Trapped

Nakamura was avoiding me. I couldn't exactly blame her either, after the way I had snapped at her. I just wish she would give me the chance to apologise. But whenever I tried to start up a conversation with her, she'd immediately shut me down. Take this morning, for example. I had tried to greet her before class began, but she only nodded slightly in response, keeping her eyes firmly down towards her desk.

"Class is about to start," she uttered meekly, "you'd better take your seat."

"Yeah, okay," I replied, defeated.

I slumped down at my desk. Shinohara leaned over, a concerned look on his face.

"You two fighting?”

"It's nothing."

“You sure about that? It didn't look like nothing to me.”

"Nakamura, she's…" I paused, not knowing how that sentence should end.

“You don't seem to be having much luck with the ladies lately,” he paused, scratching his neck awkwardly, “well, either way. Would you mind swinging by the clubroom later? I need some help with a few things.”

“I-I dunno if…”

“Nah, don't worry about it. It'll just be us two, I just need some help moving a few things around.”

“Oh. Then, sure. I don't mind.”

“Great, thanks man!”

After classes had ended, I made my way over to the clubroom with Shinohara. It had been a while since I had last stepped inside. With everything that had happened recently, it felt like I wasn't welcome. It was hard to shake that anxiety, even if it was only Shinohara and me present today. Shinohara pushed open the door, motioning for me to enter. After I had stepped inside, the door slammed shut behind me. The lock clicked, and Shinohara called out from behind the door.

“Woops, looks like I've locked myself out."

“What are you talking about,” I yelled at him, “this isn't funny!”

“It isn't meant to be.”

“Come on. Just open the door!”

"Sorry dude, can't do that. Least not until you two work things out.”

I turned around to see the only other person currently in the room - Iwasaki. She looked just as confused about this situation as I did. Clearly this was something that Shinohara had set up on his own. I grunted as I made my way over and took a seat on the opposite side of the room from her. There was no way of telling how long Shinohara was going to keep us locked inside. I might as well make myself comfortable. I tried my best to avoid eye contact with Iwasaki, but I couldn't help myself from stealing the occasional glance. Man, this was awkward.

Ten unbearably long minutes passed before the silence between us was broken. And it wasn't broken by me.

“Hey,” Iwasaki called out, “I’m… sorry for before.”

“Huh?”

Why was she the one apologising to me, wasn't it my fault for misunderstanding our friendship? I looked up. Iwasaki had shuffled closer to where I was, now leaning against the table.

“The last thing I wanted was to hurt you.”

I sat up straight and moved so that I was sitting directly across from her.

“Nah, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place.”

“Oh! No, please don't misunderstand,” she squeaked, “I was happy when you told me how you felt!”

Now I was just confused. It wasn't because I had weirded her out?

Seeing the look on my face, Iwasaki let out a nervous laugh. It had been too long since i had seen her happy, I couldn't help but smile too.

“We're both useless aren't we?”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“The truth is, I do like you Tachi-kun.”

She was looking directly into my eyes, as if trying to show me how genuine she was.

“Then, why?”

“It just didn't feel right.”

There was something about the way she averted her gaze when she said that that felt like there was still something she was holding back from telling me. I thought back to the argument I had had with Nakamura. She had said something similar too, that Iwasaki hadn't turned me down because she didn't like me, but because…

“It's about Nakamura, isn't it?”

Iwasaki's eyes grew wide after I mentioned Nakamura's name.

“How much do you know?” She asked, her voice suddenly stern.

“Not a whole lot,” I admitted, “just that she seemed to feel guilty over it.”

Iwasaki bit her lip. I could see her mind turning, trying to decide how much she should tell me.

Finally, she looked back up at me.

“I think she likes you. I'm not even sure if she's aware of it herself, but i dont think I'm wrong either.”

Wait. What?

I was stunned, struggling to process the bombshell Iwasaki had just dropped on me.

“Nakamura… likes me?”

Repeating it back to her didn't help it make any more sense. It wasn't possible, she had to be wrong. Nakamura had always been trying to help me with Iwasaki. If she really liked me, she wouldn't have gone this far for my sake. But if it was true, then she had been helping me all along while knowing that her own feelings would go unnoticed.

My chest started to tighten, l felt awful.

“I think she doesn't want to admit it because she knows how I feel. We're too similar sometimes,” Iwasaki gave a sad smile, “though I guess we are family, after all.”

“If only I'd known. If only someone had told me, then I'd…”

“Then you'd what? How do you feel about Aya-chan?”

Iwasaki's question had caught me off guard. How was I supposed to answer something like that?

“I… I don't know. She hasn't even been talking to me lately. Without her around, it feels like I've lost something important. She's my closest friend.”

“She means a lot to you, doesn't she.”

“But what I said to you before wasn't a lie either. I genuinely like you a lot. I just… I don't know what I should do anymore.”

“You should choose whoever would make you happiest - even if that isn't me.”

I lowered my head, staring down at the ground as I tried to sort through everything. What I had said to Iwasaki, that had been how I truly felt, there was no doubt about that. But at the same time, there had always been something between me and Nakamura, a kind of closeness that was hard to describe. I'd been able to reveal things to her that I had never told anyone else. I felt comfortable around her.

Iwasaki put a hand on my shoulder, bringing my gaze back to her face.

“You don't need to decide anything right this moment. Take your time, and come up with an answer that you won't regret.”

She was right, of course. I had to take some time to work through everything. Fretting over it all now, right after I'd just learned about it, would only lead to me making the wrong decision. I needed to be sure.

“You said you like to write, didn't you? Maybe that would help you sort out your thoughts.”

That was actually a good idea. Whenever I used to feel overwhelmed, writing was usually able to clear my head. I hadn't been doing much of it lately, come to think of it.

“Thank you. I think I will.”

Iwasaki gave me a warm and gentle smile.

“I'll be waiting for your answer, when you're ready.”

Some time later, we heard the door click open and Shinohara poked his head inside with a sheepish look on his face. He was lucky, if there had been anything at hand, I probably would have thrown it at him.