Lifeline 17

The dressing room after the game was as silent as a grave, and despite the talk Gonda gave about sticking together, and becoming a team through hardships, everybody’s minds all raced towards the same dead end.

They had lost. Plain and simple.

It wasn’t long after the game, that the Hinami Pirates boarded the ferry, and began their trip home. The ride back was even more silent than the atmosphere in the dressing room, and everyone opted to do the bare minimum possible. Even Totori had lost his peppiness.

Looking around, there was only one thought in Reo’s mind.

Was a loss really able to affect everyone to such an extent?

For some reason, it felt like it was the end of the world judging by his teammates’ reaction. And after seeing Shuna like that, he was all but sure.

Naturally, Reo was far from content after losing and he could remember back in the day, how his teammates would throw around the blame when something didn’t go according to plan. But to see a happy bunch like the Hinami players act so gloomy was more than a little baffling.

Seeking refuge away from the prevailing gloom, Reo headed to the ship's canteen and grabbed a canned coffee. He wasn't particularly tired, nor did the coffee have any energizing effect on him. Perhaps he simply wanted to wet his lips with something, hoping to distract himself from the heavy thoughts weighing on everyone's minds.

On his way back from the deck, a familiar tall figure approached, footsteps as loud as ever. With his black hat downturned and a pair of glasses, coach Gonda studied Reo silently, before speaking.

“Can I talk to you?”

Gonda's voice carried no hint of reprimand or intimidation, but Reo braced himself for what he assumed was coming. He’d be called a selfish, self-centered player that doesn’t know when to pass and kept messing up every play, just like his other coaches used to tell him when he played similarly.

Reo exhaled as he nodded, waiting for his newest coach to be added to that list.

“I don’t want to patronize you outside of training hours, but there are a ton of things you could have done better, you know?” Gonda began, as he leaned against the railing of the side deck. “But I know what kind of player you are. I knew from the start.”

There it goes, Reo gulped in anticipation.

“You like to hog the ball, I know. You’re not exactly the essence of team spirit.” Gonda sighed, as he looked away at the growing expanse of the black sea before him.

“But you’re also great with the ball. A brilliant player that’s a menace for the opposition.”

Reo raised a skeptical brow. Was he actually being praised?

“But…” Gonda turned back at him, this time staring the young player in the eye. “Hinami is a team. A unit. It’s not like you need to be 100% cooperative… you just need to find your place among the team.”

“And by that…?” Reo was taken aback by his choice of words. It was the first time a coach didn’t tell him to pass more, or not to hog the ball.

“What I mean is that you need to find the right moments. When to dribble, when to pass. Football is a team sport. And you’re not alone out there.” Gonda lit a cigarette, as he walked towards his player, placing a fatherly hand on his shoulder.

“Maybe you’ll find that relying on others isn’t all that bad.”

With those as his parting words, Gonda made his way back inside the lounge. Probably forgetting about his lit cigarette too.

In the wake of his coach’s speech, Reo stood frozen for a few seconds. It really was the first time the usual words he had expected did not come his way. Of course he was told roughly the same things, but the viewpoint from whence they came was largely different.

Instead of looking at the team… Gonda seemed to be looking at Reo instead. Or maybe he was looking at both at the same time. Something that surprised the young man.

That really was odd.

“Well, now I’m not even thirsty…” Reo sighed as he looked at the can of coffee in his hand.

Guess I’ll take a walk, thought the teenager, who stuffed his hands in his pocket and marched on. Not wanting to go back inside just yet, Reo rounded the deck and walked around with the dark ocean as his backdrop, and the salty breeze tickling his face.

In contrast to this morning, the ferry was way less lively. And judging by his teammates’ faces, it wasn’t only due to it being right around their bedtime. Everyone was positively crestfallen. No Totori to pester him, No Toraichi to make snide remarks, and even more unexpectedly no fights between Hatate and Sekine.

As Reo ascended the steps leading to the upper deck, a lone figure by the edge caught his eye. Short brown hair held down by a white cap, and a silhouette outlined by a tracksuit. It was Shuna, there really was no doubt about it.

As Reo realized that simple fact, her visage during the end of the game came back to him like a bolt of lightning. She was really bothered by that loss. Well, of course she would be.

Maybe, he should say something?

Reo wanted to kick himself for his clear hesitation. It wasn’t like he could apologize. At least as far as he was concerned, his actions didn’t really warrant an apology.

But he still wanted to…

Check up on her, yeah.

Still, just because the coach didn’t chew him out, that didn’t mean the coach assistant wouldn’t either.

Well he just had to grin and bear it, right?

“Great weather we’re having.”

“Really? That’s the first thing you say?”

“Ah…”

Reo was aware of how stupid that sounded, but then again he couldn’t stop himself from using the oldest line in the book. Despite the mediocrity of it, Shuna turned towards him, meaning Reo had succeeded in grabbing her attention.

“Something the matter?” She inquired. Upon a glance, her expression looked the same as usual but if you looked closer, something else seemed to be lingering beneath that cool surface.

“Not exactly, just taking a walk…”

“I see.”

Shuna wasn’t particularly talkative, that much was true, but at that moment she felt even more distant. Not towards Reo specifically, but rather towards the world. She had the look of someone who wanted to think long and hard, over and over.

Maybe she wants to be alone, the teenager realized, but then again, now that he had taken the liberty to pester her there was no going back.

Since arriving in Hinami, Reo had developed a peculiar fixation on her. Try as he might to ignore it, he just couldn't shake away that feeling. He was undoubtedly infatuated with the coach assistant to some extent. Unable not to prod something that he knew he shouldn’t, Reo spoke up again.

“It seems the loss hit everyone hard, huh?”

Shuna froze for a second, but soon released what sounded like a weary breath.

“Not really bothered by it, I see?” she remarked, narrowing her eyes at Reo, who leaned against the railing and gazed ahead at the ferry slicing through the tranquil waves.

"Not sure, to be honest," he replied with a shrug. His response was genuine; he couldn't pinpoint exactly what was bothering him. Was it the atmosphere surrounding him? Regrets about choices he could have made differently in the game? Or simply a feeling of dejection?

“I can see you definitely are, though”

“What? Gonna tell me it’s just a game?”

Shuna’s tone was kind of sharp as she replied, and also rather challenging. Before it escalated further however, she caught herself.

“Sorry. It’s just that I get that a lot. I end up letting football dictate my mood more often than not.”

“It’s okay. It feels like everybody in Hinami pretty much loves the sport to a similar extent.”

“It’s kind of reassuring hearing it from someone new around here.” For the first time since he walked up to her, Shuna gave a small smile. “…I always hated losing when I was young, supporting from the stands. And now that I’m essentially a part of the team, I tend to go in circles, thinking how I could have changed things on tactics and whatnot.” It was a slight surprise for Reo that Shuna suddenly opened up like that. If anything, he was happy about it.

“It’s not your fault you know. Football is a team sport, or so your father said.” Even if he had to borrow the words of another, Reo wanted to make her feel a little better at the least. Although it didn’t quite work.

“I know. But that just means I’m not the ONLY one to blame. When we lose, we lose as a team, and everyone is to blame. That doesn’t mean I or anyone isn’t at fault.”

“That’s… a rather pessimistic way to think about it.”

“It is what it is.” Shuna shrugged. There were a few seconds of silence before the young girl spoke again. This time her tone was different.

“Everybody has a reason for playing in Shinrin, you know. Be it private or known. Here football isn’t just an extracurricular activity to pass the time. And that’s why some faults hurt more than they should…” She seemed to suppress a sigh as her voice filled with a mysteriously strong feeling.

Reo was struck speechless for a few more seconds, before Shuna turned round and gripped the railing tightly. Her face was sharp, and her eyes trained on him without wavering.

“If you’re into football… then what’s yours, I wonder?”

“My… reason?” Like a thief that was caught red-handed, the young man froze.

“I don’t know.” Reo finally sighed.

Was it because of Gonda’s threat, maybe?

For a second he thought of gratifying that as his reason and vaguely replying with something else. But was it really about that? If he really wanted to never touch a ball again, having his past exposed wouldn’t be that giant a hurdle. Sure it may cause more than a few rumors but… At the end of the day it would just be his decision. If it were too much he could just relocate again, or finally come to terms with the fact he’s merely a fallen star never meant for greatness ever again.

But if that were the case, then why? Why was he still playing? Was he hoping for something?

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

“Heh, not even a simple, ‘I just felt like it! Get off my hide dude?’ Nothing?” Shuna said jokingly, as she pushed herself off the railing and took a few steps away, cocking her head to look back.

“That would probably be a lie, so I’d rather not.”

“So you’ve never lied to any of us before?”

“…” Reo stayed silent, before looking back up at her,

“I would like to know myself…” He nodded briefly to himself. “The answer to your question that is.”

“That’d be nice, wouldn’t it?” Shuna turned her back fully now, as she walked away slowly, “Makes it fair for everyone that way…”

As she retreated and Reo stood there watching, the young man swore he caught a glimpse of something different etched across her face. A profound sorrow. There was no way that it was all about tonight’s game, the young man deduced.

It seemed that for him, the puzzle that was Shuna was only getting more and more complex.

❖ ⚽ ❖

“Please do come again!”

Reo’s mother smiled back at her patrons, as they filtered out her brand new establishment. On their way out, a certain individual coming in had to stand by the side before he could enter.

“I’m back…” Reo exhaled, as he looked around the pub that was mostly empty at this hour. After the ferry had docked in the port, everybody went on home quicker than a flock of birds dispersed after a gunshot. Walking back, Reo had prepared himself to help his mother and sister, had the situation demanded it. But it didn’t look like it, though.

While some tables looked recently occupied, the rest of the pub saw only one or two active patrons finishing up the last of their beer.

Judging by the exhaustion on his mother’s face, the opening day seemed to be a success.

“Welcome back, Reo-chan.” His mother smiled behind the counter, and his sister, probably having heard his voice emerged from the back door.

“Hey, Reo.” she waved, and pointed up above their heads “We watched you from here.”

Her brother smiled wryly, not sure how to respond to that. It wasn’t exactly a stellar performance from him.

“Thanks for your support, I guess?”

“It got pretty lively around here, you’d be surprised.” His mother boasted proudly, as she went to pick up a few beer glasses from the patrons that had just left.

“I’ll get them.” Reo announced as he made his way to the table in question and grabbed them himself. “It went well then?”

“Ah…” His mother stopped, and quickly smiled in appreciation. “Yes. It went great. During matches I can tell there will be great patronage.”

“That’s good to hear. But I probably won’t be here to help.”

“Well duh.” Mahono, his sister, scoffed as she wiped the empty bar clean.

“You’ll be up there instead.”

“I’d prefer it if I were alive.”

“Not in heaven idiot, I meant the TV!” She chuckled, causing the family of three to share a smile.

There was no doubt in Reo’s heart that his family was the most precious thing left to him when his potential career ended so abruptly. But despite being aware of that, he still had distanced himself from them during his darkest days. Thankfully, their decision to come to Hinami and work on the pub together served as a decent restart to their family bonding.

There was something though, that Reo hadn’t spoken to his mother about yet. It had been almost two weeks after their first arrival in Hinami and Reo’s first day at school. Despite that, only now did the young man decide to ask the question burning nonstop at the back of his mind.

“Mom…” He started, right after the last of their customers had left. Some of them even patted Reo on the back, and told him to win it for them next time. He just hoped they weren’t getting drunk all through the Sunday night because of him.

“Yes, Reo-chan?” Her son looked at her questioningly, as Hikari washed a few cups beneath the running water tap.

“How come you never told me about Hinami being a football-centered island?” The clanking of cups and dishes halted. Even Mahono seemed to hold her breath, knowing that a conversation like that was more than just a mere chatting matter.

“Oh boy…” Reo’s sister rubbed her temples.

“You did know, right?” Reo asked another question, realizing his mother needed more than just a nudge.

“I did.” She finally replied. But not guiltily. Although in that situation it would have been fairly logical to speak in that manner.

“Then… why?” Reo’s voice was laced with bitterness as he asked.

All this time, he had been trying to act like it didn’t bother him, opting to shut away his bitterness and try to think about things besides football during house hours. But there was only so much he could hide away from. A question within him very clearly needed an answer. Although he was already halfway sure.

“It wasn’t just because this place came free, that’s for sure.” His mother answered, vaguely.

“That’s sure one reason, though.” Mahono found it wise to interject as she propped her chin up on her palms, elbows on the counter.

“I just wanted to see you enjoy yourself again.” His mother replied sincerely, smiling just like a mother should.

“Football wasn’t all about enjoyment for me, and you know that!” Unable to contain himself any longer, Reo slammed his hands on the counter.

“I do.”

“Then what? You thought that thrusting me back onto a football pitch and just hoping things sort themselves out will work like a magic spell?!”

“I know it could never be that simple, but you always looked the happiest when you were playing football.”

“Well, not anymore. That was all in the past, in case you didn’t notice. Everything I aspired to be died on that pitch back at Kyoto!”

“Did YOU aspire to be all that? Was that your wish or somebody else’s?”

Despite her son’s tone clearly changing, hers didn’t in the slightest. His mother’s words clearly caught Reo off guard.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you beforehand.” Hikari sighed, after a few long seconds of silence, “If you don’t want to be here anymore… We’ll pack up and—“

“What, and leave all this behind?” Reo indicated to the pub, the establishment his mother had dreamt of ever since quitting her office job, “That’s no longer an option mom.”

“But it is. If you’re not feeling comfortable—“

“It’s not about that! It’s just… I wish you talked to me about this beforehand…”

Again, silence. Not once had his mother turned to look at him fully as they spoke, instead turning her head only partly.

Deducing that was far enough, Reo unclenched his fists and shook his head.

“…Never mind, I’m beat so I’m gonna take a shower and hit the sack.”

“Hey, make sure there’s still hot water left after you’re done, okay?”

“No promises.”

“Tch.”

His sister playfully clicked her tongue, as Reo ascended the steps up towards their household. Stopping midway up, he addressed his mother one more time.

“Just so you know… I’m not doing this for fun now either.”

Or at least he didn’t think he did. Reo’s head was much more of a mess now than it was before he left for Mizushima in the morning.

And all the people he had met, as well as all the challenges they’ve been putting him through, only aimed to make it messier.

Maybe though, just maybe, he could find a single answer amidst it all. Something to hold onto.

A lifeline in the storm.

A/N:

Junya Asagiri visual: Done! Aki Magowski up next! If you have any other suggestions feel free to let me know . Thanks for reading everyone!