Escape....The cycle.? (Part-1)

_Before 3 months_

After studying for sometime, I went to bed, but the room was suffocating, a tomb of shadows. I lay sprawled on my bed. My vision into a kaleidoscope of misery.

My fists pounded the thin mattress, a futile attempt to silence the storm raging inside him. A torrent of self-loathing filled my mind, a toxic chorus drowning out all reason.

-Pathetic

A voice hissed, slithering into his thoughts. It wasn't quite human, a raspy whisper that sent shivers down my spine.

-Look at you, all tears and snot. A perfect picture of weakness.

I squeezed my eyes shut, it's happening again. An unearthly voice is calling to me. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. Repeating these words in my mind again and again, but it only grew louder, a serpent coiling around my sanity.

-You think you can achieve anything?

It mocked.

-Straight A's mean nothing here. You're invisible, a speck of dust in a world that doesn't care. Your dreams? Laughable delusions of a nobody.

I jump up from bed, it knows me, it knows what I am feeling. I turn on the lights, my ears still ranging, for something or for someone.

-Everyone sees you, Akira, They see your pain, your loneliness. And they pity you. A broken boy, destined for a life of misery.

-You'll never be good enough

It sneered, echoing in my mind, I hear many voice, unearthly, raspy, whispering, chanting in unknown language. I have to distract myself, but I can't study it's frutile. I can't focus. But I grab a piece of paper and start drawing

-Your art is worthless, your dreams childish fantasies. Give up, Akira. Just give up.

I didn't listen, just tried to foucs in my drawing, but it grew, the whispering got stronger. It's becoming a torture in at self. I am beyond my limit, I stand up and throw a book at my wall, I know it's frutile but it blow off some of my steam, I scream

-SHUT UP, YOU CAN'T STOP ME. YOU ARE JUST A BUNCH OF VOICES

The voices faltered, they hissed and spat, but their power seemed to diminish.

I took a deep, shuddering breath. I didn't know how, but this voice is something else. I knew for sometime it had silence  itself, but I knew it was only for temporary. This voice, I heard it before in my life.

The insistent chirping of the alarm clock pierced my's fitful sleep. I get up and sit at my bed  , wincing at the harsh sound and the dull ache behind my eyes, I look at the clock.
_7:26 pm, 16th December_
I couldn't get much sleep because of past night event, it's hard to believe but it happened again, but what's the meaning behind this. It also happened a few times in the past, but now days it is happening very often, maybe I am losing it. I shouldn't think about this thoughts right now, I have a day ahead of me, Today was another school day, another hurdle to overcome. Standing up, I stretch out, I like and hate school, But now what I am feeling is a suffocating sense of dread and a desperate. And it is changing something fundamental within me, maybe leaving a permanent scar on my soul, after yesterday. I sat down again on the bed, clutching my head, I can't take this any longer, just how long I have stay in this hell, I dragged myself out of bed, the familiar weight of hollow and emptiness settling on my chest. I showered quickly, the hot water a temporary relief against the gnawing emptiness within. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I saw a stranger – hollow eyes, pale skin stretched taut over my cheekbones.

-Huh, Why even I bother doing this?

The question echoed in my head, a constant tormentor, It's catching up to me, isn't it? I mechanically dressed in my school uniform, white shirt, blazers, tie, slacks, and my white socks

Downstairs, the house remained silent. No goodbye breakfast, no encouraging words. Just the cold emptiness that had become my norm. I grabbed a piece of toast and shoved it into my Backpack, my stomach churning with a mix of anxiety and nausea.

The walk to school was a monotonous blur. Reaching the imposing school gates, a wave of dread washed over me. Here, within these walls, a different kind of torment awaited.

Aoi Sato, a vision of sculpted perfection with flowing black hair and a haughty demeanor, was already at her usual spot by the fountain, surrounded by her court of admirers. They were the epitome of popularity, their laughter echoing across the courtyard, a sound that grated against my already frayed nerves.

As I passed, I can feel Aoi's eyes narrowed, a cruel smile playing on her lips. She nudged one of her friends, who snickered. Aoi called out, her voice dripping with saccharine sweetness,

-Well, well, if it isn't the school reject. Did you manage to crawl out of your attic this morning?

Laughter erupted from her posse. I felt my face flush with heat, shame burning in my throat. I mumbled a response, trying to hurry past, but Aoi wasn't done.

-Wait a minute

She said, her voice sharp. One of her friends grabbed Akira's arm, twisting it behind his back.

-Let's see what wonderful treasures you have in your bag today. 

They tore open his backpack, scattering his notebooks and textbooks on the ground. Aoi picked up a crumpled drawing – a detailed sketch of a lone bird perched on a barren branch.

-Oh my god.

Aoi shrieked, holding it up for everyone to see.

-Look at this monstrosity! Just like your pathetic life, Akira.

Her friends chimed in with cruel remarks, their laughter echoing in the courtyard. I felt my vision blur, the world around me a chaotic mess of noise and humiliation. Tears welled up in my eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

Just then, the school bell rang, a jarring note that cut through the laughter. I snatched my belongings and bolted for my class, leaving Aoi and her friends with their cruel amusement.

-The reason I hate school.

I mutter

The bright of the sun, casting a sterile golden glow on everything it touched. I tried to focus on the droning lecture, but my mind kept wandering back to Aoi. There was no denying her beauty. She embodied the very essence of Japanese idol perfection.

Her skin, the colour of freshly fallen snow, glowed with an almost ethereal luminescence. Her eyes, a deep crimson dark, were framed by impossibly long, jet-black lashes that fluttered like butterfly wings with every blink. Her full lips, a delicate shade of pink, were always curved into a picture-perfect smile – a smile that could melt hearts and launch a thousand fan clubs.

But what truly set Aoi Sato apart was her flawless figure. She possessed that coveted "gyaru" look – a slim waist accentuated by a slightly flared skirt that barely brushed the tops of her knees. Her uniform, somehow always crisply ironed and perfectly tailored, hugged her curves in a way that seemed both innocent and provocative at the same time, opposite of my mother, I don't want to go in details, and it's not my fault as she dresses up in those shameful clothes despite being a mother and even Infront of her own child. But Aoi on the other hand accessorized with trendy yet subtle touches – a delicate silver bracelet peeking out from her sleeve, a pair of pearl earrings that shimmered in the light. It was a calculated kind of beauty, a meticulous curation that screamed "effortless perfection."

The problem, however, lay beneath that flawless exterior. Aoi's beauty was a weapon, a carefully honed tool she used to manipulate and belittle those around her. Her smile, though captivating, held a hint of cruelty, like a viper baring its fangs in a deceptively sweet smile. Her words, dripping with honeyed sarcasm, could pierce even the strongest heart.

I clenched my fist, the image of her mocking laughter seared into my memory. I hated how easily she turned everyone against me, well not everyone of our school. But with a practiced flick of her hair and a pout of those perfect lips, she transformed me from an invisible nobody to a pariah, ostracized and ridiculed.

I slammed my notebook shut, the sound buried itself in the teacher lecture, only could be heard between me and the daydreaming student next to me. Why couldn't they see through her meticulously crafted facade? Didn't they see the emptiness in her eyes, the coldness that radiated from her despite her sugary smile?

Her 'true followers' is a bunch of mindless idiots, who will do everything she told them to do, but why do they blindly follow her? what they see in that witch. Maybe it's her father. I heard that her father  is a wealthy political man, or something like that. But I wouldn't let her win. I wouldn't let her beauty blind the rest of us who knew her true nature. I would find a way to expose her, to shatter the illusion she had so meticulously built.

-But how?

But a wave of self-doubt washed over me. Who would believe me? I was just Akira Aikawa, the invisible boy, the school reject. And she was Aoi Sato, the epitome of perfection, the girl with the wealthy, powerful father.

I sighed, a sound heavy with defeat. Maybe, some things were just too beautiful to be questioned. Even if that beauty hid a viper's heart.

The rest of the day was a blur of classes, meaningful and meaningless words bouncing off my brain. Taking notes of important points, formula, questions, mathematics, I sat through lectures, for some moment I forget my present situation.

-The reason I love school.

During lunch break, I huddled in a secluded corner of the library, seeking solace in the silence.

As I ate my meager lunch, a single question echoed relentlessly – Anyway? Anyway to break this cycle. I looked at the other students, laughing and chatting. A sense of alienation, hollowness enveloped me, the feeling of being an outsider trapped in an another world that was the feeling I felt.

-The reason I hate school.

The school day finally ended, and with a heavy heart, I go to the local library to do my little secret part time job. In the evening, I trudged home. The walk felt longer than usual, each step a reminder of my isolation. As I entered my empty house, a wave of loneliness crashed over me. I sank onto the sofa, the silence pressing in on me.

I pulled out the worn copy of Murakami's "Norwegian Wood," which I borrow from the local library, seeking solace in the melancholic beauty of the words. As I read, I thought how to expose Aoi or to do something that can somewhat damage her "innocent" image. But nothing comes to my mind. And the night went as usual, what was I expecting?

_8:15 pm, 17th December_

I can't also sleep tonight, because it happened again, but I followed the same old route to subdue it.

The familiar dread coiled in my stomach as I approached the school gates. The sight of Aoi by the fountain, surrounded by her court, did little to soothe my nerves. I kept my head down, hoping to slink past unnoticed.

Of course, fate wasn't on my side.

-Well, well, if it isn't the cockroach.

Aoi sneered, her voice dripping with mock sweetness. Her friends giggled, their laughter echoing in the courtyard. i felt my face flush, but this time, I forced myself to meet her gaze.

-Leave me alone, Sato-san 

I muttered, my voice barely a whisper.

Aoi's smile widened, a cruel glint in her eyes.

-Not until you tell everyone what a pathetic excuse for a human being you are.

Before I could retort, she lunged forward, knocking my books out of my hands. They scattered on the pavement, loose papers fluttering in the breeze. Aoi swooped down, picking up a drawing of a fantastical cityscape I poured my heart into creating.

-Look at this garbage

She shrieked, holding it up for everyone to see.

-Just like your life, Akira. A complete mess.

Her friends chimed in, their taunts a barrage of vicious insults. I felt tears prick my eyes, but I blinked them back, refusing to give them the satisfaction. I snatched my belongings and bolted, ignoring the cacophony of laughter echoing behind me.

-The reason I hate school

After lunch break, I don't go to my class instead, I told my homeroom teacher that I was feeling ill and go to infirmary, my sanctuary within the bustling school. Laying in one of the bed, I take out the walkman from my school bag and put on the headphones. Good thing that Aoi didn't find out about this when she Scattered around my stuff. Pulling up the sheet of bed I fall asleep listening to "Purple rain" by Prince Rogers Nelson. It was 30-45 minutes later. I felt something on my cheek. I open my eyes to see Ms. Aina-san, the school nurse, a woman with gentle eyes and a calming presence is crushing my cheek, seeing me wake up, she spoke up in her calm voice.

-Sorry, Akira-kun, did I wake you up?

I sit up in my bed, still some what sleepy i said.

-Evening, sensei, No you didn't wake me up.
-Why are tou here? Did something happened  again, Akira-kun.

She says that, a mix of concern and sadness in her voice.

-Life happened again.

I said that laughably to lighten the mood, she goes to a corner in the room and sits on her not too far away from me, she looked down than far a few seconds looked up from her paperwork. Concern etched lines on her forehead as she saw my face, she examines it.

-Akira-kun, if you don't mind can you tell me about it, what happened in these past days?

She asked softly, ushering me onto a cot.

I hesitated, But again she is someone I can trust, slowly I told her the past events of what happened in these few days my voice grows weaker, as I remember the painful events of my lonely life, I chose to not to tell her about my home situation or my parents behaviour, all she know is that I have a rough relation with my parents. Aina-san listened patiently, nodding in understanding. When I finished, she comes closer to me, and sits besides me and took my hand on her comforting hand.

-It sounds like a difficult day

She said.

-Those girls can be quite cruel. But please know that what they say doesn't define you. You are strong, Don't mind your mom, I am sure one day she will recognize your effort and praise you, Akira-kun, and you are talented.

I feel my face hot and burn, I wasn't used to hearing such things, I look away down towards the sheet of bed

We sat in silence for a moment, a comfortable lull settling between us. Ms. Aina-san let go of my hand stand up and spoke, her voice softer than usual.

-You know.

She began.

-Being a school nurse can be quite lonely at times. All day, I see students with their problems, their anxieties. It's nice to have someone to talk to, someone who just wants to listen.

I looked at her, surprised. I hadn't realized she felt lonely too.

Ms. Aina-san went on, her words laced with a hint of melancholy.

-I used to be a therapist before coming here. I loved helping people find happiness in their relationships, but…

She trailed off, a wistful sigh escaping her lips.

-......But what?

I prompted gently.

-Life doesn't always work out the way we plan.

She said with a sad smile

-Sometimes, the love we seek seems just out of reach.

My heart twinged with a strange understanding. I, too, knew what it felt like to yearn for something you couldn't have.

A blush bloomed across Ms. Aina's cheeks, a stark contrast to her normally pale complexion. She quickly looked away, fiddling with a pen on her desk.

-I apologize.

She stammered, her voice barely a whisper.

-This isn't something I should be discussing with a student.

I felt something within me, a surge of warmth, a strange mix of confusion and… something else. I couldn't explain it, but Ms. Aina's words held an effect on me, something alien to me. What does she mean? It meant something? But what? I can't put my finger on it.

In that moment, I put back on headphone, went to sleep, thinking about what Ms. Aina sensei meant and what could I do to turn this life into something else. I fall asleep thinking that, when I woke up Aina sensei is still there focused in her work, I get up, knowing that school hour is up and it is time for club activities, but I know club time is also coming to an end. She didn't wake me. I laugh in my mind, she knew I needed the sleep.

-Thank you, sensei. I feel a lot better now.

I bow down and thank her.

-No need to thank me, Akira-kun, I hope your days goes well.

Smiling, she said that to me. I pick up my backpack and exit the infirmary.

-"The reason I love school" 

I said to myself. But the main show was far away, it was in the evening after I go to my debate club and have a small meeting with the members, taking about our next move after wining a competition between school, it was decided that we continue the club activity as usual because our middle school year was ending, and if everyone stays in the same school, we will aim for the national competition. we bid goodbye and on my way to school entrance, I saw it.

Aoi and her followers had surrendered someone. I put my shoes on, and take an opposite way from them, That's when I saw him.

Haruto Tanaka

He was lying in the ground and he is one of the members of debate club. I didn't talk to him that much, I just talked with him with club related matters. But now he is target by Aoi. I simply walk away, as if I didn't notice what was happening

-AAAAAA

I hear a scream and see that Haruto Tanaka is the one who is screaming, before I can process anything else, he receives a another blow in the stomach by Aoi's friends, I stop. I can't, I can't simply ignore something like this, this is inhuman, but moreover if I run away, I can never face her again.

Am I doing something reckless? Of course, I am. But I don't care. It's time to break the cycle. I walk over to them and doing that I grabbed Haruto's backpack.

-Look, who decided to show up.

Aoi said that with a big smile on her faces, She is really enjoying this. She turns towards me, smiling knowing that I can't do anything. But this is where you are wrong.

-Leave him alone.

-What?

She said, as she was surprised and didn't clearly hear me.

-Leave him alone.

I said it again, loudly so everyone can hear me. Everyone bullying Haruto stops but, hearing this Aoi burst into laughing, as she heard the best joke ever. She continued to laugh then she pushed me

-What are you going to do if I didn't.

-Don't ask for it.

-Huh, so what, what would even happen?

-Don't ask for it.

-Huh, so what.

I look at her, I can tell she is annoyed, but she is enjoying this because she knows I can't do anything. She continued to push me, one after another.

-So, what. Huh. So, what.

-You ask for it.

-What.

She asked me that confused, but I take a deep breath, and letting it out. I step closer to her. I am pause like a statue, ok where goes nothing.

-Now, what, scared li--

Before anyone can knew it, I slap her on the face, the sound of the slap echoed in the entire school. Everything comes to stand still, even her friends are shocked what I have done. Now, is my chance.

I grabbed Haruto's one hand and run out of the school. I look back to see if they are trailing us, no they aren't, but it is a matter of time. I look at him he is also somewhat shocked, and he is running slow as he doesn't want to. Also, he is kinda bulky.

-HEY, CARE TO RUN. WE HAVE TO STEP IT UP. OR ELSE YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.

I let go of his hand, I look back again to see if they trailing us, yep they are trailing us.

-FOLLOW ME.

-BUT MY BAC--

-IT'S WITH ME.

He goes quite. Must be focusing on his run. We go to a bridge. I look down and to my left. I don't see them, that means they are far away from us but for now, and it means if they can't find us they will probably go back. Now is our chance.

-You know how to swim.

-Yes, but I didn't swim in rivers before.

-Yeah, Now you will.

-Wha--

*Splash*

Before he can finish, I jump into the river, it wasn't so deep, and the height from the bridge is something that can be manageable. I land safely, then  I signal him, saying that

-IF YOU DON'T JUMP NOW, THEY ARE GOING TO CATCH YOU, AFTER THAT, THE REST IS  ONLY KNOWN TO GOD.

He looks again to the road where I previously looked to see if they are coming, then to me. Then He just vanishes, did they caught him?

-"What will I--"

*Splash*

Before I can finish my thought he jumps, his head was under water for a few seconds, and it comes up again.

-Now what

He asks me.

-Over there.

I pointed towards to a pillar of the bridge, we swim across to it.

I did something out of character, today. I escaped the cycle. Is it a good thing or bad? Only god knows.