The Voice Still Unheard

WARNING: This chapter contains depiction of suicide and self harm that may be unsuitable for some readers. Please, read at your own discretion.

For the rest of the day and the next, I stayed on my bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. My eyes were closed, but sleep never came. The cold seeped into my bones, but I didn’t bother to move or reach for another sheet. I just... couldn't bring myself to care.

My phone rang again—probably the fortieth time today. The girls have been trying to reach me, and their concern is evident in every missed call and unread message. But I ignored them all. Their efforts, their care... wasted on someone like me.

I know they want to help, to pull me out of this pit, but I don’t think they can. Maybe if I were a bigger fan, I’d have welcomed their concern and opened up to them without hesitation. But instead, all I could do was laugh bitterly at myself. What a twisted, pointless thought.

Out of curiosity, I grabbed my phone and pulled up Line. Ninety-one missed notifications. Has it really been that much? I guess it has been a whole day. From dusk to dawn, all I've done was sulk in my bed, thinking about nothing.

Suguha: "Yozora? Are you alright?"

Natsume: "Please, answer us, Yozora.

Suguha: "Is there anything we can do for you? We're free right now. Maybe we can come over and talk?"

Mitsuki: "Yozora. Are you really asleep? Can you at least reply once?"

For a moment, I thought about it. However, the moment my fingers were about to touch the screen, I pulled them away.

Mitsuki: "If you're not going to, just know that we're here, Yozora. Whatever you need, whenever you need it, ask. Just like you've been doing for us, we'll do the same for you."

With that, I flipped my phone off and tossed it aside. I finally lifted myself off the bed. Without even bothering to put on my signature jacket, I stepped outside of the hotel and out onto the bustling streets.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t walk straight. I bumped into shoulders left and right, drawing annoyed glances and concerned looks. A few people even stopped to ask if I was alright, but I ignored them, pressing on with my uneven stride.

It didn’t take long for me to reach a bridge hovering over a busy highway. Below, cars raced through, caught in the endless flow of night traffic. Apart from me, the bridge was empty.

I gripped the cold metal railing, my knuckles turning white. So many cars. I wonder... If I were to jump right now... would this pain in my chest finally go away? Would the constant noise in my head finally go silent?

I can’t believe I'm even thinking this. I've hit rock bottom so many times, yet the thought of ending it all never crossed my mind before. What’s changed? Why am I suddenly considering the unthinkable? Why do I care so much to even entertain the idea? If it really didn’t bother me... then why am I here, standing alone on this bridge?

The cold, dark truth is that I do care... because it is my fault. All of it. I couldn’t keep Dad from leaving, I couldn’t stop Mom from falling apart, and I failed Kimiko—because when it mattered the most, I didn’t care enough to try. Every bit of it... is on me.

I'm not anyone special. I'm just a broken child—insignificant... with nothing to my name... just full of mental scars. Oftentimes, I'm scared that no matter what I do, these thoughts will never truly go away. Even when the girls were willing to help me, I shut them down. All I had to do was say yes, to tell them all about me... but how could I?

I wanted to tell them everything—every dark thought, every burden that's been weighing on my mind. But I couldn't. The words were there, stuck in my throat, but something deep inside kept telling me to stay silent. As much as I wanted to lean on them, to let them in for once, I just... couldn’t. They have their own lives and their own struggles. I can't be the one to add more to their load. Even if it kills me, I won’t be the reason they suffer too.

Even if it kills me... Huh...?

With a heavy breath, I turned back to the edge of the bridge.

"Wow... I'm really doing this... aren't I...?" I muttered, my voice barely a whisper. "Hey, guys? Can you hear me? If you can... I'm sorry. I just... can't take this anymore. I don't want to feel like this. I want to forget... everything... This world... this life..."

I pulled myself up, my arms steady yet trembling at the same time. My heart pounded harder than ever. Alarms were ringing in my head, but I won’t cave. I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

And yet, my hands still clung to the railing. My body was set, but it seemed like my mind was begging me to stop, to stay here, to keep living. But why? Why can't it just... let me go?

One jump. One little push and it'll all be over.

Just like that, my hands let go. I felt myself falling. Any moment now... I'll be able to finally rest. But, just like everything that has ever happened in my life, it didn't end the way I thought it would.

I felt myself leaning, but just as quickly, I was back on the ground, still on the bridge. My hands trembled uncontrollably, breaths coming in ragged gasps, while my heart... just kept on beating, refusing to quit.

I'm... still alive. I hadn't fallen forward. I was falling backward. When did I pull myself back across the railings? Why...

Suddenly, I heard a subtle ring. I tilted my head over to see that my phone was on the ground, the screen flashing as an incoming call was coming through. It read...

"N-Nae..."

Hesitantly, I picked up the phone, answered the call, and held it to my ear.

"What's up, Big Bro?" her cheerful voice sang through the speakers. "Just calling to check on ya. So? How is it? Please, tell me you're having fun or, at the very least... Eh... I don't even know why I'm asking. Course you're not, you freaking weirdo. Even though you went with Sunayomi, no less..."

I put my hand over my mouth, trying to hide my rapid, uneven breaths.

"Big Bro? You there?" she asked. "Did you forget to unmute or something?"

As steadily as I could, I replied. "I'm here, Nae."

"Oh, good. I thought I was talking to myself for a second there. So? Has Osaka been treating you nicely?"

"...Yeah. What about you? How... How are you holding up?"

"Me? I'm absolutely peachy. Miss Mitsuki sent me a care package! And it's like... huge. There were a bunch of necessities like food and stuff, and they're all expensive as hell! Like... One second. Ah! Here it is. Marinated Kobe Beef and Asparagus on White Rice. It's frozen pre-packaged food, but dang, it's freaking delicious."

As I listened along, her words were slowly fading into garbled muffles. Just hearing her voice was too much, and eventually... I felt the cold sting of tears wetting my eyes.

"...There were also some makeup bags filled with super expensive accessories," she continued. "Don't know if I'll ever be using them, but I guess it's nice to have. I've also been keeping the apartment clean, so don't worry about that. And—"

"Nae," I said, stopping her from going any further. "I... I'm glad you're doing okay. I'll be back in about a week, so... s-so stay safe."

There isn't anyone in the world who knows me better than Nae. With my breathy voice and stutter, she knew immediately that something was wrong.

"Brother...?" she mumbled. "Is... everything okay?"

"...Yeah. Just... take care of yourself. I'll see you soon. Alright?"

She hesitated, but she was willing to entertain me for once.

"Okay..." she replied. "I'll wait for you to come back. You'd better come and see me the moment you land back in Tokyo."

"Haha. Don't worry. I will. Bye, Nae."

"Yeah. Bye, Brother."

With that, I hung up. For a while, I leaned against the railings and contemplated, watching the oncoming traffic. However, no matter how many breaths I took, despite my efforts to hold it in... the tears came flowing down my face.

I kept myself from screaming, but I couldn't do anything about my convulsive gasps.

Nae... I can't believe I was about to leave her on her own. What kind of a shitty brother am I? How could I even think about it... when there is someone who still cares about me? And not just her. Sunayomi...

After I had calmed down a bit, I pulled out my phone again and opened Line.

Me: "I'm okay, guys. Thanks."

Suguha: "Yozora! He replied! Wooo!"

Mitsuki: "Sure took your sweet time, you loser. And here I was thinking you had died. Don't ever do that again, not while you're our assistant."

Me: "Don't worry. I won't."

Natsume: "We were so worried, Yozora. Are you really okay? Do you need us to come visit your room?"

Me: "No, I'm fine. Thank you, though. I'm gonna rest a bit more. I'll see you guys tomorrow."

I slipped my phone back into my pocket after we exchanged goodnights. For what I hoped would be the last time tonight, I let out a sigh... but this time, I couldn’t help but smile.

That’s right. There are people I can lean on now. People who genuinely care and want to help. And for that... I’ll show my appreciation by staying here, by letting them care for me.

Suddenly, my phone began to ring again. Is it Nae? I wonder what she needs this time. However, it wasn't Nae.

The screen read, 'Yoshino Yoko.'