Just Cut it Off Already!

“HAHAHAHAHA– Welcome to the Mana Engineering Club. We have a wide variety of Halloween-themed magic tools for you to enjoy,” the behemoth of a man eloquently spoke. His mannerisms were similar to a butler’s, if you ignored the whirring chainsaw.

I put my hands on his shoulders, which were just barely in reach. “Thank you for being the most reasonable person today.” I couldn’t overstate how nonsensical everyone else had been. Sure, it was ‘Halloween’, but think about it from my perspective. Getting chased around by the Drama Club, given questionable liquids from the Potion Club, listening to annoying background noise from the Music Club – it was terrifyingly terrible. Though, by saying that, I was admitting they were doing a good job. Ugh, why can’t things ever be quiet and simple?

The masked man titled his head in confusion for a brief moment. Then, with a quick shake, he returned to the sales pitch. “I see you’re the type of man who hates dealing with everyday hassles, having zero motivation to get anything done.”

Well, you’re not wrong.

“For that, I have for you the perfect product,” the man pulled out what seemed like a stress ball, holding it between his thumb and index finger. “May I introduce to you the SHOCK! Ball (patent pending). The SHOCK! Ball (patent pending) will deliver a shock whenever you squeeze the ball! A perfect choice to keep you on track.”

Wait, how does that make any sense? I’ll just not squeeze the ball.

“Ah, judging by that expression, I can tell you’re searching for something else.”

“No, your products are stu–” I tried to say, but I was immediately interrupted.

“No need to make any decisions yet until I show you my next product! Introducing…”

CLANK! Clang, clang, clan–

“...the Proximity Noise Alert (patent pending)! With this revolutionary dev–hey! Stop shaking me, sir!!!”

IT WAS YOU!!!!!!!! YOU’RE THE ONE WHO MADE THAT DAMN DEVICE!!!! I let my anger take hold as I tried to strangle him. Of course, he was too tall, so I had to settle for vigorously shaking instead. The abomination of a device fell out of his hand and smashed onto the floor, allowing me to regain my composure. Hopefully, it was broken and would stay broken.

“I-I see you’re not in the mood for that either. T-then, let me show you my–”

“Please stop,” I sighed in annoyance. “I’m just here to ask if you can get this bracelet off.”

The masked man took one glance at it, causing his eyes to open wide in shock, “W-what the hell are you doing with a bracelet made of adamantite?!? That’s virtually unbreakable without specialized equipment! Not to mention its cost…” He vacantly stared forward, muttering something unintelligible under his breath.

Niyaaaa! Stop spending our budget on stupid things like this!!! I internally griped. Of course she chose something impossible to deal with. Luckily, there was still one thing to do.

“Okay then. Cut my arm off,” I said promptly, grabbing his attention.

“...huh? I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

“Cut my arm off.”

“...I’m sorry, one more time?”

“Cut. My. Arm. Off!” It wasn’t an unreasonable request! I could always grow it back later with a healing potion or magic. Getting access to my mana was more important than an arm at the moment.

“...b-but…u-umm…” Why was he hesitating? My rage quickly boiled over again.

“Listen. I’ve been chased around by maniacs, given dubious fluids to ingest, and after finally making it through a monstrosity of a symphony, I still have plenty more clubs to go through. I’ve only done three. Three. So, stop questioning and CUT. MY. ARM. OFF!!!” Huh… I felt strangely refreshed after that little rant, even though it was to the wrong person.

“O-okay,” the man acquiesced, seeming smaller than before. He lined up his chainsaw just below the elbow. “A-are you sure you want to–”

“Do it already!” I yelled.

“Y-yes, s–”

Click… CLINK!

I looked at the floor, seeing a familiar ominously glowing bracelet rolling across the ground. You had to be kidding me. Did it seriously just pop off? Argh! Niya probably thought I would resort to other means and built in this failsafe. I could see her now, saying, “Be prepared for a punishment tomorrow!”

You absolute bastard. You’re getting two punches now.

Well, whatever. I was free. No matter how pissed I was, it wouldn’t change the fact that I could use mana again. And that meant…

I walked over to the door and opened it, revealing the pitch black darkness once again. But this time, I would have the last laugh. Sticking my hand out in front of me, I said the words I had been wanting to say all day.