Reunion

Ayane was leaning against the rocks that lined the edge of the open air baths. Iwasaki and Inaba had invited her to join them as this would be the last day before their trip was over. If she was being honest, she really didn't feel all that up to it, but she figured it might at least help her to unwind. Though unfortunately, she still couldn't stop replaying the events of this morning over and over in her mind.

She had no idea that Kawaguchi Hina, the woman she respected and admired, was just a pen name. Or that the woman behind the name would turn out to be Ren's mom. Ayane could remember him telling her about her once, how she had just disappeared one day, and how it had been the beginning of Ren's anxiety issues. Ayane hadn't pried any further since then. It felt unfair to bring all of that pain back to the forefront, especially now that he had finally started to grow confidence in himself again. But in the end, that was exactly what ended up happening anyway.

She wasn't sure exactly how she had pictured a reunion between the two to go. A lot of tears and anger, maybe. The reality was far less explosive. His mother had fled the scene as soon as she had spotted Ren. She had mumbled something about needing to go book in to her room, but she needn't have bothered. It was clear that it was just an excuse to avoid her son.

How could she be so cruel?

Ren didn't say anything after his mother had left. He just stood there for a moment staring at the spot she had been standing, before quietly sitting back down, turning his eyes to the floor. He looked so distraught that it had made Ayane's heart ache. She wished that she could do something to make it better, to say something. But what could she possibly say? The only thing that came to mind was "I'm sorry", and she knew that wasn't good enough.

She sank lower into the water, until it was touching her nose. Bubbles formed in the water as she exhaled deeply. She heard a splash from somewhere behind her and lifted her head to see her cousin floating nearby.

“You okay?” Iwasaki asked.

Ayane gave her a small nod, but it was no use pretending. Iwasaki could see straight through her anyway.

“You can tell me anything, you know?”

"It's... Ren.”

“Have you had a falling out?”

Inaba had swam over to join them.

“No, it's nothing like that. He's going through a hard time right now, and I don't know what to do.”

“Whatever it is, you know him best. You'll figure something out,” reassured Inaba.

“Maybe…” Ayane replied, unconvinced.

Ayane dragged herself out of the baths not long after that. She just couldn't get in the right mood to relax, no matter how hard she tried. Iwasaki and Inaba wished her good luck with her troubles, and she forced a smile in return. Once she was in the changing room, she dried herself off and slipped back into her clothes. Just as she made her way over to the exit, she heard the rustling of the curtain and a familiar face appeared. The face of someone she wouldn't forget any time soon. The face of Ren's mother, Kawaguchi Hina.

“Oh, you're the young lady from this morning,” she smiled bashfully,” Nakamura-san, wasn't it?”

Ayane nodded back without a word.

“Were you just in the baths? I was about to head in for a dip myself.”

Ayane nodded again, though her attention had drifted elsewhere. Something had just clicked into place in her mind. There was something that she could do. And she had to do it right now, before she lost the chance.

She casually stepped forward, just enough to block Kawaguchi's path.

“Can we talk?”

“Sure, I’d be happy to chat more with one of my fans.”

“Actually, it's about this morning.”

Her smile faded.

“I apologise if I caused a scene, it was a… complicated matter.”

“You think so?” Ayane pressed, “didn't look all that complicated to me. Just a mother refusing to talk to the son that she had abandoned.”

Her anger was starting to boil up. If she wasn't careful, she might take things too far. Ayane took a deep breath to steady herself and asked “why won't you talk to him?”

Kawaguchi was starting to act skittish, moving restlessly as if she was looking for any chance she could slip away.

“I-I cant, I…”

This wasn't working. At this rate, She would just be pushing her even further away. Ayane had to hit her with something that she couldn't ignore. Something to make her listen. But what?

Deep in thought, Ayane bit down on her lip.

Maybe…

“Well, I really must be going…”

Think, Ayane…!

“Hold on!” She blurted out suddenly, grabbing her by the arm, “your son, did you know Ren likes to write too?”

Critical hit!

Kawaguchi froze on the spot. Ayane loosened her grip as the author's arm drooped down by her side.

“No, I didn't know that,” she answered quietly.

“He didn't know about your identity, but your love of storytelling still rubbed off on him. I think he has been trying to reach out to you in his own way.”

Maybe she was just imagining it, but Ayane could have sworn she saw Kawaguchi's eyes start to glisten. It looked like Ayane had finally managed to get through to her.

“Don't you think it would be better to finally put this to rest? Why don't you just talk to him, properly, face to face? I think it's what you both need right now.”

She sighed, “maybe you're right. Maybe it is time I owned up to this.”

Kawaguchi gave up on her trip to the baths and reluctantly followed Ayane back out through the changing room entrance instead.

“You know,” she added, “he's lucky to have someone like you there for him.”

“I know,” Ayane softly smiled.

***

It was around noon when Ayane had found me again. She had filled me in on everything that had happened since we had parted, and now we were going to meet with the woman who was calling herself ‘Kawaguchi Hina’. My mother who had disappeared on us all those years ago.

Ayane had learned her room number, and now the both of us were stood outside her door. Now that it had actually come to it, I was hesitating. Every inch of my body was screaming at me to run. I didn't want to do this, I really didn't want to do this.

Man, I'm pathetic.

I think Ayane sensed my fears, saw how tense my body was. She wrapped her arms around me tightly, and rested her head against my chest. I focused on the sound of her soft breathing, and it calmed my nerves.

“I'm sorry about all this,” I smiled weakly, “you always seem to end up lumbered with all my issues.”

“Don't be,” Ayane shook her head, “whatever happens, we'll face it together.”

She released me and I raised my hand to knock, but my knuckles froze in mid air, hovering just above the wood.

“I really don't know what I'm supposed to say to her," I admitted.

“You don't have to say anything you don't want to. Just… be honest. With her, and with yourself."

I nodded. She was right, of course she was right. I mustered up what little courage I had and knocked. For a few moments, nothing happened. But then I caught the sounds of movement from inside, followed by the slow creak of the door opening, and there she was.

The woman before me was shorter than I remembered, though maybe I had just grown even taller over these last few years than I had realised. Her flowing long hair from my memories was also gone, now replaced by a short bob. Even then, there was no denying it. It was still the same face I had once known. She was still Tachibana Ami.

Ami motioned for us to enter her room, and closed the door once we were all inside. She sat down on the mat, resting on her knees, and motioned for the pair of us to do the same. The atmosphere felt heavy. None of us wanted to be the first to speak. Ami's eyes caught my own, and I unconsciously shifted my gaze down towards my lap.

“S-so,” Ami said, breaking the silence, “it’s been a long time.”

I could hear the trembling in her voice. She seemed just as nervous about us meeting as I was. It put me at ease, knowing it wasn't just me that was feeling that way. And I was finally able to say the first words to my mom in six years.

“Yeah, it has.”

With the look that Ayane was giving me, I expected her to butt in and say something. But she just sat there quietly, content with just listening to us talk.

“I admit, I don't know where we should begin,” Ami laughed nervously.

“I've read your books,” I said, trying to break the tension, “they're, um, some of my favourites.”

The sudden compliment caused her ears to turn bright pink.

“O-oh? I'm happy to hear that.”

“I gotta ask though, why the pen name?”

“Ah, it's a little embarrassing,” she admitted, “my editor at the time suggested I go by one for my own privacy, so I used the first one that came to mind. It… was my grandmother's name.”

Ami smiled fondly to herself before adding, “I heard you like to write too?”

“Uh, yeah I guess… I just do it for fun. It's not like it's actually any good though.”

As soon as I had said that, Ayane clicked her tongue in frustration.

“You're always putting yourself down,” she said, unable to keep quiet any longer, “it hurts to see you do that to yourself. You’re so talented, and I wish you could see it.”

“She's right, you know?” Ami added, “It’s easy to be hard on yourself, but you should give your writing a little more credit. After all, every writer starts somewhere.”

I shrugged, trying to play it off. “Maybe, but I’m no professional.”

“Neither was I when I started. I received countless rejections before any of my novels made it big. And you're already a step ahead of where I was, you've already got yourself a fan right there.”

She smiled in Ayane's direction.

“But it is true that it isn't an easy path, it can be a lonely one if you let it. I'd hate to see you end up the same way I did.”

It felt like she was trying to give me the go-ahead to ask the burning question that I had been holding onto. I gulped. I was hesitant to hear the answer, but I pushed forward despite myself.

“What did happen?”

“I guess it's come to that then, huh?”

Ami took a deep breath, closing her eyes as if searching for the right words.

“I guess it started after my first book was published. It blew up in popularity more than I could have ever expected, and suddenly everyone wanted a piece of me. I was invited to interviews, book signings, you name it. It was exciting, at first. It felt like I was finally doing something right, that all my efforts had paid off.”

Ami's voice suddenly grew shakier, her hands clasped tightly in her lap. Whatever it was, it must have been hard for her to relive it.

“But the reality of it all started to hit me. Everyone expected me to write more, to produce another smash hit. The pressure got to me and I couldn't keep up. I let it consume me. Your father, bless his soul, tried to be supportive, but he just couldn't understand the toll it was taking on me. I was pulled away for weeks at a time, and I was barely ever at home. Even when I was, I may as well not have been, locking myself away in the study to write. In the end, I needed time to myself, to be me again. So…I left. I thought about returning many times over the years, but too much time had passed. I started to think that you would all be better off without me, that you'd be happier without the mess I had b-become.”

The tears that Ami had been trying to hold back had finally started to flow.

Crap.

I had no idea how I was supposed to handle this kind of situation. My crying mother had just poured her heart out to me. What could I even say to such a confession? She wasn't the cruel woman that I had convinced myself she was. She was just a person who had made terrible mistakes, who had been lost and scared, just like I had been.

I shuffled over to her, and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. It wasn't much, but it was all I could think to do to comfort her. Ami looked up at me, and wiped her eyes with shaking hands.

“I'm s-sorry for not being there for you. I know what I did hurt you, but maybe… we can start again, somehow?”

“I'd like that,” I smiled warmly.

After she had calmed down, I returned to my spot beside Ayane, who gave a reassuring look. One that said that she was proud of me. I'm glad that she was here with me. I doubt I could have faced my mom if it wasn't for her. I lightly traced my fingers across the back of her hand, and felt her grasp my hand in response.

Ami was still wiping away the last of her tears, when she piped up again.

“I know it's going to take time,” she said, her voice still shaky but filled with a new sense of determination, “but I want to try and make things right. I’m not quite sure where to even start, but… how have you been? I’d really like to know.”

“Well,” I shifted around uncomfortably, “it's been… hard.”

The moment those words left my lips, it felt like I had managed to let go of something that had been weighing me down all this time. I could only imagine that this was how my mom had felt just felt moments ago, when she was telling me about her own past. And now that I had opened those floodgates, everything I had been holding onto for years came spilling out all at once.

“I was still only young when you left, I couldn't understand the reason why. It felt like I had lost a big part of myself. And… I was scared. Scared that if I ever got close to anyone again, the same thing would end up happening. So, I started pushing people away to avoid getting hurt.”

Ami looked away guiltily and I felt Ayane squeeze my hand a little tighter.

“But, it's not all bad,” I continued, surprising even myself with the conclusion I came to, “even after everything, I'm happy with where I am right now. I've made some very close friends, and even a girlfriend. They all helped me get back on my feet, and I wouldn't trade what I have now for anything else in the world. And now, I even got to meet you again. Whatever happened in the past, you're still my mom. We'll always be family, you, me and Hikari too. I think we'll be able to figure things out together.”

Ami perked up at the mention of Hikari's name. She had been dying to ask after her daughter too, but had held herself back, knowing that she had lost that right.

“Hikari's tough, you know, tougher than I ever was,” I said, picturing my sisters grinning face, “but I know that she would do anything to be able to meet you too.”

“I think I'd like that,” Ami smiled back, tearfully.

"Then come back with me. Come home."