1.5 Stop Being Mean

Someone once tried to harvest a lapis lazuli tower. It was a while ago, maybe a century. They got caught and sent to jail. Due to this, authorities ascended these giant blue stones to 'local treasure' and protected them with a spell in which whoever attempted to farm them would lose their sense of taste until they paid the fine. Luke had told Cérise this story at least a dozen times. That was a while ago, too, maybe a decade.

Luke's commentary on the subject had been, each and every time, 'Whoever thought of using those things as magic synthesizers was a genius'. Cérise had once replied, 'Funny how they protect those stones but not the citizens.' He was ignored.

"They're there," Snail told him, like he was blind. "Looks like there's a new person, too. Please behave this time."

"Mhm."

"Please."

Alcohol made him very chatty. "Do you like Akiha that much?" Asked Cérise.

Snail glanced at him as though he'd discovered her "secret" stash of candy. "What are you... I'm not... I-I know, okay? I know he's too old for me and... and short."

"Nothing wrong with it being one-sided."

"Yeah. Don't tell anyone." Cérise didn't need to react for Snail to realize how moronic that statement was, so she added, "Just—stop being mean. And eat your lunch." She slammed the container against his face before marching ahead. He let it fall onto his open arms. It was still warm. More like, she must've kept it warm with a spell, regardless of the bill.

...fine.

"Snail!" Called out Akiha. "Guess what! New recruit!"

He sounded so excited about it, too. Cérise's presence had faded into nothingness again, so that was good. As for the newcomer... he was one of the biggest beastmen Cérise had seen. His long, thin ears cheated their way up to Snail's chin, his fur blue-gay, dusted white on his short snout and eyebrows. Some beastmen who moved to cities wore clothes to blend in, but this wasn't one of them; he had nothing on save for a bright red bandana on his neck.

Once they reached the group, Cérise waited a safe distance away, and Snail said hi, and Mish said hi, and Akiha said, "Snail, this is Two-Rabbit. He got a bit lost earlier, but now he's here. Two-Rabbit, this is Snail. She was our first recruit. There's also..." Akiha trailed off. For a split-second, he and Cérise made eye contact, but then the latter looked away. "...I guess I'll save the rest for later."

"Nice to meet you," Snail politely greeted.

Two-Rabbit replied, "Same to you, ma'am. Let's go."

Akiha blinked. "Pardon me?"

Mish, who had been puffing up her skirt, disgraced the conversation with her presence. "Yeah, agreed. No time to lose."

"...but... surely, others will—"

"Nah."

Cérise hadn't expected any of them to just... say it outright. Not this early. "I was under the impression that this was an urgent matter," said Two-Rabbit. "What is the point of waiting?"

"W-well, regardless, even if we were to leave now, the heat is so strong that... oh!" Akiha waved at a swarm of newcomers. "Hello!"

To everyone but him, it soon became apparent that they weren't cult recruits at all, but city guards. No one wanted to take that tiny glimmer of happiness away from him. No one. Akiha went to greet them, unflinching at their stern, cold gazes (more like tired). "Good day," said one of them. He barely looked old enough to drink. "It seems as though you're trying to, um, leave the city without paying your bills."

"...pardon me?"

The fledgling guard whipped out a scroll from hyperspace. "Continuous self-cooling, illegal pyramid scheme recruitment, and turquoise is banned inside restaurants."

Somehow, Akiha managed to get paler. He stared at the scroll—at the bill. The other three glanced at him, but none of them approached. They whispered among themselves. Alcohol made him reckless, so Cérise walked over to the guards. He snatched the scroll away from Akiha.

final amount: 22,000 zuli

"Holy—"

That was more than the salaries of all these guys combined. While the currency was, of course, different where Akiha came from, he'd probably seen what the prices were like already. Had he not read the giant neon signs next to the main gate, every corner, every pub and shop? He could speak the local dialect relatively well, so it made sense for him to read it, too, and even if he couldn't, the signs were written in eight different languages. Anyway, their road trip was fucked.

"As of last, um, last year, foreigners are no longer warned when entering restaurants while wearing turquoise. As an initiative to promote reading in, um, in young people." The guard bit his lip. A few of them behind were snickering. "You're welcome to negotiate with the governor, but the process might take six to eight weeks—"

"What?" Akiha placed a hand on his forehead. "Oh, come on... please, I just..."

"You can also set up a payment plan."

"How.... but... how I am I supposed to...?"

"I'll pay," said Cérise. They all turned to look at him. "Give me a pen." Nobody did. He held back a sigh.

"I have one! I have one!" Akiha fished into the pockets of his satchel for twelve seconds. Cérise counted. His hand trembled when he handed Cérise the pen. He didn't hold eye contact, because he probably couldn't.

Cérise signed the scroll, wrote down the amount, then his citizen ID. They'd be able to directly take the money off his bank account that way. Disappointed because nobody cried or begged for mercy, the guards left, leaving an impoverished Cérise and an Akiha who couldn't stop hyperventilating and whose hands had turned into maracas as they covered his face.

"Don't ask where it came from," Cérise told him, "Or why. Don't tell anyone about it. Snail better not get as much as a scratch by the time you're done with this bullshit."

Akiha attempted to nod. "Tha... th... y... b..."

Before it got any worse, like him asking 'how could I ever repay you', Cérise went back to his safe space at the tower's base, not before telling the trio of idiots, "You should've told him about the turquoise ban. They let him off with a warning."

"The what?" Asked Mish, to the other two. Snail had probably forgotten about it, and Two-Rabbit shrugged.

Oh, right, and they were still getting followed.

Once Akiha calmed down and returned to his minions, he confirmed that, yes, they'd just let him off with a warning, that all was good, that everything was normal, and then he couldn't speak again and gestured at the travel agency beyond the towers where they'd take transportation to... wherever their next destination was. To 'save the world'.

The line was a bit longer than usual given the time of the day. For the meantime, the quartet of idiots exchanged inane details about each other. Mostly Mish. Shockingly, she didn't gloat as much. "I was a traveling dancer for years," she said, "but then my old troupe disbanded, and it's hard to stay in the industry these days. But since I was good at magic at school, I just thought to myself 'why not?' with bounty hunting... and here I am."

There was no cooling spell at the waiting room of the traveling agency, so most people there were fanning themselves. So was Akiha, now he'd had a taste of government corruption.

Snail began, "I—"

"Not that bounty hunting is easy or anything, with how many people don't... oh, sorry, sweetie. What were you going to say?"

Snail shook her head.

"...get that good jobs. It's usually a guild of them banding together to get all the good gigs. Times are tough."

"That's how it is everywhere," opined Two-Rabbit.

"Our turn approaches," said Akiha. "I'll... I'll. Uh. Get tickets for the train."

"No," said Two-Rabbit.

"I'm s... pardon me?"

"No trains."

Mish nodded. "No self-respecting adventurer uses the train. Trains are for salarymen. And Snail won't fit."

Despite knowing this was wrong, Snail didn't argue.

They ended up hiring a SSS (Special Species Service) wagon. Up to the three meters of height, if you knew where to go, you had no trouble in this day and era. Any larger and things became cumbersome. Morr had a few lawsuits going on from giants with gigantism who fancied themselves on the receiving end of systematic oppression. Brown giants and beyond, easily reaching the five-meter mark, had to live on specialized areas. Occasionally you strolled around the city, found shade in a strange place and assumed some mage had made a twig grow too large on accident until you looked above, but they kept to themselves for the most part.

The animals that'd pull the carriage were man-eating lizards, but with so many people around, Cérise couldn't pet them. Mish got all of them snacks for the voyage. Cérise took one only because he'd force feed it to Snail later. For a while, once they got into the carriage, there was blissful silence, but then Mish opened her dumb mouth again. She was a pest. "I saw we're heading for Khon-Pak. Very quaint. However, I must bring into question why...?"

Akiha took a moment to reply. "The reason why is because it's a heavily-populated city where a lot of warriors converge. We might be able to find more comrades there." He sounded like he was reciting a pamphlet.

Why? Simple. Because his minions caught onto his intentions easily. "So you're gonna have us hand out the letters?" Asked Mish.

"Yes."

"And if I say no?"

"You're out of the group."

And with this, Cérise no longer found him as annoying. To show others your 'best side' first was normal, if not expected, if not encouraged, but it hadn't even taken a day for Akiha to crack. That said, his tone was still pleasant.

"Five of us are not enough. Ten are not enough. This isn't a matter of ego. It's about saving people."

Mish's ears huddled close to her head. "Okay."

"Okay. Since there's five of us now, handing the letters out will take less time. Besides, with the mercenary guild having such a strong presence in Khon-Pak—stop laughing at my pronunciation." Mish quickly shut up. "Thank you. We'll be able to get volunteers very easily. Moreover, with is being such a long journey, we'll need a strong amount of supplies."

Naturally, this boosted morale. "New weapons?" Asked Mish. "Yes! Hey, Snail, sweetie, I noticed you also use daggers. Let's go shopping together, all right?"

Snail bit back the smile when she nodded. Perhaps peer pressure would finally get her to accept help again. Or delusion. Same difference.

***

Pluie had to use his city guard privileges to force (see: he paid the girl) information out of the receptionist at the lofty travel agency in order to track the heroes. He got the name of the city they headed to, but since he ran out of money, he had to walk.

He'd walked through the desert multiple times during his military training. He fainted 70% of the time, but this would be part of the 30%. One of the final lessons at the academy were spells to ward off heat (which plenty of them knew already, but the situation changed when there was nothing to cool with), so it shouldn't be too bad. Still, there were no comrades around to save him this time. If he died, he died. If he died, he'd probably be reborn as something fitting of this life's general performance, like pubic lice.

He couldn't die.

He wouldn't die.

He wanted to save the world too dammit.

He might get fired, but it'd been a matter of when, not if, so it ultimately didn't matter. It wasn't a worry. His life wasn't a worry. He disappointed his family all the time, so that wasn't a worry, either.

It kind of worried him that the receptionist had told him, "Oh, are you going after the bounty, too?"

He asked, "What bounty?" and the receptionist had raised her eyebrows, as if to say, 'like hell you don't know what I'm talking about', but Pluie really didn't.

Perhaps he should've asked then, but oh, well. He didn't. He couldn't do much about it but conveniently forget it so he wouldn't get involved any further then necessary.