The scummiest monkey you've ever met

In a desert oasis located in the middle of Austria-land, there exists a bustling bazaar. Austria-land is very similar to the place called Austria from Earth, but it's in another world so this counts as an isekai. But if it's just like real-world Austria, then why is there an oasis there? Because some rich king from another world got isekaid and used all the funds that got isekaid with him to build a desert oasis there, but the king was murdered by monkeys from the neighboring kingdom of Apeldoorn, because the monkey were in debt. Why were the monkeys in debt? Because they traded all their gold for tulip bulbs. They then heard about the isekaid king and killed him, isekaing him again. Now, the monkeys owned the oasis and decided to make it a tourist attraction. One monkey in particular, found the isekaid king's magic wand, and used it to craft some crazy merchandise. This is the story of Boone's bizarre banana bazaar.

A large macaque clad in a sombrero and kilt danced around as tourists passed by his stall. "Get yer bazaar bananas here! Bazaar bananas! There's one for everything, some normal, some not! Bananas! Get your bazaar bananas here!"

"Oh, are those exotic fruit?" a rich woman scoffed as she strolled up to the stall.

"Why yes, would you like a sample?"

"Oh give it to me now."

"With pleasure," Boone smiled as a mischievous smirk began to form on his face.

He grabbed a banana from one of the baskets, peeled it, and squeezed it. Suddenly, the banana chucks began to turn into jewels.

"Oh my, those look expensive! I want them all!"

"Do you have the money?"

The woman slammed her oversized purse down on the ground, causing a minor tremor throughout the area. Inside the purse was pounds of 24k gold.

"You got a deal," Boone snickered as he gave the woman all the bananas he had on display. The woman stashed them in her purse, and left Boone with the gold, happily strutting back to her manor unaware that she had been scammed.

In reality, those bananas were not bananas that could turn into jewels, but bananas that could turn into rocks painted to look like jewels, it was like a trick straight out of a shitty mobile game ad.

"Now who will be the next customer?" Boone smirked as he restocked his stall.

The answer was a sporty elf girl who was training for a marathon. She had a beautiful figure and a pretty face, but what most attracted Boone to her was her long golden hair.

"That shit's worth more than the gold I just got!" Boone thought as he approached the girl. "You training for a marathon?"

"You bet! My name's Sonett, and I'm the fastest girl alive!"

"Would you like to become even faster? I've got an array of banana products that can do that."

"Ya mean like protein shakes and energizer bars?"

"You bet!"

"Well show em to me!"

"Naturally, oh and I also have training equipment in the back."

Sonett eagerly followed Boone, but immediately found herself restrained to a chair with banana glue.

"WHAT- MMPH!?"

Before she could scream, Boone promptly gagged her with a splort of banana glue.

"Now, I did say I'd make you go faster, and without all that long, luscious, worth more than platinum and gold combined hair of yours, you'll make hedgehogs look like sloths," Boone sneered as he began shaving off all if Sonett's hair, with a banana hair clipper.

Once she was buzzed, she was lathered with coconut cream pie scented banana shaving cream, as Boone shaved her with a banana razor. Poor Sonett received no mercy. She was not just shaved, but also waxed, with banana wax, to ensure Boone got every follicle of her hair. Not even her eyebrows and eyelashes were spared as there was a market for those and Boone wanted every cent he could get. Once he was done, he threw her in a cage and gave her to the constable, claiming she was a goblin disguised as an elf.

Now all seemed well for Boone until...

"Insolence! You try to sell bananas in MY domain!?"

Boone turned to notice a large morbidly obese man waddling towards him, accompanied by two buff guys in suits. The man was Jean Pulpe, the self-proclaimed kingpin prime minister president of the country, but in actuality he was just some crazy politician that had a lot of money, but no title.

"Ah Mr. Pulpe, I've got just the banana for you, oh and would you like some wine too?" Boone asked as he grabbed a banana from the fridge.

Pulpe snatched the banana from Boone and peeled it.

"Uh, you gonna pay?"

"NO! I do what I want! This is my turf and you are all my bitches," he scoffed as he shoved the banana in his mouth.

BANG!

Pulpe fell to the ground with a mighty thud as blood trickled out of his mouth. He was dead. Turns out the banana Boone had given him was actually a banana gun. Naturally, Pulpe's guards immediately retaliated against Boone.

"You have a killed a my boss, now I, Giorgio Di Giorgio will a kill you with a my windy exp," one of the guards declared as he ripped off his shirt.

He sounded just like a text to speech program, but before Boone could remember which one it was, Giorgio began pummeling him with his fists.

"Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda Mooda... Mooda."

With a mighty right hook, Boone went flying into the air before falling and crashing head first into a garbage can. He was dead, and would no longer scam anyone. The bazaar was shut down and Sonett was set free. She was still bald, but who cares.

[The End]