Jun 15, 2024
To:Bubbles
It sounds like the feedback can be summarized into two points:
1) Changes in POV. I've heard a lot about how this isn't necessarily good, so I guess this depends on your goal.
2) As I thought, it was the build-up and reactions to have more impact. I can see how adding more hints can help build the final impact. But, adding that might also lessen it since it'll get pretty obvious, which is why I didn't add that. The first paragraph alluding to the car accident is meant to make you wonder if something is off. It's not meant to be completely clear.
And I guess a more dramatic or intense reaction from the woman before Death reveals himself can also serve as a better climax. I think adding all those hints you mentioned before Death's final reveal could actually be better here, rather than building it up.
Anyway, it's interesting to hear how other people interpret things. It also gave me more ideas for next time. So, thanks!
