Repressed Feelings

“Haaah… we’re finally back.” I said as I laid down on the bed.

“Yeah, I’ll get to fixing the living room and bathroom so, just stay there for now. I’ll call you out when I’m done.” Lumi spoke then she closed the door leaving me alone in the bedroom.

We walked the entire way back to the apartment because the tricycle station was empty. We also encountered some policemen and they questioned us about what happened. Luckily nothing happened that could’ve led us to being arrested.

After all that I’m tired. “Lumi can surely do anything huh…” I muttered to myself.

She said she can fix the living room and bathroom by herself, not that I doubt her but unless you’re a carpenter and you have the proper tools, it’s normally impossible to do in a short amount of time.

Does the A/C still work? I thought as I grabbed the remote for the air conditioner in the night stand right next to me and point it at the A/C on the wall as I press the power button in the middle of the remote.

In the next moment, the air conditioner came to life as I immediately felt the cold air that it blew.

This feels nice…, I think I’m going to go for a little nap. I didn’t sleep as well last night because I passed out, so I just want to have these few hours sleeping…Zzz.

***

“Wake up.” Someone called out to me.

“huuh… just a… little more.” I mutter.

“Wake up.” Someone had called out to me again…

“Wake up!” someone said as I felt the cold breeze seep into my body.

I slowly open my eyes as I see Lumi pouting.

“Good morning.” I said.

“You took forever to wake up.” She replied.

“Yeah, sorry… I was tired.” I added.

“Then… that’s fine, I guess.”

“Is the living room and bathroom fixed already?” I asked as I sat up straight while scratching my eyes.

“Yes, right now they should be the same as before they were destroyed.” She responded.

“You really can do anything huh…” I commented.

“Not anything, I just can do what I can do.”

“I see, then I’m going to the toilet.”

“Okay.”

I sat up straight and walked over to the door then I left the room. It’s like that attack never happened. I thought as I stepped into the narrow corridor.

Earlier when we got back this place was a mess with just the bedroom left untouched, but now it feels complete again. I stared at the wall for a few seconds and then I entered the bathroom.

After doing my usual wake-up routine, I exited the bathroom and went to the living room to see its condition. Wall, check, floor, check, ceiling, check, furniture, check, everything’s normal….

As I was inspecting the living room, I heard the door open, so I turned around only to see Lumi enter the room. “What did you do to fix it?” I asked.

“Nothing much... I just used some time reversal stones.” She replied.

“I see… a time reversal stones huh.” I thoughtlessly commented. “Wait, you had something like that!” I shouted in doubt.

“Yeah, it’s pretty useful for situations like these.” She responded.

“Why would you use something so valuable just to fix the apartment? We could’ve used it in battle!”

“We can’t really use it in a fight, it only works on certain materials like this wall here so, they aren’t as useful as you think they are.”

“Ah, sorry, I didn’t mean to shout like that.”

I’m an idiot, I shouted at her like that before I even let her explain. Why am I such an idiot in times like these?

“No worries, that’s just how I expected you to react when you heard the name.”

“Where did you even get those?”

“Somewhere in South Africa but that’s not really important right now.”

“I see, well we should probably sit down and talk about our plans on how to deal with Sameal.” I said as I sat down on the couch.

“Yeah, we should.” She replied as she sat down on the couch opposite to me. “So, where should we begin?” She asked.

We should probably start with that one first, it’s a matter of life and death to me.

“I used my ability last night.” I spoke.
“Really!?” She shouted in surprise.

“Yeah, though it was only for a few seconds.”

“I see, so how was it?”

“It felt exhilarating, just for a moment I could feel that everything was connected.”

“That’s just how it is for a first-time full activation of your ability…, I’m sorry I can’t help you much in this matter.” She said with a troubled look on her face.

“Why?”

“Remember, my connection to the 2nd dimension is artificial, so how I use my own abilities work slightly different than yours but are similar in some aspects.”

“Well… don’t worry about it then, at least you’re still helping me.”

“Yeah thanks.”

“I should be the one thanking you since you’re the one that’s helping me and all.”

“Then, I’ll accept your thanks then.”

“Anyways, could you help me figure out my abilities?”

“Sure…, could you explain how you activated it? It’s the first step to figuring it out.”

“Hmm…” I recalled that moment last night.

That feeling… the way that I felt every single nerve in my body, that moment when everything felt connected. “I think… I imagined something.” I said as I tried grasping something nonexistent in my right hand.

“Imagined… what?” She asked.

“I think I remember what you taught me about the 2nd dimension or rather… The Garden, you said something about a string or a thread connecting me to my soul.” I explained.

I remember it now, my thoughts back then.

“Yeah, I did…” She responded but then a moment later she suddenly stood up and then sat back down, “I think I know now what ticks your ability from what you’ve just explained to me. You need a trigger, right?” She said as she lightly smiled.

“That’s it.” I agreed.

“I was imagining pulling that single piece of thread among others… That’s what made it activate even if it was just a few seconds.” I continued.

“That’s fast, you’ve already figured it out.” She spoke as she clapped her hands twice.

“But that wasn’t enough. While I was fighting with Sameal I tried to activate it again but it didn’t work. So, there’s probably a second condition to it.” I said.

“It’s probably a matter of will. While my connection may be artificial, I think now that your natural and my artificial connection are nearly the same. If understand what you’re saying correctly, then the first condition that you need is already fulfilled by the device inside me, so I only need to fulfill the second condition which is to will it.”

“Will… so you mean I have to believe in it?”

“Yeah, it’s probably just a matter of your mental state, whether you want it to happen.”

So, that’s it… I hoped that it wasn’t true, I’ve already figured it out since I remembered it, I really hoped that it wasn’t the case. I thought as I clenched my right fist and leaned back on the couch.

“Why are you making that troubled face again?” She asked.

“…” I sighed. “I don’t know…” I muttered.

In the end, it’s me that stands in my way. Just like it always has been. It’s always been me.

“You can’t huh… then here.” She said as she materialized the knife I was using last night and put it down on the coffee table. “If you can’t forcefully, will it yourself, then keep using this to fight.” She continued. “I had a suspicion, something happened in your past didn’t it?” She struck right where it hurts.

How does she know?

“You’re probably thinking “How does she know?” right? Well, you aren’t exactly making an effort to hide it.” She explained as I turned my gaze away from her. “I won’t pry, I’ll wait for you if you want to let all your feelings out on the table.”

Tears streamed down my face for the second time today…

I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot, I’m an idiot.

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I repeatedly apologize.

I don’t know why the conversation suddenly went this way. We were supposed to be discussing our plans to deal with the killer and Sameal but here I am crying my heart out. It hurts, it hurts all too much.

Lumi stood up and walked towards me.

“Here, here, stop crying.” She gently said as she patted my head.

This feels warm… different from before when Rose hugged me for the first time.

I wonder… Why do I keep letting out my own feelings when I’m supposed to hide them.

Why am I such a selfish person? I hate myself more than anything in the world and yet I didn’t put enough effort into hiding it.

I’m such a crybaby huh…