Jester's toilet trap [Special]

Kuon scowled as she stared at the man at her front door. "Get lost, you deadbeat piece of shit."

"Daddy needs some money, so hand it over," Jester grumbled as he barged in.

A sleeping Nyoan was quickly roused as she sensed Jester's presence and began hissing.

"The hell's this giant possum?"

"That's MY Kitty cat!" Kuon glared.

"More like naked mole rat."

"Hss, Who are you, nya," Nyoan glared.

Kuon let out a heavy sigh. "This bastard is apparently my biological grandfather, although the family disowns him, myself included."

"HE'S YOUR GRANDPA!?"

"You bet I am! I've fucked more bitches than Genghis Khan, and have the biggest army of brethren in the world!" Jester declared.

"And 10 times scummier than Khan ever was," Kuon snarled as Jester began singing his theme song.

"YO YOI! I am the greatest criminal from the depths of Edo. The great daimyo of organized crime. Everyone fears my name! For every atrocity, I have attained! Murder! Kidnapping! Drug Smuggling! None can match my Might! Theft! Assault! War Crimes! All now fear my wrath! With my evil ninjitsu I will conquer all that’s good. They say Jesters are the fools, WELL WHO'S LAUGHING NOW DUMBASS! Lalalalalala! Jester-sama is the evil, dastardly, wicked, inhumane, dark ninjutsu daimyo! Oh oh oh oh! Yooooooo!”

"Ny- Nya... What was that cringe, nya?" Nyoan cringed as Jester finished singing.

"HUH!? MY THEMESONG'S LIT! YOU WANNA DIE, RAT!?"

"'RAT'!? I'M A CAT, NYA!"

Not wanting her house destroyed, Kuon decided to intervene and propose the two settle things with chess. Of course, given Jester's cheating streak, Kuon feared things would only get worse.

"Buwahahaha! I go first! Jester cackled as he slammed his pawn down on h4.

"NYA! I wanted to go first, nya!" Nyoan fumed as she moved her knight to a6.

"Too bad! Hey look! A giant toilet! Perfect to flush hairless naked mole rat shit like you down!" Jester cackled as he moved his pawn to e4.

"Ny- I'M NYOT A RAT, NYA!" Nyoan fumed as she moved her knight to c5.

"Oi! You flushed my toilet! Well guess I'll shove a bitch into the bowl... I win I'M shoving your head into the toilet bowl!" Jester laughed as he moved his queen to f3.

"NYA! I hate toilets, nya!" Nyoa shrieked as she moved her pawn to e5.

"Huh? Then uh, you shit your pants?" Jester asked as he moved his bishop to c4.

"Nyo! I use a litterbox, nya," Nyo stated as she moved her queen to f6.

"Well then I'll shove your head into the litterbox too!" Jester sneered as he moved his pawn down on d4.

Nyoan hissed and promptly captured said pawn with her e-pawn, but then Jester moved his bishop to g5, however, Nyoan simply slid her queen over to g6.

"OI! You can't move your queen!" Jester fumed as he moved his pawn to h5.

"NYAHAHAHA! You think I'm stupid? I'm the greatest chess player in the world, nya!" Nyoan gloated as she captured the bishop at g5 with her queen.

Jester went silent before suddenly bursting into uncontrollable laughter. "BAKA BAKA BAKA! YOU BLEW IT!" Jester shouted as he captured the pawn at f7 with his queen.

Nyoan went pale and screamed in agony as she was forced to move her king to d8. "NYO! NYOT THE TOILET, NYA!"

"TOO BAD, YOU LOSE, BITCH! JESTER CHECKMATE SUPER ATTACK JUTSU!" Jester shouted as he captured the bishop at f8 with his queen, winning the game.

Kuon let out an annoyed groan as Jester began dragging Nyoan to the bathroom. "And he didn't cheat either. Damn him. Well, I suppose I'd rather have him play with Nyoan, then my prized kitty," she thought as she headed for the basement.

Once she was there, she flicked on the lights to reveal a bound and gagged Hagemi sitting in a chair. Hagemi was now sporting a cat-ear headband and had whiskers drawn on her face with marker, however, she was far from the obedient little kitty cat Kuon wanted her to be.

As Kuon approached Hagemi, she tilted up her head and gazed down at the glaring, but emotionally scarred eyes staring up at her. "Oh don't give me that look, you're going to be contributing greatly to the world of chess, when you lose to me, your ONLY rival," she cooed as she stroked Hagemi's head.

Meanwhile in the bathroom...

"BUWAHAHAHA! Waterboarding rules!" Jester laughed as he shoved Nyoan's face into the toilet bowl.

"BLGH NGH MMPH, NGH [NYA! I HATE WATER, NYA]!"

This would mark the start of an unruly partnership between the two.

The full game:

White: Jester (Buwahahaha) Black: Nyoan Nyakuoji (999)

1. h4 Na6

2. e4 Nc5

3. Qf3 e5

4. Bc4 Qf6

5. d4 exd4

6. Bg5 Qg6

7. h5 Qxg5

8. Qxf7+ Kd8

9. Qxf8#