Long distance DESPER

At Stanford college, Maria scowled as she found herself lathering her entire head and face in shaving cream. "Tee hee, why'd you have to make me do something sooo humiliating, you lazy pervert," she giggled.

"Cuz it helps motivate me to do my work," Skaberghast snickered as he lounged on a make-shift hammock.

"Oh, is that why you forced me to talk all cutesy-like too? I'm really pissed off. I still cry myself to sleep over my lack of hair," Maria pouted.

"You were always a sour grape, so seeing you acting like a cute tsundere is fun. But I guess since I can choose to turn that mode on and off, let's turn cute-mode off.

The playful grin that had been plastered on Maria's face instantly warped into a tearful scowl. "You motherfucker! I hate you! How could you subject a woman like me to such inhumane cruelty!? I'll report you to the college administration!"

"First off, you're the one that fully consented to subjecting yourself to the cruel mistress known as science."

"Bullshit! You use me and the others as nothing more than lab rats to fine tune your DESPER and fetishes!"

"Yet you enrolled in the science program. Well, I'm not getting in a prolonged shouting match, and you're stuck being a bald fetishist tsundere for life, so the scientific community thanks you for your sacrifice or whatever."

"Iyaa, You know I don't love doing this or being bald. I'm not that Ai girl you talked about," Maria giggled as Skaberghast re-enabled cute-mode.

"But it's been raking in the views on your channel, and the ASMR of you shaving yourself is quite calming. Even made my "Things to fall asleep to" playlist."

"Wow, you're such a pervert. But, luckily, I love you... WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST MAKE ME SAY!?"

"That's the tsun-tsun, not me. Guess you really dig me. Well, I dig bald girls like you."

Maria blushed before finishing the shaving and moving onto the wax. "Then I'll make myself all smooth and silky, just-for-you. Tee hee."

As Maria encased her entire head and face in wax, the other girls entered the room.

"Wow, you really are a sick pervert, forcing Maria to do all that shit," Mona glared.

"Hey, it's all part of the science experiment so you all still get credit," Skaberghast snickered.

"But forcing a student into a relationship with you?"

"Hey, she's clearly into me and we're both adults, so what's the issue? Besides, we haven't slept together yet or had s-"

"She's not the only one you force to do unsavory experiments. Just how long was I waddling like a chicken for? I thought you said Desperados couldn't attack each other." Abigail glared.

"But are you 5 Desperados? None of you are registered with a DESPER."

"I believe you mentioned there are members registered with the league that don't have DESPERs, like Kuon and Peter Morphy."

"And when did you all register with the league? And even then, if you had, I'd just have you fight non-league members in other science departments.

"Well you certainly wear your intents on your sleeves. But I'm curious about something; if there can be Desperado league members without DESPERs, can there exist non-Desperado league members WITH DESPERs?" Olga asked.

Skaberghast paused and scowled for a bit before rolling out of his hammock. "Well that's a bit up in the air. I told you about those Japanese SPCMs that were forcibly registered with the league, and of the three survivors, two have been frequently using their DESPERs, while the 3rd is incapable of using hers at the moment due to her punishment. Plus, having a DESPER is a true sign you're a Desperado, since you can only get one from the Ultima-master."

"And why is that?"

"I don't know. You know the story of the DESPERs already, so I'm not repeating it."

"But what if a Desperado with a DESPER left the league?"

"Now that's the convoluted part, if someone that never registered with a DESPER leaves the league, no big deal. But someone registered with a DESPER leaving? Impossible. As long as they got a working DESPER, they'll always be considered a Desperado. Of course, there is a benefit to that; Desperados can't challenge each other to DESPER matches. So if a member defected, we couldn't hunt them down and kill them via a DESPER match. Sure if they don't have a blessing, they could be killed normally, but you never know who Redfield's got his eye on, and that guy's the last person you wanna piss off. Of course, he'll leave the matter alone if it was settled via chess, but even then, challenging a dissenter to a regular no-DESPERs-involved underground chess match still poses risks. Especially after what Michiko did. Inferno's den in Japan now has a WWCF official there 24/7 monitoring games to ensure both fairness and that all participants are registered with the WWCF. Worse, if anyone makes a fuss, or raises a hand against that official, Redfield shows up. Michiko fucking up her plan really screwed things up. Now many are pinning the blame on the league and membership is going down."

"Then perhaps we should fix that problem by joining," Jackie suggested.

"No, you 5 are staying as nothing more than associates. Especially since there's now DESPER keys to worry about."

"DESPER keys?"

"Yes, Redfield must have done it behind our backs. Even Kuon had no idea about them, and she's our double agent."

"Then how'd you learn of it?"

"From Pewler. In fact, Pewler's how we learned of a lot of the WWCF's inner workings thanks to him being an executive board member. We actually didn't know there was an executive board until he came out and told us. But even then, Redfield did his best to try and hide info from him. And now that Pewler's dead, we're in the dark. The best we got is a list of the board's executive members, but that's not enough to go off of. Information is critical in warfare, and now we're behind in it."

"But if we know everyone's names, then couldn't we use that to our advantage?" Maria asked as she finished her beauty regimen and reverted back to her default personality.

"No, we just got a list of names, not names and faces. And even then, both can change. Pewler mentioned how one member in particular, Melisha Kamalion, is infamous for changing her name and look in order to infiltrate the underground leagues. And there's others willing to simply change up their names and looks to protect their identities. Pewler was really the only one public about his ties to the WWCF, yet he only stated publicly he was on the advisory board, as he sought to hide his chess talent."

"Tee hee, maybe there's an executive board member, right-under-your-nose," Maria giggled as she flicked Skaberghast's nose.

"I don't remember turning cute-mode back on."

"Oh? I thought you did. Well, maybe that was my true feelings speaking," Maria sneered.

"Well now I'm in a bad mood. Jackie, you're up for the experiment."

"What's it gonna be this time?" Jackie groaned.

A malicious smirk appeared on Skaberghast's face as he pulled out his DESPER. "A long-distance experiment."

...

In London, Numakawa paused as he received a challenge request on his WWCF card. Curious, he opened it up to find that Jackie wished to challenge him.

"Whoa! What happened to your head!?" Jackie gasped.

"HA HA! I have enlarged my cranial capacity and have unlocked more of the human brain's true potential!" Numakawa laughed.

Skaberghast, who could hear the entire conversation, thought about what this new development meant and decided to give Jackie a very specific wager. Of course, since he didn't want Numakawa to know he was listening in on the conversation, or that a DESPER was involved, he wrote everything down on a large notepad and held it up for Jackie to see.

Numakawa didn't suspect a thing, and agreed to face Jackie. Skaberghast then chucked the notepad away and focused all his attention on the DESPER.

"Never seen him so invested," Abigail whispered.

"It's rare, but it happens," Maria whispered back.

While he was unsure if the experiment would be a success, Skaberghast none-the-less wanted to find out if it was possible to use a DESPER over a video call.

"I've been wanting to rematch you. And it seems I play white, so my victory us assured," Numakawa gloated as he moved his pawn to g4.

"I counter that with a Double Grob," Jackie scoffed as she moved her pawn to g5.

"Oh, but did you forget? The Coca-Cola gambit!" Numakawa shouted as he moved his pawn to f4.

"I've been studying that opening line, capturing the pawn is best," Jackie smugly huffed as she captured the pawn at f4 with her g-pawn.

"But now, you fall into the trap," Numakawa gloated as he moved his pawn to d4.

"No I won't. You may have a bigger brain, but big brains don't equate intelligence," Jackie countered as she moved her pawn to e5.

"Quite true, just look at Einstein," Numakawa chuckled as he moved his pawn to h4.

On instinct, Jackie immediately captured said pawn with her queen, but that blunder would spell her doom.

"HA HA! You fell for the Coca-Cola gambit's main trap!" Numakawa gloated as he captured the queen at h4 with his rook.

"Ngh, all those nights of playing out all the lines has come back to get me," Jackie trembled as she captured the pawn at d4 with her e-pawn.

Numakawa naturally captured said pawn with his queen, but despite his overwhelming advantage, he was still Numakawa. However, Jackie was one who could truly give him a run for his money in the stupidity department and displayed why by moving her bishop to g7. Numakawa's big brain must have raised his intelligence a bit, since he managed to capture the bishop at g7 with his queen.

"You saw through that trick!? Damn it, your intellect truly has become a force of nature!" Jackie cried as she moved her king to e7.

"Indeed it has! And now I take the rook!" Numakawa laughed as he captured the rook at h8 with his queen.

"You wasted a move though, now I can escape," Jackie grinned as she moved her king to d6.

"But now I check!" Numakawa laughed as he captured the pawn at f4 with his bishop.

"And now I win, I'm queen of the hill," Jackie smugly glared as she moved her king to d5.

"Q- Queen of the hill? But wait, does that mean we were playing King of the hill this whole time!? I was a fool... Wait, my clock is still ticking. Is this an error?"

Jackie went pale as she realized she had made a horrific error and mistaken the type of game she was playing. "OH SHIT! I fucked up!" she shouted in English.

"You played well. Had this been King of the hill, the Coca-Cola gambit would have fallen. BUT, this is normal chess, so check!" Numakawa declared as he moved his pawn to e4, prompting Jackie to capture it with her king, and blunder into mate. "Checkmate. Guess you could say my queen's queen of the hill," Numakawa declared as he moved his queen to e5, winning the game.

Skaberghast waited intently, but his DESPER deactivated on the spot, not even bothering to shave Jackie bald as punishment for losing. "So it couldn't handle the losing conditions, but it did say the winning conditions were fine. Hmm..."

"Professor, why'd you even propose such a condition?" Olga asked.

"Because I want to see how intelligent he's truly become."

"But what about Jackie!?"

"Hey, it's for science. Besides, it could take years to happen, or never happen at all."

"But you're confident it will happen. We all know how lazy you are."

A malicious smirk appeared on Skaberghast's face. "Well got me there. Turns out there is something I'm holding from you, but explaining it would be a bitch so end of conversation."

...

In London, the poor girl that had been kidnapped by Svetlana and forced to play against Red Reaper, fell to the ground, dead.

"Didn't expect you to end things so mercifully, or on the ground," Grigori snickered as Red Reaper reloaded his pistol.

"I'm simply in a rush. I imagine Xiao Lin and her SPCMs will delay the oni-tiger, but for how long remains to be seen. Once I get a new DESPER, about 40 minutes will have passed since I was last on the hunt here. I want as much time as I can to slaughter all of that bastard's friends, before he returns," Red Reaper glared.

As he stepped off the boat, he paused as he noticed someone staring at him from the alley. Recognizing the person, Red Reaper angrily stormed over.

"So care to tell me why you forgot to tell me about the secret puzzle cafe here?"

"Why would I tell you about it?"

As soon as Red Reaper revealed that he had the ability to warp to any secret puzzle cafe in the world, the figure bit their lip and apologized before informing Red Reaper of the cafe's exact location.

As that happened, Plum stupid just happened to be walking by, and caught a glimpse of the conversation. Not wanting to stick around though, he ran off in a hurry. "Why wuz she talkin with a reaper? Betta tell Scharla."

The full game:

White: Syouma Numakawa (404) Black: Jackie Egghead (1000)

1. g4 g5

2. f4 gxf4

3. d4 e5

4. h4 Qxh4+

5. Rxh4 exd4

6. Qxd4 Bg7

7. Qxg7 Ke7

8. Qxh8 Kd6

9. Bxf4+ Kd5

10. e4+ Kxe4

11. Qe5#