Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty Four

“Henry, could you come downstairs, please?”

I set my book—101 Ways to Blow Up the Moon—on my bed and slowly made my way downstairs. I found my parents in the living room, sitting beside each other on the couch. Grandpa Teddy sat in the recliner opposite them. Ethan was hanging upside down from the ceiling. Also, Ethan was a snail.

“Take a seat, Henry,” Mom said, motioning toward the giant, empty flowerpot that had replaced our tv.

Climbing inside, I noticed the grim looks on everybody’s faces. My stomach began to turn somersaults inside me—which was made even worse when Dad got up to hand me the Ice Cream Cone of Bad News.

“What happened?” I asked, holding the ICCoBN above my head like the Statue of Liberty’s torch. “Did we lose the fridge again? I can put some posters up and—”

“Henry,” Grandpa Teddy interrupted me, “we have some bad news.”

“Henry, we have some bad news,” the Ethan snail copied him in a voice that sounded like he’d been breathing helium.

“The results of the DNA tests just came in.”

“The results of the DNA tests just came in.”

I bit my lip. “What did they say?”

Grandpa Teddy was wearing a diaper now. “They said…actually, I think it’d be best if your parents explained it to you.”

“Smraf rethgual eht dliub yllaer t’ndid dobahcI wonk uoy.” said the Ethan snail.

“Henry, you know that we love you,” Mom said with a tear running down her cheek. “And nothing will ever change that.”

“But,” Dad joined in, holding Mom’s hand, “it…it looks like we’re not your real parents.”

I sat back in my flowerpot. “I’m not?”

Mom shook her head. “The tests say you’re not even a klaon, Henry.”

“Not a…” I shook my head. “If I’m not a klaon, then what am I?”

Mom shared a look with Dad, and Dad took a deep breath. “Henry, according to the DNA test, you’re actually…”

“What?” I demanded, the anticipation gnawing on me.

“You are,” Mom said, “a tuba.”

I froze. A tuba? Now that it had been said out loud, everything suddenly made sense. How had I never seen the signs? My shiny brass skin. The fact that I had no arms or legs, and my head was shaped like a big funnel. The way only boys from the school marching band ever asked me out on dates.

“BLLLOOOOOOOOORRRRGH!” I screamed in terror, my eyes snapping open and my horse legs kicking out wildly. Then I stopped. This wasn’t the living room. It was the entryway! And why did my head feel like a Sasquatch was pogo sticking on it?

“Henry?” a familiar voice asked. “Are you all right?”

I turned to see Ethan, and relief washed over me. He wasn’t a snail, and his voice didn’t sound like he’d sucked up an entire Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon. It had just been a horrible…

I saw who was standing next to him.

"YOU!" I yelled. My hands shot out to strangle Paura, but the female ghul nimbly leaped out of my reach.

"Henry, calm down!" Ethan shouted. I scrambled to get up, but my hooves slid uselessly across the smooth hardwood floors.

Ethan jumped in front of me, putting his hands on my shoulders and bringing his face close to mine. I froze, my heart suddenly jackhammering just as hard as my head. What was he doing? Was he actually, finally, going to kiss—

"Henry, listen," he said. "Paura says she knows where Con is!"

I blinked slowly, trying to figure out what he was…oh, right. My brother. He was talking about rescuing Con—not confessing his love and starting a weeklong make out session.

I pushed him aside and glared at the female ghul, who was standing with her back to the corner. Her silver eyes were wide, and even though her mouth was closed, one of her fangs poked out from beneath her lip. She looked like a cornered animal, ready to claw the face off of anyone who threatened her.

"Of course she knows where Con is," I spat, slowly and more carefully getting to my hooves. "She probably kidnapped him on top of all the other crap she's been doing!"

I looked around until I saw Splatsy, who was lying close to where I'd brained myself. I thought about picking her up, but then I raised my eyes and met the ghul girl's gaze. One wrong move, if I even hinted that I wanted to hurt her, and she would bolt. I couldn't let that happen. Not when she was my only lead to finding Con.

"Give me one good reason I shouldn't call the Council of Shnoob right now," I said in the most menacing voice I could muster. "All I have to do is tell them I’ve caught the rogue ghul and Con's name will be cleared!"

"For now, yes," she replied. I couldn't help but shiver. You know how it feels when a chill goes down your spine? Her voice was that feeling, but as a sound.

I narrowed my eyes. “What do you mean?”

"Pin those murders on me, have me executed, and he’ll be in the clear,” she explained. “But only until they find the next corpse.”

“There won’t be any more corpses,” I growled, fighting the urge to Splatsify her there and then.

She ignored me. “Maybe they’ll blame that one on me too. Maybe they’ll think they didn’t find all of my victims before executing me. But then they’ll find another. And another. How many more bodies do you think it’ll take for them to come after Con again? Then he’ll be right back where he is now, hunted like an animal by your insane cousin—and this time there won’t be anyone else for you to shift the blame to.”

I clenched my teeth, my cheeks turning blue with anger. After everything she’d done, all the trouble she’d caused me and my brother, she still had the nerve to pretend none of this was her fault.

“Or you can let me help you,” she continued. “I can take you to Con, and together we can find out what’s really going on here.”

“I already know what’s going on,” I hissed, pointing accusingly at her. “I saw you with Con at the park!”

“I was just trying to talk to him,” Paura insisted. “To figure out what’s gotten into him.”

“Then why did you attack Ethan?”

Paura raised her hands in exasperation. “You fell out of a tree and started chasing me with a sledgehammer! What would you do in that situation?”

“Do you really expect me to believe—”

“Henry, calm down,” Ethan said, putting his hand on my arm. “I know you’re scared for Con, but please just listen to her.”

Jade came to put her hand on my other arm. “If she is the one killing people, it wouldn’t make logical sense for her to come here. Not when everybody already blames Con.”

“There must be something she knows that we don’t,” Ethan agreed. “And we don’t have any other clues as to where Con might be, so listening to Paura is our best option right now.”

I scowled at him. What Ethan was saying made sense, but it made sense in a way I didn’t like. I had already figured everything out myself. All the pieces fit into the puzzle perfectly, or at least as perfectly as I cared to make them fit. If I did what Ethan said and listened to Paura, then who knew how long it would take before I could piece together this brand new puzzle?

And what if those pieces led me to an answer I didn’t want to hear?

“Let’s say I don’t smash your head in right now,” I told her hesitantly. “Where would you take us to look for him?”

Paura blinked in surprise, as if she hadn’t expected me to actually listen to her. “I know exactly where he is. And if we hurry, we can get there before your cousin does.”

I clenched my fist, my thoughts and feelings whirling around inside me like fruit in a blender. If I trusted her, even just a little, then that meant I was opening myself to the possibility of Con being the rogue ghul after all. How much easier would it be just to nab Paura, drag her to Mauldibamm, and tell the council to call off their manhunt for Con?

If you ignore all of the clues and jump straight to the conclusion you want to be true, the annoyingly logical voice whispered in my head, then you’re no better than Cousin Gumdrop.

“All right,” I said grudgingly, “I’ll trust you…for now.”

Ethan, Paura, and even Jade let out sighs of relief.

“But!” I held up a finger. “If you even think about Zombiesauruscorn Rex, I’ll mash your potatoes straight out of this dimension!”