Half-Off Everything

A swoop left. A curve right. Addie’s hand tensed on the brush. Her world narrowed to the narrow tip; one way, then another. She flicked her brush to the side and added a dot for an i. Another dip of the brush into the pot of paint, and she moved on to the last sentence. All in capital letters. Her shoulder ached.

Finally, Addie sighed and lowered her arm.

She stepped back and squinted at the sign-board where it was tilted against the back of the shop. Previously a sign for their ski-rental service in the rental, it was still shaped like a pair of skis.

Now, in bright red, it stated:

Ready for the Alignment? We sure are!

Half-off Everything! Watch the planets from the Water!

EXPIRES END OF THE MONTH!

Outside, she could hear the chatter of tourists. Addie leaned in and dipped her paintbrush in the water, drying it off.

“Looking good!”

“Agh!” At the comment from her boss, she jumped in surprise, knocking the water forwards. It splashed over the floorboards, covering her knees with water. The red stain of the paint looked almost like blood, glimmering dark.

Addie turned and tried to look composed. “…Thank you,” she said. “Ah- if I can just-” She sidled past him.

Kev didn’t move, even as she tried to get around him to the set of paper towels she knew had to be here somewhere. There was a teetering stack of paddles, next to dusty pamphlets advertising a bigfoot-hunting service from two years ago and an alien-themed rafting experience from last summer.

She pushed aside the stack of photos, a tourist posed next to her wearing a headband with alien antennae bobbing off of it, and lifted up a box to look underneath. Empty.

“Did you move the cleaning supplies?”

“Oh,” said Kev. “I might have? I was in here all last night. Getting ready for our grand re-opening.”

He scratched at his stubble. He was still staring at the sign, unaware of the red water pooling around his sneakers. “I think it might need another few exclamation points. How else will people know it’s exciting? Something that matters?”

Addie lifted another box. This one rattled with a strangely bell-like ringing. She lifted open one of the flaps as she stacked it on top of the oars. A set of themed sodas. “Why do we still have these? They should have expired years ago.”

Addie lifted one out and wrinkled her nose. Bacon-flavored cream soda. No wonder it hadn’t sold. They were a raft guide shop. No one came here to buy drinks. Especially not ones like that.

She shoved it back in the box before Kev could try to foist it on her. The oars wobbled once, but she put a hand out to steady them. As she pulled back, they steadied.

“You never know when something’s going to come back in style,” said Kev. He’d leaned down and picked up her paintbrush, now. Addie tried not to look back too anxiously. It was his shop. If he wanted to get paint all over, he could. “Bacon’s going to be big. Real big. I can feel it.”

Addie pulled open a final box. It was labelled for a refrigerator- where the actual refrigerator had gone, she had no idea, because they didn’t have one in the shop itself- but inside, she finally had what she needed. She sighed in relief. Stacked upon each other, in the hundreds, were beach towels. They were printed with all sorts of garish design. She lifted one out and shook out the dust.

After sneezing, she turned to face Kev. “If you don’t mind, I’m just going to-”

The crash drowned out any response. Addie didn’t have to turn to see what was seeping around her ankles. She knew the smell. It was noxious. Wood-smoke created in a factory, combined with clearly expired cream.

She clenched the towel in her hand tighter and glanced backwards. Sure enough. The refrigerator box, the home of the remaining dry towels. It was damp with soda, dripping with it.

Kev stood up and brushed off his knees. He had placed the brush on top of the sign, where it was dripping red paint. It now had four exclamation marks.

“That should do it!” he said. “This alignment is a big deal, you know. We can’t have anyone thinking we aren’t prepared.”

He glanced back at her. “Ah, you can clean up the shop, can’t you? I’ve got a meeting later, and…”

Addie had already done a full day’s work. She should tell Kev exactly where he could stick his cleaning, and go home to drink a cheap cocktail and fall asleep to infomercials.

If she didn’t clean the shop, no one would.

“Of course,” she said. She tried not to breathe through her nose. “Happy to help.”

“I knew I could count on you.” Kev patted her on the shoulder, hard enough she was shoved a little forward in the soda swirling around her ankles. “You’re the most solid person in this town.”

~*~

Addie woke up to the smell of bacon. That was nice. Normal, even. Then, as she smacked her lips and tried to work out why her shoulders ached and her back felt strained, the smell of cream started to work in.

Then the sickly-smell of soda managed to finish it off, paired with a thumping sound, and she sat up in sudden realization.

She hadn’t made it home last night. She was curled up against the few towels she’d salvaged. Her entire body was half-coated in syrup from the sodas. The entire shop stank of them.

The thumping noise came again. Addie scratched at her hair and squinted towards the novelty bird-themed clock hung up against the back of the shop.

It was six. They didn’t open until nine-thirty.

The knocking repeated, more insistent this time. She groaned, forcing herself up. Everything seemed to have petrified in place overnight, crystallized by the sugar. She brushed what she could off, but all of the dust seemed to cling; the sugar from the syrup was making it stick.

This time, the knock was so insistent it rang the bell hung up against the door. Addie stalked forward and ripped open the door.

“We aren’t open,” she said. “Come back later.”

It was only once she’d finished speaking that she realized the man in front of her wasn’t the typical rafting enthusiast. There were a few of them every year- had all of their own gear, thought they knew more than you did. Wanted a chance to take one of the bigger rafts and guide it all their own, using the discounted rates. Addie’s least favorite customers. They showed up early, didn’t tip, and liked to talk big about all the rapids they’d done. They had their own uniform, usually well-prepared in outdoor gear.

The man in front of her didn’t look like a rafter. He didn’t look like anyone she’d seen before.

His clothing was the first strange thing. It was like he’d stepped out of a bizarre time-warp. He was wearing honest-to-god corduroy bell-bottoms- in a seventies orange- and a fringed vest. He had on a stovepipe hat, which clashed horribly, and a pair of large aviator sunglasses. Underneath the vest was a loudly printed Hawaiian shirt.

He had to be blind or insane. Possibly both.

The second strange thing was how he looked, underneath the clothing. His skin wasn’t any color she’d seen before. It wasn’t just a little greenish, like he was ill.

He was green. As in, leaf-green. Like, grown-off-a-tree green.

How much of that soda had she inhaled?

She stepped back instinctively and tried to close the door on him. His hand reached out to stop it. His face, hat and all, leaned in to enter the shop.

“I apologize,” he said. “Am I intruding? Is this against the customs of your people?”

Seeing him up close didn’t help. He had pointed ears, she realized. They were pierced in multiple places, silver jewelry chiming as it hit itself mid-air. She’d thought he just had strange face-paint on, but now that she saw him, that same silver jewelry was implanted in his cheeks.

“We. Aren’t. Open.” she said. “Scram.”

She leaned forward until he stepped back. He respected personal space, at least, her imagined monster. As soon as he withdrew his foot from the doorway, she slammed it closed.

Her back against the door, she heard his voice one more time- it was strangely musical.

“Is there some way I may speak to you later? I wish to see the river. I have heard it is a must-see.” A brief hesitation. “One of the top destinations of the county, and necessary for any nature enthusiast?”

He was directly quoting from the brochure. Addie let her head fall back against the wood with a thump. That finalized it, then. No one read that ad copy.

He was completely unhinged.