Dreams

I hate being asked what I want to do with my life. I hate being expected to have a goal, only to be told it’s non-realistic and to focus on something else. Something I have zero interest in. A sigh escapes me as I adjust my headphones and begin the long walk back home.

Why can’t I listen to white noise all the time? I swear it’s preferable to most of the junk other people say.

I keep my head down, not wanting to make eye contact with the few stragglers leaving school. But I still find myself attracting attention.

“Hey, Ali! What are you listening to? Did you get your homework done yet?”

It took everything I had not to flinch as a way-too-bony arm was flung across my shoulders, pulling me into an equally way-too-bony chest and side as Pamela Jones, my self-proclaimed soulmate/best friend/annoyance, beamed at me.

“Ali.~” She mock-whispered in a sing-song voice. “I know you can hear me.~ You have the volume set at a five today. Good for you. I’m so glad you finally decided to take my advice about protecting your hearing!”

I rolled my eyes, pushed my headphones until they rested on my neck, and resumed walking. “Hello, Pam. Yes, I took care of my homework, and no. You can’t look at it. And I’m not going to look at yours. So, don’t bother asking. You need to do your homework by yourself.”

And maybe take my advice for a change. You look like you could snap like a twig, and I don’t care if it’s fashionable. I’d rather be called ugly than dead.

Pam playfully rolled her eyes and pouted. “But, Ali. You know it’s more fun to study together!”

“You’re a straight-A student, Pam. You don’t need help studying.”

“Straight As aren’t as fashionable as you think, Ali!”

“Then why do you keep wanting to study together? I thought the cool kids were supposed to bully or pay nerds to do their homework for them.”

Pam opened her mouth but only blinked as I held out my hand palm up. “Ali?”

“You suck at bullying. Pay up.”

It took several seconds of precious silence before Pamela’s face nearly split in half as she grinned. “Oh, Ali. You’re such a kidder! I love it when you tease me like this. Let’s head to my place and make out!”

I elbowed her instantly and moved on, dodging wrappers, cans, and the occasional gum.

Why are people so disgusting?

“Ali, wait! What was that for?” I didn’t answer as Pam caught up to me and grabbed my arm with a wounded look on her face. “You know I was only kidding, don’t you, Ali?”

“I know. But I told you I don’t like those kinds of jokes.” Especially when we’re in public, and I’m at the wrong end of them.

Pam sighed, keeping my arm firmly in her grasp as we crossed the street. We could see the last bus of the day leaving, but neither of us started to run. It was better to walk than be hot and sweaty while a bus driver enjoyed your misery. And I wasn’t in a hurry to go home. Pam let the silence last a few seconds before breaking it.

“Did you have that same dream last night? I mean this in the nicest way, but you look terrible.”

“I feel terrible,” I mumbled, but Pam wasn’t ready to let the matter drop. She grabbed my chin and forced me to look at her.

“And?”

“And I had the dream again, Mother. I’ve even begun thinking I’m going crazy instead of just wishing for it.” I tapped my headphones, itching to put them back on and block out the world.

I don’t need a lecture today. It’s bad enough that people are jerks, but now I barely have enough energy to get out of bed!

Pam sighed, letting go of my chin as we crossed a street. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to nag, but I’m really worried about you.”

“I know.” I couldn’t stop myself from yawning as she continued staring at me.

“Well?”

“Well, what? I told you I’m still having dreams. You’ve always been a natural caregiver, Pam. When are you going to use those powers for good?”

“When the love of my life stops dreaming about other women. That’s a form of cheating, you know? And I won’t have it!”

I rolled my eyes, yawning again as my apartment building came into view. I looked at Pam and raised an eyebrow. “Does this mean you’re not going to follow me home?”

Pam dug her fingers into my arm and glared. “I will follow you to the ends of the Earth!”

“I’m still not helping you with your homework.”

“That’s fine. There are more important things than homework. I want you to try that exercise I showed you the other day, Ali. I really think it’ll help.”

How is drawing things I can barely remember going to help with anything? I turned the white noise down and shrugged. “Maybe after dinner. I’m not going to let you use me as a distraction, Pam. I know your tricks too well.”

She giggled, and I let a small smile form. Pam is too good for me. I knew this. But I didn’t tell her she was cutting off my circulation until after we entered my apartment.

Dinner wasn’t a fancy affair. Someone left two slices of pepperoni pizza in the fridge, and we had a slice of coffee cake with my name written on it. Pam wolfed her portions down with barely a sip of bottled water while I took my time. Maybe I can convince her to help me polish off the ice cream. There’s no way she can say no to that!

Pam frowned as I rubbed my eyes and groaned. “What’s wrong, Ali?”

“Besides the usual teenage drama society has forced us into? I can’t get my mind to focus on anything. Help me make my home a healthier place by eating some ice cream with me!”

“Is that your idea of a date? Because we just had some coffee cake, and”-

“And it’s not humanly possible to say no to ice cream. I’m getting some, and half of it is going into a bowl.”

Pam watches as I head into the kitchen, my pizza forgotten as I try to focus on something that should have brought me a simple pleasure. But Pam couldn’t resist asking. “Where’s the other half going to go?”

“In my stomach.”

“Are you planning on eating it straight from the carton?”

“Yes, ma’am. Yes, I am.”

“What if I finish what’s in my bowl and want more?”

I smirked, pointing a spoon at her as I handed her the bowl with a laugh. “Then I guess you’ll either have to buy some more or suffer the consequences of indirectly kissing me. Because my spoon my spoon goes everywhere once I get started.”

She laughed as I plunged my spoon into the now slightly less frozen treat and resumed my place at the table. Pam’s homework was neatly placed in three piles near her paper plate, but I could tell she didn’t need help. I wonder what she sees in me. We grew up together, but we couldn’t be more different.

Pam hummed to herself as she ate until she looked at me and winked. “What time are your parents getting home?”

“We’re not making out. My dad would kill us, and I’m honestly too tired to do more than cuddle before passing out. And we’re not cuddling until your homework and ice cream are done.” As Pam giggled, I stuffed another spoonful into my mouth to prove my point.

“Does that mean you still need to finish your pizza? You barely touched it.”

“I took five bites before determining it tasted strange. Feel free to finish it off for me as I devour the rest of the ice cream.”

“I thought I was the one with the eating disorder?”

“No, you’re the skinny, brilliant, fashionable one, and I’m the weirdo who likes listening to static. Why are we hanging out again?”

Pam smiled softly as she showed me her empty bowl and took my slice of pizza. “Because I can’t stand to be labeled by anyone besides you, and you love me… Do your parents know about your dreams?”

I shook my head, licking my spoon clean as I tried to avoid her gaze. How can she affect me so much? Was she always like this? “They know I’m having trouble sleeping, but that’s it. I’m trying to avoid being a burden. I still don’t know how you convinced me to tell you in the first place.”

Pam shrugged and took a bite of my pizza. “I sat on you until you caved.”

“That’s abuse.”

“Not when I knew how to sit on you without interfering with your ability to breathe!”