Notebook of Forgiveness

faint iron smell getting with my breathe, the pool of blood on field, whenever I take a step spash noise fills the silence. I walked over to my mother, she wasn't moving, looked over shikome whose face is filled with her vomit and blood all over and countless dead bodies, Everything was red visible from the field's stadium like lights even in dark. I am scared yet I feel like I got used to it. 

"W-what do you mean...you were stuck like this before...and does that means out of 23678th loops there were none of the time you were able to win...and if you win this loop will end?" I made a statement.

She nods emotionless. Looks like she calms down and smiles.

"But this time, I will win, but I have to kill you and that person behind you before, who is standing behind you." She pointed.

I turned over to see my dad behind me smiling and from nowhere.

[CLAP, CLAP, CLAP] "Stop- Wait what do you mean by 23678th loop." The sensei looks serious with her sharp gaze on Asahi.

The two fake gods were standing in the field with us. They probably wanted to see us up close and overheard us.

"Yes from all these experiences, This is the second time of my loop where the serial killer guy wanted to end the game faster than that two months." Asahi replies.

"Can you be in more detal." The man in suit, the serial killer asks. My dad doesn't seem like he actually want to harm anyone of us, he did kill but for his own survival and my mother also died, I am just tired, I just want to entrust everything on Asami and dad at this point.

"So like I experienced something like for the twice in my 23678th loop and I was close to winning but I couldn't save Ryuuta, he was killed by Shikome, But Ryuuta's dad thought I was the one who killed his son, I was just standing close by, beside the person I love and I was killed instantly by him. So saving ryuuta saved me."

"My...d-dad saved me?...." I mumbled to myself.

"So you being the god and reason for loop is all true? It's like when I was playing rock paper scissors you won both rounds and make no hesitation at all I did think something was odd about you but the fact you were one of us all along." The women getting the fact.
She places her hand on her face and chuckles and continues...

"So you are telling me we did this over and over again, forgetting our memories, and you were the only one to remember the past, like what the fuck is your brain made of and everything we did was just for no reason...this is hilarious...you could have told me earlier."

"Like I said whenever I told you, the main in suit would manipulate a student to kill me for speaking nonsense since our power doesn't works with ourselves...but looks like this time you both overheard us and my reasonings were correct so you ain't killing me right now."

"HAHAHA this is funny. So what if everything is a lie what this little girl is telling just to win and gain the god power... " Ryuuta Yanagi doesn't even take it seriously and laughs at it.

"B-203 your office room and someone betrayed you, after that you got this brain damage or disease it's all I know when you talked to me on my 10627th loop." Ryuuji got serious at her statement and went the flow trusting her words.

My dad was betrayed? I think I have heard where he fell down on stairs at his office and was hospitalized. But he was betrayed....

"Well that doesn't matter now...keep it short and explain to me you another god." The sensei wants her reasoning where the man in suit stays quite looking at her.

"Mhm...I tried finding many ways to win but couldn't because of my powerless, I would get killed by anyone in the loops easily and once at 10627th loop that man with suit over there acted same way like this loop and I was so close to win but died in hands of my dad in law-"

"-D-dad in law? what the hell?" I cut her off because of something weird I heard but they ignored and kept listening.

"So this time I was successful and thanks you both overheard us, I feel like this time I am going to win. This loops doesn't stops until I have achieved what I want in loop, so probably I wanted to win and end this at a point that this loop won't stop until I win."

"You are saying like you have used loop once hahaha, what kind of change did you even made after the loop." My dad made an statement seriously but she nods and starts speaking.

"Ryuuta Yanagi, I wanted to get rejected by him, but it took me 54 loops to get rejected by him. I meet him, Transferred the school after 4 months later surviving in a death game."

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<once upon a time after Asahi Kerei surviving death game.>


I transferred to this school, I was the only one from my class who was alive and all were killed. I was devastated, always feeling empty completely isolating from everyone but then the person who sat next to me smiled and spoke to me...

"Your heart is clouded, It's like you suffered a lot." He spoke to me.

"..."
 
Day after day, day after day, day after day, day after day, day after day, day after day...."WHAT'S WITH YOU WHY DO YOU KEEP FOLLOWING ME AND KEEP TALKING TO ME EVEN THOUGH I KEEP IGNORING YOU!!!"

"I-I thought we could be friend...s-sorry." 

"Don't bother me again and stay away from me."

Because that guy kept following me everywhere. He sat next to me and kept talking to me even though I didn't reply completely ignoring him, somehow not him near me makes my heart aches now. After that day I told him to not bother me, he kept his distance and even changed his seat. I felt so attached to him and even got complicated feelings for him. 

Days after days, days after days, days after days, days after days he kept ignoring me. I feel like something is choking me, my feelings were chocking me and the moment I knew I was in love with him and I couldn't stay alone without him. That's when I thought -

"Ah, I want to get rid of these feelings, I want to stop loving him."

That's when I used my loop power In pool, where I confessed my feelings for him.

"Ryuuta Yanagi...a-actually I am sorry for ignoring you, I am actually In love with you."

It was the guy I fell for, who kept pestering me everyday. He smiled gently and he rejected me, no he didn't, I knew he would reject me but.

"Same, Asahi...I am also in love with you."

"Huh?"

***

Loop 1 - fail.

Loop 2 - fail.

Loop 3 - fail.

Loop 14 - fail.

"W-WHY HE KEEPS ACCEPTING ME!!! I DON'T WANT HIM TO GET INVOLVED WITH A TAINTED KILLER LIKE ME, A SINNER WHO LET ALL OF HER CLASSMATE DIE."

Loop 20 - fail.

loop 38 - fail.

loop 54, finally he rejected me, what is this feelings it hurts so bad, It took me 54 loops to just get rejected. Once I thought not asking him out will make the loop vanish but it didn't until I got rejected. I feel pain, It hurts so bad, more than I lost before during death game.

"Sorry Kere-San, I can't go out with you, the feelings for you just died within me."

I still remember what happened back then. And everything went normal, the loop ended. After a loop ends everyone forgets what happened before and also the person who creates the loop, that was what I had to pay for my power. Everyone stopped talking to him, his rumours of being a stalker and completely bothering Asahi was whole school spread out. He was all alone sitting at his own table. then after a year of his loneliness he started fumbling words, everyone kept ignoring him like he was some disgusting creep. He lost his speaking power and everytime he tried to talk he would stutter hard.

Two years have passed. It was my fault he became like this losing his old friends. I thought of today giving him a notebook writting sorry to him. I don't want to involve with him because it will create more misfortune. But all I wanted was to ask for forgiveness and no answer from him.

"I guess this notebook, I will hand him over during lunch break..."

A new teacher came, wow she is gorgeous. But suddenly massacre started happening like it happened before in her old school so she instantly pulled up her power `loop` so she can redo the day and escape it. 

I am still concious, the notebook I threw near him so he can notice, did he actually see it...Ah, he is going to die too, that esper like me is chocking him, I hope my message reached you, I am sorry for everything....I am losing my consciousness...we will meet again...

<9th March | School Field > <LOOP HELL START>


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We listened with Asami's story. And indeed I saw her notebook and her message reached to me. How did I end up forgetting the loops, How did I end up forgetting my feelings, How did I end up forgetting Asami and everything felt like de ja vu, like I have passed a day like this yet I couldn't even get hint that we were stuck in a fucking loop.

"God damn it, why do it have to be like this. How can it be so cruel to even forget everything." I grumbled

"Aah! I recall when I was chocking you I did say something like I have meet you before, do you remember Yanagi?"

{CHAPTER 1 - if you guys forgot, this scenario was what happened in chapter 1 of the series. The sensei did told - "Why do I feel like I have meet you before Yanagi-Kun? Just looking at you I feel de ja vu but well it can't be because I am meeting you for the first time Afterall!~ he-he. Kind of weird that you were last one standing made me think like that probably...how scary...LOL." check chapter 1 because it's linked with it.}

"..."

I gulped as everything was making sense when the De Ja Vu's actually made sense. A new level of tension was created within me got my nervous system triggered,not only me but within all of us. And ofcourse my feelings for Asahi came back and my memories.



To Be Continued...