How Do You Choose to Live?

From the perspective of Elise, originally Eric

Rushing back to the girls' dorm, I glanced around to make sure Clara and everyone else were absent.

I dove onto the bed, buried my face in the pillow, and kicked my legs frantically.

"Ughhhhh! What am I doinggggg?!"

While muffling my mouth with the pillow, I screamed just loud enough not to be heard in the next room.

Lately, I've been pushing myself too hard in voice training, and if I'm not careful, everyone might overhear.

I got carried away and kissed Akira!

And worse, I initiated it!

It's as if I've accepted a confession of love and acknowledged that I am a woman.

It's as if I'm declaring I want to live as Akira's partner.

But I am a man.

And Akira doesn't know this.

I am deceiving Akira.

Is such a false love ever permissible?

Perhaps it's time to confront myself.

At dusk, I canceled my magical training session with Akira and decided to meet Eric, my former self, under the fir tree where our bodies had swapped that day.

I thought he would reject meeting me, but he came.

"It’s been a while. What’s up? You look serious."

I decided to tell him everything about my relationship with Akira.

"Hmm. It sounds like you're in an interesting relationship. So, what do you want to do?"

He asked me the same type of question Ms. Ryoko did.

It depends on my feelings...?

"That's fine. I've started to enjoy living as a man, so you should just live as a woman. It's a win-win situation. Besides, I got together with Clara yesterday."

"What!?"

I was shocked by his sudden revelation.

"Got together, as in, as in..."

"We became a couple. It wouldn’t be surprising if she got pregnant any time now. Don’t worry, I intend to take responsibility as a man."

I deeply pondered the meaning of his words.

"So, I’ll ask again, what do you want to do? Do you want to live as a woman? Do you want to have an adult relationship with Akira?"

"I would like that, but it would mean deceiving Akira. It's tough..."

Tears started to well up.

"You might as well keep silent and just go for it. Humans can do anything when they're motivated. If you get pregnant and your soul becomes fixed to that body, I can live as a man without any worries."

"But, but..."

He patted my shoulder.

"Be true to your feelings. That’s all I can say."

Eric headed back to the boys' dorm.

"What do I really want..."

I couldn't stop crying.