Oct 27, 2018
To:Scarlet
Sure thing!
Ex 1. Red apple was rightened in bright red colors it was adored at the front door, next to it are big glass windows on both sides wide enough that someone sitting down can see through them, in front small wooden chairs and tables were arranged to first time visitors this looked like an inn and that’s what it is Red Apple the village inn.
This paragraph was essentially just one sentence, and should’ve had some more periods and/or commas in there. Also it switches between present and past tenses. It also had a spelling error. A possible fix could’ve been:
Red apple was written in bright red colors at the front door. Next to it were big glass windows on both sides, each wide enough that someone sitting down could see through them. In the front, small wooden chairs and tables were arranged. To first time visitors, this looked like an inn, and that’s what it was; Red Apple, the village inn.
Ex 2. Once inside one can see the humbly decorated dining room few tables and chars in both corners of the room, on the opposite side of the front door a long slim bar counter stands from one end of the wall to the other.
Pretty much the same as the last paragraph in this one. A possible fix could’ve been:
Once inside one could see the humbly decorated dining room. A few tables and chairs stood in both corners of the room, and on the opposite side of the front door a long slim bar counter spanned from one end of the wall to the other.
Ex 3. The person sitting at the counter looks human in appearance dressed in dark grey pants and a tight shirt under which one can clearly make out his mussel and strong build he was clearly no ordinary person an aura of discipline and order surrounds him his eyes gave out such an impression, his black eyes and shoulder long hear share the same deep black color - raven black - he carries himself like a warrior evident by the two short swords he carries with him. His hands and other parts of his body that are exposed reveal deep scars and wounds his left arm shows signs that it has been cut off his neck reveals deep stab wounds and his right-hand looks like it has been crushed several times to the point of pines breaking.
This paragraph is plagued with run-on sentences and is in desperate need of some punctuation. Also, like the other paragraphs, it should be more consistent in it’s tense. Finally, your description of the man’s eyes and hair use the word black too much. You only need to say what color they are once. A possible fix could’ve been:
The man sitting at the counter looked human in appearance. He dressed in dark grey pants and a tight shirt, under which one can clearly make out his well-toned build. He was clearly no ordinary person, an aura of discipline and order surrounding him. His eyes gave out that impression. His eyes and shoulder length hair shared the same color -raven black. He carried himself like a warrior, made evident by the two short swords he carried with him. His hands and other parts of his body that were exposed revealed deep scars and wounds. His left arm showed signs that it had been cut off. His neck revealed deep stab wounds and his right hand looked like it had been crushed several times to the point of pines breaking.
