Flow of Grief

Worms that stay out in the sun for too long suffocate because the slime on them is what allows them to breathe, and when it's dried up they can't. Throughout the time I've spent in this one place I've felt dried up from staying here for so long, I feel like a new change of scenery would give me new breath. This place of Colorado has a river that I visit often, the Arkansas river. I trail the edge of the river, waves flow past me as it curves like a giant worm almost organically.

I’m going to miss this river on my upcoming trip. I've come here every day with my dog before he died, but now I come here less often. My dog had eaten worm larvae on one of our walks and developed hookworms. I had no idea what he had eaten until it was too late three weeks later. I had noticed him slowing down more and more along the riverbank, tiring more easily. His gums grew pale, and he wouldn't eat anything, but by the time I had realized something was wrong and took him to be seen it was too late. 

Blaming myself was an obvious route to take, but now, after months have passed by, I've learned better. I haven't been able to bring myself to get another dog, even now. This trip I'm taking is to Mongolia. I'm going to take time to clear my mind from grief and hopefully be more at peace with my dog’s death.