don't you agree?"

"Um, yeah- Wait…!"

"Ahahaha. Sorry, sorry."

"So then… you free today? Let's eat lunch outside. Is 10:30am good for you?"

"Yeah, sure.

…

Yui-san… Isn't this the first time you invited me…?"

"Yeah? That's right? So?"

"Then I'll meet you in your house…"

"Alright, then! Let's have a nice date. See you later!"

…

Is this some kind of a change? I've realized, there are actually many times that it doesn't look like I am wooing her, even when I really am. I think that it didn't seem apparent. And then suddenly, she called me just like that and invited me for lunch for some unknown reasons.

Perhaps I'm afraid. Ever since we became college students, I might be scared to mention my courting her even if just once. Ironic as it is, her invitation uplifted me when I should be the one doing that.

It made me happy and all, but my thoughts are always all over the place recently.

~ ~ ~

"Well then, please take care of my daughter for today," said Yui's father.

And so we're off.

"You have a new coat huh, Yui."

"This isn't really new. I just didn't get to use this much."

"I see. Where are we having lunch today?"

"Let's try out something new apart from Giotto's. But that's for later. I have some things to buy."

"You take time shopping clothes. We'll get late for lunch."

"I'm not really going to buy clothes…! It won't take much time."

"Do you promise that you will resist the urge when you see a blouse you like?"

"Urk… I-I promise…"

…

"Here, a present!" she said while handing out a beanie to me.

"You got me confused there."

"I already know that you don't wear flashy clothes but mostly neutral colors. You either wear white or gray when it's hot and then you're fine with black in this kind of weather. Seriously, your wardrobe is weird."

"I like the design though."

"Of course! I picked this up for myself too but in a different color."

"A-Aaahhh…

'We're matching.' Pfft… I just want to say that just once… Hahahaha.

But on the side note, you always tie your hair, right?"

"Then I'll just let it down. It's cold anyway."

"…"

I imagined it. I imagined it.

"Wha- You're blushing…!"

…

"With that, I got all the things I need. Let's go for lunch."

"That's surprising. It was really quick."

"What do you take me for?!"

~ ~ ~

"How did you know that I love this restaurant, Yui…?"

"Eh? That's news to me. Were you a regular here?"

"N-No… this is actually my first time here…

We're splitting bills, I suppose?"

"Yep."

One sumptuous lunch later… and Yui changed the mood she herself made.

"Dominic said he was sorry, but I should be the one who should apologize the most for asking him."

"So you already know…"

"Nope, I don't."

"Huh?"

"He didn't say anything and just said that it's the best if it comes from you. It's actually the reason why I invited you today… but that's not really the only reason. I… I enjoyed this date, really."

"…

If anything, I should be the one apologizing here. I didn't tell you fi…

Wait, are we now on a relationship?"

"Not yet. Enough of your jokes, I want to hear what's been on your mind. I'm worried, alright."

"…

Just your opinion… do you think that going to CSU is really the best for me?"

Of course, she took it very much as a surprise.

"W-Well… If you ask me… I think it is. You're doing really well in your department so I think there's nothing wrong with that. At this rate, you'll definitely get to the work you want on… the… future…

…

Come to think of it… you've never mentioned anything about the career you want to pursue…"

"It's still unclear for me. Of course the Art Club helped me so much to improve my abilities, but I don't know what I should choose. There are many factors to consider.

But that's not really the point. I know Gin's fears, so it's just natural that I would also feel the same thing.

It started when it rained so much while we're at CSU. I got really worried back at home and I almost can't stay still even in the bad weather. I thought something might happen, or what if things got worse. I just can't stay put when all my life I was always back in our home when situations like that happen. I was in shock since then and now I'm like this."

"You're glad that you share the existence of Gin, aren't you?"

"Y-Yeah."

"Some time ago, he used to tell me stories about his late grandfather. He said that if it weren't for him, he wouldn't value his family as much as he does now.

You're just like that. I'm a little envious that you can show that you value your family in your own ways. It's quite cool.

But hearing that, I think I know where you're coming from now. Still, I think that you made a good choice, if not the best."

"…

Question to myself…"

Due to that somewhat weird statement, Yui flinched.

"Ginji Satoshi, are you willing to step down and take a new approach on your situation?

Get off with the achievements, the recognition; I will take my sweet time to think more before I answer with yes or no.

I'll promise that I'll tell you my answer to that right away, Yui. And if hypothetically I leave and go back home, I will seriously kowtow in front of your father for not being able to keep my promise to him."

"…"

"Ginji… Even if it takes you time to decide, I think I already know what you will most likely answer."

"Whatever it will be, I will respect your decision. I'm wishing that you'll find what's best for you.

But make sure you don't forget about me because of overthinking!"

"Of course, I will not, milady! My feelings for you have not changed one bit!"

"Don't be so loud…! B-But I… I appreciate you saying that… Y-Yeah…

Now you're making me say embarrassing stuff!"

"But I'm not embarrassed on my side though."

"I don't care about that at all…!"

To Kuro…

I think that the time will come where I will have to run and face a hurdle that you have once passed.

Q: Is Ginji Satoshi going to leave his current academic situation?

A:

Chapter Message:

Someone please give this man less or no floods and more Ws.

Thank you for reading!

Next

106: Remember Anew Company?