James Connors is a weeaboo

Noun

A person who retains an unhealthy obsession with Japan and Japanese culture, typically ignoring or even shunning their own racial and cultural identity. Many weeaboos talk in butchered Japanese with the 8 or so words they know (i.e. kawaii, desu, ni chan). While weeaboos claim to love and support Japanese culture, counter intuitively, they tend to stereotype Japanese culture by how it appears in their favourite anime, which can be safely assumed to be offensive to the Japanese.

If you love and respect Japanese culture and your own, you are not a weeaboo.

Merely liking anime or wanting to learn Japanese does not make you a weeaboo.

James Connors was sitting there at his computer as he usually does, he was reading the popular manga: “Keen can Talk” illegally online. (For legal purposes, the author does not condone such actions and does not take responsibility for any repeated behaviour in the real world.) This was James’s 978th time reading the 15th volume of “Keen can Talk” and he was starting to have a good understanding of the fact that, Keen, can in actuality, talk. He was yearning for something else to read. He decided to scour the interwebs with the objective of finding something else to read.

And then he found it.

“Oroka Nani Neko No Onnanoko” seemed to be the perfect book. Every volume in the series had a 4.8 to 5.0 rating on the popular online shopping website, “Amazoom,” and most of the books had similar ratings on the more critical website, “Somewhat Goodreads.” It was probably due to the fact it was hentai and the book was about cat girls in maid outfits. James hadn’t bothered to look up a review from an actual critic. Though if he did, he would have found that the book was pretty heavily panned by critics.

He tried finding an illegal copy online, but struggled. He would have to buy the book. But James was 15. If he wanted a digital copy, he would have to ask his mom, and if he wanted a physical copy, his mom, being constantly stressed and worried about her son, would have to bring him to a bookstore and watch him buy a book she would 100% not approve of. (Granted it was hentai so really nobody would approve of it)

James was determined to buy this book. He knew he had to. He was going up to town later on with his mother and the part of town they were going to be in happened to have a bookstore nearby. He checked on the bookstore’s website to see if they had the book and as it happened to turn out, they did. He could just walk in, buy his book and go home. Simple right?

It would be if:

1: James’s mom knew he liked anime and manga

2: It wasn’t so provocative

3: It wasn’t a manga (Comics make you dumb)

James somehow had to get out of that bookstore holding “Oroka Nani Neko No Onnanoko” if it was the last thing he did. To some degree, he hoped it would be the last thing he did, as it would be a lot more than a little embarrassing if his mother realised what her son was like.

James pranced around his small room in an attempt to come up with a scheme that would persuade his mother into letting him buy the book. Though he didn’t have much space to prance around and hit his knee on the small side table situated next to his bed. James felt a brief moment of dismay due to the fact he hurt himself on the compact table next to his bed, as he had a much higher chance of walking into his bed as it took up most of the room’s space.

Even though the area was limited, James’s mom was still able to make it work for him. James barely ever helped his mom decide on what furniture to put in his room, so she resorted to guessing what James wanted. His bed and side desk were set in the top left corner, a small closet in the bottom left and a desk with his crappy laptop and a shelf with books on it (not manga) above that were added to the far right corner.

After a while, James came up with a plan. A plan that only “the man from Japan” could plan.

The plan went a little something like this:

1: Ask to go to the bookstore. (This is a great opening to the plan as his mother see’s that James is taking an interest in reading, a hobby commonly associated with smart people, though little does she know he wants to buy a manga.)

2: Walk around the store casually, slowly moving towards the manga section.

3: Get to the manga section, mom will ask: “What is mango?” Proceed to explain what manga is in great detail, using the 8 words you know in Japanese to make yourself seem smart and manga seem cool and the only thing apart of Japanese culture.

4: Look at the manga until you see “Oroka Nani Neko No Onnanoko vol 1: The new maid café” and pull it out. Explain how you know the book and make up lies about how many copies it sold to convince mom it wasn’t made to satisfy some guy’s fetish. Explain how it is very popular in Japan, making it sound as if reading it teaches the reader about Japanese culture.

5: Go to the counter and buy the book. If mom ever realises it’s hentai, explain how it teaches the reader about female anatomy and make up lies about how it is a sex ed book used in schools.

The plan was perfect, he would just have to execute it.

Two days later: Sunday (the day of the plan)

It was strangely busy in the small town James lived in that day. His mom and him walked around town doing the things that were planned. They went clothes shopping in “Pirmspot,” bought groceries in “Damn, that milk is a very good deal,” and even got a few pastries at the bakery, until finally, James worked up the courage to ask if they could go to the bookstore.

James’s mom was overjoyed to hear that James was taking an interest in reading and was excited to brag to all the other moms. They walked into the bookstore, it was a lot quieter there than it was outside. The carpet was a dark green, it looked as if it was a bit unkempt. There were two stories to the building, with marginally less people on the second floor than the first.

The walls were a light beige that went surprisingly well with the carpet, with the roof being made up of black tiles. The back of the store was slightly higher than the rest of the first floor, having a few stairs leading up to it. Observing from a distance, James noticed that the walls of that specific area were a dark purple.

There was an arch on the left wall, leading into an area mainly comprised of toys and cards, with a few bookshelves, though mainly of the genres of books no one was buying. They had a rather unusual area of critically panned books that were popular on social media. A romance book about a woman who has sex with her apartment door caught James’s eye. Though he swiftly pulled himself away from the book and began to execute his plan.

James casually walked around, slowly making his way towards the manga section, stopping occasionally to look in the philosophy and science sections to impress his mom and make him look smart.

They eventually came to the manga section, where James came to a swift stop and examined the books, stroking his chin for no reason. He genuinely thought he was looking smart but ended up just drawing attention to himself, making everyone who looked at him lose hope in the current generation of teenagers. It probably didn’t help that he had his eyes fixated on the hentai sub-section of the manga shelf.

“What is mango?” James’s mom enquired as she took notice of the fact he was quite intrigued by it.

"You see, mother, manga is a Japanese style of comic books and graphic novels. The term 'manga' is often used to refer to a wide range of comic and cartooning styles, and it covers a diverse array of genres for readers of all ages. Manga can be serialised in magazines, published in tankobon format (collected volumes), or adapted into anime (animated TV shows or films). What makes manga distinct is its unique art style, reading direction (right to left), and the ability to captivate readers with compelling stories that span various themes, from romance and action to fantasy and science fiction. It has become a significant part of Japanese culture and has gained popularity worldwide, transcending cultural boundaries," James explained.

“Ah I see. You seem to be quite knowledgeable on that topic,” James’s mom said. She focussed her vision on the hentai section where James was looking. She moved closer to the books and took one from the shelf. She examined the cover and realised the book she had just picked up was porn.

Just to make sure James wasn’t in the bookstore with the intention of buying a form of porn she didn’t understand, she picked out another book, and another, and another, all of them had very provocative covers.

She was starting to get concerned. She asked James what hentai is and he replied by saying it was just the same thing as manga. She doubted James and proceeded to look through a few of the books. She came to the quick realisation that it was porn, and that James was looking at porn, and taking an interest in porn.

This made it exactly 98.76% more difficult to brag to the other parents. As telling people that your son reads porn doesn’t exactly make you sound like a very good parent.

She proceeded to scold James for reading porn. She explained how it can be addictive and damage the mind, and how it can be very disrespectful to women. (She’s no fun) James went to step 5 and explained how porn is in fact, very educational and teaches anatomy in a fun way. James’s mom wasn’t convinced and continued to scold him.

James fired back by explaining how sheltering children from nudity and sex, makes the child perceive those normal and natural concepts as weird and inappropriate, and with the aforementioned words usually being used in a negative context, the individual associates sex and nudity with being bad. This can lead to someone disrespecting women as they perceive body parts they have and cannot help having as weird, and therefore perceiving women as weird.

James’s mom explained how porn portrays these concepts in an unsafe and unrealistic way, causing people to treat women differently as well.

They debated for hours, until James’s mom got sick of the whole ordeal and began to take James's home. Just before they walked out the door, James screamed “WAIT!” causing his mom to come to a sudden halt.

James explained that there was a book he wanted to buy. His mom sighed and asked no questions as she was so tired at this point, that she would have done anything to go home. They walked over to the counter and James said in the happiest, cheeriest voice he could, “Do you have: Oroka Nani Neko No Onnanoko?” The cashier looked a mix between confused and worried. Either way, she took him to the hentai section and pulled out the book. She nervously asked if it was the book he was asking for and he replied with a yes.

James happily and cheerfully walked out of the store, his mother being a little more than disappointed in him. Though she was impressed with the arguments he was able to formulate during their debate.

James went home very happy. He read his book and enjoyed it, despite it having no story whatsoever and just being about cute girls doing cute things.

James was excited to tell his friends about his new book at school the next day.