Change comes When it’s Necessary

The rest of the car ride was virtually silence. I could imagine why. I had decided to veer away from our plan to take her father down by joining him, it's a shock. To me, as well. I was convinced that I would never work with him and that what he was doing isn't or wouldn't be something I considered. But something changed. When I touched that seed, it's as if time stopped for a moment. Just a tiny second. On the surface, nothing seemed different, but out of nowhere I was babbling words like I knew what I was going to say. And to that point, her dad knows something that I feel we have no access to.

We drove all through the night, without a single stop. There was hardly any connection in some of the places we were driving through, and still I had no idea where it is we were exactly going. For all we know, he could be taking us somewhere off the map and a place where they kidnap people for real. Well, technically speaking, he already kidnapped us. It must've been hours at this point and Rin had already dozed off on the shoulder of my arm while I kept looking out into the night sky. Upon the millions of stars that we passed, I wonder how many of them were actually attainable to reach, if any at all. And were any of those stars the ones that guided me here, to this point? Maybe they laughed at me because they knew all along it would end like this; falling right into the hands of the man who had the power to change the world. What was I even thinking?

"What made you change your mind? Did you see it?" He asked me quite randomly, with a small grin forming around his lips. I guess I didn't peg him the type to be sentimental. Who cares if I did or not? I don't even know. See what?

"I don't know. Something tells me that you know something that I don't."

"And that's reason enough for you to stick around?" He inquired. "She'll never believe me," pointing at Rin, "but I do care for her. I can at least say that you being around for her is a good thing."

"It's a good enough reason for now. We both serve each other's conveniences. Let's keep it that way." 

He laughed.

What's with a response like that? 'I'm good for her?' I know that. Or at least I want to feel that way. The warmth of her hand on mine and the tenderness of her head laying on my shoulder made me want to protect her even more. I can't say I know what's changed within me, but maybe it was something that I desperately needed.

***

I must've been sleep for the rest of the ride because when I woke up, it was already daylight and I saw Rin looking through a window next to me.

"Where are we?"

"Aomori. Apparently, we're only staying here for the day until he can get his boat situation figured out then we'll be off to Erimo. It's the area where I grew up."

Maybe she's not mad? Or well, what's to be mad of? It's only a slight redirection from where we were going. "Hey. Come here." I motioned with my hand. Her touch felt really nice yesterday, it's something I hadn't realized. 

She looked at me puzzled. "What's gotten in to you? And there's definitely some things we need to talk about. I heard you last night. You and my father. I-" She paused, laying back next to me with her head on my chest. "Do you regret it?"

"Regret what?" I asked. I have a feeling I know what she's referring to.

"Coming here. To Japan, when you did. After all this time, I feel that I still don't know you. Where'd you grow up? How many siblings do you have? Is your family nice, do you love them, and they love you? Where do-never mind. That was a lot of questions."

"I'd love to answer them. I don't think I had a choice. I can't say what's gotten into me. What's making me feel this way, but it's changing me. I feel we were destined to meet when we did, in the manner that it happened. I don't think it couldn't have happened any other way." I stroked gently her long black hair that I loved. "It was worth it. Crazy, unpredictable, upsetting, frustrating and enough to make someone go mad, but I met you. Found some yuzus-"

"Not the one you are looking for, though." She smiled, grabbing on to my neck as she rolled on top of me. Woah, woah. "I trust you. There's a reason you accepted his offer. Isn't there? What's gotten into you Shin Suigokyu? You've never failed to keep surprising me." She whispered, kissing me on the lips as she leaned down.

"I wish I could tell you. My family was normal. I have a brother. Well, I guess in the realm of what normality is. Ever since I was young, they prioritized knowledge. "Knowledge is freedom" is what my mom used to tell me as a kid. They pushed me and pushed me to seek said knowledge and it didn't really leave me with much of a childhood. That I regret." I hadn't thought about it in a while, honestly. Ever since yesterday, I can't not say how I feel. It’s as if I am on autopilot and I respond unconsciously. "When I finally became a professor last year, they were so proud of me, but I wasn't proud of me. I always had a deep love of fruit and science; it was my escape. I had few friends, but they were good ones. We're still close to this day, but maybe it's been me who's been distant and pushed them away. It was around that time of my beginning tenure that I started to plan my first solo trip. Can you believe it? I did 7 excursions in a single year. But yet, something is still missing."

Still on top of me, she laughed softly. I don't think I said anything funny. "You know, earlier when you met my dad the very first time, it struck me how alike the two of you were."

"I don't think I'm th-"

"Let me explain. You both had this desire to search, fulfill what it is you were searching for and wouldn't let anything stop you. It's what I admire most about him and it's what made me fall in love with you. After all this time, it's only grown stronger. You're different. Not like him. But the man I'm looking at right now is the Shin I love."

"And the other Shin?"

"Indecisive, soft spoken and afraid to say what he feels. There's definitely something he knows that we don't, and I wouldn't be surprised if all of what we've done to undermine him and spy on him up until this point was a mistake to bring us closer to him. And each other."

I didn't know she knew me so well. For the first time in my life, I was blown away. I couldn't respond. Ridge was a good friend, but it was different. My parents, brother, my friends. It was different. "Love is a funny feeling, you know?" I laughed to myself. Looking up at her, sporting that smile that I lived to see. Her hazel eyes, small hairs that barely crossed her forehead, small face that held the world in them. I really don't know what I'm saying. 

"What would you know about it?" she asked, jokingly. Even though I know she was waiting for a response. And this time I would give it to her.

"It's a feeling I've come to know, one that I tried to deny for a long time. A feeling you taught me and if it wasn't for the Yuzu tree, who knows where we'd be. We've been on an adventure, a long one that I feel is just beginning. Some things I regret, some I wish I could re live them again, just to see what it means to be alive. I'm finding something in myself I thought was long buried and you helped me pull it out. Simply put, I think I've fallen in love with a girl named Rin Osaka."

She kissed me deeper than she had before, slowly taking her purple shirt off and throwing it to the side of the bed. She had a small tattoo in the middle of her stomach, a small plant that looked like it resembled a Yuzu. I saw a tear in her eye and decided that it would be better I ask her another day.

Love definitely is a funny feeling.

***