Am I truly accepted?
Should you admire your life? Or should it be something you think is merely a painful experience? I myself am stuck between both. Should I continue living for the sake of a single person while ninety-nine percent of the population doesn't care? Or should I leave the world and bring mass despair towards that person who deeply cares for me? I've been stuck in this loophole ever since Junior high. Ever since Junior high, my life has consisted of hurting others and myself. Each time, I always repeat these exact same words: "Just deal with it, then disregard it in the future."
It didn't work. Every single time. I attempt to mentally prepare myself, but it only turns out to be completely futile. It only damages the wounds even further. I've already accepted the fact that I'll keep repeating those mistakes until I've had enough and soon finally take my life for granted. Choices are hard to make, and I realized that at a very young age, as anyone would figure. One mistake could risk your entire relationship, career, or even your life.
And I have already made a crucial choice that affects everything that I had just mentioned.
Seeing the world as a place where nobody cares about anyone but themselves, I learned to be selfish and put walls around everyone I've met. Only then, I don't have to harm anyone else or myself in the future anymore, and I can live the melancholic life I neither hate nor love.
As hopeless and despondent life may be, I will force myself to push myself to the limits until I finally reach my breaking point and break off from the hell I live in. Until I can live in complete despair and isolation, only then I can leave without any penalties.