Chapter 32 The Great Goblin Bathing Disaster

Just as we were about to leave the cave, my stomach let out a growl so loud and aggressive, that it sounded like a beast trapped inside me. Lyn froze mid-step, turning slowly with raised eyebrows. For a second, I thought she might think an actual monster was hiding in the cave with us.

“Well,” she said, barely containing a laugh, “before we head out, maybe we should get some food in you, Little Green.”

I nodded so fast, I probably looked like a hyperactive toddler eyeing a mountain of candy.

 “Yes! Yes! Food, glorious food! I want to eat!” 

The very mention of food lit me up like a spark on dry wood. I had completely forgotten about the growling hole in my belly, but now that she mentioned it, the hunger came rushing back with a vengeance.

I remembered the little stash of mushrooms and berries I’d gathered. I had placed them carefully in the corner of the cave, like a squirrel saving up for winter. My eyes drifted over to the small pile, and as soon as I laid eyes on it, my mouth immediately started watering. Drool literally dripped from my chin, pooling at my feet like some sort of pathetic puddle of goblin hunger.

But then I stopped. My eyes flicked back to Lyn, who had gone to sit down on the moss, looking perfectly content. I couldn’t just stuff my face in front of her. She should eat first! After all, Lyn was important, and I was... well, I was just me, a lowly goblin.

She must’ve caught my hesitation because she tilted her head and raised an eyebrow at me.

 “Go ahead,” she said with a lazy wave of her paw. 

“Eat it all. We cat folk aren’t really into berries and mushrooms.”

 She scrunched up her nose slightly. 

“We like meat more. I’m not that hungry to resort to foliage.”

The moment she gave me permission, it was like the floodgates opened. I didn’t waste another second. I rushed over to the pile of berries and mushrooms like a goblin possessed. Without even thinking, I stuffed my entire face with all of it, berries squishing between my fingers, mushrooms crammed into my mouth in one big, glorious gulp.

I barely chewed, barely tasted anything - it was all just gone in seconds. Then, with half of the berry juice still staining my chin and cheeks, I waddled over to the little puddle of water I had carefully collected earlier. Except this time, I didn’t sip it politely like Lyn had. Oh no, that wasn’t the goblin way.

Nope - I dunked my entire face into the water, snorting and slurping it down like some wild beast at a watering hole. The water splashed everywhere, dripping down my nose, and running over my ears, and I probably inhaled half of it through my sniffer. It wasn’t pretty, but I was too hungry to care.

Lyn, who had been casually licking at the puddle earlier like a refined cat, now sat off to the side, watching me with the kind of expression you’d get if someone had just splattered food all over your favorite rug. Her eyes were wide, her mouth slightly open, and she looked like she was struggling to process what she had just witnessed.

After I had drained the last drop of water I finally looked up, still gasping slightly from my overenthusiastic drink. There was a brief moment of silence where I awkwardly wiped my dripping face with the back of my hand, trying to act as if nothing weird had just happened.

Lyn blinked slowly.

 “Wow... That was, uh... quite the performance.”

I gave a sheepish grin, my cheeks still puffed out with the last bits of mushroom.

She cringed for a second, her tail flicking behind her, then finally let out a soft chuckle, shaking her head.

 “Well, I’ve seen a lot of things in my time, but I’ve never seen someone eat like they’re trying to win a race against themselves.”

I swallowed the last bit of mushroom and gave her a slightly guilty look.

 “S-Sorry...”

“Nah, don’t apologize. That was... honestly kinda impressive. In a goblin sort of way.”

Feeling slightly embarrassed but also satisfied, I rubbed my belly and plopped down beside her, trying to regain some semblance of dignity after my impromptu eating frenzy. Lyn just chuckled softly, her tail flicking behind her as she waited for me to finish digesting my feast.

Sitting next to Lyn, I gave my belly a good slap, the sound echoing a bit in the tiny cave.

 “Ufff, my belly is quiet now. Food was good. Not hungry anymore. We can go now” I said, still licking a stray berry seed off my lips while grinned like a fool, proud of the feast I had just devoured. 

With that, we crawled out of the cramped cave like two sneaky critters. I struggled a bit, my hands sinking into the mud, my feet slipping as I tried to follow Lyn's more graceful movements. As we emerged, the forest greeted us with its usual ominous ambiance. Tall trees towered over us, their canopies so thick they nearly blocked out the sun. Mist swirled around in the distance, snaking through the trees like something alive. Shadows flickered, always at the edges of my vision, and distant cries of unseen monsters echoed through the air, sending shivers down my spine.

The heavy rain had stopped, but the aftermath was still there: the ground was muddy, squelching under my bare feet, and the wet foliage dripped cold droplets on my head and shoulders. It was a cool morning, and goosebumps prickled up my filthy, grime-covered skin. I was, for lack of a better word, a walking mud pile. Dirt clung to me in thick layers, mixed with who knows what else, and the stench was… well, it was uniquely goblin, let’s put it that way.

As we stepped into a patch of sunlight breaking through the trees, I felt the warmth hit my filthy skin, but it was quickly drowned out by the chilly dampness of the forest. Lyn turned to me, her bright eyes gleaming as she scanned me up and down.

“Alright,” she said, her voice playful, “from here, we’ll go straight to my village.”

But then she paused, tilting her head slightly as her eyes lingered on my filth-covered form. She raised an eyebrow, her lips curling into a teasing smirk. 

“But first… We need to clean you up a bit.”

I blinked, looking down at myself.

 “What? I’m fine! Monsters don't like dirty meat, it's safer this way.”

Lyn let out a soft chuckle, stepping closer and circling me like a cat inspecting its prey.

 “Fine? Look at you, Hermit. You’re covered in so much muck, that the villagers might mistake you for a mud monster, not a goblin.”

I glanced down at my arms and legs, and, well… okay, she had a point. My skin wasn’t even visible under the layers of grime, and there were bits of leaves, twigs, and who-knows-what stuck to me as I rolled through the entire forest. The mud was so caked on, that I could’ve been mistaken for some swamp creature.

Lyn sniffed dramatically, wrinkling her nose in mock disgust.

 “Yup, smells like one too.”

“Hey!” I protested, but I couldn’t help the embarrassed grin spreading across my face.

“It’s not that bad.”

“Oh, it’s bad.” Lyn leaned in, still smirking.

 “I mean, unless you want to be the village's latest ‘mud monster’ attraction, we’d better clean you up first. Can’t have you scaring all the kittens away, can we?”

I groaned, rubbing the back of my neck. 

“I guess… cleaning up a bit wouldn’t hurt.”

She gave me a sly look, her tail flicking up and down like she was enjoying every moment of this.

 “Good, because if I don’t do something about that stench, I might have to keep you downwind the whole trip. Alright, mud monster. Let’s find you a stream before we head out. You’ll thank me later.”

I sighed, nodding in defeat. 

“Fine, fine. But if the water’s cold, you better not laugh at me! We, goblins, don't do well with cold stuff.”

Lyn chuckled, already walking ahead with that graceful, confident stride of hers.

 “No promises, Hermit. No promises.”

The stream we found wasn’t much to look at - just a trickle of water running over smooth stones, barely deep enough to dunk my feet in. But it was the perfect spot to "de-mud" me. I looked at the water, then at her, eyes wide with dread as I realized how cold it was going to be.

Lyn, meanwhile, perched herself on a rock nearby, her tail flicking playfully as she watched me, pretending to keep a lookout for monsters. 

“Alright, Hermit, in you go. Time to scrub that mud off. Don’t worry, I’ll stand guard, keep you safe... unless you freeze into a little goblin popsicle, then you’re on your own.” She grinned, clearly enjoying every second of this.

I stared at the stream with a frown, dipping one toe in. 

"AHHHH! IT’S FREEZING!"

 I yanked my foot back so fast, that I nearly fell over. Lyn burst into laughter, covering her mouth with her paw but not doing a great job of hiding it.

“Oh, come on!” she teased, swiping at the air as if brushing away my complaints.

 “It’s just a bit of cold water. You can handle it! You’re a big, brave goblin, aren’t you?”

I gulped. Big, brave goblin? Not even close. But I had to clean up. I couldn’t face her village looking like a walking pile of compost. Taking a deep breath, I dipped my entire foot in, teeth chattering immediately.

 “Oooohhhh it’s c-c-cold!” I stammered, hopping from foot to foot as I tried to brace myself for the full dunk.

“You know, it’ll go a lot faster if you actually get in the water, Hermit, instead of hopping around like a nervous squirrel.”

With a groan, I took the plunge - literally. I threw myself into the stream, making the biggest, most ridiculous splash as I belly-flopped face-first into the icy water. I heard Lyn burst out laughing as water went everywhere, soaking me from head to toe. I popped back up, gasping for air as the cold water sent shivers down my spine.

“Ahhh! It’s colder than yeti’s backside!” I howled, rubbing my arms vigorously, but it didn’t help. The cold was sinking in fast, making me hop up and down, my teeth clattering like dice.

Lyn just sat there, enjoying the show. 

“You know,” she called out, smirking, “you’ve still got mud behind your ears. Better scrub that off before you go into another wrestling match with your ears.”