The end and the beginning of a slow and painful fall, Part One.

"Alright... I'll tell you... how my hands are stained with the blood of an innocent person."

After saying that, I looked at Yui's face, opening my eyes in a somewhat exaggerated way, while they gleamed with a certain air of joy.

I don't know what... part of what I said could evoke that kind of feeling.

But it did, for some reason.

"But first... shall we go to the cemetery?" I said.

"Huh?" she asked innocently, not understanding what was happening.

"I think... it's a good time to visit Haru," I said.

"Haru?" Yui asked, as if she had been expecting to hear that name for a long time.

"He... or was... my best friend," I said.

As I walked, I put my hands in my pockets, and she began to follow me.

"Do you really... want to tell me all that?" she asked.

"Don't you want me to?" I asked.

Chie already found another person.

I want someone to stay with me, even knowing what a bad person I can be.

"Yes... I'll tell you in return... the secret I carry," she said.

"I guess we're somewhat similar after all, aren't we?" I asked.

A few minutes later.

Arriving at the train station, waiting for the one that would take us where we were going, I received a call.

My phone started ringing.

"Do you answer?" Yui asked.

I felt a strange aura from Yui when she interacted with another person, especially of the opposite gender.

Her eyes seemed dull, her face darkened.

I really... can't understand what kind of person Yui is.

"Hm..." I said to her, while I put my hand in my pocket, searching for my phone.

I glanced at the screen, discovering that it was an unknown number.

I answered, and I brought the phone to my ear.

"Hello?" I spoke.

"Um... Ryu?" asked a female voice from the other side.

"Hm, that's me," I answered.

"Um... this was to let you know... that Lily and I are heading home," she replied.

"Oh, I see, thank you very much..." I replied.

There was a brief pause of silence for a moment.

"Um..." she spoke.

"Hm?" I could hear Yui, also feeling her gaze somehow.

"Are you okay, Ryu?" she asked.

Damn it.

I feel like lately I've been asked that a lot.

"Yes, I'm fine... thank you for asking," I replied.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Hm?" I nodded, somewhat confused by her reply, asking again.

"If you say so," she said.

She hung up, leaving me with a few doubts.

But... it was time to have a good talk with Yui as we reached the cemetery.

"The one calling... was Osawa?" she asked.

"Hm, telling me she found Lily and they're on their way home," I replied.

"Hmmm" -Fixed gaze-

I stared curiously at Yui, her expressions were beginning to attract more and more of my attention, like some kind of magnet.

Although I couldn't shake from my head the image of Chie with that guy...

So... she got a partner, huh?

I held onto some hope that she would be waiting for me.

The last time we talked was somewhat chaotic.

It was right after isolating myself in my house for two weeks, then I looked for work with my uncle and moved away from what used to be my home.

"Ryu. Ryu....."

Caught in my thoughts, I didn't even realize that Yui was calling me, pulling my hand.

"What's up?" I asked, a little lost.

"The train has arrived," she said.

"Oh, sorry, I was thinking..."

"What about?" she asked.

"I don't know..." I said.

She looked at me somewhat annoyed.

I felt that feeling, when someone tells you something but leaves it halfway, it's annoying, it often happened with Haru, it always bothered me about him.

So... I can say... that there are things about him that bother me...

"Idiot..." I heard Yui whisper.

"I'm sorry..." I said.

"I don't know..." she said, starting to walk, letting go of my hand, which I was holding onto while I was lost in my thoughts.

"Hey, wait."

I reached out my hand, taking Yui's hand.

Just as I did that, a person passed in front of Yui.

Although I did that, the man bumped into Yui's chest.

He turned to look at her out of the corner of his eye.

"Watch where you're going, stupid!" he said.

"I-I'm sorry..." Yui said, embarrassed, although somewhat exaggeratedly, in my opinion.

"Hey..." the man said with a somewhat suspicious tone of voice.

"Is there a problem, old man?" I said.

He was a middle-aged man, somewhat bald and small, skinny.

"Oh, do you have a boyfriend?, quite obvious," he said, looking at Yui, with a half-smile and rather unpleasant eyes.

Yui flinched.

She seemed overwhelmed by the situation.

Isn't that a bit much?

I don't know, I can't tell.

I felt Yui squeezing my hand.

"Let's go, Yui," I said.

We walked together to the train.

On our way to the next station, Yui didn't sit next to me, she sat in front of me.

The train car was empty, and we were facing each other.

The atmosphere felt somewhat tense.

Some anxious movements from Yui, repeatedly moving her legs, her hands playing between them.

I began to feel anxious too.

Finally, I broke the silence myself.

"Where... do I begin?" I asked.

As if Yui had the answer to that question.

She stopped making those anxious movements and raised her gaze, which had been fixed on the ground, as if her thoughts were far away from the current situation.

"Well... from the beginning?" she said, then followed that phrase with a somewhat forced smile.

"Well... you're right..."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... could you explain to me what your relationship was like with this Haru?" she asked.

"Well... he was my best friend..." I replied.

"Was?" she asked.

"Yeah, he was..."

"Can I ask... what happened to him?" she asked.

"Well..."

A story of a silent fall.

nine months ago.

The end of school was marked by the sound of a bell, the bustling school corridors, although they were truly alive and vibrant with the fragrance of youth, were now increasingly empty.

People, relentless and ignorant of the feeling of loneliness slowly creeping into the school environment, began to make their way home or to their clubs.

I, on the other hand, stayed with Haru doing cleanup duty.

We had proposed plans with the club.

Haru failed his exams, and I was helping him with the makeup exams, so I had suggested club activities.

Interestingly, Haru's cleanup shift was right next to mine, so it was just the two of us in the building, him in one corner, staring out the window fixedly at the basketball club building.

"Come on... don't get down, you just have to try a little harder," I said, looking at his somewhat sad and melancholic gaze as he looked at that building.

"It's not... that," he said.

"What isn't?" I said, trying to understand what he was saying.

Lately, I felt more and more lost with what he was trying to say.

I'm a really socially awkward person, as it may seem.

Maybe a socially active and unassuming person wouldn't consider themselves "socially awkward."

But every passing day, and every day that Haru acted stranger and stranger, I became more convinced; I'm a complete idiot who had no idea how to help my best friend.

I don't know, I can't know.

Every day I get more lost.

"It's not about basketball," he said.

"Then... what is it?" I asked.

"About everything," he replied.

"Huh?" I asked.

I wish I could be like Chie in this kind of situation.

She can get mad at him, ask him what's wrong.

But... I can't.

Haru seemed so fragile lately, it seemed like he would disappear if I touched him abruptly, so I had decided to help him in any way I could.

I don't know what to do, that was the smartest thing I could think of.

He, for his part, doesn't let anyone help him, he only accepts my help, because of my own insistence on giving it to him.

"It's... nothing, shall we continue?" he asked.

"Well, if you say so... but... are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes, don't worry, let's do the cleanup, then we'll continue with the lessons," he said.

Soon, it was time for his makeup exams.

We were going over lessons repeatedly and continuously, after all, I had the best grades among the second graders, so I could help him properly.

After that strange conversation we had, once we finished cleaning up and gathered our desks to study, we had an even stranger one.

We were in Haru's worst subject, as I explained what he had to do, he asked me something, more than strange, it was a slight warning, an indirect that I didn't know how to interpret.

"Hey... Ryu," he asked.

"Hm?, Don't you understand?" I asked.

He stopped writing and looked me directly in the eyes, while I, for my part, did the same, somewhat curious as to why he had done such a thing.

"Do you think... there are people out there just to make others feel better about themselves?" he asked abruptly.

"Hmm, are you really asking me about that?" I asked.

"You're right," he said.

"Hey, that offends me a little... what I'm trying to say is... I don't quite understand what you're trying to say," I said.

"You didn't understand me either, what I'm trying to say is... someone as blessed as you couldn't understand the problems of someone like me."

"Huh?" I asked, somewhat lost. - "Lately you've been saying weird things, you have to stop that," I said, a little annoyed.

"So, what are you trying to say? Say it in a way I'll understand," he said.

"Hmm... let's see..."

He brought his hand to his chin and stood up, heading to the classroom blackboard, and I, for my part, turned to see what he was going to do.

He went to the desk where the teacher would normally sit, rummaged around there, until finally pulling out a chalk.

He went to the board and started drawing.

Slowly but surely, making some lines, silently, taking shape, and the shape gave way to a meaning, which could be said to be notable and superficial.

Until finally, he removed his hand and the chalk from the board.

And like a teacher who has just finished writing on the board and tells his students to start copying, he struck the board with his right hand.

"Tell me, Ryu, what do you see here?" he asked.

It was a somewhat confusing drawing.

Two people, one much larger than the other, and another person who doesn't even reach the knees of the larger one.

Extending their hands, as if trying to get the larger person to lift them up.

The clouds were erratic, some raining and others clear.

The larger person couldn't bend down, apparently.

"A large person, trying to grab a small one, what's up with that?" I asked.

"That's how I feel," he said.

"No... I don't understand, why doesn't the larger person bend down?"

"Because he can't," he responded.

"Why?"

"Simply... his own height doesn't allow him to help his friend see what's at those heights..." he said.

"Wait... but..."

"Ah, I feel tired, what if we do something different today?" he said.

"Different?" I asked.

I intentionally ignored the fact that Haru had abruptly changed the subject.

After all, I feared he might tell me... not to follow him anymore, I feared he might tell me he hated me.

"Yes, let's go to karaoke, in fact, I was invited a few days ago by some girls from first grade, but I told them you were coming," he said.

"Wait... but--"

"You're going with me, right?" he said, looking me in the eyes.

I looked at my hands, as if trying to ask them something.

"But... why do you say we should go now? The girls have tried several times to go out with us... but you... always reject them, why now?" I asked.

It was a fair complaint.

We hardly ever went out with the four of us, and when we did, it was very rare, once every 2 months was a lot.

Now he was saying so easily that we should go out with some girls we don't know that well.

Besides... I have a girlfriend.

I confessed to Chie a few weeks ago, she accepted me.

We were officially a couple.

But she asked me to keep it a secret.

I have... to ask for permission, that's how these things work, right?

"Don't worry about Chie, she won't say anything, we'll tell her we're going to my house to study there," I said.

"But..."

"What, you're not going to help me?" he asked.

His gaze wasn't like his usual one, something in the atmosphere was somber and dark.

I don't know, I know something is wrong... but... I don't want to tell him no.

"I... I guess so," I said. Finally giving in to his insistence.

How ironic, it was usually me who told him and insisted on going out.

"I knew I could count on you!" he said, with a somewhat strange tone of voice, patting me on the chest.

I remained silent, waiting for him, looking at him take out his phone from his pocket.

"I don't recognize you, Haru," I thought.

I didn't have the courage to tell him that.

Something told me he would probably get angry if I told him something like that.

I think... little by little I'm starting to understand what he was trying to tell me.

But... even though I know what he's trying to tell me, I look away, I don't want to tell him directly, I don't want to confront him.

I don't want to lose him, nor do I want to make her uncomfortable.

Since that little argument I had with Ichinose, my feelings towards Haru have been shaking little by little.

That phrase bounces around in my head.

"Don't you see the harm in pitying someone?!"

Is it pity what I feel for Haru?.

I don't know... I don't know, I don't know, I keep telling myself repeatedly, as I try to flee from that damn thought, every time it catches up with me.

I think what I feel towards Haru is 100% genuine, I know that.

Friendship, I want him as much as I would love a younger brother, since I never had one, I always thought of Haru as a brother.

I remember in elementary school they teased him because he was somewhat poor, because of some things he did, I protected him from the moment we became friends, and over time, he started following me around, like he was really my little brother.

But... now... is it okay to think of him that way?

I don't know...

I wonder... can't things be as they are when they're good forever?... why do they have to change for the worse, why does everything have to go wrong.

My head starts to hurt every time those kinds of thoughts assault my head, I really wasn't one to think much about things, I never really had to do it all the way.

Studying comes easy to me, my physique, was the only thing I put effort into, and even then I had it easier than the rest of the people, since my genetics, far from perfect, are well above average.

"Hey, Ryu, I already talked to the girls," he said.

He was talking until a few seconds ago, while I was trapped in my wandering thoughts, trying to find an answer.

"So?" I asked, somewhat lost.

"Come on, they're waiting for us," he said.

"Wait, right now?!" I said.

I thought he was referring to going out in a few days, but he really wanted to go out today.

"Yes, any problem?" he asked.

"And your sisters?" I asked.

"Aunt's coming to watch over them today," he said.

I had no choice but to accept.

As we walked to meet the lower-grade girls Haru had planned a group date with, we talked about club stuff until we got to a somewhat complicated topic.

"Hey... Haru..." I said.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Have you been practicing for the match in a month?" I asked.

In a month, we had a super important match, the Intercollegiate finals, we were going to fight for a spot in the national games, plus there was a talent scout watching us.

"Ah, that..."

Wait... wasn't that important to him?

"Wait..." I said abruptly.

I grabbed him by the shoulders as we walked, causing him to step back a few paces. I held him with enough force to make it noticeable.

"Wasn't this important to you? Weren't you talking about it for weeks?" I questioned.

"Huh?"

"Why are you speaking as if it's not important? Why are you acting like you don't care?" I asked.

"Wait, Ryu, you're hurting me," he said as I clenched my teeth and hands tighter.

Wait...

Why did that bother me so much?

I guess I won't accept that Haru says the things he used to like don't matter anymore. Deep down, I still want to be friends with that shy but cheerful guy I befriended.

Is it wrong to want that?

I've never asked myself that question before in my life.

My hands quickly released him as he freed himself.

"What's wrong with you?" he said, sounding a bit annoyed.

"I'm sorry, it just bothered me how you were talking about the game as if you weren't going to take it seriously," I said.

"But... why bother?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" I inquired.

"Ah, are you seriously asking that?"

"If you don't tell me, I won't understand, you know," I replied.

He made a curious face, as if mocking something odd. "You score 50 points per game, get 4 steals, defend up to 10 baskets per game, make passes, free throws... does anyone on the team really need to do anything?" he asked ironically. "To me, you're more of a tireless gorilla than a Dragon of the West, as others say."

He chuckled after saying that.

I chuckled along with him. "I guess you're right, sorry," I said. "But, you can't say that; I rely a lot on the team..."

During the last game, I scored 67 points. But... I still think I rely a lot on the team.

"Of course, of course," Haru said, distancing himself from me.

As we walked, I saw two girls in the distance waving their hands. They were the girls Haru had planned to meet.

"Nice to meet you, my name is Asuna, but you can call me Runa—" said a girl with a somewhat cheerful and flirtatious tone. She wore a sweater around her waist, had some makeup here and there, her nails were painted pink, and she wore a partially covering black face mask. Her hair was intermittently dyed black and gray, styled in a peculiar way with star-shaped contact lenses and ponytails. She was quite extravagant, I would say not entirely trustworthy. Besides...! She had no breasts!

"Is something wrong?" she asked, looking at me a bit strangely from below. She was quite small.

Nervous and thinking she had read my mind, I answered while scratching my head. "Oh, it's nothing." "My name is Ryu, I'm a friend of Haru's," I said.

"We know... there's not a girl in the school who doesn't know your name, you know?" she said.

"Hmm, I see... I guess..." I said, feeling a bit uncomfortable with such an assertion, a bit embarrassed.

"By the way, she is... Poro-chan, you know?!" She spoke in a somewhat annoying manner, saying something weird every time she finished a sentence. I wonder why?

I placed a hypocritical laugh. "I see..." I said.

I don't understand today's youth.

As if I were an old man.

I looked uncomfortably at Haru as he returned my gaze, letting out a laugh.

"Shall we?" he said.

A couple of hours and a bit later...

"The sky shines around me!"

Singing quite off-key and very badly, I found myself being cornered to the maximum extent on this little infernal outing.

Finally, I stopped singing.

"Hey, hey, Ryu, I didn't know you could do something so badly!" said Runa, somewhat excitedly, clapping the table while laughing uncontrollably.

I, feeling uncomfortable and unaccustomed to dealing with this type of girl, could only nod, smiling as I played along.

"Hey, come here, let's take another photo, we can't miss this unique opportunity with Ryu—" she said.

"Right!" said the other girl.

Another one?? I asked, somewhat incredulous at such insistence. There were already about 10 photos they had taken with me. Chie hadn't called, so I guess she still didn't know anything. She probably went home to sleep.

We took yet another photo.

While Runa and Poro, as they called themselves, were discussing something between them, I spoke to Haru.

"Hey..."

"What's up?" he asked.

"Aren't we leaving already? This is uncomfortable; I have Chie, and you have Inue, don't you?" I said.

"You're the only one who—"

I couldn't hear what he said; it was overshadowed by the sound of Poro's voice.

"Hey, Ryu, sing this, it'll be funny, you know?!"

"What did you say, Haru?" I asked again.

"It's nothing," he said, returning to his usual calm tone.

"Well, girls, shall we go?" she asked.

"Ah, did we really come here and aren't going to do anything?" Runa asked.

"Wait..." I said.

What does she mean by that?

A faint memory crossed my mind, a strange rumor I had heard walking in the school once. About... two girls doing dirty things in karaoke with older school members.

Could it be them?

"Yeah, how boring!" said Poro.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Haru hid his eyes from me when I tried to look for them.

"What, so innocent, Ryu," a somewhat mocking tone made me increasingly uncomfortable.

"Wait... did you know this, Haru?" I asked.

"What thing?" asked Runa.

"That these two girls... are... are..." I couldn't finish the word, I wasn't the kind of person who said heavy or rude words lightly.

"What thing?" asked Haru.

He looked at me with his eyes. They marked a kind of spiral, his eyes looked somewhat darkened, like the eyes of someone about to kill another person.

It seems that...

Wait...

"No... it's nothing, shall we go?" I said myself.

"What a disappointment," Poro said, in unison with the other girl with her.

The four of us walked out, through the karaoke hallways.

The girl was bothering me somewhat, leaning her hands on my arm, rubbing her nonexistent chest on my arm.

We arrived right in front of it, looking at a scene that made me instinctively, for some reason I don't know, try to hide, so that those piercing black eyes wouldn't look at me as if they wanted to kill me; surely they would, if they looked at me in this kind of situation.

A Chie, waiting on the street in front of the place.

Sitting on a bus stop bench, next to Inue.

As if she felt my uncomfortable gaze, those black cat eyes looked directly into mine, halfway hiding from me, with the girl struggling not to let go of me.

I greeted her somewhat awkwardly, with a clumsy smile on my face.

She looked at me as if I were a cockroach, with a face of displeasure and anger at the same time.

I separated from the group and ran towards where Chie was, next to Inue.

I arrived, but they still didn't greet me or say a word, staring at their hands resting on their laps the whole time.

"Hey... Chie... I'm sorry, I just—" I started, trailing off from what I was trying to say.

She stood up and began to walk away.

Inue stayed behind.

She tried to say something, but I completely ignored everything around me, looking only at Chie.

"Chie... it's not what you think," I said.

With a tone of voice I rarely used.

A serious tone.

I didn't want her to misinterpret things; they didn't have to escalate in a foolish manner.

After all... if I had rejected Haru's strange offer from the beginning, none of this would have happened.

She started gently hitting my chest, while I put my hand under her chin, raising her gaze to my eyes, staring at her.

She stopped crying, and a blush began to spread across her face.

"Chie... you know I love you, right?" I said.

"Wait. Wait. Why are you saying this now, you idiot!" she said.

Her face began to look confused, and her eyes narrowed as I leaned in.

"I don't want you to misinterpret this situation; the only person I love is Chie, you know that, right?"

I leaned in completely and gave her a soft kiss on the lips in front of everyone.

I thought it was the best way to handle things...

But... I was wrong in an immeasurable way.

That afternoon, I realized that everything happening around me was nothing more than a facade.

I heard crying as I kissed Chie.

I looked back.

Standing there, Inue watched the scene, tears in her eyes, while the sunset sun was right behind her head.

"Wait..." I asked.

"Why are you crying?" I asked aloud.

She began to wipe her tears.

"Wait... why am I crying?... I knew... I knew things were like this," she said, wiping her tears, her voice somewhat hurt and whiny.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Chie began to say.

Chie collapsed on her knees, still apologizing to Inue.

"Wait..."

At that moment, I began to understand everything that I never understood.

No...

It's not that I didn't understand.

It's that I always intentionally ignored it.

I walked towards Inue slowly, almost unbelievably.

I hoped to wake up from this dream quickly.

"Don't come near me!!!" she shouted, tears streaming down her face.

"But..." I said.

"Don't pity me, I don't need it!!!" she said.

"Yes, I'm in love with Ryu... but so what???" she asked angrily.

"Is that why you're going to pity me? Don't mess with me!" she said.

I realized she wasn't talking to me; she was talking to Chie, who was approaching her.

"Don't apologize, I don't need your pity!!!" she said.

She began to wipe her tears, while she still cried.

"I'm tired of carrying your things," she said.

Chie and Inue had the habit of intermittently exchanging things; sometimes it was Chie who carried things for Inue, and vice versa.

She threw the bag at her and started walking away.

Just as she started walking in the opposite direction of us, I heard a bag fall.

I turned my gaze, and there was my bag, which I had forgotten.

Haru had also started to run.

So... this is what interpersonal relationships are like, right?

I arrived home, tired, and threw myself on my bed, not wanting to know anything about the world outside.

The threads and intricacies we had woven throughout our high school life, the memories we had gradually obtained over time, the things we had of each other, all of that.

That same afternoon, I had a conversation with my father.

I arrived home, tired of what had happened.

Chie didn't want to talk.

Obviously, she clarified that it wasn't because she was angry or anything with me.

She said she needed time.

"You look down," my father said, sitting at the table, waiting for some food that my father usually brought home from work.

"Something, I had problems," I said.

"What kind?" he asked.

"With the guys, things are complicated," I replied.

"What's wrong, problems with Chie?" he joked.

"I guess..."

"Hmmm... my serious advice is to let things flow; it's a small dispute, isn't it?"

"I don't know... I think this is something different."

"Love affairs?" he asked.

"Yes, how did you know?" I asked.

"You're 17, there are always those kinds of things at that age."

"Really? Is it true?" I asked.

"Yes, I remember that at that time, I got along with your mother; some guys cried, your mother was very popular in school."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes, she was too beautiful, you know? She had... a fan club and everything."

"Wow, I didn't know that."

"Mm-hmm."

"Thank you, Dad!" I said, cheerful and somewhat cheerful, as I stopped eating to go to my room.

So... this was normal, right?

This kind of thing.

"Surely things will get better...

Or so I thought.

Back at the cemetery.

We arrived just as the sun was setting, somewhat tired from the long journey. Yui followed me in silence, knowing everything that had happened so far.

"Hey... Ryu..." She said as she took the umbrella out of her bag.

Looking down, I saw that it was starting to rain rapidly, the downpour getting stronger and stronger.

"Should we take cover for a while?" I said, covering my head.

She raised the umbrella, standing on tiptoe so I wouldn't get wet. I crouched down so as not to take the umbrella from her.

She smiled at me as we continued walking towards where we were going to take shelter from the rain. It was a small wooden structure with a roof, probably built for the same purpose as we were going to use it for, waiting for the rain to stop.

"Ryu..." she said, sitting side by side as the sound of rain filled the air.

"What's up?" I asked.

I turned to look at her, and she was sitting completely straight, gently tapping her legs, making a facial gesture of 'come, come, don't be shy.'

But...

I just kept staring at her.

"What's wrong?" I said, pretending to be clueless.

"Do you want to rest?" she asked.

"Do I look that bad?" I said.

When was the last time I did something like that?

I think... the last time I did it... was right after Haru's funeral, with Chie.

Right on the bench in front of us.

I wouldn't feel bad about... doing that, right in front of that place.

But...

That image came to my mind.

Chie holding hands with that guy...

I can do it, can't I?

There's... nothing holding me back, right?...

"Have you seen yourself in a mirror?" she said jokingly.

"You're right, I'm tired... I should rest, shouldn't I?"

Yui smiled, somewhat eerie.

A little drool fell from her mouth.

"It won't be long... just a little longer..." she said something I didn't quite catch.

"Is everything okay?" I said.

"Mhm, nothing, nothing," she said as she wiped her mouth.

Just as I was about to lean my head on her lap, a loud noise was heard from outside.

"Boom!"

A thunderbolt struck, illuminating the scene.

A shadow was projected from the door, while my phone rang.

I raised my gaze, a soaked skirt dripping rainwater, just like the rest of her clothes, two pigtails at the level of her arms, that brown hair.

It was Nae, completely and utterly drenched, looking at me with dead eyes.