This Girl isn't a Teacher!

“He doesn’t count. He’s cute like a girl so it’s practically the same thing.”

Akimoto what the fuck are you talking about?

Yoshika let out a massive sigh, then in a small voice stuttered out, “Alright. Fine. I— I— I— I really like Takechi-senpai…”

“There you go! The first step is the biggest!”

Akimoto clapped her hands together and grinned. She rose from her seat and placed herself in front of the door.

“Now. You two are my students, as this marks the first session of Kaoru’s Love School!”

Light clapping came from Yoshika. Seriously, you think this is cool? You don’t think Akimoto is incredibly stupid?

“I’m not participating.” I adjusted my glasses. “I don’t have time for games.”

“Huh~!? Are you saying love is a game!?”

“The way you’re treating it, yeah.”

“Love is no game to me! It’s war! Love is War, some may say! I take it one-hundred percent seriously.”

She struck a pose, hands on her hips and chest puffed out.

“Alright well, have fun, I need to write.”

“No! You’re participating~!”

“Noooo— I’m not. Why do you even need my help?”

“B-because we’re a team… or something…”

Don’t flip between a confident pose and being so timid!

“Cut the BS, Akimoto-san.”

“You’re unsociable and need people skills and I want to help you too.” Her face and tone were utterly neutral as she spoke.

This is not the truth. If anything it’s the truth covered in a lie. I’m unsociable on purpose. My people skills are amazing, I just don’t show them off. Why I choose to keep to myself is because I’m driven! And have urgency! Akimoto is just too blonde to see that…

“Akimoto-san… Out of all people I think you’d be the last one to want to involve yourself with love right now.”

She looked as if she was about to speak, but remained silent as her mouth slowly began to close. Was it the topic? Or the quick change in topic that got her…?

“Akimoto-san…?”

“Come on Kiyotaka-kun, I’ve told you like a hundred times, I’m over him. Besides, helping my cute little junior here is my responsibility.”

“You have an ulterior motive,” I said flatly.

“I do not.”

“Whatever…” I retrieved headphones from my bag. “I’ll be listening to music, so please don’t bother me.”

***

“Hey. I said I’d cooperate after you held me in a head lock for two minutes. There was no reason to tie me up to a chair.”

“It’s to ensure your continued cooperation.”

Akimoto stood in front of the clubroom’s chalkboard, which I had no idea even existed, and pouted at me. Don’t say these menacing things and then play it off as, “I’m just a cute girl!” You’re a monster!

Yoshika and I sat in our chairs, both turned to fully face Akimoto-sensei.

“Now,” Akimoto chirped. “Let the first class of Kaoru’s Love School begin!”

The three of us lingered in silence for a moment when Yoshika timidly raised her hand.

“Yes! Yoshi-chan!”

“U-uhm, sensei. Are you going to teach me how to make Takechi-senpai fall in love with me?”

“I’ll do one better. I’ll make him obsessed with you!”

“Oh!”

Yoshika had a sparkly glint in her eyes—this duo is dangerous.

“Today’s lesson is on what makes guys attracted to women. A concept you may think is complex, yet in reality is stupidly simple.”

Akimoto turned her back towards us and picked up a piece of chalk. With forceful yet dignified strokes she wrote out the word, “man” on the board.

“Now, can anyone tell me what men look for in women?”

I raised my hand.

“Yes! Kiyotaka-kun!”

“When they’re interested in their lives and understanding?”

Akimoto’s right eyebrow twitched. She turned back to the board and began writing again.

“Alright class, just so you know, stupid joke answers will get you points deducted, please be serious… Does anyone else have a guess?”

“Uhm… Is it based on a girl’s cuteness?” Yoshika sounded unsure of her answer.

“Close! Very nice guess. What guys look for is stupid moron girls who have a room temperature IQ and huge tits. That’s it. It’s that simple.”

“Are you sure, sensei? How do you know?”

“I’m very versed in relationships and the male psyche. This is very elementary honestly.”

“So you’re saying for Takechi-senpai to be attracted to me, I need to appeal to him physically and in no way emotionally?”

“Yes! A+! You really get this unlike some others in the classroom.”

“Haa~ Akimoto-san… Please stop filling our junior’s head with these jaded thoughts.” I wrestled in my chair a bit, trying to break free from the duct-tape bindings.

“It’s sensei. And no, they’re not jaded. It’s just reality.”

“Can you please release me…”

“Don’t selfishly change the subject Kiyotaka-kun! We’re talking about Yoshi-chan here.”

The Yoshika in question had her hands on her flat chest and a terribly dark expression on her face.

Hey! There’s nothing to be ashamed about Yoshika! You have to be proud of who you are and be confident! Also, if you expected me to go off on a rant about how “flat is justice,” you’d be right. I did. I just kept it all to myself…

Akimoto noticed this too and approached her. Since Yoshika and I were sitting side-by-side, Akimoto thought it’d be a perfectly acceptable idea to use my left leg as a seat to engage our sad kouhai.

“Hey, Akimoto-san, do you mind!?”

“Mm, yeah I do, please quit being selfish. I’m trying to console Yoshi-chan.”