Maki's Tuesday

Makio woke up late. The sun was high in the sky, and some of it onto his eye, forcing him to wake up.

He looked around, and sat on the bed. He wanted to forget yesterday. To avoid Yoshio's potential tasks, he decided not to wake him up, and instead prepare some food and leave for the city.

Hopefully, Yoshio wakes up late and does not think of asking him to talk to the fox again. Because he could not, not for the near future. He was confused and embarrassed. He did not know what he should be saying to Kōga, because it seemed like they always misunderstood each other.

He brushed his teeth and went to cook some dishes. When he poured water onto the coffee dripper, the whole sequence of events from yesterday flew in front of his eyes again, like a flashback. His hand twitched, almost slipping boiling water onto himself.

 After making coffee he cleaned the kitchen, fed the koi, made several circles around the temple picking up twigs and leaves, and then practiced some fighting moves with his fan. When he caught himself ruminating, he went up and put on some street clothes, and teleported to his usual spot in Tokyo. As he turned around the corner, he remembered how he met Kōga there last time, biting his lip.

He wanted to see him, but was afraid to see him. Thus, the best would be to avoid seeing him as long as possible.

The streets were getting after-work-hours-busy, as he walked towards the manga shop. He did not want to do anything, and here he could find some distraction manga, maybe some shōnen. That's how he disappeared from reality usually. He picked up reading manga before Yoshio's return from his seclusion. The journals were publishing more adventurous stories, as well as, some iconic romances. At the time the Roses of Versailles had changed a lot of his perspectives on romance, and gender roles.

Even though he was raised by Yoshio, who had not been very conservative, to begin with, however, the times were different 300 years ago, and the patriarchal, male-centered culture was mostly always present, even today. After getting access to the internet in the late 90s, he got into learning about the queer, trans, and drag culture of the NY club scene. He had no one to discuss it with, but found it fascinating. He then went to some underground clubs in Tokyo, where his mind was opened up once again. He enjoyed it, however, he was always determined to find that one person, thus never indulging in any one-night stands. With his looks, however, it was impossible to avoid unwanted attention. So at some point, he stopped going out altogether.

When Yoshio had returned from seclusion, and Makio had to give him some brief history lessons, he did not forget to put a small queer lesson there too, hoping that Yoshio might ask him about it one day. But he never did, so Makio never found a proper time to come out. Which now felt like a too-late situation. It seemed he knew?

Makio put the manga he was currently “reading” on the shelf loudly. He clearly could not concentrate on actually reading it. However, it was late, and the shop was clothing anyway. He walked out, not certain of what to do. One person popped up in his mind. Maybe they could talk about his issues, given that she seemed also to be a gay person, who actually has a girlfriend. He looked at his phone, the time was a bit early. No messages from anyone. He sighed. Of course. Kōga would never write to him after what had happened yesterday. He turned to walk to the host club.

However, as he came closer, doubts arose in his mind. He was uncertain about how he would start the conversation. This time it was clear that he came with a purpose, and a third day in a row too. Perhaps he was just too lonely, so wouldn't coming here again so soon seem pathetic? He felt stupid, so he turned around rapidly and walked away, thinking that maybe he just should go home.

He walked further into the busy street, and his eyes landed on a person, who looked too familiar. His heart skipped a beat, but then he saw that Kōga walked hand-in-hand with another man. That man looked like a model, perfect, tall, androgynous, and extremely fashionable. Makio unconsciously compared himself to that guy, thinking that he does not compare, unfortunately. He wanted to look away, but could not stop staring at him. It was clear that he had no idea about what's Kōga's life looked like; if he had a partner or not, and of course, Makio was no one for him, anyway. So why did it hurt?

He looked as the model kissed Kōga deeply, and to Makio's point of view a bit inappropriately. But Kōga did not refuse and even deepened their kiss. Makio's jaw dropped, and he ran to a smaller alley. He breathed out, shocked still, and immediately teleported to his room. Finally, he breathed in, sitting down on the floor, feeling dramatic for a second. It was a K-drama moment, for sure. But it did not feel nice.

He felt so dumb, and confused after overthinking their interactions like that when Kōga did not even like him, clearly. Maybe Kōga did not tell him the truth about Sora's power because he did not want to, and instead was playing with him all this time? Doubts rose in his mind.

Makio did not switch on his light, instead, he lay down on his bed, feeling nauseous. He closed his eyes, falling asleep shortly after.