The unstoppable Coca-Cola gambit

"The Grob opening? Is she trying to pull off some massive disrespect?" Okisato thought as nearly all of Jackie's friends let out a collective groan.

"Why the groaning? Grob's got it's merits," Skaberghast yawned.

"Indeed it does. In fact, it is the ultimate grandmaster killing opening. The only way to counter it is with a double Grob," Numakawa boastfully declared as he moved his pawn to g5.

"You naive man, now I can play the most powerful and unstoppable gambit ever invented; the Coca-Cola gambit!" Jackie proudly declared as she moved her pawn to f4.

"T- 'The Coca-Cola gambit'!? I- I've never heard of it! But in the name of science... I must face it head on!" Numakawa declared as he accepted the gambit and captured the pawn at f4 with his g-pawn.

Jackie smirked and moved her pawn to d4 as Numakawa moved his pawn to h5.

"Good thing Utami won her game. This idiot's probably going to lose," Okisato thought as Jackie moved her pawn to g5.

Numakawa went into full focus mode and moved his pawn to e5. Jackie quickly captured said pawn with her d-pawn, but Numakawa put her in check by moving his bishop to b4. She countered by moving her pawn to c3, but then...

"Hahaha! Behold the grandmaster killing Coca-Cola countergambit bongcloud!" Numakawa declared as he slammed his king down on e7.

Jackie went pale with horror. "T- The bongcloud!? Only Grandmasters can use that powerful move! What should I do!?"

Jackie panicked for a bit before finding that capturing the pawn on f4 with her bishop was a safe move. Numakawa then proceeded to move his pawn to d5, causing Jackie to jump with joy.

"I can do it! The on-past-font," she giggled as she performed en passant and captured the pawn at d5 with her e-pawn.

"NANI!? B- Bakana! How could I make such a blunder!" Numakawa cried as he captured said pawn with his c-pawn.

"And now I checky the king with the bishop," Jackie giggled as she captured the pawn at d6 with her bishop, and watched it immediately get captured by Numakawa's queen. "AAAAH! I BLUNDERED! NO! TAKE-BACK! TAKE-BACK!" she cried as she captured the bishop at b4 with her c-pawn.

Numakawa began to chuckle and adjusted his glasses. "You've fallen into my trap, now behold the check!" he shouted as he captured the pawn at b4 with his queen.

Jackie immediately began crying and throwing a tantrum before finally calming down enough to move her knight to c3. Numakawa, now feeling emboldened, proceeded to capture the pawn at b2 with his queen causing Jackie to freak out.

"NO! STAY AWAY! CHECK!" she desperately cried as she nearly threw her knight at d5.

"Hmmph! Now the bongclouded king shall show it's true power," Numakawa smirked as he marched his king to e6.

Jackie quickly lost all reason and frantically moved her rook to c1, while Numakwa continued to advance his king, this time to e5. "NO! I DON'T WANNA GET MATED!" she cried as she moved her knight to f3.

"Seems I have discovered a new counterplay for my grandmaster killing arsenal," Numakawa smirked as he moved his king to e4.

"NO! STAY AWAY!" Jackie cried as she smacked her queen down on d3.

"Mudada, I-"

"Oi, you know that's mate," Skaberghast growled.

"Huh?" Numakawa and Jackie both gasped in unison.

"Oi, you both didn't realize it?"

It took a few seconds, but the two finally realized what had happened.

"NO! The Coca-Cola gambit is too powerful!" Numakawa cried.

Jackie meanwhile began celebrating as the board vanished. Now came the moment of truth. The team battle had ended in a draw, but there was still the possibility that the minor punishments would take effect. Nothing seemed to be happening, but then...

"BAKAH!"

Abigail suddenly began clucking like a chicken while Yuusuke suddenly ran off.

"Where are you going!?" Okisato called out.

"I DON'T KNOW! MY BODY'S MOVIN' ON IT'S OWN!" Yuusuke cried back.

"He's probably going to buy diapers since he's gonna be stuck in them for a week," Skaberghast snickered as Maria and Numakawa suddenly found themselves restrained in salon chairs. Maria immediately began crying and screaming, but quickly had her mouth sealed with hot wax. Numakawa on the other hand quickly found himself naked.

"Oi, what the hell. Why is just he getting stripped!?" Okisato cringed in disgust.

"Ugh, I told the DESPER to "shave, wax, and laser all their hair off" so I guess that includes body hair. Maria's already smooth aside for her hair, brows, and lashes so guess that's why she's still fully clothed," Skaberghast grumbled.

"Oi, shouldn't you two be doing more to hide your pervertedness?" Utami glared as she cracked her knuckles.

Between Maria's extreme sobbing and Numakawa's full body shave and wax, the mood of the bystanders was pretty miserable.

"Ugh, why'd that guy have to lose. Him getting stripped n' shaved isn't a turn on, it's a turn off," Skaberghast groaned as he recorded just Maria with his phone.

"I'm more surprised his erection's that small," Okisato cringed as he recorded the entire ordeal on his phone.

"Do you perverts want to get beaten?" Utami glared as she and the other girls angrily cracked their knuckles.

"I'm only recording for Iori."

"I'm doing it for science or whatever."

Slap! Slap!

Rodeo meanwhile decided to get far away from the action and went to a nearby restaurant to get something to eat.

Once the shave was over, the DESPER deactivated and the two groups began heading their separate ways, but not before Jackie confronted the now nude and completely hairless Numakawa.

"Wow, you look like a naked mole rat," she sneered as she opened a can of Coca-cola and poured it on Numakawa's head, causing him to let out a moan. "Ugh, I wish you weren't stripped so I didn't need to see that pathetic attempt at a boner. Anyway, seems like I'M the greatest mind in the world. You almost got me, but to the victor go the spoils.

"HAHAHA! This shave was merely a blessing in disguise. Now that all my hair is gone, I can grow out my brain," Numakawa gloated as he put on his glasses.

"WHAT!?"

"Yes, you've seen images online of big-brained people. And if you recall, none of them had hair! That's because the brain can't expand if the hair is in the way, but now-"

"FUCK! I GAVE HIM A POWER BOOST! SKABBY! SHAVE MY HEAD, PRONTO!"

Jackie's friends cringed in disgust at her while Skaberghast merely chuckled. "Sure, we'll make you smoother than Maria back at the lab," he sneered as he smacked Maria's now shiny bald head.

Maria responded by slapping him across the room and running away in tears. Okisato took the opportunity to make an escape and ushered everyone to follow him.

"What about Yuusuke?" Rodeo asked as he carried Numakawa.

"He'll be fine. I'm pretty sure they sell diapers here, and he knows where the gate is," Okisato grumbled.

No sooner did he say that did Yuusuke come charging with bags, presumably filled with diapers, in his arms.

"See, told ya."

...

Svetlana clutched her stomach as she exited the bathroom.

"Bout time you got out. Boarding's about to start," Skaberghast sneered.

"Your face seems redder... Are you thinking of perverted thoughts!?"

"Nah, these are just the side-effects of all the slaps I got. Guess my toughness made it so that only a small part of my face shows trauma from the slaps. Now, let's set up a quick council meeting before we get stranded. I just learned some groundbreaking things regarding the DESPERs that I'm sure the head honchos would love to know."

The full game:

White: Jackie Egghead (1000) Black: Syouma Numakawa (400)

1. g4 g5

2. f4 gxf4

3. d4 h5

4. g5 e5

5. dxe5 Bb4+

6. c3 Ke7

7. Bxf4 d5

8. exd6+ cxd6

9. Bxd6+ Qxd6

10. cxb4 Qxb4+

11. Nc3 Qxb2

12. Nd5+ Ke6

13. Rc1 Ke5

14. Nf3+ Ke4

15. Qd3#