Small Business Loan in Space

"Well little bro, today’s the first day of the rest of our lives!" Randy exclaimed as he woke me up from one of the most uncomfortable nights of sleep I've ever had.

Since my brother still wasn't allowed back home, we had to spend the night in our soon to be space food truck. We had no blankets or pillows, so I got the dissatisfaction of sleeping on the cold metal floor of the cargo bay, while my brother slept reclined in the lumpy uncushioned driver seat. To my surprise, he slept like a baby. What was even more surprising was the fact we weren't towed, considering he illegally parked us overnight in a no parking zone directly in front of our local fire station.

I sat up with a terrible pain in my neck. "So, what are we supposed to do next?"

Randy confidently let out a laugh. "It's easy, now we just sell burgers and profit."

I had to do a double take around the interior of our ship to make sure he was looking at what I was. It was apparent that he hadn't fully thought this food truck thing through.

"But how can we sell burgers if we don't have any equipment or even ingredients?"

"Easy! A couple of modifications, a trip to the Space-mart and we'll be good to go." He was incredibly optimistic, despite not seeming to have a clue what he was doing.

"We can't do that without money though and we spent almost everything I had on this ship yesterday." I hated to be the one to burst his bubble, but someone needed to be the voice of reason.

"Hmm..." He paused for a moment as he pondered. "I got it! We just get one of those things where banks give you free money for starting a business."

"A small business loan?"

He snapped his fingers and pointed at me. "Yeah, one of those. The Spase Bank on the moon is always advertising for those things."

"You know that money isn't free, right? Eventually we'll have to pay it back with interest."

What I said didn't seem to phase him in the least, considering he just chuckled. "Like I said yesterday little bro, we're gonna make so much money that we'll just buy the bank." He definitely had high expectations for this business, maybe a little too high.

He proceeded to jump into the driver seat of our spaceship and start up the engine.

"Wait a second! Let me-." I didn't get a chance to finish, as he went foot to the floor on the accelerator with zero regard for me. Unable to get to the passenger seat, I was once again tossed around the cargo bay like stir fry, smacking all around the metal interior.

Within the span of a minute, we broke through Space Chicago's artificial atmosphere and were hurtling toward the moon significantly over the speed limit. If there had been space police around, we would definitely have been pulled over.

After roughly three minutes of nearly getting a concussion, Randy managed to just barely land us on the parking lot within the glass domed compound, which the Spase Bank was located in.

The two of us exited our ship and made our way up the tall granite steps that led up to a line of roman style columns and a grand arched entrance way. It was a bit over the top, but this bank was strategically put here as a hub for space travelers to manage their money. Essentially every species in the galaxy used the universal currency known as stollars.

As we entered, we were greeted by a robo-receptionist, which directed us to a bankerbot, both of which were the standard model L4bour-bots just as the salesbot from yesterday was as well.

"How can I help you gentlemen? Beep bop." The bankerbot inquired as we approached its desk.

Randy immediately began to impatiently tap his hand on the granite surface of the desk. "Let's cut to the chase robo man. We want to apply for... uh... What was it called again, little bro?"

"A small business loan."

"Yeah, what he said. One of those." He continued.

The robot nodded its mechanical head and a holographic terminal appeared in front of us displaying a digital application. Randy couldn't even make it past the first two questions. "Yo robo man, we haven't decided on a business name yet and what the hell is a tax identification number?"

The bankerbot slightly tilted its head to the left. "Have you not registered your business as a legal entity? Beep bop."

"Don't even know what that means." Randy shot back.

"In order to qualify for a business loan you'll have to have an official business entity such as a corporation or an LLC. I would recommend visiting the Attorneybot & Attorneybot law firm located just on the other side of the moon. Beep bop."

Despite the inconvenience, my brother didn't seem detoured in the least. "Looks like we got to make another stop, little bro."

I had to cut him a bit of slack. We probably should have anticipated there being red tape we would have to go through, but I was just as inexperienced at this entrepreneur stuff as he was.

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After another minute or so of being thrashed around in essentially a metal box, we landed inside another glass dome on the other side of the moon. This one contained a very bland looking metallic building in the shape of a cube. It had no windows and a singular plain black steel door. Just outside the dome there was a massive billboard that read, "Attorneybot & Attorneybot - Attorneys at Law".

Inside, another robo-receptionist dressed in a gray pencil skirt and a feminine styled blazer greeted us, "Good afternoon, do you have an appointment? Beep bop."

"No we don't. Is it pos-." I tried to calmly handle this, but my brother's impatience got the best of him and he butted in.

"Listen robo chick. We're trying to start a business entity. Ya think you could squeeze us in somewhere."

The robo-receptionist paused for a moment and a loading icon appeared on its monitor head as it attempted to process our request...

"There is a small window at approximately 1:15pm. Beep bop."

"Done!" Randy responded without hesitation. "You see, little bro. Just let your brother do the talking. It's already 12:57. we'll have this done in no time."

"I mean I was going to ask exactly what you did, but..." I trailed off knowing it was pointless to iterate this to him.

The two of us sat down in the waiting area and passed the time by looking through outdated space magazines. It's funny, there was a period when magazines were supposed to go extinct because of things like the Internet, but after humans made contact with aliens, a new market emerged for exotic magazines published by aliens.

"The attorneybot will see you now. Beep bop." The robo-receptionist beckoned us over at exactly 1:15pm on the dot.

Before leaving the waiting area, Randy quickly tore out the centerfold from the alien swimsuit magazine he was looking at and shoved it in his pocket. "I'm definitely hanging this up inside the ship later." He whispered to me as we made our way into the attorneybot's office.

"Who would you like to file a lawsuit on today? Beep bop." The Attorneybot said, immediately as we sat in front of its desk. It didn't even offer a greeting before jumping right into business.

"No, we're not looking to sue anyone. We are just looking for help with creating a business entity." I responded.

"Are you sure? We are running a promo. File two lawsuits and get the third one free. Beep bop."

"Hmm, that is a pretty good deal." Randy contemplated for a moment.

I quickly moved on before my brother got side tracked. "No thanks. We just want to know how we go about officially starting a business."

"Oh...beep bop." The robot hung its head and displayed a sad emoji on its monitor, seeming a bit disappointed that we weren't suing anyone. "Starting a business is straightforward. You just fill out some paperwork and pay the filing fees. Beep bop."

"And how much are these filing fees?" I asked.

"There is a one hundred stollar fee that goes to the government and a twenty stollar fee for our firm's assistance. Beep bop."

Randy shook his head. “You're saying we have to pay the government to start a business, so that we can make money? I swear the space government is always trying to shake us down for every cent.” He then looked at me. "How much cash have you left, little bro?"

I pulled out my holo-phone and looked up my bank account balance. "I have exactly twenty seven stollars. What the heck are we supposed to do now?"

Randy didn't look the least bit concerned. "Schedule us for the same time tomorrow robo man. We'll be back with that fee."

"Do you have some kind of plan?" I wondered, as the two of us left the office.

My brother let out a confident laugh. "Don't you worry, little bro. I know a place where we can make that money no problem."

"Where's that?"

"Oh, don't you worry, you'll see when we get there." He refused to elaborate further.

I was both curious and concerned at the same time as to what he had in mind.