Truths Only Reveal My Secrets (2/2)

Mura-san's voice snapped me out of my daze. "Um, I don't think I've asked you yet. What's your name?"

"I'm Suzuki."

"Oh, from which class?"

"Ah, it's-" SorryIcan'ttellyouyet!! I quickly crammed the sentence into my mind.

"I'm sorry, Mura-san. I can't tell you." Phew. That was close...My heart sank to my chest in relief. Or perhaps it was guilt.

Mura-san's eyebrows knitted, but she didn't push me to answer. "It's okay, but why not?"

Excuse after excuse popped up in my mind. 'I'm shy', 'I'm nervous', perhaps even a joking 'I'm trying to be mysterious'. Maybe I would have said one of those things if I was talking with my mouth.

But I was talking with my heart, and those things wouldn't cut it.

"I'm not really who most people think I am," my clone spoke, his voice trembling. "If I show you who I am...you'll be disappointed. The me right now is an imposter no matter where I go, Mura-san. I'm not good enough for you."

There was a long silence.

And then, CLANG. A loud noise suddenly reverberated through the locker, startling me. It was Mura-san - she banged a fist against the locker door.

"Why would you say that?" Mura-san exclaimed, her voice shaking. "There's no such thing as 'not being good enough for me', Suzuki-kun. You and I are worth the same. Everyone is! You shouldn't say something like that-"

Mura-san cut herself off. She took a deep breath. Clang. Her hand bumped softly against the locker door.

"Sorry. I overreacted. I just don't want to hear someone who values me so much say something like that about themselves. Even if you think think you have a lot of issues, it just means you're not ready, not that you're worth any less...so please don't ever say that again."

I-I'm sorry...The words almost rushed out of my mouth, but I barely held them in as my clone threw himself at my mouth, holding my lips shut.

"You're incredible, Mura-san," my clone continued speaking for me. "for seeing so much good in everyone. But I'm not as kind and honest as you are. I'm living a lie. It's hard to see that much value in myself."

I felt a gentle bump on the side of the locker - Mura-san must've moved over there. I leaned towards the side and heard her clothes brush against the other side of the metal - she was leaning, too. I could almost feel her body warmth through the wall...or perhaps I was imagining things. A tension tugged at my heart as I wondered to myself...how much would it take for me to reach you through this thin layer of steel?

"I get it," Mura-san said at last, breaking the silence. My heart ached at the dejection in her voice. "Even though I said all that stuff, I don't see my own worth that way, either."

"What?" Surprised, I turned to her direction. "But you contribute so much to the people around you. You're kind to everyone, you're a responsible class president and you're even the student council secretary..."

"See, that secretary position...I only got it because of S-my friend in the council," she mumbled, frustrated. "A student council member should be confident and be able to talk to large groups, right? Well, I'm neither of those things. I don't deserve to be secretary. The other members never talk about this, but...it's obvious. I can see that they assign me less work. It's infuriating."

Her pain gnawed at me. Mura-san had always been so perfect, so flawless in my eyes...but she had her struggles, too. Of course she does. She's just as human as anyone else. I put a hand against the cold steel, wishing I could hug her and comfort her. But it remained there, an impenetrable wall I couldn't break through, guarding my identity and my genuine feelings.

"God...what am I doing? Sorry for suddenly saying all those depressing things." She breaks out a forced chuckle.

"It's okay, Mura-san. I want to know more about you. Whatever you want to say, I want to hear it." My clone responded without hesitation, his voice firm.

I heard Mura-san exhale softly through the wall. The sounds were amplified through it, and I felt closer to her than I'd ever been, yet still not close enough. "Thanks," she whispered with a slight sniffle.

We stayed like that for a while, neither of us speaking. The air conditioning hummed quietly in the background, the tick, tocks of the mechanical clock becoming louder and louder.

"Suzuki-kun, are you really not going to come out?"

I fought an uphill battle against my thoughts until my fear overwhelmed me. "No...sorry."

"Then I guess I have no choice," Mura-san sighed. Ka-clang. A soft impact came from both sides of the locker. I sat there for 30 quiet seconds, trying to figure out what was happening. Then it occurred to me.

She's hugging your locker, dumbass.

My cheeks heated up as I heard Mura-san's soft breaths again. She was quietly, very quietly, chuckling. So damn cute. "I feel kind of silly," she complained, a childlike tone seeping from her voice.

"Would it be better if you held my hand?"

My eyes widened in shock as my clone spoke - even I didn't see that coming. Had my subconscious always been this bold?? My entire face burned as I slowly came to terms with what I just said.

SIlence.

Then I heard a soft tap against the locker door.

Clink, clink.

"Open up," Mura-san murmured, her voice wavering. "Then I’ll reach in, okay?"

My clone and I exchanged shocked glances. I reached up to get a glimpse of her through the slits. Mura-san was staring back, her eyes lit up with the usual glow...and a bit of embarrassment.

I was sure my brain shut off for a few moments there, but thanks to my clone's nudging, I barely managed to open a tiny crack in the locker door. When Mura-san reached in, I suddenly felt self-conscious. "Um, actually, my hand is kind of small. Kind of like a girl's, so-"

A sudden sensation jolted through my fingertips as she touched my hand. My fingers retracted involuntarily, but she reached in further and curled her fingers around mine, wrapping her palm around my hand.

It's...warm.

Tentatively, I closed my fingers around her hand as well.

"Suzuki-kun," she said, her voice a soft whisper. "Your hand is so cold."

Suzuki-kun. I felt a strange sense of satisfaction when she called me that. So much so that I didn't even mind when my clone delivered his next embarrassing line.

"It's not my hand that's cold, Mura-san, it's your hand that's warm."

Mura-san sighed, not impressed by the joke, but eventually couldn't help but chuckle. We stayed like that for a few more moments, neither of us saying another word, our fingers intertwined.

After a while, we released each other's grip. I sighed as the cold air rushed against my palm once more.

"Promise you'll find me someday, okay?" Mura-san got up, leaning against the locker for support as she did. "No matter who you are, I'm going to accept you."

"I promise."

"And when you do, confess to me properly, silly."

H-huh?

"Well, I'll leave this classroom to you. See ya!" Mura-san gave me a grin and a small wave through the slits before finally leaving.

I stayed in the locker after she left. Eventually, I tumbled out of the locker, sighing in relief as I lay on the cold floor of the classroom. My clone was nowhere to be seen.

I stared at my hand for a while, the wisps of her touch still warming the tips of my fingers, her voice still ringing in my head. I glanced at the broom lying beside me.

"Alright," I stood up, dusted myself off, and got to cleaning.

I will, Mura-san.