You’ve Been Playing In That Gore Too Long, Girl

Subject Kinsley is a real piece of work. I have to watch her every day and it’s gone from weird to disturbing to boring to just… sad. I’m Fred, I’m thirty-two, I've been in the business for about a decade now. Getting there. Meanwhile she’s only been locked up for a matter of years, but she complains way more than I ever have. And if she isn’t acting out, she’s brooding, and if she isn’t brooding, she’s flirting, which is about as eye-roll inducing.

The thing is, she isn’t a monster. She could get let out if she really wanted to. She isn’t like Gregory or Price. Plenty of lucidity, a baseline level of intelligence, and she does try to communicate. Problem is, she won’t let the parts of her that are monstrous get any rest.

Kinsley doesn’t have any claws, fangs, or wings. She just summons things. Specifically, copies of body parts, organs, and fluids she possesses, eighty or so percent of which are pretty much the human female average. Unfortunately we can’t use these- donate them, turn them in for research- too much of her D-Human DNA. And she is a D-Human, not C or B. All the tests we ran showed too many mutations to justify, despite her conventional appearance. So basically, the contradiction spends her time going into tantrums, flooding her glass cell with the grossest shit she can imagine. Entrails, usually entrails. And blood. We don’t let her watch any movies with gore in ‘em now cause clearly she saw enough as a kid to know what’ll piss us off. Or she just developed a taste for it I guess. Her last warden told me it used to gross out Kinsley herself. Like, she could ignore it when she was mad, but she’d eventually give up, throw up, and shut up. Not so now. Maybe she just really hates me in particular but she can go hours in a tank full of remains, like a shark after eating every other fish in its enclosure.

She wants a cellmate, but every time I propose a deal she backs off, almost like she’s scared. This year she figured out how to make full body doubles of herself, which she started out using to convince us she was dead before the freak just started talking to them and playing with them like dolls. They’re essentially corpses of course, but it only makes it more disturbing when her play gets rough.

I’ve been trying to bait her lately, giving little hints of friendship with the other inmates so she can get a taste for it. My thought process is that if she gets lonely enough she’ll finally take the deal and give up her powers for a chance at full-on socialization. It hasn’t worked so far. She just backs down and retreats when I bring a subject to watch her, covers the glass in skin. One time she made a cocoon.

Kinsley has said a number of times she only feels safe around me. You wouldn’t know it, she treats me like shit unless she’s sad or horny, but I’ve been in talks lately with the director about giving her up since it’s essentially just forming a dependency that might be keeping her from opening up to all the guests. Only problem is we weren’t sure how she’d take the seperation. I talked to her about it the other day and it went about as well as you’d expect, I’ll run you the transcript.

“Kinsley…? …Kinsley.”

“Yeah.”

“We’re thinking about switching things up around here. Giving you a new guard.”

“Wait like permanently?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Why?”

“You… aren’t really improving. Your condition, we have to do something about it. I think I’m just making you more complacent.”

“I’d be that way no matter what!“

“Look, I can stay if you accept rehabilitation. What good does bleeding all over the place do in the real world? You’d be happier as a normal girl. Wouldn’t you?”

“No way! I never want that. If it’s between you leaving and that, you can go.”

“Kinsley, today you’re turning twenty. You’re wasting the prime of your life. Don’t you wanna go out there and… and see what it’s like, for a human?”

“What were you doing at my age?”

“I suppose I was… going to school. I hadn’t started working here yet.”

“And why did you? Why’d you start working here?”

“Kinsley, don’t change the subject.”

“No really! I want to know. Come on, Freddie. Please?”

“It was a big honor to be selected. The general public doesn’t know anything other than the typical A-Human existence. Once I learned there was another side to things, I wanted to see it. Don’t you ever feel like that? Towards people like me?”

“You grade our existence with letters and put yourself at the top. You’re selfish.”

“Kinsley, we just do that because ninety-nine percent of us are like this. I’m sorry you’re the outlier, it’s not intended for that to make you feel like you’re inferior for being dif-“

“I’m better! I’m better than a human, I don’t wanna be one!”

“You are a human, Kinsley, just not the typical one. And you’re right, that makes you special. You’re not gonna change. You’ll always have that special DNA. You’ll just… get the government’s eyes off your back. Get a chance to make friends.”

“You think I can do that…?”

“I know you can.”

“Because I have another ability… I can read my inmates minds.”

“We know all your mutations Kinsley, you’re an open book. It’s clear you’re not capable of-“

“They all get shot! Every one of them! Nobody ever actually gets out! They just get thrown away once they’ve been safely neutered! Made easier to kill!”

“Kinsley, what did we say about lying? Don’t you want a friend?”

“Nobody wants to be my friend! I looked in everybody’s head and it was all bad!”

“What does my head say, Kinsley?”

“Uh…”

“Kinsley.”

“I… I… you um-“

I sent someone else in there to take care of the bloodbath that ensues whenever I leave. It’s always sad to see a kid lie. They never know when they can’t get away with it, even when they do it as often as her. …Still, it’s not like I know what they do with the released subjects myself. I’m a liar too for telling her it'd guarantee a good life for her. I just have belief in my country, and that the systems in place are designed to help people, even if they might not be perfect. I think that’s a big part of maturity, at least for me.

When I came back to check on her this morning, she had this to say to me. I’ll just play back the log again, bear with me.

“Good morning, Kinsley.”

“Freddie… why do they clean my tank? They know I’ll just make it dirty again…”

“Why do you always make it dirty? I know you don’t like playing in shit.”

“No… I don’t, I’m not a pig… but it’s like… I’m a lion.”

“A more favorable comparison you’re giving yourself there.”

“I just… it… it’s cathartic. I can’t… like, always say how bad it feels being in here. So… I just splatter brains everywhere instead.”

“Oh sure, very relatable. Why don’t you think we all do that?”

“…”

“Kinsley, why don’t you try sharing your feelings in words for once. How bad does it feel in there?”

“I want to die… beating up clones is fun but I can’t even do anything to myself anymore and it hurts… it’s like having bug bites under my skin…”

“Those drugs are there to protect you. You wouldn’t feel the urge if you hadn’t started hurting yourself in the first place.”

“I wouldn’t have started if I didn’t feel so bad… it’s the same as all the blood and guts.”

“Kinsley… every time I talk with you we end up having this same discussion. What do you want? Really. Be honest with me.”

“Friendsh… no. …Attention.”

“Attention. Right. So why is it you still cover all the windows when you need to shit or jack off?”

“Just a coward…”

“A coward completely fine with spraying gore in all our faces.”

“…Freddie, please don’t leave me.”

“You rejected my offer. I’ll be getting replaced within the month. Unless you want to take it back?”

“I… why’s it so hard? Why’s it gotta be so hard? I got so attached to my last observer… now I’m attached to you…”

“And I’m sure you’ll get just as attached to the next one.”

“Freddie-! Wait!”

“Sorry, Kinsley. But if I couldn’t break the cycle, we’ll just have to give someone else a chance.”

“No… no!”

…Audio end.

Soon she’ll have someone new to watch after her. And they’ll have to be the one to put up with her clinginess, her showers of gore, and all her temper tantrums. They’ll probably wind up hating themselves, but I’m finally free, at the cost of that poor employee and of course Kinsley herself. Even if I know a part of me, somewhere in there, is gonna miss her too.

I just can’t help but fear she might’ve been telling me the truth.