The Desire To Be Forgotten

After letting my tears out, I eventually calmed down. “Sorry, I derailed our conversation.” I apologize whole-heartedly. “I don’t mind…” She replied as she calmly sipped her tea.

“Uhh… anyways, that’s it about my abilities. Now how do we deal with them?” I asked.

“We’ll deal with them when they show up, so for now you can just practice your abilities, you need that extra firepower after all, soon that knife won’t be enough.” She responded.

“Yeah… but where will I get the blood for that?”

“You have me, remember? So, feel free to ask me for blood any time you need it.”

“You’re right…, then can I have some now? I want to try.”

“It’s fine and all, but how are you going to get past that second condition?”

“Urk…” I uttered as I completely forgot about it.

What can I do about it in the first place? After that happened, my mental health has been a wreck since then. I don’t know if I can consider it unhealthy because I’m too self-aware of it. I feel like if I just boldly declare that my mental state is like that, I get the feeling that they’ll deny it and say it’s fake. That’s what I’ve been scared of this whole time. That’s why I’ve been trying to hide it and say everything is fine, because if not that will just happen all over again.

I don’t want that. This aching feeling in my heart is enough. I’ve been searching this up on the internet for a while now… but I think I remember that gaining self-confidence is one of the answers I got.

Self-confidence… I think I know a way but I’m afraid. I’m afraid that the confidence will go into my head and I’ll start acting like that again.

But I need this self-confidence otherwise more people are just going to die like last night. Then there’s only one option. “Hey, Lumi, can I ask you a favor?” I asked.

“Sure, anything you need.” She replied with a bright smile on her face.

***

This is an aching feeling in my heart… I wanted to deny it. I didn’t want to face the consequences. I wanted it to be gone but now I’ll accept it temporarily.

Because I need to accept it in order for me to get stronger. I feel guilty towards everyone I’ve caused trouble for and I still do now.

I don’t think It’ll ever go away because that chance is already gone. I don't have a reason to help Lumi, but because one of the people who I’ve interacted with is involved with it, then I don’t need a reason.

My selfishness isn’t a reason. So, when I fight, all I need is to forget everything. That’s all. That’s all I need. My feelings don’t matter.

“Are you ready?” Lumi asked.

“Yeah, let’s go.” I said as we both walked out of the apartment and exited the building.

With Lumi’s help I was able to get confidence only when fighting, so that it doesn’t affect my personal feelings. It is now 8 PM in the evening. I’m still wearing the same clothes as earlier because I didn’t have enough time to shower and change.

Lumi wore her white dress as usual because apparently that’s the clothes she wears when she’s out to fight. “Do you think Sameal will show up tonight?” I asked as we were walking down the street.

“Probably, if not then we can just lure him out.” She replied.

“I see…” I muttered. “Can I request something from you?” I asked.

“What is it?” She responded as she turned her gaze on me.

“If he shows up today, I want to fight him by myself, one on one.” I explained.

“Why?” She uttered, surprised at my request.

“I lost last night so, that’s why I want to make up for it, I want to make up for it with my own strength.” I said as I clenched my right fist.

Lumi stayed quiet for a few moments and then. “Okay, I understand. I know you have your own reasons for it, so I’ll trust you.” She voiced as she turned her gaze away from mine and looked forward.

“Thank you.” I’m only a human, that’s why it’s impossible to avoid this feeling of frustration when I’ve lost that battle. I know I’m being selfish here and people’s lives are on the line but I’ll exempt that selfishness for today.

“But, if the situation gets dicey, I’ll support you, okay? Don’t forget that.” She added.

“I understand.” I replied. Just for today, I want to stop reflecting on my past. I’m not a hero, I’m not someone who saves people, right now as I help Lumi. I’m just selfish human with no reason to do this.

As we were walking on these dark streets, we both heard an explosion go off somewhere. “Where is it?” I quickly asked.

“It sounded like it came from the south.” She replied.

“Let’s hurry, it’s probably them.” I added.

“Yeah.” She responded as she walked behind me and suddenly embraced me.

“What are you doing!?” I exclaimed.

“If we just run there normally, we won’t make it in time and too much blood will be shed by then. So, this time, we’re jumping there.” She explained.

“What do you mean by"jumping there”?”

“Let me rephrase that, I’ll jump us both there while I carry you. Now let’s go!” She said as she lifted both my and her feet off the ground jumping at a height that shouldn’t be possible for humans.

“Ahhhhhh!” I screamed as I felt the wind blow against my face.

“Clench your teeth!” She shouted as we ascended and descended over and over again using rooftops of houses and buildings, just like a kangaroo. How many meters were we going up in the air? I don’t know. It’s just that we’re going as high as at least a four-story building.

I’ve already experienced this feeling before when I jumped down from the apartment to the ground but experiencing it continuously is a different thing from just experiencing it once and only a few seconds.

As we were jumping, I saw it, the site of the explosion.

That’s the mall! The same mall I’ve always grocery shopped in, the same mall that I went into the day before my body turned into a girl.

As I get used to the adrenaline rushing all over my body.

Lumi stopped jumping at the three-story building next to it and let go of me a couple seconds after we landed.

As I tried to open my mouth and speak, I vomited the contents of my stomach and fell from nausea. “You… don’t just suddenly jump, you could’ve given me a few seconds to get ready.” I said as the nausea slowly stopped then I sat up straight with my hand on my bag.

Lumi walked over to me and reached her hand to me. I grabbed onto her hand as she pulled me up. After waiting a few seconds for the nausea to completely disappear, I walked over near the edge of the rooftop to see the state of the mall.

“Half of it’s been blown away.” I muttered as I saw people fleeing from the wolves along with the debris and corpses buried underneath them all too clearly.

And in the middle of that debris and death was him…

“Yeah, at this rate the police, media and everyone is going to find out about Sameal’s existence. It’s not really necessary to keep him a secret but It’ll be really troublesome if they suddenly find out things like Sameal exist. It’s going to turn the world on its head.” She said with a seriousness as she watched the chaos unfold.

“Then, let’s make haste.” I added as I took the crystal knife out from my bag.

“Wait, before you go.” She spoke as she walked over to me.

“What is---mmgh?” I responded but before I could even finish my sentence, she suddenly pushed her lips against mine.

My mind had stopped working in those few seconds before she finally stepped back and parted our lips. “Why did you just suddenly do that?” I exclaimed while feeling my own lips with my right hand.

“You’re going to face him alone, right? I just transferred some nanomachines to you. They aren’t going to last as long as the one I had transferred to you yesterday because I needed to keep you from blacking out.”

“That’s how you transferred it to me!?” I shouted in surprise.

“I estimate the overall chance of survival. Before we begin, I give it 1% odds that you or the civilians that are still living down there are going to survive this ordeal, even with all your abilities.” She explained. “But, if you’re still insistent on facing him alone, then you have an hour to wrap it up before that chance drops down to zero.”

“1 percent… isn’t that too low? Well, time to test my luck then, I’m going to go now, okay?” I continued.

“Yes, see you later then. I’m going to go and set up another seal so, don’t worry about the innocent people, just focus on fighting.” She added.

“Got it, then later.” I said as I jumped off the building.

Having gotten used to wind blowing in my face thanks to earlier, I landed on the rooftop of the remaining half of the mall building while the spot where I landed cracked slightly due to the nanomachines that had been transferred to me.

“…” I sighed, as I looked around at my surroundings.

The glass has been completely cracked… I thought as I looked over to my right before facing forwards and sprinted towards the edge then jumped.

Forget about my personal feelings, forget about my stupid past, forget about the reason why I’m doing this, they don’t matter in this fight. I thought as I readied my knife.

Right there, that’s where I’ll strike, before he notices me, I’ll kill! I thought I held my knife with it pointing downwards, emanating my bloodlust.

I was falling, descending downwards, right below me is Sameal, that same beastman from yesterday. I can do it!

As my knife was finally about to reach his head, he suddenly disappeared and I was knocked back a few meters.

“Retch…!” I uttered as I felt the impact of the ground over and over before finally stopping. Noticing that it didn’t hurt too much, I stood up.

“You are…” Sameal muttered as he just stood there.

“That’s right, I’m here to finish some unfinished business, that’s why please die for me.” I said as I readied my knife then dashed right at him. As he entered my range, I immediately jumped as I thrusted my knife at him.

The beastman parries my thrust and uses his other claw to knock me back again. “Bleurgh...!” I uttered as I was flying through the air, before I got pushed back too far, I stabbed my knife into the ground and landed on my feet.

I can’t win against him with just that alone, I have to use it now. I thought as I took out a vial of blood from my body bag. Then I took off the body bag and left it on the ground. I opened the vial.

“…” I sighed. “Forget.” I quietly muttered then the blood from inside the vial flowed out of it and wrapped my knife tightly as the blade extended.

If I tried to do this earlier then it wouldn’t have been possible but now if I simply just think of my ability as a tool separate from the person named Eden, I can bypass the second condition.

What I’m holding now isn’t just a knife anymore… With the help of my ability, I have extended the blade further to make it into a pseudo-sword.

I wasn’t really all too good with knives in the first place. I prefer swords much more because they make me feel at ease somehow.

“Hooh… so, it was true. Then, if you wish to kill me, then come!” He shouted aloud as he spread his claws.

“With pleasure.” I responded as my expression changed to a crazed smile and used every single piece of strength to dash towards him as fast as I could run with my pseudo-sword in hand.

***

Back at the building rooftop next to the half-destroyed mall.

“So, her battle finally started.” I thought as I watched Eden exchange blows against that beastman Sameal. “Haaahmm” I uttered as I stretched my arms upwards while my expression curved into a light smile. Time to get to work!

“Tertiary Armament, Equipment #2, System Access: Materialize Items #95 #96 #97 #98 #99 from Spatial Storage #1” I muttered one command after another repeatedly. In the next moment, my bow, quiver, and spears all materialize at the same time.

First, I need to set up the seal, it’s been around five to ten minutes since that explosion meaning the police or the military could arrive any time now. To prevent any trace of The Garden… from being revealed, I need to turn them away along with the other civilians but it’s going to be difficult since we’re right next to the main road.

So, I don’t have any choice, I need to apply a hypnosis effect to the seal. I thought as I picked up all five spears and brought them to my bow. I aimed the bow upwards to the sky and pulled the string. I don’t have the luxury to shoot out the spears one by one so, I just need to shoot all of them at once and hope that it’ll at least seal the mall. “System Access: Transfer following commands from self to right.” I breathed in as much air as I could.

“Wide-area seal activate from objects A, B, C, D in 3 minutes.” As I finished uttering the command, a headache had struck.

Ugh… I need to focus, to do that I need to endure this. There’s one more command I need to voice so, that the chances of this increases. “System Access: Transfer following commands from self to right. Projectile targets set. Material Concrete. Material Dirt. Material Wood.” I muttered as the intensity of my headache increased.

“…” I sighed as I released my hand from the string and shoot out all five spears. “Hopefully it works.” I commented as I turned my gaze on the situation below.

Eden is still fighting Sameal meanwhile those beasts are on the loose, luckily, they’re still inside the mall. I thought as I took out an arrow from my quiver and placed it on my bow. As I aimed the arrow at a horde of beasts and pulled it back using the string, I uttered a command. “Intensify object effect by 10x.” and then I released the arrow from the bow. In the next moment, an explosion occurred at a horde where I aimed.

It’s weird, none of the beasts are going near the crater where they’re fighting. Are they beasts who listen to commands or…? I thought as I aimed another arrow at a different horde.