To Each Their Own Pt. 3

For a while, I paced around the empty lot outside the ruined hotel. The air was thick and heavy, just like the fog that had set around me. On a night like this, there should be stars in the sky, twinkling against the dark canvas. So why is it that I see nothing? Just an endless expanse of black, the kind that makes you feel small. But that’s always been the case, hasn’t it? For a city with so many lights, it all feels so dull. Everything just looks bland and colorless, as if the flavor of life had completely vanished.

"Nelia... Wherever you are, can you hear me?" I muttered to myself. "I feel so lost, like I'm not even the person who's supposed to be in this body right now. Tell me... What am I supposed to do now...?"

I sat down on a bench covered in dust. A sharp sting struck my eyes. Was it the dust? No... Dust isn't wet. I leaned my body forward with my hands together as several strings of tears gathered at my chin, dripping.

Once more, I set my gaze on the sky, hoping for something, anything, to break the monotony. But all I got was more darkness.

"Ah... So you were out here?" asked a familiar voice.

I turned my head to see a pair of shining teal eyes staring at me. The moment she saw my face, her brows crossed.

"O-oh... Sorry..." I mumbled as I wiped my face. "I was just..."

"Don't apologize."

Zephyr walked around the bench and sat down next to me.

"Just keep it running until you're done," she said. "Don't bottle up your emotions. It's not good for you."

"Haha... Sounds like you're experienced in the field."

"You've no idea. There was a time when I tried to hide my emotions, and I still do, to be honest. But sometimes, the weight becomes too great, and the dam that holds it all back begins to crack. The point is, Solas, there is no shame in crying. If you need to cry, then cry. No one's gonna think any differently of you."

It took a while, but I finally calmed down. My tears ran until it all dried up, and Zephyr sat next to me the whole time. It wasn't as awkward as I thought it'd be, but that weird feeling was still there.

"You okay now?"

"Yeah... Thanks, Zephyr."

"Mhm. So, what's got you out here in the dark and cold, all alone, shedding tears? If you're comfortable talking about it, of course."

"Ah... It's nothing too crazy. Just... so much has happened over the past week. It's a bit hard to rationalize it even now."

"I can imagine. When Captain Nemesis told us about her intention to start a war, we couldn't rationalize it either. To go up against the High Order is a death sentence waiting to happen. However... We couldn't ignore what they did and were continuing to do. After all... we ourselves were victims as well."

"...What?"

Zephyr's eyes sprung up when she saw my reaction.

"I thought the Captain told you about why Nemesis defected. Did she not mention us?"

"N-no," I replied. "All she told me was that the High Order illegally procured children and conducted inhumane experiments on them."

"That's right. More often than not, those children died during the augmentation process. Hundreds of thousands of lives were lost in that way. But very rarely, they end up surviving and becoming Athenians."

"Zephyr... You're telling me... t-that you...?"

"...That's right, Solas. I, along with Loki, Minerva, Astrid, the Captain, and even you, Regulus... All of us were children who were taken from the undercity and experimented on."

It's like one thing after the other. Just when I think I have finally processed what I'd just learned, I get hit with another that leaves me questioning everything I had ever known.

The Calypso squad, and even more... maybe even Alexandria... How old were they when they were taken? How old were they when they had to experience the excruciating pain of augmentation?

"But you know what?" Zephyr smiled. "I'm kind of grateful."

"...Grateful?"

"That's right. If it weren't for getting augmented, I never would've met the Calypso squad. I never would've met Nelia."

Just like Judan, there was a familiar tone in her voice of longing.

"Although we weren't blood-related, Nelia was very much like an older sister to us. Despite our unfortunate fate, Nelia welcomed us with open arms. She smiled and laughed so beautifully. She taught us that not all is dark in this world, and there is room to have fun. Had it not been for her, we never would've gotten along with each other."

"Sounds like she was quite the character."

"Hah. You would know that better than any of us. Solas... To be honest, for the longest time, I hated you. The Captain may have forgiven you, but I never did. Nelia was important to me—to us."

I couldn't say anything. Even if I could, what words could I possibly have to say? The facts are as clear as day. I...

"However," Zephyr said with an emphasis. "When I saw you standing there, beating yourself down for something you don't even remember... It made me realize. Whoever you are, Solas or Regulus, there's no doubt that you loved Nelia, maybe even more than us. For that, you were even willing to die to repent, just like back then. I guess, what I'm trying to say is that... I was wrong about you. Just as you loved Nelia, she also loved you very much. So... We're going to protect you... even if it costs us our lives."

"...What?" I muttered. "That's not fair to you. I shouldn't be a variable that gets in your way."

"Doesn't matter what you think. Your life is our responsibility now."

I don't know how to feel about this. A part of me feels grateful that they're willing to go so far for me, but another part... is shaming me for being so weak that they would have to do that.

Suddenly, a subtle beep came from Zephyr's earpiece. She reached up and held down the button.

"The Captain's calling for me," she said as she stood. "You tagging along?"

"Yeah. I might as well," I replied.

"Let's go."

Together, we made our way back to the hotel lobby, where the other members of the squad were gathered around the war table.

"There you are," Judan said.

"Captain... Are you sure you should be standing right now?" Zephyr asked.

"That's what I said!" Minerva chimed in.

"We're not going through this again," Judan muttered. "I'm fine. Let's just get this over with so I can go back to lying down."

She put her hand down on the table, turning our attention to two objects that rested next to it. One was the spherical object I gave Astrid, the 'code nucleus.' The other was a diamond-shaped object a bit larger than the sphere. It kind of looks like... the device that was attached to Judan's chest.

With a deep breath, Judan began to speak. "Thanks to Solas, we now have a first-grade code in our possession. From our last mission, we procured the iron cell needed to house it. Depending on how this goes, we could heavily turn the tides of this war. The only issue now... is deciding who will house it."

They all showed visible signs of hesitation, twisting their heads away, averting eye contact, and twitching their bodies.

"I expected as much," Judan sighed. "As you all know, the Athens Method only allows us to have one code. Any more than that, and our bodies would crumble. The only way to insert a new code is by removing the old one. In fact, that's how the first defect, Nyx, died. But along with that fatal risk comes a small chance of survival. Since none of you are willing to do it... then I will."

"Holly!" Loki shouted.

"I disapprove, Captain," Zephyr shot.

"And I second that!" Minerva said just as quickly. "If we lose you, Cap'n... The war is practically over."

"I'm gonna have to agree with them on this one, Boss," Astrid said. "This is way too risky of a venture. Even if we consider the fact that we absolutely need this leverage, we need you even more."

"Then what do you suggest we do?" asked Judan. "We have the code, a first-grade one at that. We sacrificed so much to get it, even risking Solas's life... just to leave it to gather dust?"

For a moment, Astrid hesitated. She shut her eyes and reopened it with as much conviction as she could muster.

"I'll do it," she said.

"N-no!" Minerva exclaimed as she took Astrid's hands.

"What the hell is this...?" Loki sighed. "That's not any better."

Astrid let out an exaggerated sigh. "If we're gonna go around the table and talk about which code is probably more useful than the other, mine is at the bottom of the barrel, a hundred perfect."

"Astrid..." Minerva mumbled. "Don't say that."

"I'm just telling it as it is. The more we go around, saying who is or isn't the better candidate, the more time we're wasting. We need to—"

"I'll do it," I said.

They all turned to look at me after my sudden declaration. Based on the way they were looking at me, I knew instantly that this wouldn't be an easy conversation.