Episode 1-6: To Be Understood

Yuta- “Lucky.”

Riley- “I thought so too. Getting a locker so close to all your classes. I thought it was the universe’s way of throwing me a bone.”

Yuta- “Uh, I’m sorry, but I think that may be the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard.”

Riley- “That can not be true.”

Yuta- “I guess I’ll have to think about it.”

Riley- “Uhm, yeah, I guess you will.”

Weird.

Grabbing my textbook and notebook out of my bag, I can only think of this as weird.

I try retracing the path of events in my head and, ultimately, can only think that I am lucky. I guess he was on the money talking about all that luck stuff. Even then that just makes it feel even weirder.

Do I even deserve this? Is that just my stupidity talking? It’s a loop I know will never lead me to an answer, but my brain will never stop running through every stop on that ride, even as I start making my way to class.

I can’t tell if my tag-along can tell I’m going through it, but he still manages to snap me out of it.

Yuta- “Do you read a lot of Verion’s work?”

Riley- “Oh, this guy?”

I look down at the book that’s really the origin point of my mind’s cannibalizing loop de loop If I think about it. I sort of just grabbed it cause it was right there, and the cover was nice enough. The story is pretty decent though, so It’s not exactly a choice I regret.

Yuta- “Not a guy. Uhm, more a them I think it was? Or that’s what they said they preferred on their twitter.”

Riley- “Oh you actually follow them? Super fan?”

Yuta- “Sorta. I’ve been reading them since elementary school when they posted on Wattpad and …FIMFiction.”

Riley- “Jesus, that’s a blast to the past. Do you remember their usernames? I probably saw them once or twice.”

Yuta- “Oh you know what that site is. Uhm, Furocity78.”

I feel a stupid fucking grin form on my face.

Riley- “Holy shit, wait, this is the same person who wrote Twilight’s Gate?!”

Yuta- “You remember that one!? Oh, that one was so good. Their longest too, I remember being amazed when it ended halfway through middle school. I really liked that one they did that was supposed to be a mix of ponies and Destiny. Hell, it got me to play that looter shooter…for a few months.”

Riley- “That one was okay, I liked the one they did on Google+ better.”

Yuta- “And you call me a superfan, even I didn’t bother making an account on that nightmare.”

Riley- “It was worth it! Are you telling me you read through that mediocre mmo hyperfixation fic but never read the PS3 anti-hero pony combo hyperfixation fic?”

Yuta- “I only sort of know the definition to that, so I have no clue if you’re using it right, but the fact you’re using it tells me you’re in some kind of flow.”

Riley- “I’m just saying the Cole Mcgrath pony is fucking raw beyond raw and it was five chapters of pure peak.”

Yuta- “Oh fuck off, if you’re gonna call one of their novels peak you could at least not be disingenuous and mention the best one.”

Riley- “That being?!”

Yuta- “Fucking The Haunting Of Max Redhorn?!”

Riley- “...shit you’re right.”

Yuta- “Exactly! The mystery, the lovecraftian horror, the mirroring of one’s self in their interests!!! It’s that reason why authors like Yuta231 and their half-assed Infinity Redraw or Victoria’s Fields could never compare, but of course, they’re the one everyone feels the need to talk about, its-!”

I can almost see steam coming out of his ears as his face turns beat red, a few people staring at him in concern or confusion.

Yuta- “But uhm, yeah, his actual novels are pretty good, not as good as Redhorn but, uhm, yeah.”

Riley- “I see.”

Don’t laugh don’t laugh don’t laugh don’t laugh.

We make it into the classroom, everyone else already in their seats. I make my way to the back row where a seat remains available. Perfectly, it’s the one that’s the most out of the way, right up against the wall. Sitting down, I can already feel the comfort of the atmosphere pushing me out of the way of noticeability.

I pull out the book and, staring at the author's name, I chuckle just a little.

What a weird guy.

Riley- “Nice enough, too.”

...

Yuta- “Thanks for this again.”

Riley- “It’s whatever, besides, I benefit too.”

Walking out of my last period class, standing there is Yuta. Just after last class he had mentioned the idea of walking home together since the rest of his pals were gonna be busy and he just finds it nerve wracking.

I kind of wanted to say no, if only cause today’s been so different, but, fuck, I get the feeling. You just end up getting used to it or just rush the journey, though a partner is honestly preferable.

After a quick visit to our lockers to grab our stuff we leave through the front entrance. The nice feel of a slight chill in the wind is a nice contrast with this morning and the beating down morning sun.

Jeez…thinking about it, it really is impressive she could wear all that black.

Riley- “Hey, Yuta, what’s Mariana like?”

There’s a bit of shame for not being able to fully pronounce her name, but I bite it back.

Yuta- “Mm?”

He gives me a look before seeming to put something together in his head.

Yuta- “She’s really blunt. In a good way. You always know what she thinks, and it’s pretty refreshing.”

Riley- “Yeah, I can get that.”

Yuta- “Though, she can get the wrong idea sometimes, but even then, she’s usually willing to listen when you explain what you meant.”

Riley- “Y-yeah?”

Yuta- “Yeah. Does that answer your question?”

Riley- “I think so.”

Damn bastard, he totally saw through me. I roll my eyes, trying not to look too pouty.

Yuta- “I think you two would be good friends.”

Riley- “You’re starting to push past being able to feign innocence.”

Yuta- “Mmm, I don’t know what you mean.”

I look down, as his tone seems to shift a bit.

Yuta - “I’m sorry. That things went the way they did. I know even I agreed that it was you who made the situation what it became, but, I still think Sarah could have kept her nose out of it.”

Riley - “You don’t have to be sorry. You don’t even know what ‘it’ was. Neither did I.”

Yuta - “It can be whatever you want it to be.”

Riley - “What are you on about?”

Yuta - “I…now I’m starting to push my nose into it. I’m sorry. I guess I just…I think you’re cool.”

Yuta - “I want to know you better, and if they knew what I did about you, I think all of them would want to as well.”

Riley - “Don’t assume for other people.”

Yuta - “Don’t assume I don’t have any idea what my friends are like.”

Riley - “Right, sorry.”

Yuta - “You don’t have to apologize to me so much. It makes me wish I didn't do it so much and then I start feeling hypocritical.”

Riley - “Right, then, maybe we both stop. For fairness sake.”

Yuta - “I can agree to that.”

Silence.

Yuta - “If…there was more to what happened back in the cafeteria, then…I think you should tell her.”

Riley - “She’ll…really understand?”

Yuta - “I’d be surprised if she didn’t.”

My feet stop. I don’t have it in me to keep moving.

Riley - “Why…would she?”

Yuta - “?”

Riley - “I’m…scary. I’m something to be afraid of.”

Yuta - “What?”

Riley - “I’m a freak. What’s there to understand about that?”

Yuta - “Y-you’re not a-”

Riley - “Yes I am! I’m an awful freak! I’m disgusting and gross and worthless! I hate myself and all of them…I bet they do too. I saw how they looked at me. I saw how she looked at me.”

Riley - “Afraid. They knew exactly what I was and they were afraid of me.”

Yuta - “...”

Riley - “What…what do you want? Are you trying to fuck with me? Tell me!”

I scream at him, his face pale as his lips shiver.

Riley - “...say it. Call me it.”

Yuta - “W-what are you talking about?”

Riley - “Call me exactly what you want to call me.”

Yuta - “I-I don’t know what you're asking me for!”

Riley - “CALL ME A-”

I feel the word catch in my throat.

Riley - “A…a…”

Yuta - “No.”

Riley - “I know you…want to.”

Yuta - “I…jesus.”

I covered my face. This is too much. I can’t take it. My fingers twist and curl through the front of my hair. As I do, I feel something.

Someone, patting my shoulder.

Yuta - “I don’t understand. Even so, I…I’m not scared of you.”

Riley - “Don’t lie to me-”

Yuta - “I don’t lie. Mari hates liars, you learn to stop after a while.”

Riley - “Then…how…”

Yuta - “What’s there to be scared of?”

Riley - “What do you mean? I’m…”

Yuta - “If you really think that scares us, then I need to break our promise already.”

Riley - “But-”

Yuta - “We’re not homophobic Riley, jesus christ!”

Riley - “I-I didn’t say t-”

Yuta - “I’m not gonna out you or take you telling people out of your hands but, you made it kind of super obvious today, and you wanna know what everyone was saying as soon as you were gone?”

Riley - “...what?”

Yuta - “So who’s gonna check on her?”

Riley - “...”

Yuta - “I…I’ll say it again. I don’t understand what it’s like for you. I’m not you. But, I’m not judging you. None of them are.”

Yuta - “They’re good people, and…I meant what I said. I think they’d like you as much as I do. So, if you choose to not hang out with them, or tell them, that’s your decision. If you want me to leave you alone, that’s also your decision.”

Yuta - “But, I promise…no one would hate you if you came back, even if you didn’t explain yourself. That’s just who they are.”

Riley - “I don’t…understand.”

Yuta - “...”

Riley - “...but…I…wanna see her…again.”

I could feel my cheeks burning, trails of hot tears doing nothing to make it any better.

Riley - “I wanna hear her call me a bad communicator, and hear Sarah woop and yelp about the stupidest shit. I wanna see whatever dumbass pick up line that apple-sauce faced womanizer can come up with and, damnit, I wanna know what that girl is so wrapped up with on her phone. I don’t…”

Riley - “I don’t wanna be alone at lunch anymore.”

Yuta - “Then you don’t have to be.”

Riley - “I…Yuta…”

Yuta - “Yeah?”

Riley - “Please…be my friend.”

He didn’t even wait a second to respond.

Yuta - “Dork, we already are.”