My Secrets, My Words, My Feelings and I (2/2)

I groan softly as the unpleasant feeling washes through me. Hearing my clone's warnings sound in the back of my mind again, I open the floodgate holding back my thoughts and try to explain them in a way Mura-san would understand.

"Girls our age start wearing bikinis, right? They start thinking about how to show, um, girl power through that," I gesture to the pool with no particular target, but Mura-san's gaze follows my hand anyway, her expression serious. "When you're wearing a swimsuit, it's almost like it's screaming, 'Hey, look at me! I'm a girl! Don't I look super feminine?' ...I really hate that."

I glance over at Mura-san. She processes my words, stroking her chin as she considers my stance. "Huh..." What I don't expect is for her to look downwards...at her own bikini.

"Ah-ah!" I let out a strained noise as she looks down. "I-I'm not saying there's anything wrong with wearing a bikini! You look stunning in yours, Mura-san. It really suits you...or something."

What am I saying?? I bury my face in my hands, trying to hide my embarrassment.

When I look up again, Mura-san isn't facing me. Perhaps it's a trick of light...but the tips of her ears seem to turn a little pinker.

"...well, you know what I mean." I clear my throat and adjust my posture, turning away from her as well. "It's just...for me, personally, it feels wrong wearing it. Like...breaking dried clay into pieces just to fit it into a mold."

It takes both of us a while to regroup. Eventually, Mura-san sits a little closer to me and meets my eyes as she responds. "Honestly, I've never thought of it that way before...but this does remind me of a conversation I've had with, uh, someone." She pauses, looking to the side as she refreshes her memory. "They told me that they're not who everyone else thinks they are, and that they feel like an imposter, living a lie..."

I freeze at her words - words eerily familiar to me.

'I'm not really who most people think I am. If I show you who I am...you'll be disappointed. The me right now is an imposter no matter where I go, Mura-san.'

'You're incredible, Mura-san, for seeing so much good in everyone. But I'm not as kind and honest as you are. I'm living a lie. It's hard to see that much value in myself.'

Huh?

"Is it perhaps something like that?" Mura-san turns to me, her eyebrows slightly furrowed, but an iconic curious glint evident in her eyes.

"O-oh, yes. It's...exactly like that," I stammer, tripping over my thoughts.

"Speaking of this person," Mura-san continues with a sigh, "I want to get to know him better, but he never revealed their identity to me..." She speaks faster and faster, her eyes constantly darting up and left. "He only told me his name was 'Suzuki', so I literally interrogated 5 Suzuki-kuns but none of them were-"

"Mura-san," I interrupt, my voice drowning out the splashes and chatters of the swimming pool.

Mura-san stops talking and turns to me, her eyes wide with confusion.

"Actually, I'm the 6th Suzuki-kun."

"Huh?"

I expect myself to stop breathing as my consciousness dissolves. I expect the groups of people around us to stop what they're doing and turn to stare at me.

At the very least, I expect my clone to pop out and scream to his heart's content.

But nothing happens. The world only stops for a second, my mind a blank slate. A whirlwind of emotions register in Mura-san's eyes as time freezes in place.

"Himari-chan~! Come down, we're playing a game that requires 7 people!" Saki's voice cuts the air between us like a knife, sending the world back into motion.

Then the splashes and chatter continue, the scent of chlorine wafts through the air, and an army of girls in bikinis rush towards us.

Wait, what?

"Ah, but-"

"Girls, CHARGEEEEEE~!"

Before Mura-san gets a chance to speak, 5 bikini girls wrap their arms around her limbs, capturing her in a fit of giggles. Saki, stands behind them in a commander's pose with her finger pointing squarely at us, her eyes glinting in determination.

The bikini army drags and sends Mura-san into the water, diving behind her. Saki is the last to enter, but before she does, she gives me a mischievous wink.

"Sorry to interrupt, Kira-chan. We'll be borrowing Himari-chan for a second."

With that, she dives into the water as well and orders the girls to 'get into position'.

I stare into space for a while. Then a wave of emotions come as quickly as they wash away, and I bend over, laughing uncontrollably. I laugh, and laugh, and laugh, until I choke on the smell of chlorinated pool water.

What a cruel scent.

⋆⛧*┈┈┈┈﹤୨♡୧﹥ ┈┈┈┈*⛧⋆

Dear Mura-san,

Last Saturday, I said many puzzling things to you. One among them is probably the most puzzling of all. If you would allow me to explain, I am waiting on the rooftop. Please come as soon as you receive this letter.

Love,

Suzuki Kira

With the draft typed out, I take a sheet from the memo pad I just bought and begin copying the note. Mid-way, I pause, unsure of the next part.

Is 'Love' going overboard? Will it scare her off? Maybe I should go with something more...friendly, like 'Cheers' or 'Best wishes'...but that doesn't make much sense, either...maybe I should just go without it.

A voice speaks up in the back of my mind. What are you overthinking for, idiot? 'Love' is fine. Just write it.

The voice, I've noticed, isn't particularly deep or masculine. Rather, it sounds much like my own - a voice of normal pitch, of typical quality, of neutral tone. A voice I've heard so many times, I don't know how else I'd describe it.

In fact, I haven't heard my clone's voice since my confession at the swimming pool.

I check the clock - 15 minutes past 11 pm. It's about time I go to bed. I have to sleep extra early tonight, since I need to wake up extra early tomorrow. I take a deep breath and go through the plan in my head.

Wake up an hour earlier than usual and arrive school before Mura-san. Leave the note in her shoe cupboard. Head to the rooftop and anxiously wait for her arrival...or the chime of the bell.

I shake my head. It's Mura-san - even if she thinks I've gone insane, she'll probably still show up to the rooftop. Because that's just the kind of person she is.

I face my mirror, ignoring the self-deprecating buzzes in my head. Who cares if I look like a 12-year-old boy or a 56-year-old uncle? No matter what I think, what anyone else thinks of the image in front of me, I'll say it out loud. Those three syllables.

I practice it over and over again in my head.

Mura-san, I...