三

29/2/20XX

Symmetry is fascinating.

As I turn left onto the street where my school is, I see Keisuke mirroring me on the other end. It’s easy to see that it’s him because the street is empty and he’s come to a stop directly underneath a streetlight which illuminates his figure with a precision fit for a stage production.

The time is 9:17 am. That’s 32 minutes after we’re supposed to be here but well over an hour before we usually arrive.

Standing at the gate in between us is Mr. Morishima. He’s our gym teacher who only just this year did the sensible thing and shaved his head. Apart from his day job, he has a couple of hobbies. The first is staring at the girls in his class a little too intently. The second is guarding the gates like a dog to make sure no one gets away with missing the first bell. I reckon the two aren’t unrelated.

“Oi! You two!”

Morishima tries to lace his voice with authority but it’s pointless. Keisuke rolls his head back in the direction he came from, suggesting without words that we should make a break for it. I give him a short nod in response.

It’s all happening just like it did yesterday.

“Both of you get your asses over here before I- HEY!”

Keisuke takes off whilst I’m still a bit lost in thought. I’m only compelled to action when I notice Morshima-sensei has started towards me, which gets me running as well.

“Get back here girl!”

“Catch me if you can, fucko!”

I tear up the streets in front of me in an effort to escape Morishima-sensei. Whenever he closes the distance on me, I take a sharp turn down another street, buying myself a couple of precious seconds.

Even so, after a few minutes, he’s managed to close the gap between us considerably. I have to head towards the train crossing again.

“I’ve got you now!” shouts as he rounds the corner behind me and sees the barriers on the crossing lower. I’ve never been more resentful of this country’s punctual tendency than I am right now.

I take the first barrier in one clean jump. Morishima-sensei shouts something at me but I can’t hear him over the blaring horn of the oncoming train. I thought I had plenty of time to spare but the train catches my backpack fully and sends me spinning towards the second barrier.

Everyone around me gasps, the train screeches to a halt. I’m not seriously hurt but I’m lucky to be that way. I hoist myself over the barrier and come face to face with a group of elementary school children and their teacher.

“Are you OK???” the teacher asks with a mixture of anger and worry.

“I’m fine.”

“You need to get those injuries checked out.”

“No, I’ll be fine.”

The barriers aren’t coming up which means I have to move before this becomes a proper scene.

“Don’t ever do what I just did, OK? It’s dangerous,” I explain to the children before running off.

***

“Here,” Keisuke says as he lazily waves a pocari sweat in my face.

Right now I’m lying on my favourite bench, drenched in my own sweat. I feel way more out of it than I did yesterday, a bit shaken up by my near miss with the train.

“Where’s my snack…”

“Wasn’t expecting to see you today, didn’t bring any money.”

“Today too?”

“What?”

“...nevermind.”

Keisuke loves pretending that he didn’t fuck up when he clearly did. I don’t have the energy to force him to admit it right now.

“Can you get me another one of these?” I ask as I power through the pocari he gave me.

“I can try.”

Keisuke walks off towards the vending machine. I hear him kick it a few times and moments later, I’m presented with another drink.

“Thanks.”

I down about half of my second drink before sitting up properly. Keisuke sits down right beside me, leaving a whole half of the bench empty to our left again.

“No,” I say as I kick him off the bench.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“You know exactly what it was for.”

“Bitch,” Keisuke whispers as he pulls himself back onto the bench, making sure to leave some distance between us this time.

“I’m hungry,” I say.

Before if something like this happened twice in a row, we’d go with the plan of whoever lost on the first day but I really don’t feel like it today.

“I want to go see Shinji, we can grab something on the way.”

“I want to get a proper meal.”

“Guess we flip for it then,” Keisuke says surprisingly as he takes out his phone. It’s unlike him to not take what he’s given. Maybe he’s forgotten about our etiquette regarding these things, it has been a while.

“Tails,” I claim.

Keisuke taps the screen and the digital coin flies upward, rotating several times before landing heads up.

“Tch,” I grumble.

“The coin is absolute,” Keisuke replies.

As we get to our feet I wonder if that woman from yesterday is watching us again. I look up to her window but this time it’s an old man at the phone, her husband presumably.

“Look who it is,” I point out to Keisuke.

“What a prick,” he says as he gives the man the middle finger, “c’mon, let’s get going.”

***

“Well, if it isn’t the detectives.”

While we’re passing one of the konbinis, the person we were looking for calls out to us. Leaning against the wall, in between the reach of two of the street lights, Shinji is hiding. A friend to all the friendless, Shinji acts as somewhat of an info broker around this part of town. For the right price, he’ll tell you what he knows and the only currency he accepts is time.

“Morning Shinji,” I reply, “how’s life?”

“Same shit, different day. Just saw a mother of 2 leave with a plastic bag full of instant lotto tickets.”

“Must have been payday,” Keisuke interjects.

“You know anyone who gets paid every day, Detective-san?” Shinji replies to him.

“No, what does that have to do with anything?”

Shinji and I share a knowing look between each other. For someone with such a nickname, Keisuke had the elusive ability to become extremely dense when it suits him. Instead of trying to explain to him the meaning behind Shinji’s words, which no doubt would have upset him, we silently decide to move forward in the conversation.

“So where ya been, Ru? No one’s heard from you in a minute.”

We’re only detectives when we’re in a group. Unlike Keisuke, I don’t get called detective-san, just Ruri. Ru for people I can stand talking to.

“I decided to drop by and catch up with everyone. Safe to assume you’re still a virgin?”

That’ll shut him up. There isn’t a single girl in a 10-kilometer radius that hasn’t rejected an advance from Shinji, it’s a sore spot for him. He knows better than to try that crap with me now, didn’t when we first met though.

“You’re a virgin too,” Keisuke says, his instinct to stand up for the little guy kicking in.

“Yeah, but I don’t have to be. We're not the same.”

Neither of them are willing to see what I’d respond with if they challenged me on that so once again, we sail the conversation to calmer waters.

“Anything interesting going down?” I ask.

“Not much,” Shinji replies, “a lot of people are being forced by their parents to study for exams. It’s always the same this time of year, can’t cause chaos without the numbers for it.”

“What about something minor?”

“Well… there is something.”

Shinji turns his gaze to Keisuke mid-sentence, something he only does when he wants some kind of ‘good deed’ done. He knows better than to ask me, I hate people who try to pawn their problems off on others.

“Suppose you haven’t talked to Goro recently, have you?”

Goro wasn’t a name I was expecting to hear today. He’s an old friend of mine, Maiko and Keisuke’s from kindergarten. He got into skipping school way before me and Keisuke. As a result, he couldn’t go to the same high school as we did, his entrance exam scores not allowing for it.

We didn’t exactly fall out after that but it’s always hard to keep in touch with people you don’t see once a day. That’s why I don’t have many friends, there are more days when I see no one other than the people I hallucinate in my room.

…this isn’t about me.

Anyway, my only link to Goro recently has been through Shinji, who used to tell us bits and pieces about Goro’s goings-on. I’m sure it’s the same the other way around. Shinji might be a weird creepy loser but he does this whole gig because it’s his way of making friends. How successful he is at that remains up for debate but he once told me that he hates seeing people lose friends they already had, since it’s so hard to make them in the first place. Knowing about our situations, I’m sure he feels that keeping us informed is helping in some way.

“No, he in some kind of trouble?” Keisuke asks.

“Yeah, no one has heard from him in a couple weeks, even longer since he’s been seen. Last I heard he had stopped showing up to school entirely.”

“That’s not exactly unusual for him, is it?” I say.

“It’s more the ‘no one has heard from him in a couple weeks’ part that concerns me,” Shinji says.

“Doesn’t sound like any of our business,” I say, “got anything else?”

“Yikes, Ruru, I know you’re cold but I didn’t think you were heartless.”

“It’s not like I’m happy that he’s got problems or whatever, I just don’t want to involve myself in other people’s business.”

“We’ll handle it Shinji,” Keisuke asserts, “don’t worry about it.”

“We will?” I ask.

“We will.”

The look in Keisuke’s eyes is serious. I should’ve expected this, Shinji always knows which buttons to press.

***

I buy myself some snacks in the konbini to keep myself fed and start eating them on the way. Melon bread always hits the spot.

As we’re walking, I remember that Goro and Keisuke used to be neighbours when they were young.

“Does Goro still live in the same place that he used to?”

“Yeah.”

“Then shouldn’t we be taking the train?”

“No, let’s take the bus.”

“No, that’s fucking stupid.”

“Come on Ru, let’s just take the bus.”

“I’m not taking the bus when the train is more convenient and cheaper.”

“We’re not taking the train!”

Keisuke shouts out of nowhere. There’s something really wrong with him today, even more so than yesterday. I decide whatever it is, it’s not worth pushing my luck, I’ll just go along with what he says.

“Fine, but you’re paying for my bus ticket.”

“Yeah, sure. Whatever you want.”

No quip back from him. He really didn’t want to take the train. I get the itch to ask him why but that would defeat the aim of going along with whatever this is.

***

We arrive at Goro’s house over an hour after we otherwise could have because of the train debacle. Keisuke sets up across the street and stares at the door as if he’s going to waste another hour of my time thinking about how to approach this situation so I walk up and knock on the door.

“Ruri, what are you doing???”

“Being direct, you should try it sometime.”

“Do I have to remind you were meant to be in school?”

“And?”

“His parents know my parents!”

“Then go hide or something.”

Before Keisuke can decide if he’s that much of a pussy or not, Goro’s mother opens the door, looking worse for wear but still putting on a smile when she sees us.

“Keisuke, Ruri! What are you two doing here? It’s been so long.”

“We’re skipping school,” I say.

“We’re not!” says Keisuke.

“I didn’t catch that, it’s very noisy out here, why don’t you come inside?” she skillfully dodges the issue whilst inviting us in. Of course, she does not ask me to repeat what I said, instead putting on the kettle to make some tea.

I sit down on a couch that I don’t think was here last time I was, not that I remember that period of my life particularly well.

“So you’re not here to pay me a visit are you?” she says as she brings the tea tray over to us and pours us both a cup.

“I heard from another friend that Goro isn’t doing so well,” Keisuke says while I pretend to sip at my tea. I hate the stuff, hope she doesn’t notice.

“Yes… he’s not been himself for a little while now. He won’t talk to me about it. And his father…”

If I recall correctly, Goro’s father was in the JSDF. I only met him a couple of times but he didn’t strike me as the most sensitive type. By the way that Keisuke just nods at her, I can assume my summation is close to correct.

“Did something bad happen recently?”

“I don’t know, he won’t tell me. You could try asking him yourself, maybe he’ll talk to you.”

It makes sense now, why she doesn’t care that we’re here at midday. She wants us, or Keisuke at least, to try and solve this issue for her. That’s unpleasant.

“If that’s OK with you, we’ll give it a go,” Keisuke says.

***

I’m becoming very irritated.

“Goro? You in there buddy?”

That’s about the millionth time that Keisuke has used that light knock on the door and soft voice combo to try and coax Goro into speaking to him. We’ve been at this for half an hour already. I’m about to reach my limit of human interaction for the day at any moment.

Keisuke goes to knock again, “Goro?”

That ignites my fuse. I stand up from the carpet and try to knock down the door with my fist.

“Goro, open your goddamn door!”

No response from inside.

“OK, we tried, time to pack it in.”

“We can’t leave without talking to him. His mother gave us tea.”

“Don’t feel indebted to every stranger that offers you tea, Keisuke. That’s how you get kidnapped.”

“Sawamura-san isn’t a stranger though.”

“Statistically, most kidnappings, murders and rapes are committed by someone already known to the victim. You can never be too vigilant when it comes to these things.”

“Right.”

“Right. Now let’s go.”

Unfortunately, Keisuke doesn’t follow me when I turn to leave. He’s persistent in all things and that includes inserting himself in other people’s business.

Knocking on the door lightly, Keisuke goes into full on therapist mode, “Goro look… I hadn’t heard from you in a while, and I was getting worried. Just give me some sort of sign that you’re at least alive and then I’ll leave.”

“Bullshit,” Goro says, vocalizing my exact thoughts. Both of us only learned of Goro’s situation today. I’m sure that Keisuke thinks he’s doing something nice by making it seem like he’s being thought about but it sounds so insincere.

“Well I am worried about you, that much is true.”

“Don’t, go home. I’m fine.”

“I’m not going anywhere until I know you’re okay.”

“You just lied to me twice.”

“I wasn’t lying about being worried.”

I decide not to butt into this conversation, it doesn’t seem my place.

“Will you talk to me for just a bit? Give me something so I can tell your mom you’re okay,” Keisuke says.

“...I’ll talk to Ruri, not you.”

“What?” Keisuke and I exclaim simultaneously.

We’re both caught off guard. First of all, Keisuke was always better friends with Goro. In truth, whilst me and Goro got on well, we were only ever friends by proxy of Keisuke. Second, we all know me well enough to know I’m not the right person to talk to someone like this. Not that Keisuke is either but I’m very much the wrong person on top of not being the right one.

“Go wait outside Keisuke. Go somewhere I can see you from my window and stay there,” Goro says.

Reluctantly, Keisuke peels himself off the door and makes his move towards the stairs.

“Remember to be tactful, he’s going through something right now,” Keisuke warns me.

“If he wants tact he shouldn’t talk to me.”

“Ruri! Would it kill you to not stir the pot for once?”

“Fuck off! All I’m saying is I know I’m not the most tactful person, I’m not going to try and make him feel worse.”

Keisuke massages his brow to relieve some of his frustration, “look, just say the right things to him, okay?” he says to me before finally taking his leave.

I slump down beside Goro’s bedroom door with my back against the wall. From inside I can hear him opening his blinds to confirm that Keisuke went outside. When he gets that confirmation, he comes back over towards the wall.

I wait for him to say something but he never does. He doesn’t seem to move from where he settled either, which makes that odd.

After a few seconds, I can’t hold it in anymore.

“So do you really want to talk to me?” I ask.

“Not really.”

“Then why did you say you’d only talk to me?”

“Because I feel like you’ll leave when I ask you to.”

“Do you want me to leave now then?”

“Not really.”

I bang my head lightly back against the wall in place of all the swears I’d like to use right about now. Another silence begins growing between us.

“Look, I can sense you want me to ask you some leading questions or whatever but you should know I’m not good at that. Can we just skip to the bit where you talk about whatever it is you wanna talk about?”

“You haven’t lost your sharp tongue.”

“Why would I have?” I reply.

“People change a lot when you’re not looking.”

Silence again.

“Why are you locked up in your room, Goro? Something bad happen?”

“Nothing in particular. I’ve just given up,” quickly he clarifies, “please don’t go telling my Mom I said something like that. I don’t mean it in the sense that I’m going to kill myself or anything.”

“Then what do you mean by it?”

“Well… one day, I realized that I wasn’t going anywhere.”

“You sound like you’re 14 again.”

“Not like that. It’s not just the realization that I had no direction that bothered me, I think we all agreed to defer that until we got to our 30s at the earliest.”

“What else is it then?”

“Well, I realized, that feeling wasn’t going to go away. Because it’s not that I’m not going anywhere but that there’s nowhere for me to go.”

I try to take in what he’s saying but I’m finding it difficult. Not to understand, I understand what he’s saying all too well, just in formulating a response. These specific types of situations are where Keisuke’s brand of bullshit would come in handy. I’m sure he could cook something up about how it’s all in Goro’s head and that we don’t know what the future holds and blah blah blah. Not me. If I were to say anything right now it’d be ‘I know’.

“What should I do, Kazusa? You were always the one who figured out how to stop caring about stupid things like this.”

“Is that how it looked?”

A final silence.

“I’d like you to leave now. Please tell my Mom we had a good talk, I know she worries a lot about me.”

“You want me to lie to her?”

“Another reason to talk to you and not Keisuke.”

***

On my way out, Goro’s mother asks me about her son. I tell her that he seemed in better spirits after our chat, which is blatantly untrue but it makes her happier. That’s the value of a good lie, it makes life easier for everyone. You should lie to anyone, including yourself, as long as it makes things easier.

Keisuke assaults me as soon as I close the front door behind me.

“How’d it go?” he asks.

“Fine.”

“Is he okay?”

“No, of course not, are you that dense?”

Keisuke takes exception to this, “did you say something to make it worse?”

“Get off my case about that.”

“Well, did you?”

“I don’t know! I tried my best, okay?”

I start walking up the road back to the bus stop. Keisuke has finally taken the hint and falls in step with me without pestering me for more info. If Goro wanted him to know, he would’ve told him himself.

We walk in an awkward silence for a couple hundred meters before a chill runs up my spine.

“So…” Keisuke begins. His hand brushes against mine so I hide mine in my pocket. “I want to talk to you about something.”

“Whatever it is, I don’t.”

“Ruri, this is important,” he says as he puts his hands on my shoulders.

I bat his arms away violently, “isn’t it obvious I don’t want to talk about it, like ever?”

“We have to talk about it at some stage.”

“No, we don’t!”

I turn around on my heel and start marching in the opposite direction towards the train station. Keisuke’s face is an eyesore right now.

“Where are you going?!” he shouts from behind me.

“I’m going home by myself!”

Suddenly, I hear rapid footsteps as if Keisuke has broken into a run. I swing my elbow around me and catch him in the face. He falls to the ground.

“What the fuck are you doing???” I scream.

But Keisuke doesn’t respond to my question, instead grabbing me by the ankles. He looks up at me with what looks to be a broken nose.

“Don’t take the train.”

I shake him off me and step backwards.

“What the hell is wrong with you???”

He scrambles around me on all fours and stands up, blocking the path in the direction of the train station.

“You want to go home by yourself? Fine! Just don’t take the train, I’m begging you.”

His eyes are intense, the blood from his nose dripping into and out of his mouth as he speaks. I’m scared.

I take off running in the direction of the bus stop. Despite looking behind me every couple of seconds, I never saw Keisuke move an inch.

***

Without any backpack to drop home first, I go straight to the rooftop taking the steps two at a time. My heart is still racing. For a moment, I thought that Keisuke was really going to hurt me. I’ve only seen his eyes look like that once before the last couple of days.

I stumble a bit as I reach the edge of the roof but regain my balance quickly. I don’t sit down immediately, peering down from a standing position for once. The extra couple of feet really make a difference, I feel dizzy and it’s hard to focus on anything below.

“Sit down, Ru…” I command of myself.

I forget to take my shoes off before I sit down this time. Seeing them hanging out in midair gives rise to an impulse that I can’t resist. It’s been a while since I’ve heard the sound of falling shoes.

“1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 9… 10…”

Exactly 10 seconds after I fling them off my feet, my shoes land on the concrete below with a loud clack. Not quite like the sound a body would make, maybe if I dropped a watermelon at the same time, to mimic the flesh. It’s oddly comforting to think about.

I lie back, my feet still hanging off the edge and look up at Kage. I imagine where the stars would have been above me back before it scorched the sky. I think of them exploding 1 by 1.

“1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7… 8… 9… 9… 9… 9…”