Blackmail

"And what do you wish to discuss now? Are you perhaps here to grovel and beg before me?" Takeda sneered as Rika confronted him in an alleyway.

"No, I'm here to tell you you're banned from our establishment for harming our customers and misusing our utilities. We'll have you arrested the minute you step inside," Rika glared.

"No need, your trash heap will be foreclosed in the morning, and you along with all your precious peons will be tried and locked away."

"Yeah, that's not going to happen."

"Oh, but it will. As for Masaru, it seems you have corrupted his mind, so he will need to go to undergo rehabilitation. No worries, Makihara himself will gladly offer his home as a parole reforming center for Masaru."

"Do you want to die, trash?" Rika growled.

"Hoh hoh? Threatening too? My, that's not a very smart thing to do. Why, you wouldn't want to get tried for threats of violence too, would you?" Takeda sadistically chuckled.

"Grovel, strip, and shave your head in repentance," Rika glared as she cracked her knuckles.

Takeda chuckled and pulled out his phone. "Hello, police? I am being assaulted by a rude boorish peon that seeks to rob me and use my funds for drugs. Yes, I am- NGH!?"

Takeda suddenly found himself unable to speak properly as something faster than his eyes could see slammed into his mouth and sent him flying into the wall. He remained conscious and saw Rika, standing before him with a sharp knife.

His phone was on the ground in pieces, but before he could utter a sound, his clothes were sliced to bits as well as all his hair. He was now completely devoid of hair and clad in nothing but his underwear. "OL UE U! [I'LL SUE YOU!]" he screamed as blood oozed out of his broken jaw.

"No, you won't be suing me or anyone else. You're going to hell," Rika angrily glared.

"What!? Why do I feel fear!? My family is the law in this country. Anything we deem criminal gets punished. So why!? Why is a rube like her able to-" Before Takeda could complete his thought, Rika beheaded him.

...

"Ugh, I haven't pushed myself that far in at least three years," Rika groaned as she began doing stretches.

She had finished deposing of Takeda's corpse and was about to head home for the night, when she heard a voice call out to her. "Why hello my damsel."

Rika turned to see an elegantly dressed masked man leap down before her. It was Dastard the thief.

"You!? I'm not falling for your tricks again. In fact, I think I'll kick your ass for revenge," Rika smirked as she lunged towards Dastard at breakneck speed.

"STOP! I have blackmail!" Dastard pleaded as he held up his phone.

Rika stopped as she noticed the video on Dastard's phone; it was of her killing Takeda and disposing of his remains. She glared and sliced Dastard's hand and phone to bits. "GAH! ...Just kidding! I have it backed up," Dastard laughed as his hand reappeared just fine holding a new phone.

"The hell? I- ugh, that was just a glove filled with ketchup," Rika groaned as she realized what she had had cut to bits was a fake hand filled with chicken bones and ketchup.

"Indeed, it was a fake hand, though the video I have of you is truly backed up. Now, if you don't want the world to know of your assassin roots, you shall listen to my demands! Oh, and dear Masaru will be the first to see the video should you refuse."

Rika went pale and struggled not to cry as she dropped her knife. “What do you want?” she trembled.

"Fear not, I don't have ill-intentions. I simply wish for you to aid me as a partner in crime," Dastard stated.

"Huh!? You want me to be your partner!?" Rika cringed.

"Yes! You can make stealing oh so much easier. Plus, I've always wanted a cute girl to be my side kick. But that pretty boy has already stolen your heart. Oh! If only I had a hot girlfriend! Then we would have happily robbed the world together! Then we'd have had a phantom thief daughter and raised her to surpass us! Why must I wallow in solitude for nearly 50 years!? And that is where YOU come in. Though I shall make you a deal. I shall void the blackmail if you can happily set me up with the girl of my dreams. I am looking for a woman that is capable of stealing from me. Oh, and there must be love between us! I do not want to spend another 50 years aimlessly chasing after love! So Hitokiri cutler, will I make your murder go viral or will you get me love?"

"Fine, love isn't a bad goal. Besides, you seemed to respect that I'm in love with Masaru. As long as you don't make any passes at me and it doesn't greatly disrupt my life, I'll help you."

"Wonderful! Then when we cross paths in catering and theft, we shall be partners!"

...

"Why do you look so down?" Masaru sighed as Rika trudged into Ryokoma.

"Because I screwed up," Rika sighed.

"Well yes. Do you have any idea how on edge I've been ever since you left an hour ago!? All those people, all alone."

"Sorry, I just got mad at that ass for insulting our place and attacking our customers like that, so I tried to go out after him."

"I agree that he stepped out of line by misusing our stove, but I believe he merely sprayed our customers with orange water."

"Wait, you seriously not know what pepper spray is?"

"Takeda explained that it was like squirting a bottle of water at someone, but compact."

"That piece of shit. Well, do you wanna experience firsthand what it's like to get pepper sprayed?"

"I see no reason why it is such a big deal to be sprayed. It is simply orange water, but if you insist. I will put your rabble to rest."

"OK, then let's go outside for this."

...

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Masaru screamed as he withered in pain.

"Yeah, and your thoughts?" Rika glared.

"HORRIBLE! EVIL! MY EYES ARE BURNING! WHY WOULD TAKEDA LIE LIKE THAT!?"

"Because he's an asshole. Sorry for the tough love, but it’s important to be aware of things like this. Don't worry, I'll fix you up."

...

The next morning, Masaru plastered a "no pepper spray allowed" sign on the door.

"Really left a bad impact," Rika smiled.

"You shouldn't be gloating about that," Masaru glared.

"Hey, you're talking to a girl that had to be sprayed with that stuff daily for years."

"Rika? What do you-"

"Well, let's elevate our spirits with a little cook-off. Think you can make a better baked ice cream desert than me?"

"Baked ice cream? I've never attempted it, though I will best you none the less," Masaru smiled.

"Well let's get cooking," Rika smiled back.